The Back Side of Love

By Malisa Khoi

The story of a young woman who loses her newborn baby to SIDS. She becomes depressed for a very long time. Finally she decides to chase the love she's lost and find the happiness she desires. She does some soul searching to evaluate her past in order to go forward. In the end she realizes that life is full of surprises.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Malisa Khoi
• Release date: Feb 14, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301693696

Malisa Khoi

I enjoy writing stories of all genres. I think often people use books to entertain thoughts of situations that are relevant to what is going on in their lives at the time. It allows the person to live in that moment as they become one with the characters in the story. I call it an escape. I've wanted to escape my reality and go some place else before, and books have allowed me to do so. Writing allows me to provide a vessel in which others can use to travel to those often far away places. I guess I serve as a travel agent. However, I also write inspirational books that help one escape places they never intended to go. These books are my favorite, because they allow me to help others find the light they need to go somewhere other than where they are. I guess you can say that although one story might be totally opposite of another. I also host a nighttime chat fest called "The Back Side of Love" that can be viewed on my YouTube channel. On the show I discuss all situations "relationship". I use my experiences and the experiences of the women on the panel to help encourage others about turning something that makes a person fell lonely, depressed, and sometimes hopeless more confident. We tell our stories of how we've overcome challenges to inform others that even in the toughest of times, something good is embedded if you are willing to cultivate your thoughts and feelings. I believe every experience good and bad is purposeful for growth. Therefore my mission remains to showcase real experiences involving love matters in a unique style of listening and discussions of individual concerns, then evaluate mistakes to propose positive solutions and practical feedback.

Book preview

Backside

Of Love

by

Malisa Khoi Gilds

Copyright April 2012 by Malisa Khoi Gilds

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publishers, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review to be printed in a newspaper, magazine or journal.

PUBLISHED BY KHOI PUBLISHING, LLC

New Orleans, LA

Printed in the United States of America

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.

Prologue

Backside of love is that strange place where many individuals have been forced to spend time in attempt at finding themselves. It is a sort of isolation, which could be compared to solitary confinement inside of a prison’s walls. A place someone might describe as empty and disconnected from everyone and everything. Somewhere that causes one’s mind to transform the true meaning of love from a perfectly envisioned idea into a twisted, unrecognizable, ill shaped figure. For me, it was unlike the love stories I had read about. It was nothing like what my friends had experienced and told me about. Instead it was a lonely hole dug deep into my soul. A place that I could not climb out of and was tired of bruising myself as I tried to fit into its' awkwardly irregular form. Causing me to wonder how I could end up here. If it was a result of love, then was love worth having. I was forced to rethink its otherwise implied meaning. All my friends who I referred to as everyone else lives were right. They had men who loved them, children who were talented & smart, friends who were equally successful, and jobs that were rewarding. I was the only one I could think of who could not do anything right, and my life reflected that.

Table of Contents

Chapter One Shackled

Chapter Two Flower Bud

Chapter Three Bleeding Heart

Chapter Four First Love

Chapter Five Sex

Chapter Six Reckless

Chapter Seven Interpreting Dreams

Chapter Eight Entangled

Chapter Nine Trust

Chapter Ten Pride

Chapter Eleven Dependency

Chapter Twelve Mirror

Chapter Thirteen Domestic Violence

Chapter Fourteen Enemies

Chapter Fifteen Admiration

Chapter Sixteen Abomination

Chapter Seventeen Loathing

Chapter Eighteen Wedding Cake

Chapter Nineteen Grandma Tales

Chapter Twenty Circle of Life

Chapter 1

Shackles

My mind had left my body to remain vacant for a long time as I searched my soul for the answers my heart carved. Completely deaf to all outside sounds, I awakened forced to look up into a flashing light. I had somehow fallen on the ground and Saide was gone, but the police were there. I was handcuffed and told I was being arrested. Someone had called and said they witnessed a woman trying to kill her husband. What husband I yelled trying to figure out what and who the hell they were talking about. I went from being a law-abiding citizen to a criminal facing what I had known as the unjust practices of the judicial system. The police officers who found me made me feel worse than Saide ever had made me feel as they pushed and pulled me in two different directions.

After one of the police officers cuffed me, he sat me in his police car for more than thirty minutes. I was hot and uncomfortably gasping as I struggled to breath any air I could get into my noise. The handcuffs were so tight that they left marks on my wrist for no one to see because I was going to be booked into the county jail for a while. I waited in the car; thirty minutes turned into over an hour without either cop coming to check on me. One of the officers wrote a report that was completely nonfactual while I waited to get out of the car. I wondered if Saide was dead. I was happy but sad. None of the officers said anything else to me. I had prayed for something l could not handle before, but God had spared me. I hoped he had again. This time seemed as if he was going to allow me to feel what it was like to live in a web of deceit that I had not spun on my own, but the other spider had vanished.

When I arrived at the jail, I was instructed to remove my belongings. The guard put everything in an envelope and threw it to the side like worthless trash. I was afraid that I would never see my half carat diamond earrings again. Then I realized diamonds meant nothing to me now, unless I could sell them and make bail. After giving up my belongings I was sent directly to the medical booth. At the booth, the nurse asked several questions about my health, and told me to sit down. If this was the only screener, God only knows how many sick people I would encounter.

I sat myself down as I was instructed to and waited with nowhere else to go. The next officer took my fingerprints and directed me to sit again. Finally, I was off to booking. I kept thinking I would get a phone call, but if Saide was dead, I did not have anyone left to call. I was processed in booking and told I would go to court the next day. I wished I was the one who was dead; I couldn’t wait until tomorrow. Sleep in jail, how would I do that? I’m no criminal and I won’t be treated like one, but what could I do now?

I spent the next ten hours of my life somewhere I could not believe existed. I was in hell on earth, I had used the statement before; now I believed I had spoken it upon myself. Before I had become a guest with what might become an extended say, I was one of those people who called jail, prison. Now I had an experience to relate the term with and it was the correct word. It was truly a place unfit for humans. Everything about it was horrible to me. After I was booked, I sadly found a place to sit and think about why I was there. I knew I would be going to court, but I did not know if I was going to be released on a murder charge. I could not imagine spending the night in jail and certainly not the rest of my life.

A few minutes later a deputy came around with a cart filled with sandwiches. The arrestees were thrilled to get the lunch; some of them even asked for two. I looked at the sandwiches thinking to myself I don't want that, but the others told me not to turn the sandwiches down. They said it was the last meal of the night and if I did not go home, I would want it later. The thought of eating that sandwich or any other sandwich in jail made me gag and my stomach hurt. The sandwiches were made with three pieces of bread and some cold cuts in between. There was way more bread than meat and nothing to drink. I took it because I knew if I did not get released, I would have to eat it.

Sitting in disbelief with no news about Sampson I was finally informed that I had made the night court docket. An hour later it was time to get dressed for court. I had to exchange my clothing for an orange jumpsuit, but that was not the worst part of the ordeal. After changing I was returned to the holding cell where I slept until they would call my name for transport. I hoped the next time I awakened I would be dead so I could kill Saide again. I could not allow him to win at death too.

The building where the court cases were being held was in the most deplorable conditions of any building I had ever seen. It looked like an abandoned building where homeless people slept to get out of the cold. We walked through up and down cement stairs as we passed through flooded tunnels with exposed rusty pipes. At moments it looked as though we were in an underground sewer, and the smell suggested were. As we approached the hallways that lead to the dorms noise got louder. The closer we got to the male dormitories the scent became almost intolerable. It sounded like a basketball game was going on, it was loud and smelly. We passed several guard shacks where the guards were all huddled up together. I wondered who was monitoring the prisoners. It was easy to understand how people could get hurt while incarcerated. I heard no one cares about people who are in custody. Whether guilty or innocent does not matter, and from the looks of it, they were right.

When I arrived in the courtroom the nightmare continued. The judge did not see me as a human, but another slave on the auction block to be sold. I felt like royalty that had been captured in Africa and brought to Jamestown to be examined, sold, and removed from everyone and everything I had ever known. Before now I was a queen even though I was saddened by lost love. Now I was a slave in the white judge’s courtroom. I saw myself in a movie where slaves had been caught in nets by their own people. My own people only pertained to one person, my husband, Saide. He left me for the Europeans, who in this movie were the judge and the cocky police officers who were trying to climb the rank of nowhere to hide behind corruption of the twisted law of inequality and lack of inclusivity.

The judge ripped me of my dignity, chained me to another immigrant he referred to as a criminal, and sentenced me into captivity. I felt like he had just had his way with me, just like the master who had his way with his slaves. The judge set my bail at the highest amount he could for the crime I was charged with. He treated me like a vicious pit bull even though I had never been arrested before. He ordered me to stay away from the man I had begged the same judicial system to keep away from me. I could not say a word in my own defense. I was no longer a person with a voice; now silence by someone who had never met me before this moment. If I tried to use my voice I would be silenced for good. The police had told me long ago, not to fight a man, and showed me that a man’s word meant more than a woman’s. Finally, after many years, I understood why they did not want to subject me to the agony of the inability to defeat the powers that are.

I had seen the movie Roots