The Promised Land

By Steve Smith

A guide to living a more Joyful, empowered and meaningful life

The promised Land is more than just another self-help book, it is a practical way of creating genuine and lasting change that can lead to living a more fulfilled life. This book contains useful guidance for people of all levels and life situations be it someone wanting to be less frustrated and stressed by life, or folk who are already on a path of self discovery who are looking for ways to improve their relationships or become more peaceful within. The Promised Land is unique in the sense that it has its feet rooted firmly on the ground with practical tips and guidance, yet it also has more advanced guidance for those seeking to transcend normal living.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Steve Smith
• Release date: Nov 2, 2013
• ISBN: 9781311844996

Steve Smith

Steve Smith (March 11, 1962–March 13, 2019) served overseas with the International Mission Board (SBC) for eighteen years, helping initiate a Church Planting Movement (CPM) among an unreached people group in East Asia, and then coached, trained, and led others to do the same throughout the world. Upon his retirement from IMB in 2016 until his death, Steve served simultaneously as the Vice President of Multiplication for East-West Ministries, as a Global Movement Catalyst for Beyond, and as a co-leader of the 24:14 Coalition.

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The Promised Land

A guide to living a more Joyful, empowered and meaningful life.

By Steve Smith B.Sc.

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2013 Steve Smith

License Notes: This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this ebook with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

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Author's Note

This publication was written to provide accurate and practical information with regards to living a richer more fulfilled life. It is sold with the understanding that the author is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If professional services or counseling is needed then the services of a qualified professional should be sought.

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1 - Creating Space for something new

Chapter 2 - Making The Workplace less Stressful

Chapter 3 - Change your life change your Thoughts

Chapter 4 - Being In The Moment

Chapter 5 - Forgiveness

Chapter 6 - No need to be afraid

Chapter 7 - Intimate Relationships.

Chapter 8 - Improving Family life

Chapter 9 - Dealing with People when they won’t change

Chapter 10 - Love and Acceptance

Chapter 11 - Healing the Inner Child

Chapter 12 - Being OK with Life just the way it is....

Chapter 13 - Knowing Yourself

Chapter 14 - Setting our intentions

Chapter 15 - How do we view life ?

Chapter 16 - Be still and know that I am.

Chapter 17 - The promised Land

With thanks to friends past and present for their inspiration and encouragement in my writing of this book. Also thanks to my beloved Ammora who's love and patience assisting me in editing requires a special mention.

Life is a grand mystery, to be explored, discovered, navigated, and relished. Understanding our nature and the quest to know ourselves has existed since the beginning of creation. The world we live in offers us only a reflection of the greatness that lies within. As we uncover our deeper purpose and go beyond what we find on the surface we can access the consciousness and the miracle from which it’s all created.

Modern life is full of busyness, constant stimulation, and an endless circus of activity. By the end of the day, one asks oneself-what did I really accomplish? How am I feeling? Peaceful? Joyful? Happy? Or simply exhausted, tired, and stressed out? What if we can live differently. What if we can start and end our days with gratitude, love, and joy? When you start to question your life and look beyond the surface, you will discover a whole new world and will begin to see how you are the creator of your experience. We are the creators of our life. We are the creators of our destiny. By having a few tools for the journey, we can start to live our lives in a way that can bring us more peace, joy, and happiness. When we are living from a more empowered place, we realize that all of life is a choice. We have the power to choose how we respond to life and what we choose to focus on and create. We live our lives differently and we find that promised land that lies within us.

Meditation and embarking on a spiritual path do not require a life of seclusion, sitting hours with our eyes closed in quiet contemplation. We can incorporate living a more peaceful, centered life every day. We can find joy in our work, relationships, and in our day to day living. This book serves as a guidebook for everyone, from beginners to experienced meditators, and everyone in between. We all can benefit from living our lives more from our hearts, from living life authentically and loving authentically.

When confronted with the question who am I? the root of this answer is answered with a simple yet profound word, love. The Promised Land takes us on a deeper journey into that quest. With practical answers to life’s everyday questions, it serves as a wonderful guidebook to living a happier, more fulfilled life. We have all come into this life with a unique purpose. The Promised Land promises to assist you in finding the love within your being that serves as fuel to bring you to into your greatest potential.

Going beyond the surface is exactly what this book will help you to do. Slow down, take a breather, relax, contemplate, and enjoy. Dig deeper into your soul, find the greater meaning of life, and live and love authentically. With all the self-help books, teachings, and materials, this book provides a no non-sense approach to everyday living with awareness. Find peace in your everyday life, find joy in your relationships, and increase the love you feel each and every day. This book will help you to tap into the infinite source that exists when you rediscover who you truly are. Jesus once said seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and all else shall follow. Discover the Promised Land within and watch your life bring you to your greatest fulfillment.

Introduction

We live in world where we are always so busy, so much to do so little time to do it all. It would seem from the media that life is necessarily so stressful, that this is the norm, and there is little that we can do to change things. The pace of life seems to be growing ever faster and technology facilitates this, now we have web-access phones because people don’t have the time to turn on their computer! Socially as this trend continues we may get more done in a day, but the quality of our exchanges become more diluted. An interesting piece is that this seems true regardless of occupation or walk in life. As a culture, we start by giving our children massive amounts of homework from school. As adults in the workplace, long hours, stressful work, and the possibility of lay-offs or the expectation that we do more than one person’s work are increasingly becoming the norm. Life seems to pass by at a lightening pace then finally as seniors when we think it’s time to relax and retire we find that we are encouraged to either continue working or find ourselves no less busy because everyone else’s lives are so busy we become the catchall for their run-off, be it social secretary at the local club, baby-sitting for our children, or just plain worrying about our own health or finances. Also with more limited time to talk it becomes much easier for misunderstandings in intimate relationships to occur, more marriages are failing because people are married to their work, people just feel so pressured they don’t have the time to develop new love interests either so they end up staying single because they are just too busy! I any of the above sounds familiar to you then you’re reading the right book!

So is there any way off to avoid this crazy rollercoaster of living? Or better re-phrased is there any way that we can be more content with and enjoy the life that we have right now and shape it so that we can become less stressed and more fulfilled? Well the answer to both of these questions is a resounding yes, but it will take time and a commitment and a willingness to break the mold, to show courage in facing the unknown, but for those who can stay true to their course there lies ahead the glittering prize that land of milk and honey. But how to get there? Well by reading this book you’ve already taken that vital first step!

Chapter 1

Creating Space for something new

Because most of us seem to live such super - busy lives we often don’t get time to plan ahead never mind have time sit down and be with our feelings. Part of this is cultural in the sense that there’s almost an expectation that we do something, having a simpler life might by some be considered odd or boring so at times we may do things motivated by peer pressure or sometimes not so subtle ads in the media. But by far one of the subtlest and greatest drain on our time and energy is our own subconscious inability to be in a place of inactivity. This might just be from habit, for example we live in a very goal oriented society, so life is often what shall we do next? Another possibility is that we might be too preoccupied with our thoughts, in the western world this is a cultural norm.

This has become even worse with the advent of new technology, frequently people are so engrossed in their smart phone, electronic book, or notepad that they just don't notice what is going on around them anymore. I was reading recently of a crime that occurred on crowded public transport yet according to the surveillance video everyone was so preoccupied with their gadgets that nobody even noticed what was going on! I have also seen couples out on a date where one of both are so busy texting or reading their emails that they aren't even connecting anymore !

At the other extreme There are those who are so preoccupied with their emotions. Both men and women can fall into this category and tend to get very triggered by normal life events. People can respond in very different ways when triggered, some tend to become more aggressive, while others are more likely to internalize and stuff up their emotions which can lead to illness or a sudden explosive release of anger, hence the expression going postal. Finally there’s the perennial problem of being fearful which often is associated with being in a place of lack, fear of not having enough money, possessions, friends, love, good health, and of course there’s religious condemnation too, or that we ourselves in some way just aren’t enough for our partner, to do the job, to cope, or to be deserving of love. Or maybe it’s that we are just being too fearful to face our inner pain, or that we might be forced to face our own shadows - the things that we don’t like about ourselves that we prefer to ignore!

The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over again and to expect a different result, so if we genuinely want to improve our lives then we do need to be open to doing things differently. So what are the things that really matter to us? Some would answer power, status, possessions, but looking back in 100 years time where will any of those possessions be? The house may now be demolished for a new urban development, the car most likely will have been recycled, clothes wear out or go out of fashion, and will anyone remember you at your workplace, come to think about it will your workplace even still exist? The Buddhists would describe this as the impermanence of being, that everything is subject to change.

So Imagine looking back through your own life as it’s been so far, what are the events that are most memorable to you? Also what are the things in your life that will be most memorable to others? Maybe if you are very talented say a great inventor, writer, a famous actor, musician or artist you might be remembered by your creativity. But more likely what will define our lives is by the people whose lives we have touched, and for ourselves it will be those moments when we step outside the ordinary and routine and touch something special.

Be More Do less

So the first step to creating a better life for ourselves is simply to set aside time where we can be by ourselves and relax on a regular basis. Now at this point you may be feeling a sense of frustration or resistance, my life is busy enough already, with work the demands of work, study, commuting, being with my family, exercise, friends, shopping, hobbies. How can I possibly find time for something else ? The answer is more easily than you might imagine! Notice I didn’t say how much time I just said spend a regular time each day when you can just enjoy some quiet and be by yourself.

To start with I’d recommend say just setting aside 10 minutes, either when you first get up, or maybe go for a walk just after lunch. If you are at home begin by turning off the TV, computer, phone or anything likely to interrupt you during this time. If you have a partner, friend, or adult family member now would be a great time for them to take care of any immediate concerns like kids, pets, meals etc. You could even take it in turns to support each other in this way, even if someone isn’t interested in improving their lives everyone can benefit from a few minutes to relax. Hint it’s better to avoid doing this last thing at night because after a busy day the temptation after a busy day might be to just fall asleep! Once you’ve found a time that fits your schedule just sit in silence, look around you and simply watch the world go by, if you are out in nature like a park or on a beach even better, try to regularly take a few minutes just for yourself and enjoy! Make sure that you have enough time to relax without distraction or worry of being interrupted.

Next try increasing this time by 5 - 10 minutes, in the extra time try to be open to what life may be trying to show you, maybe add some prayer , or contemplation, not solving today’s problems but try to step back and take a look at the bigger picture. Are things going the way you would like in life, or are there things that need to change? Without focusing too much on any particular outcome can you imagine that in some way life may be about to change for the better ? Just be open to the possibility, and the joy that you would then feel. This isn’t just escapism, it’s more it’s about taking the time and opening up to the possibility that there could be something better coming along. As we shift from a place of busy and absorbed to making space and being more open to life, we create the opportunity and the readiness to accept whatever it is that might come along for the better.

Third step might be to cultivate more activities that help you to feel more relaxed too, examples of this might be going for a walk in nature, yard work, art, poetry, music, spending time with pets, or even a loving connection with children if they aren’t too noisy or demanding! Anything that helps you to express your in your creativity, connect with positive feelings, or involves working with your hands, even exercise. Things to avoid during this time would be TV, strong coffee, shopping, talking on the phone, video games, anything that increases adrenaline levels or mood -altering substances. The aim is just to be ourselves, enjoy what we are doing, and to relax.

By creating some space in your schedule you have opened the door to allow changes to come in. But still resist the temptation to try and fill these spaces with other things or procrastinating when you so have the time ! Also society will continue to bombard you with potential tasks and opportunities. The secret is learning to be discriminating and wise in the choices that you make.

Example

There was a time when I was handling a major consulting contract and noticed that I’d got to the point of starting work around 7am and was lucky to finish by the same time in the evening by which time I was often too tired to even go out and have fun. To begin with I started taking a daily 15 minute walk to the mailboxes, next got into the discipline of taking regular breaks from the computer, then finally I structured my finish time to fit with what I wanted to do in the evenings. Naturally there were still times when things just couldn’t wait until the next day, but as a general trend I made time to live life as well as doing a good days work ! Finding a healthy balance between life and work helps us to feel more relaxed, happy, less stressed, and so become more emotionally and physically healthy.

Be More Think less

The Dalai Lama in one of his speeches said that in the western world we focus too much on knowledge and not enough attention on being in our hearts. Here in the western world our minds are constantly on the go looking for sources of stimulation and pleasure be it the internet, television, computer games, reading, puzzles, or just simply thinking most of the time we are awake. At some level we have lost the ability to be thought-less, and source our fulfillment from within. Sometimes we may choose to switch our minds off when watching TV, but even then our fulfillment is coming from the outside and our minds are filled not with our own thoughts and ideas but with those fed to us from outside, advertisers know this only too well which is why they pay so much for prime-time TV advertisements! So in reality the best time to be in a place of quiet and thinking less is in the absence of all external stimulation. There are many possibilities here, it could be simply going for a walk or being out in nature might work for some, other options might include going to a sauna, sweat lodge or hot tub when it is quiet, or if these are still too distracting then a retreat or finding somewhere that offers complete sensory deprivation could be options too.

Going a bit deeper the challenge for many people is simply that they are unable to stop thinking even if they want to, their minds become filled with their daily to do list , they become afraid, or simply get bored. It’s almost as if there’s a part of us that believes that if we stop thinking we cease to exist. Descartes a well known 14th century French philosopher defined his very existence with the words I think therefore I am but then implied in this is that our very existence is defined by our thoughts. In reality we don’t cease to exist when we stop thinking, but it does silence our ego mind. This I will discuss in more detail later, but for now simply to say that stilling our ego mind helps us to gain greater clarity and freedom from many unhelpful thoughts.

Exercise Taking a break from thinking

Next time either when you first arrive home, or for a few minutes during your relaxation time again without any TV, computer, or stimulating music to distract you, take a few minutes to work on silencing thoughts. You may find it helpful to light a few scented candles, play some soft soothing background music, maybe run a bath for yourself with bubbles, burn incense, try experimenting with what you find to be most relaxing. Again make sure that you are going to have time to do this exercise without the worry of being interrupted. If you do have some time limit you might want to try setting an alarm clock so that you can fully concentrate on the exercise without having to worry about time.

Close your eyes, to begin with imagine yourself on a warm sunny desert island, hear the sound of the waves rippling along the shore, feel the warmth of the sun on your face, the gently breeze blowing through your hair, and the soft warm sand beneath your feet. Imagine that there is nothing to worry about, no rush, that in this moment life is just perfect, how great would life be if there really were more moments like this? Stay like this for a while, notice the breath entering and leaving your lungs, shift your focus now to your breath, try to breath more slowly and deeply, little by little take deeper breaths until you start to feel your belly moving as you inhale and exhale, keeps doing this for a few minutes. Notice how this makes you feel, try to let go and just be carried along by your breath, at the end of the exercise notice how you are feeling right now, hopefully more mellow and peaceful than when you began! If not don’t be disheartened, sometimes it can take a while to really learn to let go and switch off ego thoughts.

Problems and possible remedies:

Boredom; this is an interesting challenge because what it reveals is that we are in our ego mind, the ego justifies it’s very existence by providing us with an unending stream of thoughts. It’s a bit like watching the news channel on TV it’s one thing after another viewed from many different angles without a moment to catch your breath! What the Buddhist philosophers teach is that we must pass through that place boredom in order to disengage our ego mind and get to a deeper place of awareness within ourselves. It’s a bit like having a small child in the car saying are we there yet every 5 minutes, when what we are trying to achieve is being the adult in the car who’s enjoying or at very least accepting the journey! So if when you are doing any of the exercises in this book, but especially this mind- quieting one then I would encourage you to persist with this exercise, focus on your breath and try to learn to be in the moment.

Falling asleep

This is an occupational hazard if you live a busy life and start taking a few more quiet moments, in a sense it is a good thing because it shows that at some level you are achieving relaxation and calm during your exercises, there is just a need to be better prepared physically. First of all try to make sure that you are getting enough sleep, try not to do these exercises too early or late in the day when you are already tired. Try to avoid using any stimulants or sedatives (unless medically required), same goes for alcohol, or recreational drugs, we are trying to achieve a physical state where you are awake and naturally at your peak of awareness. Also using drugs can also be counter-productive for example if you are tired and have a cup of coffee to help you stay awake, first it may produce a buzz where you are hyper-alert and somewhat jittery, then as the effects start to subside often there will be a crash where you become more sleepy than without coffee!

Interruptions

This is always a possibility. Probably best to try and find the time of day when you are least in demand for these exercises, better still if you can remove yourself to a more remote place where you are less likely to be disturbed. Places that I’ve found to work well are being out in nature, a quiet beach, a church, library, even sitting out in the car can help. Probably the worst places for interruptions are in the workplace, at home where there are children or animals, or in a busy public place.

Compulsive thoughts.

We all have compulsive thoughts at some time, however if you find that compulsive thinking is a large part of your daily life then counseling or hypnotherapy might be options worth considering. If the problem is that at this moment you have an event going on in your life that you are finding difficult to stop thinking about then you might want to read the section below on worry and apply to your compulsive thought.

Worry

Often if we are worrying about something it is difficult to still our thinking because even if we do manage to quiet down our thoughts, whatever it is we are worrying about will just come to the fore. The technique of distracting our worry with other thoughts doesn’t work here because we are seeking a place of stillness and freedom from ALL thoughts ! So here are three possible tools that could be helpful if you find that worry is dominating your thoughts, some of these will probably work better than others depending on personality, so it might be worthwhile to read through all of these tools to begin with and try the one that feels the best match, if this doesn’t work then try all three and focus on using the one that works best for you.

Another way to deal with worry is to try and imagine the worst case scenario; this is one that quite a few people use and find to be helpful. Imagine if what it is that your worrying about works in the worst possible way, what would this look like and how would you the feel ? Be in those feelings for a while, and imagine if things did go this way how you would cope with the situation. Now imagine just how unlikely it is that things could go this far awry, what would be a more likely outcome, and how much easier this would be to deal with, notice if you feel any sense of relief. Imagine now that 10 years have gone by since you had to deal with this situation, looking back how does this now feel? Often when we focus on a particular worry or fear we lose our sense of perspective, we focus on the one issue and our fears around it rather than looking at the bigger picture. Even those who have passed through to the other side then come back have said that it’s the fear of passing rather than the event that’s the worst part.

What will worry achieve? This profound wisdom has been echoed through many great writings and can even be found in the bible. who can add an hour to their lives by worry? Actually I would go further and say that excessive worrying and stress is more likely to shorten our lives! Logically worrying about something can’t possibly change the outcome, also we have no desire to suffer needlessly, so the best way forward then is to know that we will do what we reasonably can to achieve the best possible outcome, but beyond that just try to be in a place of accepting and being ok with the outcome. We have done our best to make things right given who we are at this moment, so there is no room for regret, again if you’ve done all that you can for the moment just let it go, be in a place of acceptance of what is, and know that you will be ready for however things unfold.

What really matters ?

Discovering this for myself was one of my most profound moments. We often tend to get wrapped up in this world of form, job, money, health, family, relationships all seem so important to us, and this is fine provided we don’t let our worry about these things become so disproportionately big that it separates us from our very selves, the divine, our own inner peacefulness. It’s a bit like a small child screaming because they have had a bad dream, in that moment their dream has become their reality and their reality has faded into a dream. In the same way when we allow matters of this world to come between us and our own Divine nature we experience a separation from who we really are and the dream becomes the reality and our spiritual reality becomes a dream. When I discovered this for myself it was like a weight falling off my shoulders and in that moment I began to experience life again in a deeper way.

Drifting back into thoughts;

Many folk find that this to be a challenge, at first we get to a point where we can quiet our thoughts for just a while, then suddenly we find ourselves thinking about what groceries we need to pick up or trying to understand what a friend meant in an earlier conversation. What I find to be most helpful is trying not to judge or control our return to thought, just accept it is there use any of the above techniques if they are appropriate then return to focusing on our breath. Some people like to count their breathing, others prefer to just be in their breathing just use which works best for you.