Failure: Key To Success

By E.I. Hunter and Andrea Waltz

Failure hits you once again, what are you going to do? Run away, hide in your room, and never again put yourself out there because you simply can’t go on feeling like a total loser - rejected, embarrassed, and humiliated. For sure, if anyone else knew you failed, people will think less of you and or worse yet, give you a piece of their mind, “You aren’t going anywhere with your business idea; Go get a job and live your passion as a hobby; Your goals aren’t realistic; You’ve been working on your dreams for years… don’t you think it’s time you call it quits?” Maybe IT’S YOU who put your real dreams on hold because LIFE KICKED IN. Forget your dreams – you’re wasting your life away just trying to deal with the realities surrounding you.

You are about to read real stories of 18 individuals who continue to win in life because they didn’t allow failure to keep them captive in their rooms. They are proud, bold, and living their dreams full-on. If you feel life has gotten you down; that your past stops you from moving forward; that you are nowhere close to living the life you envisioned, sit-down, relax, grab a hot soothing drink, and read this book. Whoever told you that the road to success feels good was lying to you. Can you handle being rejected; told-no; embarrassed; and looked down upon? Are you willing to embrace failure EVERYDAY of your life in order to succeed? Learn how to say YES to your dreams in the midst of unpleasant feelings and emotions that make you want to hide from the world, and get ready to be taken on a journey where your own success depends on your willingness to fail.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jul 27, 2014
• ISBN: 9781483534466

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Introduction

Failure: Key To Success

During my 28 years in business, I’ve had my share of challenges. The most important thing I’ve learned is that while you can’t control everything, the one thing you can control is your efforts. You should strive for excellence in whatever you do. Be persistent, believe in yourself, surround yourself with a dynamic team, and never, ever give up. The only time we truly fail is when we stop trying.

The following is a collection of inspiring stories written by individuals who didn’t let life’s challenges define them. They took their personal and professional struggles and used them to write the next chapter of their lives, sharing the lessons they learned along the way to success.

—Linda F. Radke

President, Five Star Publications, Inc.

www.FiveStarPublications.com

Chapter One

Susan Mallard’s Story—

Into The Light

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland counseled: The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead and remember that faith is always pointed toward the future (The Best Is Yet to Be, Ensign, Jan. 2010, 24; or Liahona, Jan. 2010, 18).

It is with this attitude that I write my story. I do not wish to look back and relive the past. My intention is only to help others who suffer as I did. I have offered a sacrifice on the altar, and it has been accepted; of that I am sure. Still, I felt drawn to be a part of this project. I further wish to state that, in deference to the involvement of members of my family, I am telling this story with reverence and respect. I have forgiven all who were involved and have forgiven myself for what I could not do or what I became. I will not use their names, nor will I mention specifics in this writing. It is not my intention to castigate those involved. Lastly, as this is but one chapter, I chose to write it as more of a general overview rather than a particular tale.

I was born in a different generation. We did not have programs like Stranger Danger, abuse hotlines, or concerned neighbors who would call the police if they heard noises in the night. In the ’70’s and where I lived, children were to be seen and not heard, and they most certainly did not tell. You never spoke of abuse; you never cried; and you certainly did not tell a teacher or a friend. You simply remained silent.

When I was young, my siblings and I saw, heard, and participated in unspeakable acts. The recollection of those dark moments trouble and haunt me to this day. When I was older, I often heard babies crying when there were no babies around. I later came to realize that it was the memory of my little sisters’ cries.

To say that we lived in a war zone would be a complete understatement. I experienced loud, unexpected attacks, or well-organized plans to intimidate us into silence. I feared for my life, for several episodes took me to the brink of death through strangulation and once through near-drowning. I lay awake endlessly, unable to find sleep, waiting for the next attack or the cries of siblings. Sleep only came when all other options failed me and exhaustion finally won over.

Living in this kind of war zone led to disassociation, splitting, self-harm behaviors, withdrawal from everyone, and lots of problems in school. I would day dream my school days away. When the stress of school became too hard, I simple imagined eight hours away by pretending to be somewhere else, living with the perfect mother, finding happiness. Then the school bell would ring, and I would realize I had no clue what had happened that day. These lapses occurred often, leading me to miss key learning skills like math and, most importantly, reading.

I struggled with reading until well after my third child was born. Unable to write a simple sentence or read a paragraph without daydreaming because the words were too hard, I truly struggled in school. No one knew of my struggles because I would pretend to understand. Picture books helped me with my lies; I would describe what I thought was happening by what I could gather from the pictures.

Music proved to be my saving grace. I understood music and what it was trying to say. I would listen to the radio in secret (it would have been life threatening to me at the time if anyone had found out), and I learned the words to every song on the radio. I did not know what a genre was; all I knew was that these songs made me feel something, and—for someone who felt nothing—the fact that I was able to feel anything was a great discovery. I was making up songs while I was forever grounded, confined to my room, singing through the glass in my window. The first album I ever purchased was Barbra Streisand’s Memories. She will never know how that album and the cuts she chose to put on that record saved my life.

Throughout my life, music has played a valuable role. I learned to sing by mimicking artists I heard on the radio, and then I discovered band and choir. I excelled vocally, but I was still a very fidgety and unhappy child. I was loud and violent in junior high school and continued to act that way for many years.

I lived in foster care for several years. I do not wish to speak more about that.

After I graduated high school, I immediately married an abusive and controlling man. Without dwelling on this episode in my life, let me just say that with every part of my being, I regret marrying him. I was his punching bag, and he attempted to control every move I made. It was difficult, to say the least. I finally walked away after a beating I took while I was pregnant with my second child. The baby did not make it, and I was badly damaged from the beating. I picked up my two-year-old and decided to leave. After a two-year battle in court, the divorce was finalized at last.

Five years later I decided to remarry. This time I thought I had made a better choice. However, we had problems from the beginning. We decided to end the marriage after 10 long years.

It wasn’t until after this marriage ended that I started to look at myself and evaluate what my part was in these relationships. Not self-blaming, but honest exploration. It was only through this deep, honest reflection that I was able to learn about the real issues I had. I decided to go back to college and gain a degree; I started to pray and look at life through an eternal perspective and started the difficult task of change.

Within these few pages, I cannot describe in detail what the purging of emotional pain, physical addictions, and physical trauma was like for me. I will say that those were some of the darkest times of my life. Through those dark times, however, I learned to pray. I learned to earnestly pray and gain trust in my Savior. I began to understand my worth and push towards positive goals. I eliminated negative things from my life, one by one. As I did so, the light came in a little more each time. Change is supposed to be painful and hard; without it, there is no growth. If we are willing to bear the storms of this life and learn from them, that is when real change occurs.

I no longer have panic attacks, rely on medications, or stay awake all night with worry. I have replaced those things with prayer, deep reflection, meditation, aroma therapies, and changes in diet. These are just a few things on a long list of changes. To let go of my defense mechanisms was hard, to say the least, but pushing through the fear and being a part of the freedom that comes with change is well worth every dark night spent in tears. The relationship I have now with my Savior and my children is stronger than ever. I have truly let go and let God.

I hope that, when you read this story, you don’t see a survivor but someone who is healed. I hope that you do not have pity but feel strengthened and empowered. My prayer for anyone who reads this is for you to know that, if you are willing to take a deep breath and take a small step of faith into the darkness, you will come to find the light.

Susan Mallard Q & A

What failures did you encounter on your way to success?

To quote one of my favorite movie monologues, Sometimes people say to me, ‘Rose, when is the first time you ever heard the blues?’ You know what I tell them? I tell them ‘The day I was born.’ And so it was with me. I encountered many failures on my road to success. I self-medicated, suffered from alcoholism, anxiety, post-traumatic-stress disorder, intermittent depression, self-isolation, bulimia and anorexia, self-harm behaviors, and many, many unhealthy practices. I failed for 38 years before I started to see noticeable progress.

How did those failures make you feel about yourself (i.e. what emotions and feelings did they bring out in you)?

My failures made me feel dirty, worthless, unwanted, unlovable, and unreachable. The anger was completely out of control, and I felt like a hammer constantly looking for a nail. I was violent, always pushing others away and not wanting anyone close to me. Life, at this point, was to be survived, not lived or enjoyed. Very ugly.

Why is failure a key ingredient to success?

I think it is important to get to the bottom of it all so that you can see up. Looking up to whatever inspires you. For me, it is my Savior; for someone else, it could be other people who have survived what they are going through. I needed to be stripped bare and lose everything in order to grasp the grace that was waiting for me. I could not see hope until all other things clouding my vision were removed. It is a lifelong, continual changing process. If you think overcoming an addiction is the end of your progress, let me share with you, it is not. Life is to be lived. There are many growing opportunities for you if you are willing to seek out course corrections and faithfully go through the changes that lead you to that continued next step.

Also, you must recognize that you will fail at least once a day at something and accept that it is okay. We are not put on this earth to be perfect; that is a fallacy. If, each day, we can write a list of realistic goals (e.g., eat a healthier breakfast) and then, at the end of the day, mark that off, we have accomplished something great! These small changes lead to amazing changes that will help us all day. I think you have to fail in order to appreciate when you have succeeded.

What advice (a piece of wisdom) do you have for individuals experiencing failure, who want to give up on pursuing their life dreams?

When I am weak, I put on soft music and pray or meditate. These things soothe me and make me feel I am a part of something greater than myself. Finding that thing that helps soothe you will be key. You have to learn, as I did, to take care of yourself. Also, forgive yourself when you make a mistake. Recognize your worth and be realistic about your goals. For example, if you want to quit a habit, is it really wise to quit cold turkey or should you cut down slowly and rid yourself of it in a step-down fashion? Asking yourself this question is important. When you discover what makes you feel better inside, write down small, obtainable goals each day. At the bottom of the list write, Forgive myself for what I could not do. Look deep within yourself to find the strength to ward off the dark storms that will come. Once you have found it, hang on to it; your success depends on it.

About Susan Mallard

I am currently an adult learner at Penn State University with a concentration in Criminal Justice and Ethics. I am a victim/survivor consultant with The Office of Victims of Crime (The Department of Justice, Washington D.C.), and a certified sexual assault counselor, serving as part of the trauma response team, (medical and legal advocacy) through P.A.A.R. (Pittsburgh Action Against Rape). I also work for the Woman’s Center of Beaver County, PA as an advocate. I play several instruments and love to sing. I have six amazing children and love to spend time just hanging around with them. I love to read, especially journal articles and true crime novels. I only want to promote, with anyone who wants to share it, the joy I have unlocked and the happiness I have found. If you have questions please feel free to email me anytime at [e-mail]; I would love to hear from you.

Chapter Two

Jim Lange’s Story—

Turning Lemons Into Lemonade at Work

I honestly feel like the most blessed person on Earth to get to do what I do. And this would not have been possible had it not been for one of the worst experiences of my life.

In the mid 1990’s, I found myself with what I thought to be the greatest job in America. I was a sales representative for a family-owned business whose owners treated their employees with great dignity and respect. It was a fun environment in a growing company, and I was making tons of money. Life was very good.

Several years later, it all changed. The family made the decision to sell the company to a publicly traded firm. This brought about much change within the company. However, because I was producing at a high level, my new employers left me alone for the most part. Then, a year later we were sold again and 16 months later sold for a third time. To quote Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, we were not in Kansas anymore. But, even though things were becoming more difficult, I was still left pretty much alone so I could sell...until that fateful day.

Our parent company decided to bring in a new President from outside the company to run our division. He and I hit it off right away, and he asked me to be his Vice President of Sales. My first reaction was to say No, thanks! because I felt I had a really good gig and didn’t want to mess it up. After several months of my boss’ persistence, I finally came to realize that this would be a wonderful experience for me that would allow me to grow in my career and give me some tremendous experience. So I accepted his offer. My role was to mentor, or coach, our salespeople—to help them to be better producers.

At first, I thought very highly of my boss. He came into our company and made some changes in the first month that seemed very positive. Yes, he was a little arrogant and somewhat abrasive, but he was likeable, and he kept telling us that we were going to have fun. I had no reason not to believe him.

My boss came to our company (a $150-million division of a $900-million publicly traded corporation) from a very large company in corporate America that was in an industry totally unrelated to ours. I guess our corporate big wigs thought that he could bring his big-company knowledge to our little company even though he had no clue about our business.

What we all discovered was that his big-company views really were nothing more than very selfish ideas about how we could serve him. Several months after my boss began, he shared with us the 22 rules of XYZ [his initials]. These were a set of instructions we had to follow to remain employed. The overall gist was that our boss was the king; we were to bow down and worship him; and, without him, we would be bumbling idiots.

Most companies use a mission statement when making company decisions. For example, let’s assume that a company’s mission statement is to provide world-class customer service. They would be more likely to spend money for a new phone system that would enable them to track and answer customer calls timelier since this would pass their mission statement test.

From the moment our boss walked into our lives, every one of our corporate decisions was not put through the mission-statement filter but rather through the boss filter. The boss filter would determine if this course of action would make our boss look good, make him more comfortable, or would enhance his air of superiority. It was as if our mission statement had magically changed to Make our boss look good and enhance his standing with the corporate big guys at all costs. In fact, he would regularly tell me, Jimmy, your one and only job is to make me look good. That’s it. Nothing more.Nothing less.

In our sales organization, nineteen people reported to me, which was quite a few. Since most of them were experienced sales professionals, I did not feel the large number would be an issue, so I plowed ahead.

Two of our sales reps were selling into a market that was not part of our core competency. We were not familiar with this segment of the business, but we knew there was a lot of potential in this area. My boss came up with the idea that we needed to hire six additional sales people to take advantage of this opportunity. One of those hires would manage this new area and presumably bring some experience to us in this vertical market.

We hired the manager of this group in December of that year, and he was terrific. He not only knew the market, he was a very diligent worker, had a positive attitude, and was a great team player. He would go out of his way to help me with any projects I had.

My boss had anticipated that it would take us until mid-February to hire the remaining five sales people. It actually took us until August of that year to complete this task because it was difficult to find solid people with the experience we were looking for. This, coupled with the fact that my boss did not understand our business, led to much anxiety, as we were not producing at the level that he had anticipated.

Because my boss was expecting such a high return from our new hires, and probably because of his large ego, he signed us up for a huge growth goal with our corporate office. The year prior, we had grown 6%, but my boss told corporate we could boost our sales 25% in the coming year. As the year progressed, we fell further and further behind.

This lag produced pressure from our corporate office. As the pressure intensified, our boss became more and more of a tyrant. It became readily apparent that my boss truly believed in the adage The beatings will continue until morale improves, as many great employees were let go. It was an incredibly brutal environment, one that found him often screaming obscenities in my ear (or someone else’s). I distinctly remember watching the veins in his neck bulging while he yelled at me (which happened