Falling Sparrow: Overcoming the Ghosts of Sexual Abuse

By Greta Sheppard

"It’s not so much that I live in the past, as that the past lives in me": Those are the painfully honest words of a young Sparrow who feared she would never fly again. Her past refused to die. As author Greta Sheppard listened to her story and saw her posture of despair, she thought of the words of Jesus: "You are of more value than many sparrows." The feathers in her young, fragile wings were yanked away early in life by her father.

There are remarkable similarities between sparrows and humans. Although the sparrow fears humans, its worst predator is one of its own, the sparrowhawk. He waits until dusk and darkness to take advantage of the smaller sparrow’s isolation in the nest. The sparrowhawk attacks the innocent bird by removing its feathers, one by one, leaving the little bird stripped and distressed--even dead.

Human children, like sparrows, share the danger of predators too. In like manner, the child's main predator is one of its own kind: another human who will sexually abuse the young victim, often under the cover of darkness. He leaves it emotionally dead, bereft of virgin innocence; its pure, child-like trust blatantly betrayed.

They, as so many of us do, suffered many losses, just like the sparrow who loses its feathers to the attacking sparrowhawk. Sexual abuse victims lose essential feathers from their wings:

The feather of Truth
The feather of Trust
The feather of Innocence
The feather of Dignity
The feather of Value
The feather of Acceptance
The feather of Destiny

We were born to fly, but sexual abuse breaks our wings.

Falling Sparrow is a book of hope and encouragement for such victims--let go of the secret and let the healing begin:

Broken wings can be mended.
Damaged wings can be restored.
Some feathers do return.
There is life after abuse.

The Sparrow will fly again... higher than it's ever flown before.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Greta Sheppard
• Release date: Jul 19, 2011
• ISBN: 9781465909039

Greta Sheppard

Greta Sheppard is a wife, mother, great-grandmother, accomplished communicator, and author. She’s a mature woman who hasn’t forgotten what it’s like to be young.Her life’s journey has taken her to 55 countries. She has addressed and counseled thousands in marriage seminars, retreats and colleges around the world, alongside her husband, friend and mentor of 60 years, the late Dr. Rev. A.E. Sheppard.As a mother of three, grandmother of six, and great-grandmother of three (with another on the way!), she is loved and respected for her nurturing and honest manner. Many whose lives her words have touched view her as a woman with courage to face the pain of the past, the reality of the present and the hope that tomorrow brings.For more on Greta, visit her website and blog at http://www.sheppardministries.com.

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Falling Sparrow

Overcoming the Ghosts of Sexual Abuse

By Greta Sheppard

Falling Sparrow: Overcoming the Ghosts of Sexual Abuse

Copyright © 2011 by Greta Sheppard

Smashwords Edition

ISBN: 978-1-4659-0903-9

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. The income generated from this ebook goes to helping Greta continue her ministry to men and women around the world.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Dedication

Introduction

Prologue

Chapter 1 - The Lost Feather of Truth

Chapter 2 - The Lost Feather of Trust

Chapter 3 - The Lost Feather of Innocence

Chapter 4 - The Lost Feather of Dignity

Chapter 5 - The Lost Feather of Acceptance

Chapter 6 - The Lost Feather of Value

Chapter 7 - The Lost Feather of Destiny

Acknowledgments

About the Author

*****

DEDICATION

To Art:

My husband of 60 years, whose unconditional love brought me through the painful throes of disclosure. This book is a reality largely because of his affirmation over the years. He constantly affirmed the gifts he saw emerging in my life. He would not accept I was the loser others had told me I was in my childhood. He is now in heaven… I miss him terribly!

To our three children:

Faith, Lowell, and Brent, and their spouses, Grant, Kande, and Tracy. They all said, Go for it, Mom. What wonderful encouragers they’ve become in my life.

To the best, cutest, handsomest and smartest grand and great-grand children one could ever dream of having…

Jordan, Chelsea, Tiffany, Ryan, Bethany and Mackenzie, and our awesome great grandchildren Indiana, Danica and Jackson, who bring much joy. As well, in loving memory of our late grandson Luke, whom we only knew for three days, but whose little fingers we still feel entwined with ours. Grandpa Sheppard went to be with him in heaven.

This has been my support system. I am a rich woman… blessed indeed!

Lastly, my heart embraces all Sparrows who read this book, looking for wholeness.

I bless you with freedom to fly—soaring to the sky because you unloaded the weighty secret!

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INTRODUCTION

I was four years old when a man touched me the first time in wrong places. It continued on until I hit my early teens. Today, I call my abusers Sparrowhawks. Besides stealing my feathers, they stole my dignity and threatened me not to tell. It was a secret, they said. As I grew into adolescence and early adulthood I felt that no one was there for me, protectively and emotionally. I was terribly afraid of being alone at any time with one of the Sparrowhawks. But I could not tell why because they had warned me. It seems preposterous to me now that I could have allowed myself to be held hostage by such an iniquitous secret. To this day I hate being asked to keep secrets. If they contain darkness or sin, I do not want to pollute myself by taking it into my being. For that reason alone, I will never promise to keep a dark secret for someone else.

There was never a caring father-image in my life. I didn’t know my birth father until my mid-teens. He had deserted my mother when I was very small, just weeks before she gave birth to my sister. They divorced within months and then we lost track of him. Five years later, my mother remarried, but again, I was to be denied the support and care that a loving father provides his daughter. My stepfather provided my material needs, for which I am profoundly grateful, but I also needed affirming love, guidance and understanding. Although I was told that God was my heavenly Father, I wondered why even He seemed to stay so far away from me. I assumed that He felt about me as my earthly fathers did; one walked away and the other only barely tolerated me. Other important adults in my life were busy and not available when I needed the stability of loving family. I was too young to understand the meaning of rejection, but my heart felt the results of it nonetheless. My constant companions were my feelings of being lonely and un-loveable.

Those childhood circumstances created a shadow over my life that I could not define, even after I married and mothered a family. Memories of my childhood have seldom been pleasant. The harsh effects of sexual abuse, rejection, a broken home, and psychological put-downs were evidenced in later years through my moody, sullen behavior. Looking back, I can see why I became defensive with a need to control people and circumstances. An invisible root of bitterness had taken hold of my spirit. I was ruled by fear and silent anger and didn’t know why. They birthed a passivity in me that made me an easy target for others to use to further their own cause, causes that were non-sexual in nature. I had a desperate need for approval and acceptance. I was afraid to say no lest I not be liked, therefore I did anything for anyone in order to be favored. Just like the little Sparrow that loses her feathers, I was incapacitated in so many ways.

The Dawning of D-Day

It came when I was least expecting it. One hundred adults were sitting in front of me when I paused momentarily, seeking an illustration to prove a point in my message on spiritual gifting. I was innocently groping in my memory closet for a story to prove the point that poor self-image can hinder the operation of these gifts in our daily lives. Without warning, a stark scene from my childhood blasted at lightning speed from a dark corner of my memory into the defining moment of the present. It was my first ‘suddenly’ ever. I have since proved that God puts a lot of planning into a ‘suddenly’!

Unexpectedly, in split-second timing, standing behind the pulpit, I relived an old trauma when, at the age of four, a human Sparrowhawk took advantage of my innocence. I couldn’t stop my mouth from uttering the thing I had hidden so well for forty years of married life. The Holy Spirit was indeed giving me a true story from my own life. He knew the hour of my deliverance had come. In that perfectly timed pause He moved me to disclose to the audience the hidden skeletons in my own closet. My dark secret instantly became public property. It was not in my notes to do that! My husband heard it for the first time when I said: I was sexually abused when I was a little girl and I have felt like the least of the least ever since.

In that unplanned moment it was as though I had stepped from shade into bright sunlight! I remember how exhilarated and free I felt. But my husband was startled to death. So much so that his Bible slid irreverently off his knees to the floor! As for me, the shadow that I had been unable to define all of my life moved off me. I was standing in bright sunshine for the first time.

Naturally, my husband’s feelings were mixed. There was gentle compassion for me, his grown-up Sparrow, but understandable anger towards my Sparrowhawks. We both prayed for grace and courage to forgive those who were responsible for disturbing my childhood innocence. The healing process had begun and with it came a tremendous purging of personal shame from my own heart.

I soon discovered though that traveling through painful memories is more of a long journey than a short jog. Healing takes time. I would need patience with myself and with others. Little did I realize or even expect what the full extent of family fallout would be over my shocking disclosures.

I was reminded of Tamar in 2 Samuel 13. She had been deceived by her half-brother Amnon, who had devised a scheme with the help of his cousin, Jonadab, to get Tamar up to his bedroom. Not only did Amnon betray her trust when he raped her; he despised her afterwards; angrily