Angelica

By Gabriel Archer

This short story was left to us by a friend, a fellow writer, after his suicide. He made us promise that we will make sure that it was published posthumously. We debated for a long time whether to honor his final request. We had to balance loyalty to him with what reading it will do to you. In the end loyalty won out, and for that we are truly sorry. To assuage our own guilt, we ask that before you open it, please pause and consider that once read, some things cannot be unread.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gabriel Archer
• Release date: Oct 15, 2012

Gabriel Archer

Captain Gabriel Archer, IX, Ph. D., Esq. is a world-class lothario. There is a high probability that he slept with your wife or - if you are a beautiful woman - you. Mr. Archer is an expert marksman and can shoot an a amoeba off a fly's head. He practices law in NYC for fun. He is the first sword of the Empire. He endorses self-reliance over political candidates. His hobbies include your wife (or, quite possibly, you, Mrs. Dear Reader); writing realistic magicalism, a genre he single-handedly invented with co-author and sidekick, Jack Canaan; creating fictitious and utterly true autobiographies; and breathlessly staring at the mirror. He has an advance doctorate in armchair philosophy and has spent years learning to make armchairs from Buddhist monks high in Himalayan mountains. He looks striking in a tuxedo. Although warned many times not to, he went there. He also discovered Martha's Vineyard in 1602. Sir Jack Canaan ibn Hatzel, Sr., M. D. is a world-class lotahrio. There is a high probability that he slept with one of the women you know, or - if you are that woman - you. He is so pleasant that imaginary friends invented him for company. Dr. Canaan has worked for every single intelligence agency in the world, often double- and triple-crossing himself to the point that he remained loyal. He is a veteran of the First Angelic War and the Second Lebanese War. His hobbies include pleasing dear readers; writing realistic magicalism, a genre he single-handedly invented with co-author and sidekick, Gabriel Archer; ripping wings off angels; and unmasking hypocrisies. Ancient Canaan is named after him. He once had a date with destiny, but stood her up in favor of ménage à trois with fate and karma. He does everything better naked.

Book preview

ANGELICA

by

Gabriel Archer & Jack Canaan

Smashwords Edition

Copyright©2012 MetaFic, Inc.

All rights reserved.

This will be the last thing I will ever write. It's not that I'm out of ideas - I may have too many of them, in fact; it's just that my will to compose has vanished. EYES. Ignore these little outbursts, they'll pop up once in a while. Anyway, even as I sit down to write this, I have all the classic elements of an aspiring writer: a crummy apartment, a steaming cup of instant coffee, a couple of packs of cheap cigarettes, and an overfilled ashtray still smoking from the last butt I didn't really snuff out. To all that add a Colt revolver -- black and slick -- with a single bullet. This equals failure. KIDNEYS. Please do pardon these outbursts, but alas, they are necessary.

I'm taking no chances. To make sure this is published, I have about a hundred envelopes all stamped and addressed to various publications, magazines, periodicals, that deal with fantasy and horror. If I'm lucky, someone will actually take this to be a clever story and expose it to thousands of readers. But in essence, this is so much more.

I also asked a couple of my friends to publish this online, for free, on Amazon and iBooks and all the other big websites. After I mail all the envelopes, I'll come back here, light up one more cigarette, look at her picture, and start playing Russian Roulette until I lose... Or win... Whatever you want to call