Defeated Victory

By Gabriel Archer

She lives in a palace swaddled in clouds and mythology; he is a prince of a country so unknown that it is known for being left off maps. She makes emperors kneel in front of her; he - milkmaids. She is a divine being; he isn't even a very good person. He wants her questionable favors; she wants unquestionable worship. She has a vagina; he's a prick. She is the goddess of victory; he wants to defeat her. We are talented authors; you are a discerning reader - and this is a story about the unlikely romance of human ambition and divine caprice.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gabriel Archer
• Release date: Nov 13, 2012

Gabriel Archer

Captain Gabriel Archer, IX, Ph. D., Esq. is a world-class lothario. There is a high probability that he slept with your wife or - if you are a beautiful woman - you. Mr. Archer is an expert marksman and can shoot an a amoeba off a fly's head. He practices law in NYC for fun. He is the first sword of the Empire. He endorses self-reliance over political candidates. His hobbies include your wife (or, quite possibly, you, Mrs. Dear Reader); writing realistic magicalism, a genre he single-handedly invented with co-author and sidekick, Jack Canaan; creating fictitious and utterly true autobiographies; and breathlessly staring at the mirror. He has an advance doctorate in armchair philosophy and has spent years learning to make armchairs from Buddhist monks high in Himalayan mountains. He looks striking in a tuxedo. Although warned many times not to, he went there. He also discovered Martha's Vineyard in 1602. Sir Jack Canaan ibn Hatzel, Sr., M. D. is a world-class lotahrio. There is a high probability that he slept with one of the women you know, or - if you are that woman - you. He is so pleasant that imaginary friends invented him for company. Dr. Canaan has worked for every single intelligence agency in the world, often double- and triple-crossing himself to the point that he remained loyal. He is a veteran of the First Angelic War and the Second Lebanese War. His hobbies include pleasing dear readers; writing realistic magicalism, a genre he single-handedly invented with co-author and sidekick, Gabriel Archer; ripping wings off angels; and unmasking hypocrisies. Ancient Canaan is named after him. He once had a date with destiny, but stood her up in favor of ménage à trois with fate and karma. He does everything better naked.

Book preview

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