Slider

By Thom Nichols

Werewolves and vampires are a bunch of wusses. In fact, most of the monsters you see in movies and read about in books are pretty substandard. Take vampires for instance. It’s hard to find something that can’t hurt them. You have sunlight, garlic, wooden stakes, crosses, holy water, fire, silver, beheading, running water, roses, etc... The list goes on and on. Worst of all, they have to ask your permission to let them come into your house to kill you. It’s surprising they don’t all die from cancer after turning to smoke.
No, if you’re looking for a monster for the new millennium, you have to go with a slider. They’re arrogant, a little self centered and they can turn into giant snakes. They might have a flaw or two. They eat people instead of veggies. They listen to classic rock bands. And, they have a compulsion for computer games. But, that doesn’t mean they are all bad. If you tack on an unfortunate name, an indigestible new girlfriend, a vampire to beat up on and a good old fashioned monster hunt, you come away with quite a little adventure.
Constantly running into strange and interesting monsters, the small group comes up against the worst monster imaginable, the wife. Well, she’s more fiendish in person than the name suggests.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Thom Nichols
• Release date: Dec 21, 2012
• ISBN: 9781301474608

Thom Nichols

Thom L. Nichols was born under a mountain in Mt. Shasta California. He grew up in Arizona, but has lived all over the United States. Starting out in the Marine Corps, he has had a multitude of jobs ranging from overnight security guard to UNIX Senior Specialist and everything in between. He married his wife of nineteen years (So far) two weeks after meeting her. He has three children and one granddaughter (So far). He has been writing since he was born, but always for fun. He wanted to get his degree in English so that he could become a writer, but with a family he decided to go the safe way and went into computers. Now that the kids are pretty much grown and moving out, he decided to follow his dream.

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Slider

Thom Nichols

Published by Thom Nichols at Smashwords

Copyright 2010 Thom Nichols

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Chapter 01. New Girl

Hey! You gotta problem! I growled cogently. It was pretty loud in the bar and they were feeling pretty good if you know what I mean. I wanted to make sure I came off with the correct inflection in my voice.

Normally, I wouldn’t have said nor done anything. But, these guys were bugging me. I was just sitting at my little table drinking my ex away when they came in. They were loud. They were obnoxious. They were well on their way into inebriation before they even sat down. There were more than a dozen empty tables in the place, but they had to sit at the one next to mine. I chose it specifically because it was off to the side near the kitchen entrance. I could still be seen from the bar, but it was a stretch. The bartender usually kept his focus on the main floor. It was also dank and dark and out of the main traffic flow. That was, until now.

From what I gathered and it was definitely not difficult to overhear their conversation, they were celebrating some big work thing. They were suits in some big office downtown. It looked like their shoes alone cost more than my car. I could have hocked their watches, stick pins and cufflinks and purchased a nice three bedroom house.

It was easy telling which one was the boss. He was the one ordering the shots and was the loudest and most obnoxious of the bunch. He was shorter than the rest of them, perfect hair and pencil thin mustache. He had that glimmer in his eye that could sell a drowning man a glass of water for twice as much as it was worth. The others were just his sycophants. They were the usual yes-men that clung to anyone on the way up.

I knew they were going to be trouble as soon as they breezed through the door. Two of the stooges were hanging all over each other like long lost best friends. One of the others announced to the entire bar that they had arrived and, now that they were here, everyone could stop waiting for them and go back to their dreary little lives. The boss bellied up to the bar and ordered some kind of champagne with a long French sounding name. The bartender said that he’d never heard of the stuff and the boss said. Of course you haven’t, my good man. It’s ten thousand dollars a bottle. Then, he ordered a dozen different mixed fruity drinks and a dozen shots. Just deliver them over there. He said pointing to the table next to mine and stumbled into the men’s room.

The bartender didn’t look happy, but he could tell that they were going to spend a lot of money and were probably going to tip big, so he got started on the foo-foo drinks. As the five underlings pulled up chairs around the table, one of them pulled out a hundred and waved it at the new girl. He told her it was hers if she would jump up on the table and give them a show. It wasn’t that kind of bar and she stormed away offended. But, that just made the stooges laugh even louder.

I survived nearly ten minutes of the suit’s company before I couldn’t take it any longer. I was just about to get up, thinking of moving to the other side of the bar if not leaving completely. That was when the boss called the new girl over again. Sally had been helping them after the new girl stormed off earlier. But, Sally was up at the bar giving a drink order and the new girl was wiping down a fairly close table.

I could tell that she was reluctant to return to the suit’s table, but there was something about a rich looking man to an average person. It might be the anticipation of a large tip or the expectation of at least common courtesy and civility. I saw her glance at the joker that spooked to her earlier. He was engaged with one of his fellows and didn’t seem to be paying attention to what the boss was doing. She smiled and threw the wash cloth over her shoulder.

Frowning, I threw back the last of my beer and grimaced. But, I didn’t get up. I had heard the flunky relate the story to the boss when he returned from the bathroom. He busted a gut so loudly that I thought he was going to fall out of his chair. He’d drunk several shots and foo-foo drinks since then, so I wasn’t sure if he would remember the story. And, I wasn’t sure why I cared. I’d only seen the girl once before. She was a good waitress in the fact that she didn’t mess up and give me a light beer on accident. But, she was a waitress. I’m sure at waitress school, they taught her how to deal with unruly people. She would probably get a smack on the butt or maybe even a pinch. I think the protocol there was to slap the customer and storm off again or call the bartender over and have them thrown out.

Maybe I was interested in the outcome of this little confrontation because I was tired of sulking over her, the ex. It had been eleven beers, and I don’t think any woman was worth a whole twelve pack. So, I pushed my glass away and grabbed a small handful of pretzels from the little bowl. I watched the new girl approach the table. She was a cute little blonde. She had short spiky hair and copper eyes. She was wearing a halter top and a pair of cutoff shorts with a little apron tied around her middle. She was something to look at and I watched the boss give her the once over.

The new girl asked what he wanted and the boss acted just like I expected. He reached around the girl and caught her by her back pocket. Pulling her close, he pressed his face into her front and shouted. I want you.

Gasping and struggling, the girl started to scream, but the boss stood up. He forced his mouth on hers and began groping with his hands. New girl must have gone to a really good waitressing college. She immediately threw up her knee into the boss’s groin. Either his jewels were too small to hit or she missed, because he didn’t seem as fazed as you would have expected. He bent over a little and released a tiny groan, but it didn’t impede him in any way.

As new girl managed to let out a short scream, the yes-men all stood up and cheered. Some of the other lowlifes in the bar might have heard her exclamation over their merriment, but neither the bartender nor Sally heard. Still squirming, clawing and struggling, the new girl managed to twist around so that her back was pressed against his front.

Holding her by the middle, the boss forced her down over the table. Glasses and pretzels were flung to the floor. Surprisingly, none of the glass shattered. With a glance, the boss ordered his flunkies to flank him so that the rest of the bar couldn’t see what he was doing. Between the five of them, they created an effective wall shielding their superior. They pretended to be casually talking amongst themselves, but they continually glanced at their boss to get a little peek. The one closest to me thumped his fist down on my table and glared at me in what he assumed was a threatening expression. Finally, the boss reached over and grabbed the new girl’s shirt. Pulling it down, the straps ripped and she spilled out.

Taking a deep breath and letting it out in a deep sigh, I stood. The want-a-be thug glaring at me must have assumed that I was leaving. He stood straight up and slammed his fist into the fist of the flunky next to him. Instead of departing, I took a step around the table and issued my earlier statement. In case you forgot, I growled. Hey! You gotta problem!

Now, this could have gone one of two ways. The boss could have thrown up his hands and backed away from the new girl. That would have been the best option.I knew that wasn’t going to happen. This guy was in the middle of committing a felony. He was rich and obnoxious and probably assumed he was untouchable. The most important reason why he wouldn’t back down was because he was drunk. Alcohol did many different things to different people. In this case, I knew it was going to make him even more insufferable than he already was.

As I expected, he glanced back at his minions before he answered. In the back of my mind, I knew he was assuring himself that they were going to back him up. He probably realized that subconsciously, but he would never admit it. He made a joke to his friends and they all started laughing. Will you look at this guy? The boss continued. He turned back to me. As he did, he released the girl. She moved away from the table, but didn’t storm off like she did earlier. Actually, she did something that I actually noticed, but didn’t pick up on. She just stood there. With the straps broken, her top was now a belt. She didn’t make any move to cover herself or to run away.

I don’t have a problem buddy, The boss continued. Our eyes were locked on each other. He made a motion with his hands and his five cronies moved out from behind him and circled me. You’re the one that has a problem.

This was the part that I liked best. It was always fun to screw with drunks. The only thing more fun than messing with them was fighting them. A drunk thinks he can argue intelligibly from the moment he starts drinking to the minute he falls off the chair. He also honestly believes that he turns into a ninja when it comes to fisticuffs. So, I let his friends laughter fade before I blew his mind. Narrowing my eyes, I spoke loud enough for them all to hear me, but quiet enough so that it had that Clint Eastwood raspy threat concealed in it. That wasn’t a question. I growled.

The look of utter confusion spread across their faces. I never took my eyes off of the boss, but I could tell that all of the flunkies were looking around at each other trying to make heads or tails of what I just said. The boss broke eye contact as he took an involuntary step backwards. He glanced at the incredulous look on the others faces but returned quickly to continue staring at me. Huh? He shook his head.

That was the trouble with people these days. They were idiots. You would have thought that this guy had a good education because he was rich. Apparently not. He couldn’t even formulate his thoughts enough to verbalize them. He had to rely on a grunting ‘Huh’ instead of ‘What’ or even an ‘I didn’t catch that’. Blaming the alcohol, I decided to elaborate. I said, this time when I spoke, I leaned forward a little. I also articulated my statement a little better. I used the word ‘have’ instead of ‘gotta’. Actually, when I said it before, I was purposely misleading them. I just couldn’t help myself. It was much more fun that way. You have a problem. I repeated. I am your problem.

Even speaking much more clearly, it still took a minute for that statement to sink in. So, I accentuated it. With lightning speed, my hand flashed from my side to his throat. The boss didn’t even have a chance to blink. I applied a little pressure and he immediately began to turn red. Spittle burst from his mouth as he tried to take a breath. His hands went immediately to my wrist and tried to break my grip. The rest of the suits suddenly caught on.

The one to my immediate left took a step back. There was a look of terror on his face. It seemed that he was perfectly brave enough watching someone else commit a felony. He was even an excited voyeur. But, when it came to physical involvement, even under the influence, he was a coward. Using that to my advantage, I released the boss and sideswiped two very sloppily thrown punches by stepping toward the frightened subordinate. Taking hold of his shirt, I swung the guy around and held him in front of me.

As the slapdash, slipshod, shoddy punches continued, I manhandled the gutless suit into the line of fire to take each of the blows. Even though the other suits were bombed, they still packed a healthy punch. I don’t know if the others realized they were pummeling their buddy, maybe they didn’t really care. It didn’t take very long for the poltroon to become a bloody unconscious lump. It actually took more effort to hold him up than to move him into the line of their feeble punches.

Dropping and stepping over the craven lowlife, I noticed that the other four suits were breathing hard. Sighing and rotating one side of my mouth into a disappointed smirk, I realized that the fun was about over. These guys were too far gone to give much more. So, I decided I would take them out quickly and focus my attention on the boss.

Not that I’m bragging, but I didn’t have to use even a quarter of my ability to send them into dreamland. With one fluid motion, I spun in a slow circle as I disabled each one. The first, the one to my immediate left still had an iota of fight left in him. He tried to swing as I stepped over his buddy. With my left, I blocked it and thrust my right into his throat. I could have crushed his windpipe, but I didn’t put that much pressure in the punch.

Pivoting, I turned my back on the next guy, squatted and brought my left fist down. It slammed into his groin with more than enough pressure to double him over. As I stood, I brought the left back up and his own momentum smashed his face into my fist. I saw teeth soaring away from him as his legs came out from under him. He went down backwards.

The next guy in the line was already bending over. It looked like the exertion so far was a little much for his alcohol intake and he was about to blow chunks. So, I helped him along with a solid kick to his midsection. He rose three feet off of the floor and something green and orange came out of him. I didn’t want to even try to identify it as I finished off the last of the sycophants. He had a surprised look on his face as if he had never seen anyone move as fast as in his life. With a solid right cross, I clocked him so hard that he spun in a complete circle before he fell to the ground. He landed with a splat in the sick the third guy released.

As I turned to the boss, I heard the bartender shouting. I doubt he knew what was going on, but he didn’t want it in his bar. The words Take it outside resounded over Boston’s Rock and Roll Band playing on the jukebox. This wasn’t my bar. In fact, it wasn’t even my backup bar. But, it was my backup bar’s backup. So, I didn’t want any blotches on my record that might prevent me from coming back. So, I decided it would be best to do as he instructed.

So far, we hadn’t broken so much as a glass. After my performance with his underlings, I didn’t think the boss was going to cooperate in keeping it that way. He was already putting the table between us. That meant, however, that he was inching closer towards the new girl. I glanced over at her. She was still standing perfectly still. Her shirt/belt was still hanging loosely around her hips. I didn’t notice the shirt. My eyes were focusing about a foot higher. She still hadn’t made any type of move to cover herself up. At that moment, I wasn’t complaining or considering why.

Another side step from the boss caught my attention and I regrettably ripped my gaze away from the new girl’s assets. The boss had both of his hands around a chair. He was about to throw it at me or try to hit me with it. My first thought was to remove the table separating us. But, I shot that down because, again, I wanted to be able to return to this establishment in the future and it didn’t look like we were going to make it outside. So, I took a step toward the new girl.

I heard the grunt of effort as the boss attempted to lift the chair. Sliding around the table, I swiftly plopped down in it so that the chair remained on the floor. I reached up and slipped my hands around the boss’s head. I gave a tug and he flipped over. Landing on the floor directly in front of me, I placed my booted foot across his neck. He gurgled for a moment and then his eyes fluttered as he passed out.

In the pretext of checking his vital signs, I slipped my hand into his coat pocket and pulled out his wallet. It was fat. I slipped out a few hundreds and stood up quickly. I’d noticed that the bartender was already out from behind the bar and heading toward me. Standing up, pocketing the wallet, I forced the hundreds into his hand. Sorry about the mess. I apologized. I glanced again at the new girl. She finally noticed that she was naked from the belt up and covered herself with her arms. Nodding my head toward her, I followed up with a little explanation. They were getting a little touchy feely.

The bartender’s face softened and then brightened when he glanced at the bills. He told the new girl to go collect herself. She looked peculiarly at me for a long moment and then disappeared through the kitchen door. Here, I said reaching down to one of the other suits. I pulled his wallet from his pocket and opened it. Not quite as fat as the boss’s, but still very healthy. I reached in and pulled out a few more hundreds. For their drinks I said nodding to the pile of human refuse. The bartender took the money before he even realized what he was doing. I flipped three more onto the table and dropped the wallet on the suit. Here’s their tip and a little something for the new girl’s blouse.

With an open mouth, the bartender watched me depart and didn’t try to stop me. At the door, I heard him call a couple of the regulars over to help him dump the bodies in the alley. From the look on the faces of the patrons still remaining in the bar, I was sure that all of their wallets were going to come up missing by the time the suits made it to the alley.

Lighting up a cigarette in the doorway, I took a drag as I scanned the street. It wasn’t very busy. This bar wasn’t on any of the main arteries running through town. That was one of the reasons I choose it as my backup bar’s backup. It was a place to sit and muddle through the problems of life and women when you didn’t want to have company.

I was about to take that first step away from the building when I saw the new girl. She was at the corner of the building. She had fixed one of the straps on her halter top so she was all tucked away. The other looked like it was beyond repair so she just clipped it off. Now it looked very caveman-ish or cavewoman-ish. Sexy. As soon as I noticed her, she waved me over. I should have expected this. She was going to profess her undying gratitude and maybe even offer to bare my children. Well, I was between girlfriends at the moment, so I decided to allow her to gush over me for a little while. After all, she wasn’t difficult to look at, and she hadn’t yet messed up my order inside.

I took one more drag from the cigarette and then flicked it away. If she was going to start sucking face with me, I didn’t want my breath to be toxic. It was bad enough it was going to smell like eleven beers. I slapped my pockets looking for some gum, but I didn’t have any. Oh well, her loss. I started over and this time, since I didn’t have anything else to look at, I noticed her eyes. It must have been the light. They didn’t seem head over heels in love with me or even dripping with everlasting appreciation for rescuing her. In fact, they seemed sharp. They looked purposeful. I wasn’t sure how to take that, but I shrugged it off as a trick of the light or something.

When I arrived at the corner, she took my arm and pulled me through the gap between the two buildings. I was a big guy, so it was a pretty tight fit. New girl didn’t even have to turn sideways. We made it to the end of the building in time to see the last of the suits thrown unceremoniously into the alley. None of them roused. When the door was locked, the new girl pulled me into the alley and over next to the door.

I expected a big slobbering kiss as soon as we stopped, but instead she looked at me with a concerned expression. Assuming it was her inability to formulate the proper words for her expression of gratitude, I gave her a moment. I glanced around. Besides the riffraff from the bar, there were several parked cars, dumpsters and huge mechanical things that made a lot of noise like air conditioners. There was an abundance of litter. It was amazing how many people would rather throw their trash on the ground when there was a dumpster right there. I was about to turn back to the new girl when I noticed it. There was a manhole cover right next to the new girl’s feet.

My mouth filled with saliva. My palms began to sweat. I quickly glanced around. There was no one around. At least, there was no one around that was conscious. My eyes flicked back to the ground. I squeezed my fingers into fists as I counted back the days. It was still a little early, about a week and a half early. But, now that I thought about it, my tummy was a little bit rumbly.

Turning back to the new girl, I felt a bead of sweat slowly making its way down my cheek next to my ear. Licking my lips, I felt the change beginning. It was involuntary. It was a physical change that was transpiring, because yes, I was a monster. A slider to be precise. You probably haven’t heard of a slider before because the world is so high on vampires at the moment. We don’t have movies or long romance books written about us. We’re real monsters.

The new girl cocked her head to the side and an incredulous look struck her face. Usually, I’m much more subtle than this. I usually don’t initiate the change until we are deep in an embrace and she has her eyes closed. But, an opportunity like this just didn’t come around every day.

Opening my eyes, I saw the new girl jump. My eyes were always the first to change. The pupils, which were normally round, squeezed together making an oval standing on its end. The surprised look on her face didn’t get a chance to turn to horror as my teeth began to grow. She didn’t get a chance because it happened so quickly. Unlike a vampire, where the two maxillary cuspids extend, my maxillary central teeth stretched downward. They also thinned and curved inward. They became hollow fangs and filled with poison from the venom glands in the roof of my mouth.

Before the new girl had a chance to scream, my head shot forward. My fangs sank deeply into the side of her bare neck and I injected the venom. The toxin was instantaneous. I felt her body go ridged in my arms. As I pulled my fangs from her smooth silky brown skin, I slowly looked into her eyes. They were open as wide as they could go. I could only see the bottoms of her irises as they had rolled up almost out of sight. The venom didn’t kill her. It just paralyzed. Actually, I didn’t even know if she was still conscious. I mean, her eyes were open even if they were turned up. She could have been awake.

Her body twitched in a small spasm. I looked over to the backdoor of the bar. It was still closed. I glanced up and down the alley. No one was in sight. Gently, I laid her down on the ground next to the manhole. With one hand, I reached into the little holes formed into the iron plate with my fingers and gripped it tightly. I’m didn’t have Hercules strength, but I was much stronger than a normal man. With ease, I pulled the manhole cover from the ground and set it to the side. Being very careful, I took hold of the new girl and lowered her slowly into the dark void under the street. Looking around one more time, I found the small ladder attached to the wall and made my way down.

Being careful to make as little noise as possible, I closed the manhole cover over the hole and dropped the rest of the way into the tunnel. Luckily there wasn’t any water or anything even more nasty down there. I didn’t want either of us to land in sewage or anything like that. It was dark and only smelled a little. The place was perfect.

Removing all of my clothing, I stood over the new girl naked. Get your mind out of the gutter. I wasn’t going to save her from being raped and then rape her myself. I might be a monster, but I wasn’t a sicko. I found an open pipe sticking out of the wall that I used as a shelf to place my outfit on. I wished I’d brought a hanger or two for my shirt and jacket, but who carried spare hangers with them. I folded up everything as neatly as possible and placed my shoes upside down on top. I would have preferred to put my shoes on the bottom, you know, because you never know what you step on during the day’s travel. But, I didn’t want anything falling off.

Licking my lips, I knelt down next to the new girl. I closed her eyelids and it looked like she was lying peacefully. I opened my mouth as wide as I could and there was a soft clicking sound as I dislocated my jaw. I retracted my fangs all the way and placed my mouth around the top of her head.

It happened every time I fed. No matter how wide I stretched my mouth, my meal was always just a little too big to fit all the way inside. So, I took a deep breath and set my bottom lip as deep into her hair as possible. My fangs were useless at this point, but my human looking teeth were still viable. Using them, I got a grip on the top of her skull. I rocked my head from side to side as I stretched my head upward. Being a slider, I was a very pliable being. After I got started, I could stretch myself to amazing lengths. I could even, with enough time, transform my entire body completely into a serpent. But, initially, my body didn’t want to lose its cohesion. So, as I was working my mouth open, little rips appeared on the sides of my mouth. A trickle of blood oozed down on the right side.

As the new girl’s head slipped down my throat, I continued to work my jaws. The girl might have been petite, but I still had to get her shoulders down. I used to go feet first. That way, by the time I got to the shoulders my body would have already began to comfortably expand. But, this one time the toxin in my venom wasn’t potent enough to put my victim out. She woke up and started screaming. It was very messy.

For some reason, as my body began stretching, my arms lost functionality. So, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t use them to pull my mouth open wider or cram my food down my throat. When I turned completely into a snake, my arms flattened themselves against my sides and merged with my body. It was a freaky feeling losing the functionality arms provided, but when you needed to be a snake, you needed to be a snake.

Working past the new girl’s shoulders, it took a surprisingly short amount of time to swallow the rest of her. The whole process only took about ten minutes. Now I had to wait. This was the one drawback in being a slider. I’m sure that you have already figured out that a human body, even a petite little hottie like the new girl, was too big to fit inside another person’s stomach. It was true. But, our bodies, slider bodies, were as elastic as our jaws. It also stretched so that she fit nicely down inside. The only drawback was that I became a huge blob of flesh until my body digested her.

My grotesquely distorted ‘after feeding’ body was the reason my heart skipped a beat at seeing the manhole cover. It was not the perfect hiding place to hold up for a few days while my body digested the girl, but it was hidden and no one should feel the need to come down here. It took my body three full days to completely digest a person. For that entire time, I wouldn’t be able to move very much. So, if someone did come down into the sewer, I would be in trouble. Actually, in this case, it might take me four days to digest the little new girl.

I hadn’t planned on consuming her. I only had to feed like this one time a month to keep myself healthy. The rest of the month, I could nibble on little things like hamburgers, steaks, pork chops or whatever. It made me more successful at integrating with a world full of humans. But, after seeing the manhole cover, I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity. You might not believe it, but it is incredibly difficult to kidnap people these days. You either have to get up really early or stay up really late so that you can catch them off guard. Even then, you still have to be careful. With the video capacity on phones nowadays and the CCTV camera systems all over the city, it’s almost impossible to not get caught. Then, you either have to dose them with your venom and carry them to a safe place or struggle with them kicking and screaming.

Like I said, it’s not easy. I’m a little stronger than a normal human, but women lie about their weight. And, I don’t care what anyone says, a hundred and ten pounds is still a lot when their arms and