Falling Into Pieces

By Cassandra Hake

The perfect girl with a perfect life and a perfect boyfriend. That's how everybody sees Stella. Except Carter. Before he came along she always found herself struggling to please Remmie, and to just stay alive.

Now that Carter knows her secret. She finds herself drawn to him more. But is Stella strong enough to allow herself happiness?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Cassandra Hake
• Release date: Feb 15, 2014
• ISBN: 9780463827581

Book preview

Falling Into Pieces

Book One in The Shattered Series

Copyright © 2014 by Cassandra Hake

Smashwords Edition 2014

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Falling Into Pieces

Book One in The Shattered Series

Copyright © 2014 by Cassandra Hake

Smashwords Edition 2014

Cover Photo by Amanda Chrestenson

Cover Design by Curtis Hake, Hake Design and Illustration

Interior Design by Angela, Fictional Formats (http://www.facebook.com/FictionalFormats)

Editing by Meghan Tejero

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned or distributed in any printed or Electronic form without direct written permission from the author. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

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CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 7

CHAPTER 8

CHAPTER 9

CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER 12

CHAPTER 13

CHAPTER 14

CHAPTER 15

CHAPTER 16

CHAPTER 17

CHAPTER 18

CHAPTER 19

CHAPTER 20

To my daughter Gwendolyn, I love you. Thanks for believing in me and giving me the extra shove to step out of my comfort zone.

***

Breathe! Just breathe. This is what I have to tell myself every night. I woke up in a panic again, sweat pouring off my body. My sheets are in a mess on my bed, strewn everywhere trapping my legs. Nobody knows about my nightmares except for my best friend Dakota, she lives next door to me and we have been inseparable since the age of four.

Great! Now I am awake, and tomorrow is my first day of senior year. I have been having these dreams for awhile. At first, I would have them on occasion when I was thirteen after my dad suddenly dropped out of our lives. We haven’t heard from him since. Now I have dreams every night and I barely get any sleep. The dreams always vary from my dad beating my mom, to me making Remmie mad and then he just goes crazy.

Remmie and I have been dating for about a year now. He is so sweet. Well some of the time. Dakota has other feelings about him. Lately, Remmie has been really jealous anytime anyone talks to me. I haven’t told anyone, not even Dakota, but a couple of times he has either hit me or grabbed me really hard. I just laugh it off like he didn’t really mean it. He is under a lot of pressure. This is our senior year; he is trying to get a football scholarship and his parents are always breathing down his neck. Who wouldn’t be a little stressed? Plus, he is always so sorry after he hurts me. He promises that it won’t happen again and, well… I believe him.

I can never let my mom find out about the abuse. She would go ballistic! My dad used to beat the shit out of her towards the end of their marriage. I saw it happen a few times and my mom has told me over and over again not to ever let someone do that to me. Man, she would be so disappointed in me right now. I am disappointed in myself.

Fuck!, now I will never get back to sleep.

I get up out of bed and head to the bathroom. I hate looking at my reflection because all I notice are the bruises. The latest one, which runs along my ribcage, is still really sore and very noticeable. I rarely go swimming or wear revealing clothes. I turn on the faucet and run some cold water over my face so I’m more alert. Then I get out my makeup to try to cover up the bruises that my clothing won’t hide. A little bit of blush under my eye and I’m good to go.

I head back to my room to get dressed. I have to buy most of my clothes since my mom is only a teacher and raises three kids by herself. My little brother, Nicky, is Eleven and my sister, Kara, is about to turn fifteen. I work at the diner and do all I can to take care of them, since my mom is so busy working. My mom never likes accepting the money I make because I try and help out. Kara is always causing problems and getting into trouble. Ever since our dad left she started rebelling. I guess it’s just her way of dealing.

I pick out my favorite pair of jeans, a black tank top and these cute strappy sandals. I straighten my wavy blonde hair, which goes to the middle of my back. I grab my bag and everything I need for school, then climb out my window and walk over to Dakota’s house. I lift up her window, knowing she keeps it unlocked for our secret visits, and crawl inside. I walk over to her bed and lightly tap her. She doesn’t wake up. So I start to shake her and she shoots up and hits me in the ribs where my bruises are. I suck in a deep breath hoping she won’t catch on because she didn’t hit me that hard.

Jesus Christ, EL you scared the shit out of me! she said holding her hand to her chest.

Sorry, I couldn’t sleep, and I didn’t know what to do so I came over here.

That excited for school? I know you take it seriously but come on girl.

Shut up, I had another dream. And it’s my only way to college, and to get out of this place so why wouldn’t I take it seriously?

What happened this time?

Shit! I can’t tell her the dream was about Remmie and our last fight and my new bruises. So I am going to have to tell her it was about my mom and dad.

I sit on the edge of her bed with my head down and my hands fidgeting in my lap. God why am I so nervous? I have told her these dreams before I just don’t want her to know the secret I am hiding. The one that is eating me alive.

You know, my dad beating my mom. This one was intense. So real almost, like I was there. I felt like it was me he was beating, I whisper. I’m really hoping she didn’t hear me because then she will start being all detective-like and ask a lot of questions.

EL, you really need to go talk to someone. You shouldn’t be having these dreams all of the time. They are coming more often

I know she’s right but I can’t go talk to someone. I can’t tell them my secret. I just can’t! What am I going to do? I feel like I am drowning and I can’t tell anyone, not even to the one person I really want.

Dakota sits on the edge of the bed next to me and puts her arm around me. EL it will be ok. I promise, she whispers.

***

Dakota are you ready? We’re going to be late! I yell at her.

Hold your horses, EL I’m coming. I had to make sure I look perfect, she says laughing.

Oh my God, you know every guy will be trying to get your number. Especially since you and River broke up.

River was Dakota’s first love; they dated since her freshmen year. Dakota caught River cheating on her this summer. She was so devastated. I didn’t think she was ever going to recover, but she did. Thank God!

We ride in Dakota’s car to school because hers is so much nicer than mine. Dakota’s an only child and boy can you tell she is spoiled, but I still love her. Do we really have to go today? Look at this parking lot it’s so busy, I grumble.

Yes, stop being so grumpy just because you’re tired. I roll my eyes at her. She can be so annoying sometimes. LOOK!!! Dakota shouts startling me out of my seat.

What? I question. It’s Luke, she says in a breathy voice. Oh no! I think she’s falling in love again. I say this because even while Dakota and River were dating she was still looking and falling head over heels for all kinds of guys.

Isn’t he so dreamy? she asks, like as if everyone is drooling over him.

Umm… He’s not bad looking. Hey, who’s that guy with him?

He must be new. He’s cute EL don’t you think? Dakota asked suspiciously.

What? What are you thinking Dakota? I yell. Whatever you’re thinking just stop, because you know I have a boyfriend, Remmie. Remember?

Yes I remember and just because he is your boyfriend doesn’t mean that I like him. I’m always looking for a better guy for you, she states, as she gets out of the car.

Dakota and I don’t have any classes together until 5th period. That is so long away it’s only eight o’clock and my first class is Latin. Man, why am I taking Latin? Oh yeah, because I want to go to med school so I have to know this shit. Mr. Anderson teaches Latin and he is so boring. I think part of his degree was on how to be boring when you’re teaching a class. His voice is monotone. Come on dude; let’s be a little more exciting. He is very handsome though. I wonder if he’s single. I think he could be perfect for my mom. What an interesting idea.

Just as he starts to take attendance the door bursts open and in walks the guy from the parking lot with Luke. Hmm… I wonder what his story is. I can’t stop staring at him. I think every girl in the room is staring at him while he is talking to Mr. Anderson. He is very tall, with the perfect tan. I can see how intense his muscle tone is when his shirt rides up a little as he lifts his arms to rake his hands through his gorgeous brown hair. It’s cut short and spiked up. God, don’t even get me started on his eyes. They’re an intense shade of grey that just sucks you in. Shit. I’m starting to stare.

Just as he turns around our eyes lock and I instantly feel my face flush. Crap! He caught me staring at him. I look down quickly. Oh my fucking God, I can feel him walking right towards me! What am I going to do? I peek up at him, and of course he is sitting in the seat next to me. Stop freaking out Stella.

You have a boyfriend. Why are you acting like such an idiot? He’s still staring at me when I finally look over at him. He has a smug smile on his face like he knows that I was thinking his body is like sex on a stick. Yes, I would describe him like that. My mind has turned to mush. I’m just sitting here staring at him with my mouth wide open. I can’t seem to form a single sentence; ‘hello’ won’t even come out of my mouth.

Hi, I’m Carter, he says with a smile.

I can’t stop smiling. Talk you idiot! Say something. He is starting to look at you like you’re a freaking nut job. Hi, I’m Stella, but you can call me El, I spit out in a rush. My cheeks are on fire. I must look like a freak because he is still staring at me.

Hmm. Stella I think that’s what I’ll call you, he says with a smile.

For the next forty five minutes, while Mr. Anderson is going over what is expected in this class, I can feel his eyes on me. I peek up; glancing toward Carter. Yep, his eyes are staring at me. Oh those eyes. I have to quickly look down while I feel my face flushing.

Mr. Anderson dismisses class and I bolt for the door and rush to my locker. Just as I expected, Carter chases after me and stares while I undo my lock. Flustered, I look him in the eyes. I let out an exasperated sigh and say, What is it that you want?

To get to know you, he says with a sly smile.

Shit. My heart melts at the sight of his sexy little grin. My brain goes dead and I can’t think of anything to say. Think damn it! I uh, have a boyfriend. Crap. That is not what I wanted to come out.

Who said I was asking you out? he says with a chuckle.

Nobody. I just don’t get why you want to know me, when you can get to know hundreds of other students, and now I’m starting to ramble and sound like a complete idiot to some stranger I don’t even know. Great, now I’ve embarrassed myself and I think I’m drooling over him. I take a deep breath and say, I’m sorry. I’m just not really good at talking to new people.

He shakes his head while smiling and says, It’s fine. Trust me. So what are you doing for lunch today?

I’m uh, sitting with my best friend Dakota. Do you want to join us or something?

He smiles wickedly and says, Sure if that’s what you want. I’ll bring my buddy Luke with me. He turns around and struts off to his next class leaving me with my mouth hanging open. I swear it’s like he knows I’m watching him. Fuck! This is going to end badly.

***

I rush to the lunchroom where I meet Dakota at our table. She looks behind me to see if someone is chasing me. I quickly blurt, I invited Carter to sit with us at lunch today!

Her eyes get wide as she smacks the side of my arm. Did you not yell at me this morning for trying to get you two together?!

Shh. He’s bringing Luke so don’t get all annoyed like I did a bad thing. Her eyes widen and she lets out a high pitched squeal and a wide grin takes over her face.

Luke?!?! Oh my God! How’s my hair? Does my breath stink? Do I look okay? I laugh at her as she freaks out. Then reality smacks me in the damn face.

Shit! I yell a little louder than I intended.

What? What is it? What’s wrong? she asks me nervously.

Remmie! He’s going to flip! When he sees them sitting with us. I can’t believe I forgot about him. My mood suddenly shifts from nervously excited, to nervously scared. So does Dakota’s. She realizes what a dumbass I am. I see her looking over my shoulder so I turn my head and see Carter, Luke, and Remmie all walking over here at the same time. Crap!

Remmie gets here first and takes the seat next to me. I feel a pang of guilt wash over me. Part of me hoped Carter would make it here first and sit by me.

Hey baby, Remmie says and gives me what looks like a long, deep, passionately romantic kiss, but he’s actually shoving his tongue down my throat for a full minute. I can feel Luke, Carter, and Dakota’s eyes on us.

If you would have taken a picture of that moment, it would look like we were the perfect, average American high school couple. Who are deeply in love? But beneath all that there’s the awkward intense moments, the fights, overly protectiveness, and emptiness. I love Remmie. I really do. It’s just ever since he started, you know, hurting me I’ve been feeling empty about everything inside. Luke and Carter sit down across from me and Dakota.

Remmie finally decides to stop shoving his tongue down my throat when he realizes that I have stopped kissing him. What’s wrong babe don’t you want…, he says suddenly stopping mid-sentence noticing that Luke and Carter are at our table.

Umm, Carter, Luke, this is Remmie my boyfriend, I stutter out.

Nice to meet you man, Carter spits out.

Ah yeah, you too Remmie seethes. Man he is pissed. I can tell his whole demeanor is different.

Carter just moved here. We have Latin together! I say this a little too excitedly. I can tell by the gaping expression on Dakota’s face.

I have to go! Remmie yells, stands up and rushes for the doors that go outside. Shit, he is not happy. As I sit there for a minute I literally have a war going on inside my head. Do I go or stay? Carter is so cute. His cute little smile is just staring at me. By now