Urban Lyrics

By Isabella Pizarro

“My life clipped my wings so I couldn't fly, the pain staring back at me ...the mirror of my eyes. The legend I was forced to become, my own power's beauty, No one understood it they’d just see right through me.” In this Autobiography you will feel the pain and struggle of my entire life and the battles of loving myself, from being raised on the streets to being literally beaten and scared from the one man I thought who loved me and gave me the most precious gifts anyone in this world can receive MY CHILDREN.
"Without a mask on to survive reality
How does one survive?
And with One on...How does one survive with What You Have Become??"

"My Prints of Guilt & lies in the souls I silently spilled after chanting a lullaby"
"Not what you think I am but, what I know I am"
Society will never unveil the cries of truth outside of the hood
I bring you My Story...MY URBAN LYRICS.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Isabella Pizarro
• Release date: Apr 29, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311719478

Isabella Pizarro

Bella PizarroFeminist, Author, Survivor Of Domestic ViolenceThe things I've gained and lost I bring to you in poetic form and inspirational quotes of my own, through my books My Autobiography "URBAN LYRICS" & My Spoken Words "BELLAOLOGY 101".I learned to love my self in a battle with my own being and rise above my scars and imperfections. And learn to love who I am in my core not my shell. I have embraced my flaws and all, and grew a NEW LOVE OF THE WOMAN I ONCE WAS.I bring to light what others are ashamed to show you Because, it's hidden behind a mask, That most of us are afraid to expose.Without a mask on to survive realityHow does one survive?And with One on...How does one survive with What You Have Become??"URBAN LYRICS"Bella PizarroEmpowering the minds of our young Men & Women. Domestic violence nor these streets have a sex or color, I am here to guide you from My own life experiences. I didn't have guidance in my life the streets played that part, My self worth domestic violence killed that inner peace. I have come along way to know my worth and my climb was a rough one. And, with these Books I am releasing I am aiming to save a life.Please feel free to contact me with any questions.

Book preview

URBAN LYRICS

The Lyrics of a Survivor

Isabella Pizarro

Copyright Isabella Pizarro 2014

Published by Isabella Pizarro Publishing at Smashwords

Table of Contents

DEDICATION

INTRO

Chapter 1 LOOSING MYSELF

Chapter 2 MY MASK CHANGES

Chapter 3 THE UNVEILING

Connect with Bella

DEDICATION

I offer this book in recognition to those important elements in my life, Good or bad it is what made me…

TO CARLOS ANTONIA CRUZ a.k.a TITO.

As I wrote this book I couldn’t help to think about all the promises you and I have made to one-another. And it gave me the determination to keep going even when it seemed so hard to. I miss you with every bit of my soul and I know one day I will see you again, Until then know I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE FOR ME SINCE DAY 1. I feel your presence with me and your wings wrapped around me when I need strength. I acknowledge you My Love in all that I do. You may not be here in flesh But you live in my soul and my heart as a gift and I KEPT MY PROMISE, TILL THAT DAY COMES…..I LOVE YOU!

MY SPINE,

You have grown up with me and have been a power house in this house since I can remember, always right on time and Always held me up with your strength when I was too weak to at times THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING

MY PATIENCE,

You’ve taught your mom how to calm down and be easy. I learned to listen and be patient because of you baby boy, I also learned how to lose my temper in 2.2 secs lol,

MY LAUGHTER

You have been My Best friend with the best hugs in the world the best smile that brings that peace and calm in my life A GROWN MAN in a teenagers body, You have the head on your shoulders I can only wish I had at your age, and I’m glad you did, I love you and I am EXTREMELY PROUD OF YOU!

MY AIR

we have been through a lot in this life from almost loosing you to becoming alive for you. You have brought an ultimate foundation in my life that I cannot put into words Life has been a journey and we always stuck it out together…My AIR, I BREATH THE AIR OF LIFE BECAUSE OF THOSE WORDS YOU SAID TO ME. I don’t think you realize the power you regenerated in me the day you said DO IT FOR ME MOM Thank you Baby girl. I wrote this book to be a better everything for all of you! I LOVE YOU! ALL OF YOU ARE MY MANTRA.

To My Mom

We have had our differences as I was growing up, and I know you did your best. Despite of all of it you are my Queen and I loved you no matter what might of came at us. I know know as I am older we don't come with a handbook on how to raise a child, and I was a handful I wanted to Thank you for teaching me how life really is without a sugar coating to it, and mostly thank you for being my mom and dad.

My Big LIL Sis

Thank you for ALWAYS being there when no one else was, for never judging me and loving me unconditionally and being my best friend: My Secret box.

To Remy:

Words cannot express how much you have impacted my life in so many ways you would never understand, you are my brother, my father, and my best friend, teaching me to live free and this is what I am doing. I LOVE YOU.

To E,

Thank you for being their Father figure, you’re the best brother-n-law anyone can ask for, more importantly being there through the years when we needed you. You stepped to a plate when you didn’t have to and I LOVE YOU FOR IT…They call you pop/pa for a reason you earned that title.

I rather not mention who this dedication is to

when you read this you will know who you are…Thank you for making me as weak as I was and as strong as I am today. My life has changed dramatically and It didn’t happen alone, But as the years have gone by I see you taking your place and doing what needs to be done I appreciate you for that, you had a big role in me raising my children. Because, of you I Raised 3 MEN AND A LITTLE LADY. This book wasn’t written to bring a cloud to your life this book was written so I can save a life. And If it meant to exploit myself then so be it…I have no more bitterness, I am not angry anymore, I know I am beautiful now and my worth is priceless, But, most of all I AM IN LOVE WITH WHO I WAS BORN TO BE and for that I forgive you, And I pray for you

INTRO

Cultivating a feeling on paper is as complicated as letting go of a love not suitable for you.I decided to write a quote on my mind at the moment because; I didn’t know where to start. I guess this is the beginning. When I was a little girl I didn’t know life would be jus that life, I always wondered if I was good enough for this world let alone the people that where in it that shared the same blood. This is my story, my tears, my scars, my Happiness, MY CROWN

My life clipped my wings so I couldn’t fly, the pain staring back at me …the mirror of my eyes. The legend I was forced to become, my own power’s beauty, No one understood it they’d just see right through me. In this Autobiography you will feel the pain and struggle of my entire life and the battles of loving myself, from being raised on the streets to being literally beaten and scared from the one man I thought who loved me and gave me the most precious gifts anyone in this world can receive MY CHILDREN.

My Prints of Guilt & lies in the souls I silently spilled after chanting a lullaby

Not what you think I am but, what I know I am

Society will never unveil the cries of truth outside of the hood

I bring you My Story…MY URBAN LYRICS.

DADDY

Daddy Where are you?

You left mama to raise me alone; Baby girl faced this cold world to.

I will never forgive you for leaving that way.

I will never forgive you for turning and walking away.

You said you Loved me?

How could you leave?

You said you cherished me, you don’t even claim me.

Lie after Lie because of the drug you choose, off the face of this you will be soon.

How could you? U call yourself a man but did something so cruel.

I wasn’t the one looking a fool suffer you will the way mama did.

Forget it I’m done your already Dead 2 me.

CHAPTER 1: LOOSING MYSELF

When I was 5 we lived on East main street Near the highway a 3 story brick building it was my 2 older brothers my older sis myself and my mom, my cousins would come over a lot being all my family was close when I was growing up. I remember the storm of 1979, it snowed for days and we had no school for about a week!!! Yayyyy!!! What a joy for a 5 yr old. My cousins where always at my house and we wanted to go out and play they came when it was able to so we dug tunnels in the snow and made the best of it. We grabbed some metal garbage can lids and slide down the side of the highway. Christmas became great that year My step dad always made a big deal for us around the holidays presents came up to the top of our 8/9 ft tree. They surrounded the whole tree. Good times good times!!!! After a few years we moved out of the building and over to maple street where we stayed till I was about 9 yrs old, I use to beat up the girl upstairs I COULDN’T STAND HER. I was the ultimate Tom Boy. And My Crew in my shenanigans where my cousins, TITO, Nancy and Ralphy, We always had so much fun! Since my older sis didn’t always like to hang with us just sometimes then again we did tease her a lot so I didn’t blame her. She looked and acted different from all of us we were all dark haired dark eyed and she was dirty blonde hair and green eyes, so the big tease was she was adopted. Cruel I know but, that’s child cruelty. We moved after a year or so because, my mom got her housing voucher, so I guess this is where we’ll start our journey

I was raised in one of the most notorious projects in Bridgeport, CT. P.T BARNUM housing projects on the west side of the Port Building 4. Right across from our building lived my cousins TITO, Nancy, Ralphy BEST thing in life! We were the new kids in the P’s and of course had to prove ourselves especially the pretty lil Puerto Rican chic and the white girl as they called her they didn’t know she was my sister cause we went to the same school etc. but, never walked with each other we were so different and kept our distance she was ashamed of how much of a tomboy I was and I how prissy she was as I thought then and grew up now to use the word timid…..Until walking home from the bus stop crowd of chics I was walking with plotting on jumping her and cutting her pretty lil face, she looked like a straight white girl dirty blond hair beautiful body green eyes and them, well jealous ass bitches, she was the quiet one I was the wild one who already had the tendencies of a bit loose screws that came out more and more after all the shit you’ll be reading. So I played it off and set it up with em but when they showed up, they didn’t plan or expect they would walk into an ambush and walk away with the scars and beatings from an aluminum bat and the blades I kept soaked in garlic for weeks, they will never forget and I didn’t give a fuck I couldn’t stand my sis at that point but my blood will not be touched for your insecurities and she was MY SISTER. I never told her about this till we got older and I always Fought to protect her cause I was more the thug and inside of my hate I still protected her cause again I was the Don’t give a fuck one!!! Regardless my family means the world to me no matter the fights etc. FAMILY IS FAMILY MY LIFE WILL BE GIVEN FOR THEM!!! PERIOD!

She was innocent to these streets me they were my playground. I had the balls and carried em for all of us. After that they knew who she was they never fucked with after that, I was plotted on, lights out in my hallway of my building and 5 on me I pulled out my blade and got to swinging and cutting and swinging yes paws was lethal lol I walked out with a few scratches and my hair cut alil off in the back with scissors they intended to stab me with. Yea I earned my name and respect they knew my name rang bells after that stunt no more test. My cousins lived there before we got there my grandmother right across the way in the Twin Tower buildings, PERFECT we were all together. We hung out all the time day in day out. I remember Saturday mornings went as followed, wake up bathroom freshen up, and Kitchen bowl of Captain Crunch, and channel 8 Saturday cartoons! Yessss, A kids dream. But, mom had chores for all of us and had to be done before we went outside mine were the bathroom and my room. But if it wasn’t done to her approval we had to do it again, needless to say I had to put the cleaning on repeat, I was a rebel and sneaky always trying to get away with a lot of shit. Now if Mami (grand mom) was crossing the field we all got to what business we had to handle we jumped up when we knew she was approaching the field, no questions asked, she didn’t play that she was strict as hell!!! We respected and feared her again 2nd Mom. I remember her little dresses and a belt on with her purse and on her side was my aunt who was mute for years because she witnessed the murder of her closes sister she was killed in front of her and died in her arms by her obsessed boyfriend, which now is free after a few yrs after, and married with a family. SMH

We always had fun as kids, teasing Big Lil Sis, riding our bikes with the crushed cans on the back tire, playing hide n seek in the tunnels under the buildings it was fun till we came out covered in fleas and lice, but didn’t matter we still went down there it was FUN. Me and TITO were the closest Nancy and Remy were the closet and Ralphy and Big LiL Sis were the closest, best friends we were to one another no one can separate us, Me and TITO I don’t know where to start, we did everything together climbed buildings threw rotted apples from the roof on Halloween robbed lil kids for their bags. On Halloween mischief night we had our supplies, tissue, rotted apples and eggs that we let sit in the sun for a few weeks before mischief night, the ticket for us was ding dong ditch, even played at the dump at seaside park with our dirt bikes riding the dirt mountains he would always come over to compete with me on Atari we had all the games and physically fought when ever either one of us lost..We always had so much fun together. He was my best friend; always there for me whenever. I felt like everyone was against me, He always ALWAYS had my back and showed me love no matter how much we fought. He taught me how to change a tire on a bike how to get channel 8 with aluminum foil and a wire hanger when our cable got shut off, so I can watch our Saturday morning cartoons, he also showed me