Murphy and me

By Mike Harris

We’ve all gathered around the dinner table with family and friends and shared our Murphy’s Law stories, when what could go wrong did at the worst possible time. In time our daily routines returned to normal,and recounting those stories made for fun dinner conversation. But what do we do—and this is truer today during the global economic crisis—when Murphy’s Law becomes the new routine?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Mike Harris
• Release date: Apr 3, 2012
• ISBN: 9781476435336

Mike Harris

Mike Harris lives on the beach in Cocoa Beach, Florida. He has a Master’s Degree in Counseling from a Christian university and worked in the field as a crisis counselor for over fifteen years. Having sought to balance his perception of life through several careers and participation in five different sports, he is an avid seeker of balance in the Christian life, as well. His passion is to identify God in the common links of life, those hallowed threads which weave all things together.

Book preview

Murphy and Me

(Breaking Free From the Victim Mindset)

Mike Harris

Smashwords Edition

Disclaimer and Copyright

The information contained in this book is for informational purposes only. Any suggestions that I give are my own opinions based on personal research and experience. Although I choose not to live in fear, we still live in the land of legal ramifications. As such, be forewarned to seek the advice of a professional before acting on anything I have published.

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment. It may not be re-sold or given away to others. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. (I’ve made them cheap enough.) If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy.

By reading any of my stuff you are hereafter implying that you agree I am better looking than Brad Pitt and more debonair than Sean Connery. Who reads these things?

Meet you at the next section. By the way, thanks loads for downloading this EBook. Heck, for a whopping $15.00 download all five of them.

And now on with the show….

Copyright 2012. All rights reserved. Mike Harris.

mailto: [e-mail]

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction

Prologue

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Epilogue

INTRODUCTION

I don’t suppose the timing of a book on breaking free from the victim mindset could be more perfect. I didn’t plan it this way. Who would have guessed when I started this book seven years ago that upon its completion the entire world would be in the middle of an economic crisis that has in some way made victims of us all?

It is March 2009 and the stock market has just fallen to its lowest levels in twelve years. Record numbers of Americans are out of work, and those numbers are increasing. The housing market continues to spiral down with the greatest number of foreclosures since the Great Depression. Retirement savings have plummeted well over fifty percent. Washington’s movers and shakers are pointing the finger at one another; no one is accepting responsibility. They can’t agree on how to fix it, but they all agree that it isn’t their fault. Apparently, there are no guilty perpetrators, only victims.

Like I said, perfect timing. But it is not mine.

My struggles with Murphy and the victim mindset, however, began many years before this failing economy. You see, there have always been good reasons to think like a victim. This destructive way of thinking is built on a foundation of good reasons, which is precisely why it is so difficult to free ourselves from its entanglements. Good reasons were almost the end of me.

In times past, we’ve all gathered around the dinner table with family and friends and shared our Murphy’s Law stories, when what could go wrong did at the worst possible time. In short time our daily routines returned to normal, and recounting those stories made for fun dinner conversation.

But what do we do—and this is truer today then ever—when Murphy’s Law becomes the new routine? When months, even years later, the break you prayed for never came? Like quicksand, the harder you tried to free yourself from dark corners, closed doors and missed opportunities the more stuck you became. Reluctantly, perhaps, but with a sense of entitlement, you donned the scarlet letter V on your brow. After all, you’d earned the right. Poor you. Only then you were more bound in the mire than ever.

There is a way out.

Breaking free is my story.

PROLOGUE

Allow me to introduce the main characters:

Murphy - Inventor, sustainer and public relations director of his very own law. He must be pretty conceited because he named the law after himself. It goes something like this: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong, at the worst possible time, when you are the least prepared and the most uncomfortable; when the sheets are dirty and the milk’s run out and the kitty’s missed the box and your flashlight’s out of batteries…. Murphy’s Law is kind of like infinity. No wonder he’s conceited.

Me - Murphy fighter. Or perhaps better coined freedom fighter. Ever since I woke up one morning and found Murphy and his entourage camped out next to my azalea bushes. Life went south pretty quick after that. For six long years it continued. Six years of bondage to a victim mindset. OK, maybe five years; it took about a year for the hook to set. Even though there was plenty of evidence to substantiate my victim mentality (like I said, good reasons are a dime a dozen), I eventually learned that Murphy’s power in my life was sustained by my fear of him.

The first half of this book was written in the thick of it. Injured. Wounded. The wounds of the child inside the man who felt betrayed by God following years of His silence. Years of no direction, or what seemed at the time to be misdirection. Years of thanking God for an answer to prayer only to have the door slammed shut. Years of a strained relationship with Murphy and his law; one that I didn’t ask for and couldn’t free myself from. Up until then life was pretty simple. Up until then what I’d thought was childlike faith had seemingly been blessed and rewarded. Then for no apparent reason the bottom fell out.

Now for the good news.

Looking back, knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t change a thing. In spite of the hurt, confusion, and frustration. So if Murphy and his constituents are having one of those forever seminars in your neighborhood and you can’t get a break, let my story comfort you.

Yes, I have made some serious mistakes. And yes, the consequences in some cases have been sad and regrettable…but I have no regrets! Confused? Read on.

Not only did writing about my struggles prove to be cathartic, but also I believe that in the process God showed me a few things. Things I wish somebody had shared with me back in the day. Things that are even more applicable today during these very tough times. Things I’ll be sharing with you in due time. But first you’ll have to pay your dues, like I did. So before we get to the good stuff—lessons learned—you’ll have to go back in time with me and experience my pain. No pain, no gain. Now that’s a law we understand.

Wipe that grimace off your face, there’s plenty of humor sprinkled throughout to make my journey very digestible and even good for you, I promise. But I must warn you that parts of this book, especially the first chapter, can be quite cynical too. Cynical was how I felt when I wrote it. Writing honestly about it helped me work through it and in time find my way out.

You’ll be going there with me.

This book was not written from the privileged position of looking down from the mountaintop, recapping the events that led to the summit. No, the majority of this book was written still stuck in the muck and mire of base camp having no idea where or if there even was a summit.

It should be noted that my story, as over-the-top as the previous metaphor makes it sound, was not birthed out of extraordinary circumstances or insurmountable odds. I am not the last living survivor of the Titanic or Auschwitz. I did not lose half of my face on Mt. Everest. I am embarrassed to say that my story is much more ordinary and could have happened to anybody. What makes it extraordinary and worth reading, I’d like to think, is not the depth of tragedies overcome but, rather, the quality of lessons learned. In other words, if a man pricks a finger and learns a life-lesson from it, good for him. His challenge, then, is to share what he’s learned so the rest of the world won’t have to quit their jobs and walk the Appalachian Trail to glean the same wisdom.

And so it is with this book. My prayer is that you will benefit from my finger-prick.

One of the great things about writing a memoir is that the author is free to explore his or her inner core, and often it is not pretty. With nothing to hype and no one to impress, the writer is free to be completely honest. And the reader benefits to; by realizing on a deep level that he or she is not alone. There is a connection. And for the moment, one of the most basic of all human needs is met.

This brand of vulnerability and honesty was not only my key to healing but also my lifeline out of base camp. Perhaps this is what Jesus meant when He said that we must come to Him as a child. I don’t suppose any of us ever reaches the summit while on this planet, but at least now I’ve incorporated the skills to get a lot closer.

In the end, God elected to free me up through my own writing. How cool is that! Having no idea where I was going when I first started this book other than to voice my confusion and frustration, God chose to bestow His wisdom on me as I wrote. If I am the only person who reads this book, it has still served its purpose. Getting down to gut was my ticket out!

Speaking of gut, I’ve just decided I won’t make you read the whole thing before sharing one of the most important lessons-learned. Here it is: God can handle your truest self! Not only can He, but that’s exactly what He wants from you!

So…this is a story about Murphy and me. Murphy and my truest self. Like a bitter romance novel, only shorter. Someone had to write it, for all of us. You see, I know you’ve had your own issues with Murphy too. Otherwise you never would have picked up this book.

My plan is to expose him like a tell-all Hollywood tabloid story. I’m going to tell all his secrets and ruin him. With secrets exposed, he’ll have less power over you. Unless, of course, he sees you’re still afraid. Such a dog.

That’s the plan, anyway. But as you’ll soon find out, there is a Mystery much larger than myself that has His way in spite of them.

Chapter One

Jeremiah 10:23-24: I know, Lord, that a person’s life is not his own. No one is able to plan his own course. So correct me, but please be gentle.

Written seven years ago….

I do not know if it is embarrassment or shame or both which makes it so difficult to admit that at age 48—just two years shy of you know—I continue to fail miserably at the single most important test of adolescence and early adulthood: finding one’s place in life. Thirty years out of high school, and it still eludes me, and worse, still dominates my thoughts! At the developmental stage in life where most men are at their productive peak (i.e., the CEO of this and the Captain of that) little me is still trying to figure out what he wants to be when he grows up. If he grows up.

Oh I’ve had my ideas. Ideas that have actually matured into plans. Plans that haven’t worked out.

I know there are many of you who can relate. Why? Because every time I joke about Murphy’s Law, you can’t wait to tell me your story. Give me four hackers, like myself, on a beautiful golf course. Mix in a few ugly golf shots, and the next thing you know, all four of us are joking about how much golf is like real life.

Worked yesterday; why not today?

Lousy gust of wind at just the wrong time!

Just one more foot and it would’ve made it over the water.

Just one more blade of grass and it would’ve rolled in.

Things never seem to work for me.

Before long we’re sharing personal stories where, like our golf game, the whole universe has teamed up to keep us from scoring. We one-up each other with tales of plans gone bad. And even though there is some twisted sense of pride in believing our tale is the worst, there is greater comfort in hearing one worse. We laugh harder than we have in a long time, in spite of the fact that none of us breaks 90. Sure, we’re all saying we hit in the low 80’s, but that was with who knows how many four-foot gimmes.

It feels good to laugh. It feels even better to laugh about our screw-ups. Especially when we are in the company of those whose golf and whose plans are more chaotic than ours. We don’t feel as alone as we had been feeling. We feel a part of something. And that’s a good thing.

Why? Because as much as we’d like to identify with the motivational writers and speakers who are handsomely paid to share their rags to riches stories of success, most of the self-help books we read and conferences we attend are not headed by people who are still in the middle of the struggle. People like us. People who I can relate to. People who, without prophetic knowledge or hindsight’s privilege, are still unsure as to whether their current struggle is merely an obstacle to push aside or a thorn in the flesh to be accepted.

As a matter of fact, it is this common sense of ambiguity and frustration that binds us, fueling the belly laughs of relief. Sure, we love a winner like any other good American. We love stories of everyday people who have overcome insurmountable odds, and who with hard work, faith, determination, and yes, a little luck, are now successful. We applaud them and rightly so. I mean, if they can do it, so can I, we say to ourselves.

The frustration occurs when years later, in spite of all our efforts, things haven’t changed much. What could have gone wrong has done so, repeatedly, at the absolute worst time and all the rest.

The break we so desperately needed, and prayed for, has never come.

So now what? What are we to make of God’s silence?

Could it be, we wonder, that our disappointment and frustration have been God’s plan from the start? Is this some kind of spiritual boot camp for Christian philosophers? Those of us who through frustration and failure are destined to dig deeper than most people for our answers? I mean, suffering creates hollowed out spaces, right? Spaces that God can fill with Himself. Could it be, then, that we are actually the privileged ones? Could it be that people like us have been groomed by God to pursue and eventually receive the deeper stuff of life?

We can’t all be motivational speakers, can we? I mean upbeat, non-stop, can drive you nuts? Enough already! And besides, the definition of upbeat is relative to the root word beat. In other words, in order for there to be an upbeat there’s got to be a downbeat. For upbeat to be a motivating breath of fresh air, there has to be its melancholic opposite. Is that where we come in? Are we life in the valley, while Zig Ziglar is life on the mountaintop? Is this like a team effort—good guy/bad guy—where the purpose of a book like this one is to set the stage and prepare the