Best-Kept Secrets

By Daisy Jordan

At the end of sophomore year, Jill, Hilton, and Lorylyn made a pact to live their lives to the fullest over the summer, and they set out to do exactly that. As Brady and Brooke take a whirlwind tour through Spain and Portugal, the girls, now honed and accomplished liars, spend more and more drunken nights at Landon's and feel less and less guilty about deceiving their parents. Hilton's relationship with Landon takes on a new intensity. Jill, devastated by the gap between herself and Todd that’s been created by his relationship with Melanie, gets caught up in a fast and reckless summer fling with a flirtatious, charming boy. Lorylyn struggles with her still very-present feelings for Brady, and Hillary appears suddenly and inexplicably bored with Dirk, although she claims it's really no big deal.

While everyone outwardly parties the summer away and puts on the pretense of being happy, tumultuous forces with the power to change everything are stirring and building behind the scenes...Brady's constant thoughts of Lorylyn, Kara and Andy's budding relationship, Melanie's growing jealousy of Jill, and destructive, devastating secrets kept by one person and by groups of people — secrets no one else could even begin to imagine.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Daisy Jordan
• Release date: Jul 30, 2011
• ISBN: 9781466058811

Daisy Jordan

I am a YA and adult fiction author currently living in Fort Myers, Florida. My books include YA and general fiction, mostly about relationships and everyday life, with some extra plot twists thrown in for fun! My characters reappear from one novel to the next, and even when they're not main characters in the current book, you can still get updates on their lives. I love writing because I get to capture emotions people feel in everyday life and play with my readers' emotions! ;) I write characters people can relate to, and I almost always end a book with a cliffhanger to keep my readers coming back. Plus, life is always better with a little suspense! ;)

Book preview

chapter 1) landon’s... last day of school

That night Jill got really drunk for the first time in her life. She’d been kind of drunk after BC won the basketball sectional in March, but it’d been nothing compared to this. She and Hilton and Lorylyn went early to the party, and by the time Todd and Melanie showed up around 7:30, Jill was already on her third beer. The most she’d drunk in a night before was four. She’d thought it would help...that it’d take the edge off seeing the two of them together...but it didn’t. It just made her want to drink more, as fast as she could.

She’d gotten used to seeing them together at school, but this was different. This was summer now, and it was Landon’s. Last summer Landon’s parties had been the best thing on Earth, and Landon’s lake was filled with memories of tan bodies whipping across sparkling blue water on large sun-warmed black tubes. Last summer when she was at Landon’s, Todd was her other half. Back then, hope had still been alive...her dreams had soared as high as the glistening sun, and she’d been in love.

She was still in love, but now, instead of the summer ahead overflowing with promise and romance and excitement, it beckoned like a long finger of doom reaching out to encircle her and pull her into a swirling gray mist until she could no longer see the outside world. But that was okay...she didn’t really want to see it anyway.

***

Lorylyn sat on the picnic table between Jill and Hilton, dreading the moment Brady and Brooke would arrive. She tried not to look toward the side of the house where they’d come around from the driveway, but every few seconds her eyes were drawn back to that spot as if by a magnet.

She knew she should make an effort to do what Hilton had said...try to have a good time without Brady and not sit around waiting for him to realize he’d made a mistake. She knew Hilton was right; that was the only way she could start to move on or be happy.

But she didn’t want to move on. She didn’t want to give up on him, to stop loving him. Because even though she knew there was no way she could be with him right now, there was still something inside her that told her he was The One. She’d been in love with him ever since she met him, and things had been so perfect for so long. She knew she couldn’t have been completely wrong about what they’d had together...could she?

So even if she couldn’t imagine being with him now, and maybe not ever, she wasn’t ready to be over what they’d had. No matter how much it hurt, she had to dwell on it...she had to traumatize herself with its absence for a little longer.

***

You guys look so bummed, Hilton said sympathetically. Her heart was ripping in two; she couldn’t stand for her best friends to be so sad. Do you wanna leave? I’ll go with you. We can go to my house.

No, Jill said quickly and adamantly. I wanna stay.

Okay. Well...come on then. Hilton grinned a little. Landon got us something. She jumped off the picnic table and reached out her hand.

Jill and Lorylyn looked at her dubiously, then Jill took her hand and climbed down to follow, glancing in Todd’s direction. Lorylyn climbed down too, still looking miserable.

Hilton linked her arms through theirs and walked toward the house with a bounce in her step. She saw Jill glance in Todd’s direction again then turn her head quickly so her brown hair fell in front of her eyes, blocking her view of him.

What’d he get us? Jill asked.

Hilton grinned conspiratorially. Rum. Captain Morgan. We can take shots.

Really? Jill looked interested. Have you had it before? Is it good? I’ve never had a shot of anything.

Yeah, I had it once, like two summers ago. I loved it. It’s like the only shot I’ve ever tried that I really liked. I asked Landon to get us some special for tonight. So we have a whole bottle, just for the three of us.

Yay! Jill said, and Hilton squeezed her elbow. She knew Jill was trying to force herself to be cheerful. But that was good...because it might actually help her feel that way. Lorylyn, on the other hand, wasn’t even making an effort.

When they stepped into the kitchen, it was deserted. Hilton opened the freezer and pulled out the bottle of Captain. It’s not too cold yet, but it should be okay. She stood on her tiptoes and opened a high cupboard next to the fridge, from which she pulled three shot glasses.

I don’t think I want one, Lorylyn said, standing with her back against the sink and her arms crossed.

Oh, come on, Lor...it’ll be fun. If you really don’t want to, you don’t have to, but is this how you want Brady to see you when he gets here? Like you’re so bummed out you can’t even try to have a good time? Wouldn’t you rather him see you looking like you’re having fun?

Lorylyn finally met Hilton’s eyes. You’re right, she said. I don’t want him to see me like this.

Hilton smiled happily. Good! She poured the shots and handed one to each girl. What should we toast to?

I liked the one we did before, about Brady dying in Spain, Jill said with a small smile.

Lorylyn smiled back for a second, then looked down. Okay.

They raised their shot glasses and held them together. To Brady dying in Spain! Hilton said triumphantly.

All three girls met each other’s eyes and giggled, then Hilton raised her shot glass to her mouth and tipped her head back. Jill and Lorylyn, who had never done it before, followed her lead.

As Hilton brought her head back up, she saw Jill and Lorylyn both shudder and stick out their tongues. She giggled. Like it?

It’s hot! Jill said. Like in your throat, I mean. She stuck her tongue out again and made a face.

Want another one? Hilton asked, pouring one for herself.

Jill and Lorylyn both handed their glasses over, and Hilton grinned at them.

This time they all took it at once, and Hilton could tell the second one went down a lot easier for Jill and Lorylyn.

That was so fun! Hilton giggled. We’ll do another one later.

***

Lorylyn and Jill were sitting together on the stone wall talking and watching Hilton dance with Landon when Todd approached.

Hey, Jilly Bean. Hey, Lorylyn. What’s up? he asked casually, grinning easily at both of them and taking a sip of beer. He was wearing a Hawaiian swimsuit and a tight white T-shirt. He was tan from baseball season and his light brown hair fell across his eyes in that adorable way. He reached out and ruffled Jill’s hair.

Jill ducked out of the way without meeting his eyes. Hey, she said uninterestedly, looking up in the direction of the grill. She knew she was drunk now, and she was liking the bold, careless feeling it gave her. Still ignoring Todd, she pointed up by the grill and grinned at Lorylyn. Look, there’s Detter. She jumped confidently off the wall and walked away without looking back, hoping Todd would be upset she’d ignored him and jealous she’d rather talk to Detter.

Todd looked after her as he hopped up beside Lorylyn. What’s up with that? Detter?

They’ve been like emailing and dancing at the dances all year, Lorylyn said airily. Didn’t you know?

Oh...no.

Where’s Melanie? Lorylyn asked coldly, her eyes following Jill. Jill sidled up next to Detter and leaned into him, saying something. It looked like they smiled at each other, then Jill took his hand and led him to the patio.

What? Todd asked, looking from Jill back to Lorylyn. Oh, she went in to use the bathroom.

Oh, so you’re bored enough to come talk to your old friends now? Lorylyn asked, then laughed awkwardly, realizing she was being kind of bitchy and trying to make it sound like a joke.

Todd laughed and elbowed her. So, any new guys in your life? She could tell he was looking at Brady and Brooke as they danced on the edge of the patio.

Lorylyn wanted to cry. Luckily, she saw Hilton headed their way. She waited for Hilton and didn’t respond to Todd’s question.

Lorylyn! Hilton held out her hands and Lorylyn grabbed them as she jumped off the wall in relief. Come with me! Let’s dance!

Oh, fine, Todd said, pretending to be mad. Leave me here by myself. I see how it is.

Sorry, Todd! Hilton called over her shoulder, then grabbed Lorylyn’s hand again and ran toward the house. Sorry, I had to get you away from him! You didn’t look like you were having fun! she said, turning to face Lorylyn with wide eyes as they reached the patio.

Lorylyn could tell Hilton was drunk, and suddenly she realized she was pretty drunk herself. All the unhappiness that had been weighing her down all night dissolved, and as she stared at Hilton’s solemn expression, laughter bubbled up inside her and came spilling out.

Hilton stared at her a moment, then she burst out laughing too. Come on, let’s dance! She raised her hand that was still holding Lorylyn’s, and Lorylyn spun in a circle. When they faced each other again, they laughed even harder.

Oh, look, look! Hilton practically shouted, pointing. They’re gonna make out!

Lorylyn followed her finger and saw Jill and Detter rocking playfully from side to side, their bodies pressed close together and their faces only inches apart. Jill raised her eyebrows as if teasing him, and Detter suddenly leaned in and kissed her.

They stopped dancing, and Jill rose on her toes and tightened her arms around his neck.

Lorylyn and Hilton looked at each other again, then Hilton squealed and jumped up and down, clapping her hands. Yay! Her caramel-colored eyes exuded excitement. Her grin was contagious, as always, and Lorylyn felt drunkenly happy.

***

When Detter kissed Jill, her whole body shuddered. It was amazing...breathtaking, hungry, sexy...and her first real kiss with a boy. She couldn’t believe it. A boy she liked, the only other boy she’d want to kiss besides Todd, was kissing her. Finally, finally, it was happening for her.

At first she was nervous, afraid he’d think she was a bad kisser, but he kept kissing her and she forgot about being nervous. She hadn’t even kissed anyone since she’d broken up with Bennett. And Jill didn’t consider making out with Bennett a real kiss. She hadn’t even liked him; she’d just forced herself to do it, hoping to feel whatever it was her friends described feeling when they kissed guys, but she never did. She’d felt it kissing Todd in spin the bottle, but that didn’t count either...it was never a real kiss. But now it was finally real.

Part of her was torn and confused...how could she feel this excitement with Detter? She’d wanted her first real kiss to be with Todd. But Todd was with Melanie now. And she’d always thought Detter was so cute. She’d just never even thought about dating him or kissing him because she knew she could never date anyone else while Todd was a possibility.

But now he wasn’t. And Detter might actually like her. She still couldn’t believe it. She was kissing...no, making out with...a guy she liked. She’d really started to think it would never happen. And Detter didn’t even feel like a second choice. He just felt like a different choice.

***

Landon! Hilton said in an exaggerated whisper. Can I talk to you?

He was standing around in the yard talking to some other guys. He said something to them that Hilton couldn’t really focus on, then he took her hand and led her a few yards away.

Landon, I’m sooooo sorry I ditched you. But Jill and Lorylyn really needed me tonight. You know? So I wanted to hang out with them. And Lorylyn’s just in the bathroom right now, but I just wanted to make sure you’re not mad at me.

Landon laughed and put his arms around her waist. Of course I’m not mad, babe. You’re so drunk.

"Sssshhh, Landon, I am not drunk, Hilton said. Then she giggled and put her arms around his neck. Okay, I’m drunk. She stood on her tiptoes to whisper in his ear. You’re so hot." She smiled at him.

So are you. I love you.

Hilton pulled back a little, surprise cutting through her inebriated mind. What? You love me? We’ve never said that before.

Landon pulled her close again. Yeah, well maybe I’m a little drunk too. He grinned at her, their foreheads almost touching.

Awww, I love you too! Hilton said, excitement bubbling up inside. She couldn’t believe it! This was amazing. It was everything she’d ever wanted for as long as she could remember. I love you a lot. She knew there wasn’t anything she could say that would fully express everything she was feeling at this moment, and part of her was sober enough to know not to go over the top. After all, he was drunk, and he probably wouldn’t have said it otherwise.

She saw Lorylyn coming back and pulled Landon’s face down to hers for a kiss. It lasted a few seconds, then Hilton turned to go back and dance some more. Bye, hon! She smiled at him over her shoulder. As she walked back she looked up at the sky, rolling her eyes and sighing in pure bliss. She wanted to giggle and scream and jump around in a circle. How adorable was he?!

***

Awhile later Landon stood on the picnic table bench and announced spin the bottle.

Hilton, still dancing with Lorylyn, whirled around in alarm. "No, Landon! No spin the bottle!"

People were already spreading out in the grass to make a circle, and Hilton cut through them to Landon. Landon! We can’t play spin the bottle. Lorylyn-

"I am not playing spin the bottle! Lorylyn announced loudly. She had followed Hilton. I hate spin the bottle!"

Ssshhh, hon, it’s okay. We just won’t play, Hilton said, putting her arm around Lorylyn and looking back up at Landon. We’re not gonna play.

Okay, do you want me not to play? Landon asked, looking at Lorylyn with a concerned expression.

No, no, it’s your party, go play! Hilton waved him away. It’s okay. We’ll just keep dancing. We’re the dancing queens. She giggled suddenly, pleased with her joke, and Lorylyn giggled too.

Okay, dancing queens, Landon said, amused. Dance the night away.

We will! Lorylyn said, happy again. Come on, Hilton! She grabbed Hilton’s arm and led her back toward the patio.

They came face-to-face with Jill and Detter, who were going to join the circle.

Jill! Hilton cried eagerly. We’re not playing. Come be dancing queens with us!

Okay! Jill said, sharing a silly grin with them.

Hilton saw Detter glance at Jill, then at the circle on the grass.

Come with us, Detter, Hilton said, grabbing his arm. You can be a dancing queen too!

Detter smiled, looking glad to stay with Jill but a little unsure of how to react to Hilton.

Come on! Hilton encouraged. Come with us! She led them back to the patio and turned the stereo all the way up.

They formed a circle with their arms around each other and swayed exaggeratedly to the music. Hilton started doing mini can-cans into the middle of their circle. Jill and Lorylyn burst out laughing, then joined her.

Come on, Detter! Jill said.

No, no, that’s not for me. He laughed.

The girls all giggled again and continued their mini can-cans, laughing hysterically every time they kicked each other.

***

Why do you keep looking up there? Melanie asked. She and Todd were sitting with their backs to the stone wall, and Todd was paying more attention to the foursome on the patio than to spin the bottle.

What? He looked at Melanie in surprise, like his mind was somewhere else. I just can’t believe Jill got drunk. I’ve never seen her like this before.

She doesn’t normally get drunk?

She’s never been drunk that I know of. He was looking up there again.

Melanie was surprised. She’d thought Jill was probably a big partier...she knew Jill was always out here at Landon’s. Oh...well why does that matter?

It doesn’t, I guess. It’s just weird. What’s the deal with her and Detter, anyway? That’s totally random. I didn’t even know they knew each other.

Well, I guess they do, Melanie said, a little irritated. Why did he have to be so focused on Jill? That’s all she’d heard about when she first started dating him; whenever Todd told a story, Jill was somehow involved. Melanie had known they were best friends and hung out all the time; she’d actually thought at the beginning of last school year that they were dating since they were always together in the hallways and next to each other in the lunch line. Then after Kelsey had started dating Bennett, Kels had gone on and on about how cool Jill was and how cute of a couple Jill and Todd would make. Melanie could tell Kelsey really looked up to Jill, but Melanie hadn’t ever really talked to Jill that much. Then second semester, Melanie, Kelsey, and Jill had all sat at the same lunch table on green days, and Jill had seemed really nice and fun. When Kelsey had first tried to set Melanie up with Todd, Melanie had been shocked. What about Jill? she’d asked.

Well...she swears she doesn’t like him, and I really don’t think he likes her either, Kelsey had said, as if baffled but resigned that it would never work out. But Ty said Todd thinks you’re hot.

So of course Melanie had agreed to go out with him, because he was unbelievably gorgeous, but she’d always been intimidated by his friendship with Jill. She’d never asked him about it, and she knew he hadn’t hung out with Jill as much on the weekends since they’d started dating. But for a while he’d still sat by Jill in advanced computers instead of by her, and when he’d finally told her to come sit with them, she’d felt completely out of place. Jill was really nice to her, but it still felt weird and intimidating. And it had bothered her that Todd would sit there and email both of them during class. She wanted him to only email her. She knew he and Jill had probably been doing it all year, but why did he have to keep being such good friends with Jill? Melanie wanted that with him; she wanted to be his best friend. She’d just sort of assumed he wouldn’t keep things up with Jill if he really liked her...but that hadn’t been the case.

She was glad Jill had this thing with Detter that Todd didn’t know about; it was a sign maybe Jill and Todd were finally starting to not be so close. But she wished Todd didn’t care so much about it.

***

Brady was having a staring problem too.

What is up with Lorylyn, anyway? Brooke asked disgustedly. "She’s being so dumb tonight. Did you hear her? Like, ‘I am not playing spin the bottle. I hate spin the bottle.’ " Brooke wrinkled her nose and shot a dirty look in Lorylyn’s direction. Why couldn’t Brady just forget about her?!

Huh? I don’t know, Brady said. I’ve never seen her get so drunk before.

How do you even know she’s drunk?

I just know. She wouldn’t act like that if she wasn’t.

Well, she’s probably just having a good time, Brooke said in an irritated tone, annoyed now that Brady seemed worried about Lorylyn’s behavior rather than seeing what a fool she was making of herself. Can you believe we’re leaving for Spain in like, a week?! she asked excitedly, changing her tactic. Maybe she could just get him focused back on her. She looked up at him with her dark brown eyes, waiting for his response. Finally he smiled down at her.

I know. It’s gonna be one hell of a good time.

Yeah. Just make sure you sit next to me on the plane, okay? Brooke gave him a sassy grin. And ask for a blanket.

Brady grinned back. Daaamn! he said, rolling his eyes up into his head. Isn’t it like a six-hour flight?

Eight hours. Brooke’s eyes twinkled.

***

Oh my gosh, you guys, I am so tired, Lorylyn said later. She and Jill and Hilton were still dancing in a circle. Detter had left about half an hour ago. I can’t believe how much we’ve danced tonight.

Oh- Jill said suddenly, then paused for a moment, touching her hand to her throat. Oh, I’m gonna puke. She turned and ran for the house.

Hilton and Lorylyn ran after her. Hilton rushed into the bathroom first, falling to her knees beside Jill, who was already perched in front of the toilet. She grabbed Jill’s hair and turned back to Lorylyn.

I’ve got her, Lor. Don’t worry. Just go lay down on the couch or something.

Are you sure?

Yeah. Hilton had already turned back to Jill. Hey, hon, it’s gonna be okay, all right? Just do it; you’ll feel better.

When it was over, Jill sat with her back against the bathtub, exhausted. Thanks so much, Hilton. She shook her head. I’m so sorry.

Hey, it’s okay. Hilton laughed. I did it the first time I drank a lot too. Don’t worry about it.

I feel so stupid though.

No one even knows. They’re all still outside, and a lot of people left. At least you waited till Detter left. She grinned.

Jill grinned back weakly, then rolled her eyes happily. Oh my gosh, Hilton, I can’t believe I made out with him.

So how was it?!

Oh my gosh, it was so awesome.

Yay, Jilly! Hilton clapped her hands. I’m so happy we both had such an awesome night!

Why was yours so awesome? Jill asked with a curious smile.

Hilton’s grin was so big she could barely get the words out. Landon told me he loves me!

WHAT?! Oh my gosh, Hilton, that’s huge! Aww! Congratulations! That’s so exciting!

I know! I can’t believe it! I mean, he was drunk, and I don’t think he would’ve said it if he wasn’t, but still...I can’t believe it! She giggled giddily.

Jill grinned back. It was the happiest and most excited she’d ever seen Hilton. Aww, I’m so happy for you!

I know! And I’m happy for you too!

I know!

They giggled again and hugged each other.

chapter 2) ecstasy

When Jill woke up, she had no idea where she was. She rubbed her eyes and looked around in confusion, squinting at the bright sunlight streaming in the windows. Then suddenly she jumped up from the recliner, looking around in panic. Oh shit! Lorylyn? Shit!

She ran into the kitchen to look at the microwave. 11:34. Oh shit. She hadn’t even told her parents she was staying at Hilton’s last night...they would’ve been expecting her home! And now she probably couldn’t even use the excuse of going to Hilton’s and it being too late to call, because her parents had probably already called there looking for her. Oh…shit. What the hell was she going to do? If they found out she’d stayed at Landon’s, they’d probably never let her come back here. She was going to be in so much trouble. And where the hell was Lorylyn? The last thing Jill remembered was leaving the bathroom with Hilton and going back outside to talk to Landon. Lorylyn had been sleeping on the couch...and then she didn’t remember anything after that.

Just then she heard a door open down the hallway. A moment later Hilton came into the living room in a huge BC basketball T-shirt that barely covered her tiny yellow shorts, yawning and stretching lazily, her overnight bag over her shoulder. Her long honey-colored hair was mussed from sleep, but she still looked perfect. She smiled. Morning, Jilly.

Hilton, I’m in so much trouble! Jill’s eyes were wide. What did you tell your parents?! You didn’t tell them you were staying at my house, did you? Oh my gosh, we’re so screwed!

No we’re not, we stayed at Hillary’s, Hilton said with a laugh.

Jill narrowed her eyes in confusion. What?

Yeah, we called our parents and told them we were staying at Hillary’s.

Oh my gosh, I called my parents?! Oh no, they had to know I was drunk; it was probably like three in the morning!

Hilton laughed again. Jill, it was like midnight.

Jill’s jaw dropped.

Yeah, Jilly, you were gone. We started early. Hilton sank down on the couch and curled her legs up, dropping her bag on the floor.

Wow, I can’t believe I was that drunk by midnight. Did I sound okay when I talked to my parents? She gave Hilton a worried look.

Yeah, you were fine. Trust me, I was right there.

Okay. Jill still sounded a little worried. Oh my gosh, I just can’t believe that...that was a crazy night.

Hell yeah it was! Detter... Hilton grinned wickedly.

Aahh! Jill squealed. I know. I still can’t believe that. It seems like a dream or something.

Well, trust me...it was real. I saw with my own eyes. Hilton grinned again.

Hey, what happened to Lorylyn?

I don’t know. She was passed out on the couch the last time I saw her. Somebody must’ve given her a ride home.

Just then Landon came into the living room, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

Morning, Hilton said to him with a sly smile. He looked at her, and they shared a private grin, then Hilton ran over to kiss him.

Jill suddenly wondered if they’d had sex last night. That would be huge! Just the way they were looking at each other…and Landon had told her he loved her…maybe they had! She couldn’t wait to talk to Hilton alone.

All right, baby, we’re gonna take off, Hilton said, stepping back from Landon’s embrace. Call me later, okay?

Okay. Bye, babe. They smiled that smile at each other again, then Hilton picked up her bag and grabbed Jill’s arm, and they left through the front door.

As they walked to their cars in the grass, Jill turned to Hilton eagerly. Did you guys have sex?!

What?! No! No, we didn’t even do anything. I passed out.

Oh...I just thought maybe you guys did ‘cause you were looking at each other like you did or something. Jill was kind of disappointed. She’d been hoping to hear all about it.

No, no. I don’t think that’s really happening anytime soon. It was just such a good night though. Aahh, I’m so excited! Hilton opened her car door.

Yeah...it was a freakin’ crazy start to the summer!

They grinned at each other again, both thinking their own private thoughts about the night before, then Hilton slid into her car.

Bye, Jilly!

***

How was Hillary’s? Jill’s mom asked when Jill got home. Did you girls have fun?

Yeah, it was a blast! Jill said in a cheerful tone, her stomach twisting a little at the lie. She hated to lie to her parents. But last night really had been a blast; she didn’t have to fake the bright mood.

Good. Well, I’ve got some burgers going if you wanna come down and eat out by the pool with us.

Okay! Let me just change and I’ll be right down. Jill raced up the stairs, shut her door, and dialed Lorylyn’s number.

Hey! she said in a half whisper when Lorylyn answered. What happened to you?! When did you leave Landon’s?

Um, like 1:30 or two.

Who took you home?

Kevin. I woke up and he was leaving, so he said he’d take me.

Kevin? That’s random. Weren’t you worried your parents would find out you were drinking?!

No, I knew they’d be in bed. I just went right to my room and went to bed. I just didn’t really wanna sleep on the couch, you know. So I wanted to go home.

Yeah, but didn’t you call last night and say you were staying at Hill’s?

Yeah, but this morning I just told them I was tired and you guys were gonna stay up all night, so you dropped me off on your way.

I still can’t believe Kevin took you home. That’s weird.

Well, he was just on his way out, and I happened to wake up. He was just being nice.

***

While Jill was outside eating lunch, the phone rang. It was barely audible.

Her mom looked around. Oh, Jill, I forgot the portable. Could you go answer?

I’ll get it! Winnie yelled, running for the door.

No, I got it! Jill said, beating Winnie by inches and shoving through the door ahead of her. Winnie pouted, and Jill made a face at her through the screen, then ran into the kitchen to pick up the phone. Hello?

Jill? Hey, what’s up?

Her breath caught in her throat. It was Todd. She’d thought it would be Hillary wanting to talk about last night, and she’d wanted to make sure she was first to the phone so no one else overheard anything on another extension before hanging up. But she had definitely not expected to hear Todd’s voice.

Um...hey, she said finally, flipping her hair out of her face.

Todd paused, as if waiting for her to continue. When she didn’t, he said, Yeah, hey, well I was just callin’ to make sure you were okay and everything.

Um...yeah, I’m fine. Why?

I’ve just never seen you get that drunk before. He laughed. It was pretty funny.

Jill felt her stomach tighten in anger. Jerk! She’d wanted to make him jealous, and he’d been laughing at her. How do you even know I was that drunk? she snapped. I barely even talked to you.

Hey, sorry, don’t get pissed. It wasn’t funny in a bad way. I’m proud of you, Jilly.

Jill was fuming. She didn’t want him to be proud of her. Thanks, she snapped sarcastically.

Dude, Jill, don’t take it the wrong way. Sorry, okay? I didn’t mean anything by it. Now he sounded annoyed. She didn’t want that. She didn’t want to drive him away. Even though something had happened with Detter, she still needed to hang out with Todd. She had a sudden overwhelming desire to do something with him as soon as possible.

Hey, what are you doing today? she asked.

Um...nothin’ right now.

Do you wanna come over? My family’s cooking out and hanging around the pool and stuff.

All right...sure, I guess I can come. Give me like twenty minutes, okay?

Okay! See ya then. She hung up. That had been so spontaneous. As she thought about it, a slow smile spread across her face. This was perfect. She had a little thing with Detter now, but she could still hang out with Todd and make him think she was totally cool with them just being best friends. And she loved that he was impulsively coming over...she wondered what Melanie would think of that. Or of the fact that he’d called to check on her. She smiled happily as she went back outside. Yep, freakin’ crazy, she thought to herself with a giggle.

***

Later that night Landon went over to Hilton’s house to hang out. Around ten they decided to go to the video store, and Landon was unusually silent during the ride. Hilton felt like he was lost in his own thoughts. Now that she thought about it, he kind of had been all night, but it hadn’t been as noticeable when they were eating dinner and watching TV with her parents.

Hey, are you okay? she asked, touching his arm and trying to peer at him in the dark Jeep.

Yeah, I’m fine, he said, looking her way.

You just seem kinda out of it or something.

Sorry, I don’t mean to. I was just wondering how much you remember from last night.

Oh, I remember it all. Hilton smiled to herself, wondering if he thought she didn’t remember him saying he loved her.

Oh. Now he sounded nervous. He was silent for a moment. So, I guess this is kinda embarrassing, but I meant everything I said. He stared straight ahead at the road.

Hilton’s heart melted and she reached out to touch his arm again. Why is that embarrassing?! She laughed a little, wishing she could hug him. He was so cute. I said it too. She squeezed his elbow.

Well, yeah, but you were pretty drunk.

What, did you think I just said it ‘cause you did? Or ‘cause I felt like I had to or something?

Um...yeah. He still didn’t look at her.

Oh my gosh, are you kidding me, Landon? I totally meant it. I meant it so much. I’m like, head-over-heels in love with you.

Finally he turned to look at her. Really? He sounded shocked, and she could tell he was raising his eyebrows.

"Yes! What did you think? We’ve been together a long time now. Did you think I just kind of liked you or something?"

Well, I thought you liked me, but I didn’t think you loved me. That’s why I never told you before.

Aww, you wanted to tell me before?

Um, yeah, like a long time ago.

Awwww...Landon, of course I love you! I can’t believe you would think I didn’t.

Well, it’s just like, you’re way out of my league. I feel lucky just that you’d even date me.

Awww! Hilton knew she kept saying that, but she didn’t know what else to say. He was soooo adorable, so perfect. Landon, stop the car.

He looked at her in alarm. What?

Just stop the car for a sec. She grinned into the darkness.

Um...okay... Landon pulled to the side of the empty street and looked at Hilton, confused.

Hilton threw open her door and jumped down onto the street, a feeling of excitement and freedom flowing through her. Come on, get out!

He got out and came around to her side of the car. What’s-

Before he could finish, Hilton’s mouth was on his and her arms were wrapped tightly around his neck. She kissed him passionately and pressed as close to him as she could, never wanting to let go. He responded naturally, locking his arms around her waist and holding on as tightly as she was. It felt so good...she wanted to be in his arms like this forever.

Finally she pulled back slightly and looked into his eyes. "Of course I love you, Landon. I love you so much. And I can’t believe you would ever date me."

Landon grinned and pulled her back against him. Yeah, right. He kissed her again.

When they finally returned to the car, Hilton felt light and happy and completely and utterly fulfilled. She was in love, and the boy she was in love with loved her back. It was the best, most amazing thing she’d ever experienced. She hadn’t even known she could feel this way; she hadn’t been missing it because she hadn’t realized it existed. But now that she had it, it was like she’d been raised to this never-before-seen level of peace and serenity and...ecstasy. It was without a doubt the best moment of her life.

chapter 3) looking at a lie

So what are we doing about Cedar Point this year? Jill asked the next afternoon. Hilton, Hillary, and Lorylyn were over and they were all four lying on rafts in Jill’s pool.

Well... Hillary said. My birthday’s Thursday, and Lorylyn’s is Saturday...so do you wanna go like Thursday and Friday? It’ll be too crowded on the weekend.

That’s fine, Hilton said, dragging her fingers through the water. But like who’s going?

I have no idea, Lorylyn said listlessly.

Let’s just do a girls’ trip, Hilton suggested. The four of us.

Hell no! Hillary said. There’s no way I’m giving up being in a hotel with Dirk.

Hill! Jill exclaimed, shooting her a look. What was Hillary thinking?! It was Lorylyn’s birthday too, and she wouldn’t have a guy to take.

No, it’s fine, Lorylyn said. Whatever. I don’t care. It’s fine, seriously. Let’s take the boys.

Well, let’s think about it, Hilton said. Who could we take that didn’t go last year?

Detter, Lorylyn said.

Oh, no, Jill said quickly. I’m sure he wouldn’t wanna go. I haven’t even talked to him since Landon’s.

I think, Hilton said with a smile at the water, that it should be us four, Dirk, Landon, Todd, and Bennett. That’d be fun.

And not invite Melanie? Jill grinned. That would be fun. I’d feel bad not inviting Kels though.

Would you even want Todd to go? Hillary asked.

Yeah, she would, Hilton said with a grin at Jill.

Yeah, Jill said, trying to play it cool. We still hang out. He came over to hang out with my family yesterday. She said the last part proudly, wanting to show off how good of friends she and Todd still were and what a connection they had. When Todd had been here, it had been perfect. It had made Jill think about what it would be like if she and Todd got married someday. He just fit into her family so naturally and got along with everyone so well. He had joked around with Winnie, who absolutely drooled over him, and played basketball with Aaron in the driveway. It’d felt like he was her boyfriend. There was no way he’d ever have that with Melanie...right? How could he not see that? It was just all so crazy.

Hey, what about Doug? Hilton asked. You know, Todd’s friend from SRT freshman year? He was cool.

Yeah! Jill said eagerly. Whatever happened to him, anyway? I haven’t seen him since like, him and Rachel broke up.

When did they break up? Lorylyn asked. Did you hang out with them or something?

Just a couple times at Bennett’s last year. And at Pizza Hut…over fall break, remember? I think they broke up like, over Christmas. ‘Cause they weren’t together second semester during gymnastics.

Oh, Lorylyn said. I didn’t even realize that.

I had class with him this year, Hillary said. He and Dirk hang out sometimes.

See, it’s perfect then! Hilton said. Let’s ask those four boys. Dirk, Landon, Todd, and Doug.

Lorylyn brightened a little. Okay.

***

So my dad wants you to come over for dinner some night, Melanie told Todd. They were at his house watching TV. He always cooks on Thursdays. It’s like his big thing. She smiled. When her parents had gotten divorced a few years ago, she and her two sisters and their dad had had to learn to manage on their own, which at first meant fast food every weeknight. Finally they’d gone out and gotten a cookbook, and her dad had learned to make a few different things. He sometimes had to work late, but on Thursdays he always left right at five, and it was their family dinner night.

Oh, well I can’t this Thursday. Do you think it’d be okay to wait till next week?

Yeah, sure. Why, do you have a baseball game or something?

No, I’m going to Cedar Point.

Oh, really? I’ve never been! I wanna go so bad! Who are you going with?

Like everybody. It’s for Lorylyn and Hillary’s birthday.

What? Melanie felt the jealousy bubble up and tried desperately to swallow it back down. So who’s all going?

Like Hill, Lor, Dirk, Jill, Hilton, Landon, and Doug I guess.

Oh.

Hey, it’s no big deal. Don’t feel bad. It’s not like you weren’t invited or something; it’s just like something we do every year. Bennett and Kelsey aren’t going either. Like Brady went last year, so I guess that’s why Doug’s going now. I don’t know if Lorylyn likes him or what.

Oh, well that’s cool. She tried to keep her voice level, but she felt like she wanted to cry. How was she ever supposed to compete with Jill and all these traditions they all had?! They were all such good friends, and she wasn’t part of their group. What had happened to her and Todd hanging out with Bennett and Kelsey? She liked that group a lot better. Hey, we should do something with Kels and Bennett then, like on Friday or something.

Can’t Friday. We won’t be back till late. Saturday would probably work though. Do you wanna call Kels?

Oh, you’re going for two days?

Yeah.

So, do you like stay in a hotel or something?

Yeah.

I wish I could go. She was really afraid she might cry. There was no way she was going to be able to handle being at home and thinking about him spending all that time with Jill. How long was it going to be before he started to realize he liked Jill better?

I wish you could too. Todd grinned at her and slid his arm around her shoulders. You and me...big hotel bed...

Melanie giggled, feeling better. Every time she started to have doubts, he would say something that proved he really did like her and want her. She snuggled up against him and pushed Cedar Point out of her mind.

***

So are you guys going to Cedar Point this year? Brady asked Landon Tuesday night. They were on their way home from a summer league baseball game in Landon’s Jeep.

Yeah.

Who’s all going?

Um, like everybody who went last year besides you, and then Doug.

Doug?

Yeah, Doug Prince.

Prince? What’s up with that?

I don’t know. He hangs with Todd and Dirk.

Damn it! Brady said. Why do I still like her so much?!

Who, Lorylyn? Landon looked over in surprise. You still like her?

Fuckin’ yeah.

I thought you and Brooke had somethin’ goin’ now.

Yeah, we do, but...

Well, dude, you’re not gonna get Lorylyn back while you’re with Brooke. Isn’t that why you guys broke up in the first place, ‘cause of Brooke?

Yeah...but I’ll never get Lorylyn back either way. So I might as well be with Brooke, right? He said it matter-of-factly.

I guess, dude. Whatever you wanna do.

Ugh...it’s just, I don’t know, man, I really like hangin’ out with Brooke and shit, and I’m obviously getting way more than I was with Lorylyn... He laughed a little. But when I saw Lor passed out on the couch the other night I just wanted to help her or like, take care of her or something.

Where’d she go, anyway? She wasn’t there in the morning.

I asked Kevin to take her home. I couldn’t take her ‘cause I didn’t wanna piss off Brooke, plus she probably wouldn’t have wanted me to take her anyways. But I wanted to make sure she got home okay.

***

Cedar Point was completely different this year. Jill had assumed since it was almost the exact same group going, it’d be a lot the same, and she’d been eager to be sort of paired with Todd, like she had been last year, because then she could kind of pretend they were a couple. But she hadn’t even thought of the fact that it was no longer three couples plus her and Todd, and now the whole dynamic was different. Since they didn’t have Brady to drive, Hilton and Landon drove, and it ended up being the girls in Hilton’s car and the boys in Landon’s. Jill had had such a blast on the ride up last year with Hilton and Landon and Todd, and now she already felt like she was missing out on key time with Todd. Only Hillary was in a really good mood on the way there; Lorylyn was bummed about the whole trip in general, Jill was upset over not getting to ride with Todd, and Hilton felt bad for Jill and Lorylyn. Jill pretended to sleep for a while.

Finally Hilton rolled down her window and cranked up the radio, and something about it put Jill in a better mood. So she pretended to wake up and joined Hilton in singing loudly and off-key, and she rolled her window down too. It was fun, and it brought back the feeling of freedom and excitement she’d come to associate with summer.

Hillary joined in too, and only Lorylyn remained silent, staring out the backseat window at nothing.

But when they got to the park, Jill was once again frustrated and upset because Todd rode all the rides with Doug, leaving her with Lorylyn. It actually did make more sense that way, she knew, because Lorylyn didn’t know Doug at all, but it still sucked. This trip was her chance to have a blast with Todd and get him to realize how perfect they’d be together and how much more fun he had with her than with Melanie, and it wasn’t working out at all.

Todd joked around with her and casually flirted like always, but it was like he was a different person. Her Todd was only half here, and she felt a huge distance between herself and this other Todd who had a girlfriend back home and was hanging with the guys all day and who wasn’t being affectionate with her at all. She waited in vain for him to say one of the sweet things he usually did, like, You’re my bestest girl friend, Jilly, or, I love you, Jilly, but she got nothing.

As they approached the top of the steps that led to the boarding platform in the Raptor line, Hilton said, "Hey, Jill, Todd,