Romance on the Run: 5 Minutes of Quality Sex for Busy Couples

By Tara Roth Madden

Q: Do people get married so that they don't have to have sex anymore? 
A: Not many will admit it, but that is just what happens to most married couples. 

The author was shocked to discover that the sex lives of most couples are neglected in favor of the more "urgent" problems of work, children and a busy lifestyle. 

Guaranteed "to put the sex back into your sex life" and based on extensive interviews with real couples, ROMANCE ON THE RUN is your ticket to red-hot monogamy. Get ready to discover the joys of a revolutionized sex life, such as: The Joy of Quickies; How to make sex "easy"; Why marriage and celibacy don't mix; How to make time for sexual intimacy; How to communicate with your partner quickly and effectively; Ways to increase your pleasure...and much, much, much more!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Open Road Media
• Release date: Apr 29, 2014
• ISBN: 9781497631243

Tara Roth Madden

Tara Roth Madden has a bachelor’s in journalism and a master’s in business. Her first book was Romance on the Run: 5 Minutes of Quality Sex for Busy Couples. Women vs. Women: The Uncivil Business War, established Madden as an expert on the subject of social behavior of women in the workplace. She has been interviewed on the subject on various talk shows, including Oprah, and continues to lecture on the topic. Madden is currently a freelance journalist and a yoga instructor. She lives in California with her husband, Ned.

Book preview

Introduction

Why am I writing a book to tell married women—and those in long-term relationships—that you can have a great sex life with a minimum use of time and energy? And why do I feel that it's my mission to help liberate wives from putting your sex lives on hold until you can do it right?

Well, it's not because I'm an expert on sex. But I have studied the subject in many books, and in numerous beds. I have learned through experience, both as a monogamous live-in and as a loving wife, that spontaneous sex protects bonded couples.

But couples do change. Heck, to be honest, sex changes. I'm sure, in your heart of hearts, you already know that.

Even for couples with no major problems, it takes ongoing attention—in the midst of all else that's going on in our lives—to keep intimately involved. Otherwise love withers. It's like a plant that's left untended, only to be doused with gallons of water once a month. That's a sure way to kill a plant. Or a love affair.

In the normal course of a day, we hardly notice the one interaction that doesn't happen. If a child doesn't paint a picture, if our favorite restaurant cancels its early-bird dinner, or if a call we've made goes unreturned, we generally think, ah well, maybe later. And we go on to other things.

In the same way, neglect can creep unnoticed into our sex patterns. We don't notice the day-to-day changes. After all, we know that we love our mates. Isn't that enough? No, it isn't.

We need to closely monitor our marriages and protect them from potentially lethal doses of indifference. Marriages as good as ours are too important to shoot down. Or to ignore for days.

Romance on the Run is an easy way to focus on your partner. It is what helped to keep my husband and me close and happily in lust for more than fifteen years.

Both quality and quantity sex are important. They're twins. Separate, but always equal in value. That's why Five Minutes of Quality Sex for Busy Couples makes being together fun. Even when other things in life go wrong, short spurts of marital intimacy help tip the scale toward the positive.

When some of our friends have split up over the years, they gave a variety of reasons. He was lazy. She was sloppy. He had a roving eye. She was bossy. He lied. She let herself go.

But if couples were sexually in tune—and it was easy to tell, because there was always a hug here and a private smile there—problems boomeranged and came back as virtues. He was relaxed. She was casual. He looked but never touched. She was assertive.

When we see couples on TV, we have a godlike view. We can see the entire picture at once. Right and wrong are easy to identify in the make-believe world.

TV is life in living color. There's a handsome Mr. Tux admiring his beautifully gowned wife in the reflection of a vanity mirror. He bends to kiss her. She abruptly turns her face away from him as she finishes applying her lip gloss.

She pushes him away, saying, No way. We're late to dinner at the Joneses' … you'll mess up my makeup. Wow, we may think, she's cold … making a mistake … he's so sweet … she must not love him.

We can see that he's a caring guy. He looks hurt by her sharp tone. It's so clear. She's neglecting her Tux Man. We can't help but conclude that there's trouble ahead for this couple.

But in your own dressing area, when you're already twenty minutes late and hurrying to get ready, it's another story.

Your Mr. Tux is clearly overwhelmed by seeing you out of sweats and wearing an actual dress and heels. And even though he knows what time you're due at the Joneses' he makes his move.

Having sex right then is not doable. So instead of saying Honey, you're the sexiest hunk ever. Wait till we get home, and I'll kiss your socks off, we usually casually say, Back off.

Our story, though, unlike the one on TV, doesn't end with this episode. In real life, there's no script that guarantees a happy ending after the last commercial. It's open-ended.

Up close, we (especially females) tend to ignore how often we allow problems, and the lack of time, to push away passion.

We assume that because our reasons for skipping sex are not only to please ourselves—but to suit children, parents, or even job deadlines—they deserve a top priority'' tag. Not necessarily. In some lives emergencies" become the norm. They run the show.

Primarily, Romance on the Run speaks to women. Because men already know that many kinds of sex make up their happy bag. Men easily include quickies in their good-time stash.

Women know that quick sex can be fun sex, too. But our culture has taught wives to consider, Hey, doesn't he think I'm worth more of his time than that?

Sometimes we think we should feel cheated if sex picks up speed as it goes. So we say no. Even when we wouldn't mind some.

Men already think that the only bad sex between consenting adults is no sex. They have less trouble than we do in justifying a sex romp in the midst of chaos.

My own husband, for example, was always willing to take time—day, night, in bed, or swinging from the chandelier—to have sex. Until after the honeymoon period, he set the pace.

Five minutes of sex was terrific. Five hours was also terrific. We agreed. We were totally compatible.

After our extended honeymoon pace, I became the holdout. I wanted to be wooed and won. Like when we met. So that's what we did for a while.

But as life got more hectic, moonlight and roses faded to early rising and instant coffee. Without even thinking about it, I evoked my right of refusal more often. My husband never used his right to skip sex. He was never that sick, or that annoyed.

Storybook intimacy was still my standard of excellence. If I couldn't have at least an hour of rockets and fireworks, I'd pass.

Then, one day at the mall I ran into a couple our age who had married the same year we had. We'd moved, and drifted apart.

They'd changed drastically. Formerly the pinch-each-other's-butt-at-every-opportunity type, they had grown stodgy.

Both had their blond hair cut into short bobs. With her in a flowered mumu and him in a matching print shirt, they looked, acted, and sounded enough alike to be brother and sister.

There wasn't a sex vibe between them. They talked about all the things they'd bought. And the malls they'd shopped.

It was a shock. And a call to action.

Until then, I thought my husband and I were different. I believed that because we'd started hot, we'd automatically stay hot. But our sexual energy could evaporate, too, and leave behind another dried-up pair slogging off toward a markdown counter.

Many of us know we're not devoting much time to one another. Not right now. But we think we'll get together and fix it later. As though intimacy were a squeaky hinge.

But by then, major damage is done. We can kill love with boredom and neglect, one rebuff at a time. After all, who wants to get close just because we've finally run out of everything else to do, and everyone else to do it with?

Romeo and Juliet wouldn't have allowed ennui to set in. Why should we—when so many better choices are available? The safeguards I share in Romance on the Run are a form of intimacy protection. They require little, yet return a lot.

Will you invest five minutes, a few times each week?

How about if it's safe, cost free, and painless?

What if it keeps your Mr. Fussy so satisfied that he pitches in with chores more often? With a generous spirit of helpfulness?

Okay, wouldn't it be nice to restore the honeymoon twinkle to your eye? And get back the mint-new sparkle of a youthful, healthy woman who is cherished by a special someone?

If you're still not totally convinced, how about if the warmth of your feelings for one another spreads sunshine over your entire group of family and friends?

Need more incentive? Sex is a natural equalizer for a couple. When both feel secure, there's a better power balance.

When sensuality melts down to a dribble, the ground for a breakup