Faulty Tales 2

By Ralph Lante

I have watched the Fawlty Towers series more often than any other television show. What a pity only twelve episodes were ever created.

Since then, I attended a few Fawlty Towers live theatre/restaurant events and was disappointed actors were mainly repeating lines from the television series. It was at one of these events I got the idea to write original material.

I spent years writing these scripts in my spare time. It was fun thinking up crazy new scenarios for Basil, Manuel and Sybil. I eventually completed four scripts and after that, they simple sat in a directory on my computer. Sometimes, I would go back and re-read them, making slight modifications.

I think anyone who was a fan of the original series will enjoy these scripts. I have made the first one available free to give readers a chance to evaluate my writing style. If you like the first, then perhaps you will be happy to pay $1 for each of the others in this volume, Faulty Tales 2.

The scrips are:

Funeral for a Rat (Sorry Hamster)
You would think the death of Manuel's hamster would be a relief for Basil. It seems the rodent is more trouble dead than alive, especially when a large breasted guest turns out to be a Vet.

Manuel in Love
A love sick waiter, an angry Lord of the Realm and a reversal of roles make this one night Basil would sooner forget.

The Gay Guests
Manuel's 'bootiful' umbrella is the cause of much grief for a politically incorrect Basil, as he copes with a couple of unusual guests who almost violate his privates.

I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ralph Lante
• Release date: Nov 26, 2013
• ISBN: 9781310373558

Ralph Lante

I enjoy writing. I don’t do it all the time, but when I get inspiration it is an activity that brings me immense satisfaction. I enjoy writing comedy the most. I can hear the comical voices of the characters in my mind and hope that readers can recreate this experience in their own mind, when they read my words. Although I work in the field of mapping and GIS, I am also passionate about writing interesting and informative documentation, instructions and user manuals. This is where I have done most of my written work and, in many cases, have been paid for it. The works I publish have been sitting on my computer for years. Fortunately, the Internet provides an opportunity to distribute manuscripts to anyone who may be interested. I hope a few people will discover some gems in my work.

Book preview

Fawlty Tales

Three episodes created by Ralph Lante

Published by Ralph Lante at Smashwords

Copyright 2013 Ralph Lante

ISBN 978-0-9808728-2-8 

Email: ralph at lmtraining.com.au

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient.

If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of the author.

This ebook is provided for entertainment purposes only. Purchase of this book does not include the right of stage production for any of these works. Contact the author to arrange for production rights.

Table of Contents

Funeral for a Rat (Sorry Hamster)

Manuel in Love

The Gay Guests

Fawlty Tales

Important Notes

Faulty Tales is a series of four scripts designed for a theatre/restaurant scenario. During the evening, guests enjoy a three course meal. Live theatre action takes place at the start of the evening, in between courses and at the end of the evening. Action starts once guests are seated.

Faulty Tales is a recreation of the comedy style of John Cleese and Connie Booth in their British Comedy series Fawlty Towers. Fawlty Towers is an original creative work by John Cleese and Connie Booth.

Faulty Tales is not endorsed, approved by, or associated with John Cleese, Connie Booth or its owners, assignees, licensees or distributors.

Funeral for a Rat (Sorry, Hamster)

The Stage

The stage is basically bare. There is a high desk, like a lectern to one side where Basil does his bookwork. On the table are some accounting books. A large partition separates an area at the back of the stage. The area behind the stage is never seen by the audience.

Special Guests

Roger - Male guest, early fifties.

Nora - Roger's wife.

Act 1 The Late Arrivals

Basil and Sybil arrive on stage. Manuel is among the guests.

Basil

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. It gives me great pleasure to welcome you to our fine establishment, and we hope you all enjoy yourselves. I would like to introduce you to my wife, Sybil. She and I will be your hosts tonight.

Sybil

Good evening ladies and gentlemen.

Sybil bows and leaves the room. Basil goes over to his desk and starts working with his head down. Suddenly he remembers something.

Basil

Oh, that’s right… Hmmm, over there somewhere is Manuel, who will be waiting on a few unfortunate souls tonight.

Manuel takes a bow and leaves to go backstage. Basil continues working. Basil’s mobile phone rings. He looks at it like he is trying to figure out how to use it. He pushes a button and puts the mobile to his ear.

Basil

Good eve… (It rings in his ear.) Ahh, damned contraption. Why can’t they make one with cord and receiver!

He looks at it and calls out.

Basil

Manuel!

Manuel comes running on stage. The phone is still ringing.

Manuel

Si, Mr. Fawlty

Basil

Manuel, will you answer this thing!

Manuel takes the phone, pushes the correct button and speaks to the person on the phone.

Manuel

Hello? Que?

Basil grabs the phone.

Basil

Give me that!

Hello, Fawlty’s Fine Dining...

Hmmm, I’m afraid not, we are all booked out you know…

I am sorry…

Well there really is not much we can do about that, sorry…

Double?

Well, I don’t know, it’s a nice offer but… Cash?

Right, Mr. Smith, see you in a few minutes then.

Basil gives the phone to Manuel.

Basil

Hang it up please, Manuel.

Manuel

Si, Mr. Fawlty

Manuel hangs up the phone and gives it back to Basil.

Basil

Right … (Basil claps his hands together) Now, I need you to go out the back and get me a table and two chairs.

Manuel

Que?.

Basil

Oh it's so easy isn't it… come here!

Basil drags Manuel by the hand to the nearest table.

Basil

Now you get one (holds one finger up) of these (points to table) and two (holds two fingers up) of these (points to chair). You understand?

Manuel

Si, Si, I get now.

Basil

Excellent. (To himself) It would be quicker to train an orangutan.

Basil goes back to work at his desk. He holds up the mobile and talks to the guests.

Basil

You know, my wife bought me this little electronic marvel… said it would change my life. Ha! Change my life, it has become my life… now people can annoy me anywhere and any time! But I have made a decision… These trousers are going to be washed tonight… And guess where this little beastie will be hiding. (He puts the mobile in his pocket) I am reclaiming my privacy!

As Basil goes back to work at his desk, Manuel comes staggering out carrying a table on his back with legs sticking up. He is swaying left then right.

Basil

Is that the best way to carry a table? You look like