Sacred Wind: Book 2

By Andy Coffey

Sacred Wind: Book 2

It’s safe to say that the last thing Aiden Peersey expected when he began his trip to Llangollen was to meet a bunch of Welsh Vikings who played in a rock band called Sacred Wind. It’s also safe to say that the technology geek and part-time sound engineer didn’t expect to be catapulted into a quest to win a music tournament, to save the faerie queen, to win freedom for their land, to be able to fart freely, and to win the right to their cheese. Nevertheless, that’s exactly what happened...

Transported into an alternative reality by the Navigation App on his quantum computer-powered Smart Phone, Aiden discovers a land ruled by the evil Baron Blacktie, who has banned rock music, outlawed unauthorised flatulence, and made cheese sniffing a crime. He is soon immersed in a world where sheep manage pubs and play in orchestras, cats are telepathic, cheese comes from mines, and curries have consciousness (Wrexham is a ‘Currydom’, ruled by King Beef Vindaloo-Boiled Rice III and his wife, Queen Tikka Masala-Coconut Rice...).

When the evil Baron discovers that Sacred Wind’s drummer, Agnar the Hammered, owns a cheese mine that contains a potentially magic cheese, he concocts a hideous plot to make the mine his own. He challenges Sacred Wind to take part in a prestigious music tournament, and he sends his two top spies, Hob and Nob, to capture the Faerie Queen, Ophelia, who is betrothed to Sacred Wind’s singer, Olaf the Berserker! And so, Aiden joins the Sacred Wind and the ‘Companionship of Wind’, as they embark on a perilous journey to reach the city in time for the great tournament...

So, if you want to delve into a world where curries will make you laugh, where sheep will make you cry, where no-one sniggers when your first name is 'Oldfart', where you'll cheer quite a lot at the bits that have obviously been written to incite cheering, where you'll think about faeries in ways you really shouldn't, where you'll be even more scared of Traffic Wardens than you ever thought possible, where vacuum cleaners get possessed, where Welsh Vikings can have platonic relationships with English sheep, where you finish reading the story with a smile on your face and warmth in your heart, and where you want to read more as soon as you've finished, then Sacred Wind is the book for you.

Sacred Wind: Book 3 - Preview

* You’ll cheer on the Companionship in their game of charades
* You’ll actually be very glad to see Traffic Wardens
* You’ll feel sad as a hero passes from this world to the next
* You’ll cheer as the Companionship enter Chester, but cry at a noble sacrifice
* Baron Blacktie will really start to get on your nerves
* You’ll want to singalong at the Cestrian Music Tournament
* You’ll be on the edge of your seats as the battle begins
* You’ll fall in love with a Troll
* You’ll gnash your teeth at the Knights of Flatulence
* And you’ll witness the stunning conclusion to our story...

All this and more awaits you in... Sacred Wind: Book 3.

Sacred Wind – The Album

Surely the finest debut album by a Welsh Viking Flatulence Rock band from an alternative reality...

Now available at all good download stores! Featuring all the Sacred Wind tracks from the book and more:
1.A Time of Magic
2.Sacred Wind
3.Metal and Curry
4.Hurricane Ass
5.Warriors of Asgard
6.Sail With Me
7.Rock, Rock, Rock, Rock Ragnarok
8.Frigg
9.Fart For Odin
10.Dragon Ships and Women’s Hips
11.My Sword is my Sword
12.The Sheep’s Lament (bonus track)
13.The Power of Cheese (bonus track)

• Language: English
• Publisher: Andy Coffey
• Release date: Jul 18, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311334824

Andy Coffey

About the Author – by Oldfart OlafsonAndy Coffey has been called many things; short, bald, barking mad, cute, a creative genius (... actually, I think he calls himself that). But, it is true to say that without Andy, Sacred Wind may never have made it into your particular reality. And we thank him for that.After a brief foray into music journalism, and an attempt at rock superstardom in the late eighties, Andy eventually carved out a successful career in something called 'IT' for the best part of twenty years, attaining a Senior Management position in a company dealing with software production and IT service management. He tells me that he was a bit of a guru, by all accounts.However, the music bug never really left him, and in fact he recorded two albums with his band, 'The Quest', in the nineties (he tells me that the second one was really good). Oh, he plays drums, and apparently his drum kit is nearly as big as Agnar's.He also developed an interest in music technology and composition. This initially caused him some confusion as he had to learn to play keyboards, discovering that hitting them with drumsticks didn't really achieve the desired results... and was more expensive.We first managed to cross the dimensional barrier to communicate with Andy about Sacred Wind in late 2010 (your time). Having voices in his head was a bit of a shock for him at first, but he soon got used to it. So, after working with him closely for over three years, he's now produced the Sacred Wind books and debut album, for reading and listening pleasure in your reality.He lives with his partner, Jo, and their cat (Theo) in a little town called Frodsham, in the UK. Apparently they can fart whenever and wherever they like. He has a son, Adam; a step-daughter, Zoë, and a step-son, Johnny.He's a good lad but he needs a bigger weapon... (that pocket knife will never do).Yours fartily,Oldfart Olafson (Manager - Sacred Wind)

Book preview

Sacred Wind: Book 2

‘Quantum computing is…a distinctively new way of harnessing nature…It will be the first technology that allows useful tasks to be performed in collaboration between parallel universes.’

David Deutsch – Centre for Quantum Computation, University of Oxford.

‘There are vibrations of different universes right here, right now. We’re just not in tune with them. There are probably other parallel universes in our living room – this is modern physics. This is the modern interpretation of quantum theory, that many worlds represent reality.’

Dr Michio Kaku - Theoretical Physicist and Bestselling Author.

‘In infinite space, even the most unlikely events must take place somewhere.’

Professor Max Tegmark - Dept. of Physics, MIT.

‘This is a victory for life, a victory for common sense and, ultimately, recognition that consciousness is pervasive in our abundant and wonderful universe.’

Dr Lamb Dopiaza-Pilau Rice – following the 1968 legislation by the Welsh Parliament recognising curries as conscious entities.

Copyright © Andy Coffey 2014

The right of Andy Coffey to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright Designs and Patent Act 1988.

All characters in this book are fictitious, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Smashwords Edition

ISBN: 9781311334824

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Illustrations by Joe Latham [e-mail]

Copyright © Joe Latham 2014

Other books by Andy Coffey

Sacred Wind: Book 1

Sacred Wind: Book 3

Sacred Wind: The Complete Trilogy

Sacred Wind: The Appendices

Sacred Wind: Songbook

Sacred Wind – The Album

Possibly the finest debut album by a Welsh Viking Flatulence Rock band from an alternative reality… Available at all good download stores!

www.sacredwind.co.uk

Table of Contents

Chapter 17 – Have you looked in the mirror lately?

Chapter 18 – Hello and welcome to ‘Rock your Deity’!

Chapter 19 – Do you think they’ll put out bunting?

Chapter 20 – I see you’ve brought your trumpet

Chapter 21 – Has anyone seen the Queen?

Chapter 22 – So it would appear that the outcome is not decided

Chapter 23 – Do you think people will sing songs about us in the future?

Chapter 24 – I had no idea you had such a fondness for old condiments

Chapter 25 – May Odin bless their wind

Chapter 26 – Perhaps you can help me, I’m looking for someone

Chapter 27 – Have you prepared the room for the press conference?

Chapter 28 – Follow that cab!

Chapter 29 – Are the troops ready?

Chapter 30 – It seems our cover is blown

Chapter 31 – Prepare to be boarded

Chapter 32 – I believe I’m feeling slightly peckish

Sacred Wind: Book 3 Preview

About the Author – by Oldfart Olafson

Other books by Andy Coffey

Contact Sacred Wind

Chapter 17 – Have you looked in the mirror lately?

‘So, now you probably think I’m either mad or inventing the whole thing,’ Aiden said, after recounting yesterday’s eventful trip to Llangollen.

Cracky looked at him thoughtfully, a wry smile on his lips. Growing up with a wizard for a father had certainly provided him with an open mind. He also paid great heed to his intuition, and at the moment his intuition was telling him that Aiden was telling the truth. ‘I must admit it’s a pretty amazing story, but I’ve no reason to disbelieve you. I mean, let’s look at the evidence. For a start there’s that old car you arrived in, I’ve never seen one quite like that. It’s also obvious that you’ve not encountered too many sentient sheep, conscious curries, faeries or telepathic cats on your travels. I’m a good judge of character and you can’t feign the kind of surprise I’ve seen on your face on several occasions. And then, of course, there’s your scruffy hair style.’

‘Why does everyone keep going on about my hair?’ Aiden said.

‘Have you looked in the mirror lately?’

Cracky poured them both a drink of orange juice and passed a glass to Aiden. ‘I am most interested in looking at this phone of yours,’ he said. ‘That certainly sounds like something that would completely confirm your story.’

‘Of course,’ Aiden said, as he took the QC Nova phone out of his jacket pocket and passed it to Cracky. ‘You just touch the screen,’ he added, reaching over and prodding the screen to initialise the phone.

‘My, my, now this is something,’ Cracky said.

‘Yes, it’s a cool piece of kit,’ Aiden said, proudly. ‘You can play games on it, go on the Internet at super-speed bandwidth, download apps by all the major manufacturers, access all the social networking sites and even read eBooks that you already have on your computer at home. It’s got the fastest processor on the market and its speed and memory are radically enhanced using quantum computing technology.’

‘You lost me after games,’ Cracky said.

‘Sorry, Cracky, I should have realised that you probably haven’t seen a computer.’

‘Oh, I’ve seen computers,’ Cracky said. ‘But they’re obviously not quite as advanced as those where you hail from. The screens are normally just black and white, or more commonly green and black.’

‘That’s how ours were about twenty years ago,’ Aiden said. ‘You know, for all the differences between our two realities there would appear to be a reasonable number of parallels.’

Aiden thought for a second before continuing. He had so many questions. ‘What about science,’ he said. ‘Have you heard of the theory of relativity, for example?’

‘Oh, yes,’ Cracky replied.

‘And it was Albert Einstein who formulated it?’

‘Albert Einstein? You mean Alfred Einstein,’ Cracky said.

‘Alfred Einstein?’

‘Yes, his twin brother. Albert Einstein was a charlatan of the highest order. He was a playboy, a gambler and an inveterate cheese sniffer. It was one of the scandals of the century. Albert used to keep his twin brother locked up in a tower, telling him the outside world was controlled by monsters and ogres who tortured anyone who could do quadratic equations. Alfred used to discuss all his ideas and research with Albert, little knowing that Albert was passing these off as his own. Albert was eventually found out by the screen actress Martina Monroe, whom he was having a well-publicised affair with. She began to suspect something was awry when one night, after sex, she quizzed him on the Unified Field Theory and he began to talk about knocking down fences and letting all the grass mingle together. At first she thought this to be just some clever metaphor… until he explained how this would allow the cows to roam freely. While Albert slept, she found the locked room in the tower and freed Alfred. Albert was thrown in prison for ten years, barred from cheese sniffing for life and was given twenty stern twists of his left ear. Alfred went on to win the Nobbly Peace Prize and marry the luscious Martina. Am I to gather this is not the way things transpired where you’re from?’

‘Not quite,’ Aiden said.

Cracky turned the sign on the diner door so that ‘Open’ faced outwards. ‘You’re welcome to hang around for a bit,’ he said. ‘It may not be that busy today. Sunday’s are normally quiet until later in the afternoon.’

‘Thanks, Cracky, but I think I’ll have a walk around town again. I may drop in for a drink later, if that’s okay.’

‘Absolutely, my door is always open for you.’

Aiden was just about to leave when a thought popped into his head. ‘Cracky, I’ve been meaning to ask ever since last night, but you obviously have electricity here?’

‘Yes, of course.’

‘But I’ve not seen any overhead power cables, so does that mean they’re all underground?’

‘Well, the electricity does come from underground,’ Cracky said. ‘Come on, I’ll show you.’

They walked out of the back door and Cracky pointed to a silver-coloured pole that was sticking out of the ground. It was about ten feet tall and had a series of small cables that stretched from its top into what appeared to be a fuse box, fitted to the outside wall.

‘There you go. That’s my EET.’

‘EET?’ said Aiden.

‘Earth Electricity Transducer. You just put it in the ground, attune the frequency and it’s ready to go.’

‘Are you telling me that you simply get all your electricity from the earth?’ Aiden said.

‘Yes,’ Cracky replied, looking surprised at the question. ‘Where do you get yours from?’

‘We make it, using large power stations the size of small towns. We have big generators, some of which even use nuclear power.’

‘Dear me, that sounds expensive; and a bit impractical, if you don’t mind me saying.’

‘Well, electricity prices are quite high, so I suppose you’re right in that sense.’

‘You mean you pay for your electricity? How odd.’

***

As Aiden ambled along one of the quiet country roads that led out of town, he was reminded how extraordinarily clean the air smelled here, and that was something he’d noticed as soon as he’d arrived. On the right hand side of the road, tall hedges provided a jagged barrier to lush, verdant fields that stretched for miles. He also noticed that the grass seemed to be a much darker shade of green here, as if it were also cleaner, more alive.

Managing to work his way through a hole in the hedge without ripping his clothes, he bent down and laid his hand on the grass; it was warm and soft to the touch, its smell fresh and vibrant in his nose. There was a large oak tree nearby and its leafy branches reached out wide from its huge trunk, offering a protective canopy for anything that wished to nestle below.

‘That’s the beggar, over there,’ Half-blind Ron said, from behind the tree. ‘He’s changed his clothes but I’d recognise that bloody hair anywhere. What’s he thinking Your Highness, Princeness, Majesty?’

‘Your Highness, are you sure it was a good idea to bring him with us?’ Captain Marmaduke said, with a pained expression.

‘He’s already proven his worth, Captain. And I’m sure if we tell him he can have an extra chicken as a reward, if he keeps quiet, he’ll comply completely, won’t you Ron?’

‘Mmm, mmmm!’ said Half-blind Ron, nodding his head and putting his paw over his mouth.

‘Right, then,’ Theo said, as they peeped around the large oak tree, ‘please be still and I’ll try and reach into his mind.’

Prince Theo had the rare gift of being able to go beyond simple telepathic conversation and could actually probe deep into the minds of other creatures. He could not only read their thoughts but could also sense their emotions and moods. The gift became apparent when he was a kitten and it was cultivated through teachings by his mother, the sadly departed Queen Tiddles, who had been blessed with the same talent. She had instructed him how to master and control his gift, how to access thoughts without being detected, and how to create permanent connections for short periods of time. The wise Queen also taught him how to protect himself against any malevolent forces that he may encounter when using his gift. Theo loved her very much and always listened, knowing that someday a need may arise where it would be necessary to put those lessons into action.

‘His mind is full of strange things,’ he said, as he concentrated. ‘He’s not from this world, and he’s not from this time. The place he’s from is similar, but also very different. He’s a good man, very clever. He likes music and… there are lots of images of females, including one who he met in The Sheep’s Stirrup last night. There’s something about food… breakfast at the pub and something called pizza. I’m also picking up images of possessed vacuum cleaners, some very scary men in black and yellow, something called a Nova phone and a love of swords. He really is most unusual.’

‘But is he the one mentioned in The Prophecy?’ the Captain said.

‘I do believe that he may be, Captain. Although he’s out of place here, he doesn’t feel out of place, if that makes sense. His mind is unique… but he has a dog.’

‘A dog!’ Half-blind Ron exclaimed. ‘I told you he was a weirdo. If the bloody thing comes near me I’ll scratch its knackers.’

Theo concentrated again and probed a