Hot Water

By Roger Hall

Roger Hall's great gift for creating a setting in which a diverse group of characters are drawn together is rarely better displayed than in this play. Irresistibly funny and satirical.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Victoria University Press
• Release date: Apr 1, 2014
• ISBN: 9780864737830

Roger Hall

Roger Hall, a free-lance writer, editor, and novelist, lives in Delaware.

Book preview

HOT WATER

a farce by

Roger Hall

Price Milburn

with

Victoria University Press

Contents

Title Page

First Performance

Characters

Hot Water

By the Same Author

Copyright

First Performance

H

OT

W

ATER

was first presented by Mercury Theatre, Auckland, on 30 July 1982, when the cast was as follows:

Directed by Steve Agnew

Designed by Graham Johnson

Lighting by John McKay

Stage Manager, David Chivers

Characters

A

RTHUR

P

ALMER

. Business man in his fifties.

H

ARRIET

P

ALMER

. Mid forties upwards.

J

IM

N

AYLOR

. Deer farmer. Scots immigrant. Late thirties upwards.

C

LIVE

P

ALMER

. Younger brother of Arthur. Must be similar in build and height.

C

HARMAINE

K

AMINSKY

. American, in her early twenties.

G

RANNY

. Harriet’s mother. English, in her seventies.

S

USIE

P

ALMER

. The Palmers’ daughter. In her twenties.

R

ANGI

. Maori, in his late twenties. He meets every requirement for the stereotype Maori – at first.

The Play

The action takes place in the living area of a comfortable holiday home at Taupo. 

Hot Water

Scene One

---

December 30th. Noon.

The sitting-room and dining area of a holiday house at Taupo. On one  side are doors leading to two bedrooms (1 and 2), on the other side is  a farther bedroom (3) and an exit leading to kitchen area (and bathroom).  At the rear is a ranchslider type of door leading to the section, part of  which we can see. There is one other door which leads to the hot pool.  The sitting-room has the usual furniture: armchairs, sofa, etc. There is  also a table and chairs for meals or cards. On the floor are cartons of  food and two or three suitcases.

H

ARRIET

is humming as she puts things away.

A

RTHUR

comes through the door carrying the final load of holiday gear, and puts it on the floor.

A

RTHUR

: That’s the lot. He slumps onto the sofa.

H

ARRIET

: It has to be put away.

A

RTHUR

: Harriet, I’ve driven 180 miles, I’ve made six trips up from the road with all this lot; all I’m asking is a minute or two of peace.

H

ARRIET

: Put things away first and then have a minute or two of peace. It looks so sloppy. What if someone should call? I’ll bring out your coffee.

He takes a couple of cases through to bedroom 1. H

ARRIET

takes a carton through to the kitchen. 

H

ARRIET

: How long is it since we had a week to ourselves? Here?

A

RTHUR

: I’ve no idea. He slumps on the sofa, removing his shoes.

H

ARRIET

: Not since Susie was born, I’m sure. In fact, it might have been on our honeymoon. Not bare feet, Arthur, please. She hands him his coffee. I bought you those nice jogging shoes, or whatever they’re called. Now you relax, you’ve had a hard year, we both have, I’m perfectly exhausted, and we deserve a good rest away from it all. You forget all about the factory. There are times when I think the great New Zealand Christmas shut down is a good thing.

A

RTHUR

: Might even be longer this year.

H

ARRIET

: What?

A

RTHUR

: You have to know sooner or later … so it might as well be later.

H

ARRIET

: It’s going to be bliss here on our own. Lazing about during the day; bridge with the Wheelers at night.

A

RTHUR

: Lazing about during the day sounds nice.

H

ARRIET

: Apart from doing the garden, of course. It’s a proper mess, understandably enough. Oh! Almost forgot. She produces a sickle from a carton. I bought it at a garage sale. In case the mower doesn’t start again this year.

A

RTHUR

: I don’t see why it should. It hasn’t for the last three years.

H

ARRIET

: I thought we’d eat simply this week. You know what Clive’s like when he’s here … insisting on fancy foods. Why Jean puts up with him on holiday….

A

RTHUR

: Why Jean puts up with him at all.

H

ARRIET

sits back and relaxes.

H

ARRIET

: I think I might have a little vodka.

A

RTHUR

: I think I might have a large one.

He gets the drinks, while she gets a parcel. She sits down with the drink.

H

ARRIET

: I think it must have been our honeymoon. The last time we were here alone. Remember? – those wonderful moonlit nights.

A

RTHUR

: Very vaguely.

H

ARRIET

: And the extraordinary effect gin had on me.

A

RTHUR

: I do remember that. It was why you switched to vodka.

H

ARRIET

: Only in the last few years. We’re past all that business. It only rumples up the electric blanket. She tears open the parcel. I’ve spent your lovely Christmas book token. ‘World Encyclopaedia of Contract Bridge’, ‘Percentage Bridge’, and ‘The Great Bridge Scandals of the Century’. If only we could do just a bit better in the next open tournament, we might possibly make the Auckland team next year.

A

RTHUR

: We might indeed.

H

ARRIET

: It would be wonderful to play at provincial level. She sighs. I do love this place. Do you ever think of your ancestors sitting here in the evenings?

A

RTHUR

: Never.

H

ARRIET

: Or wonder about our grandchildren? If Susie ever settles down and has any.

A

RTHUR

: Susie will have kids when it suits her, whether she’s settled down or not, or even if she’s married or not.

H

ARRIET

: Don’t. It’s a nice thought though our grandchildren sitting here, wondering what we did here.

A

RTHUR

: I don’t think they will.

H

ARRIET

: They might.

A

RTHUR

: I don’t think they will, because we’ve got to sell it.

H

ARRIET

: Sell it!

A

RTHUR

: It’s the business. We’ve expanded to get more export orders,