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By J. Leigh Bralick

A year has passed since the Judgment...

...and Merelin wonders if she will ever return to Arah Byen.

Then the visions begin. Memories of a life and love she left behind begin to twist into something dark and terrible. Is it guilt that haunts her...

...or is she foreseeing a terrifying future yet to come?

Her role in Arah Byen is far from over, but nothing can prepare her for what she will find when she returns.

She thought she had won peace for the world, but a new enemy lurks in the shadows and plots the overthrow of all that Merelin and Yatol fought for.

With everything turned upside-down, Merelin must discover whose side she is really on—and who she can trust—before it is too late.

But how can she know who to trust...

...when she isn't even sure she can trust herself?

• Language: English
• Publisher: J. Leigh Bralick
• Release date: Dec 17, 2011
• ISBN: 9781465908315

J. Leigh Bralick

J. Leigh writes primarily fantasy and YA fantasy novels. She has made one foray into science fiction, and enjoyed it so much she may eventually publish that experiment, if she survives the effort. Her favorite thing about writing fantasy is the excitement of exploring new worlds and experiencing exciting adventures — all on a very low-cost budget! All you really need is coffee.When she isn’t writing, J. Leigh loves her other job as an ER nurse (most of the time). (Except at 3AM.) She spends the rest of her non-existent spare time wrangling her three big dogs, acting as glorified tree branch for her little parrot Pippin, attempting to not murder garden plants, and taking care of her husband.

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Book II of the Lost Road Chronicles

by

J. Leigh Bralick

Published by Vorona Books

Copyright 2011 © J. Leigh Bralick

All Rights Reserved

This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, existing locations, or real people, living or dead, are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are the creation of the author, and any resemblance to actual events, locations, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

For my dad and my sister, Shannon.

Thank you for always believing in me.

Chapter 1

It had only been three months since I’d seen my brother, so I never expected that I wouldn’t recognize him.

My gaze flitted over the rows of shaved heads and green-on-green athletic uniforms lining up in front of us, desperately searching each stern, unsmiling face to find Damian’s. Finally I spotted him, third from the left in the second row, staring straight ahead just like all the other recruits. Without all his hair he looked so much older. I don’t know if I could say he seemed stronger or tougher or more serious than he had before boot camp—he had been that way ever since the day we returned from Arah Byen. He’d seen the face of war, and stared into the face of death, and the realness of it all had never left him. Somehow I’d always known he would end up in the military.

Maggie and my best friend Darcy crowded close beside me, cheering and whistling so loudly I was sure I’d go deaf. I watched, but couldn’t seem to find my voice. My throat felt strangled, like someone was trying to choke me who couldn’t quite finish the job. I took a deep breath and let myself smile, because smiling at least was safe.

Finally everyone fell silent to listen as someone who looked important started talking about how he had turned these recruits into Marines. He didn’t talk long; his speech was straight and to the point, decisive. After all, he was a Marine.

The platoon was called to attention.

Vaguely I felt Darcy shaking my arm. My mom had a hand on my other shoulder, but I barely heard her asking me if I’d seen Damian. Saying how strong he looked. I just watched, strangely numb, as the platoon turned and jogged off to finish their motivational run.

The next few hours passed in a blur. We were herded from one place to the next, ending up on bleachers to watch the parade. Finally my excitement caught up with me. I counted minutes until I could hug him, talk to him, ask him how he was. Tell him how proud I was. Tell him how much I’d missed him.

God, I’d really missed him.

The platoons reappeared, marching now, wearing their cammies. The military band blared a suitably martial song. I didn’t pay any attention to the things that were said, the words of advice for families, instructions to the recruits. I just kept my gaze fixed on the platoon, and there, in the second row, my twin brother. Then, abruptly, everything dissolved into a chaos of activity. The platoons broke up, the people in the stands were cheering, shouting, and clapping, shoving past as they rushed to track down loved ones. I stood close to Darcy to avoid being trampled.

Go find Damian, Mom said, shoving us gently. We’ll wait here. It’ll be better than making everyone crowd down there, anyway.

Darcy grabbed my arm and hauled me down the bleacher steps before I could even consider the wisdom of her suggestion. We edged through the herds of people, sidestepping enthusiastic hugs and weeping mothers. Where was Damian? I could’ve sworn I’d just seen him standing near his platoon, but with the forest of people around me, most of them significantly taller than me, I’d lost him.

Mer!

I spun around. Damian appeared through a gap in the crowd, pushing his way toward me, his face one huge smile. I barreled toward him and threw my arms around his neck, and he lifted me clear off the ground in his enthusiastic hug. I didn’t want to let go of him. For the first time in months I felt like a whole person again, and I wanted to hold onto the moment as long as I could, because I knew it wasn’t going to last. After a moment Damian released me, holding me at arm’s length and studying me with a strange, almost sad smile on his face.

Okay, he had changed. He’d changed a lot.

I took half a step back, scrutinizing him in turn, as if he were some strange exhibit in a museum. My mind couldn’t quite process what I saw in him. I didn’t know what to think, what to feel. A part of me I wondered if I’d changed as much as he had.

Everyone told me I had changed when I’d come back from Arah Byen a year ago. They said I’d come back a completely different person. I’d lost friends over it, friends who couldn’t understand why I was so much more serious, so much more distant than I’d been just a few months before. The friends who didn’t run away didn’t understand the change either, as Darcy constantly reminded me, but they stood by me anyway.

And while Damian had come back from Arah Byen knowing exactly who he was and what he wanted to be, all I seemed to understand was who I wasn’t, and what I didn’t want to be. Somehow I’d muddled through senior year, at some point following Darcy’s lead and applying to my dad’s university. Now I had a shiny schedule of classes all set to start in a few days, and much as I wanted to, I hardly even cared.

All I really wanted was to go back to Arah Byen, but that option simply wasn’t one. Besides, the person I most wanted to go back for wasn’t there anymore, either. I had nothing. My heart was torn between two worlds, belonging to neither, with no place in either. An exile, still.

I envied Damian his certainty.

He was hugging Darcy now, grinning at me sidelong as she squeezed him tight, her cheeks bright pink against her golden hair. I’d always known she had a thing for him, and apparently he didn’t mind. Past Damian I saw my parents and Maggie wading through the crowd toward us, too impatient to wait any longer for us to bring him to them. My mom reached us first, and Damian stooped to receive her proud hug. She clung to him with tears in her eyes, and after a moment I realized he wasn’t just tolerating it. He hung on to her just as tightly, his brows knotted and eyes squeezed shut.

You must be so proud of yourself, Mom murmured, patting him on the back.

He lifted a hand to his eyes, while I stared disbelieving. Half of me wanted to look away, but part of me just wanted to comfort him. I wondered if I would ever really be able to understand, or share, what he’d been through those three months of Basic.

I watched him pull himself together and extract himself from Mom’s hug, then he turned to Dad and Maggie. Maggie rubbed his shaved head with a teasing comment, but Dad just clasped his hand, met his gaze firmly, then embraced him without any words at all. That was so like Dad. He was never one for words when silence could speak just as clearly.

Damian turned away a split second, dashing his hands across his eyes again. I could tell he was trying not to let us see it, but he failed miserably. We all pretended not to notice.

Where’s Tony? he asked, voice husky, as he turned back around.

And that was the question I’d really hoped he wouldn’t ask. Mom smiled at him, sadly, taking hold of one of his strong arms.

He couldn’t make it, Damian. He sends you his best, though. Wishes he could be here.

I wondered if Damian could tell it wasn’t true. Poor Mom. I knew from the sincerity in her voice that she desperately wanted it to be true. Tony hadn’t been the same either, since Dad returned with Damian and me last summer. We’d never really been able to explain to him and Maggie where we’d been, or where Dad had been all those years. It wasn’t the sort of thing that could just be casually explained and then forgotten. Maybe that wasn’t fair to Tony and Maggie, but Maggie had taken it better than I expected, while Tony had distanced himself from the family, and buried himself in his books instead.

Damian had seen it happen all through our senior year of high school—how Tony got more absorbed in his studies, spending more time away, avoiding more family gatherings. Since Damian had joined the Corps, I’d only seen Tony once, and that by chance in the university library. He hadn’t said a word to me.

I knew Damian had been hoping that things had improved. Mom didn’t fool him, though—I could tell by the sadness in his eyes. But he didn’t say anything to upset her. He just returned her smile and nodded.

So what should we do now? Maggie asked.

Damian suddenly spun around, scanning the crowds, then threw a hand in the air and shouted, Hey, Cabra! Get over here, bro! I couldn’t see who’d he’d beckoned to, but as he waited for his friend to come, he turned back and said, Mom, do you guys mind if a friend of mine hangs with us today? He doesn’t have anyone here with him.

My mom’s mouth dropped open with complete horror. What, no family? No friends?

Family’s not on good terms, Damian said, shrugging. It’d mean a lot to him. And to me. He’s like a brother.

The word held the very faintest touch of venom. I thought of our absent brother, then pushed the thought away. I wasn’t going to let Tony spoil this day for us. After a moment I realized that everyone was nodding approval, but Damian’s gaze was fixed on me. I smiled and shrugged, the best affirmation I could give. I couldn’t really say no. I couldn’t be that heartless.

I watched Damian’s friend stride toward us, and Darcy gave me a pointed, and painful, jab in the ribs. My heart sank, just a little. He was tall, well-built like all of the recruits, at least as far as I could tell through the bulk of his cammies. Good-looking, I had to give him that. Why did he have to be good-looking? He carried himself just like a Marine, hands clasped behind his back, head high, but there was a huge, silly grin on his face. His dark eyes flitted over our little group, and the smile got a little bigger when his gaze fell on me. I blushed and stared at the ground.

Guys, this is Eduardo Garcia. Cabra, my fam.

Cabra? Maggie echoed, skeptical. "Doesn’t that mean goat?"

Yeah, man, Eduardo said, with a wink and a wide grin, snapping his fingers into a double thumbs-up sign. "‘Cause I am El Chupacabra."

Darcy giggled and Damian smacked Eduardo on the back of the head. As soon we’d all been introduced, my mom seized Eduardo in a warm hug.

We are so proud of you, she said fiercely, as if she’d adopted him then and there. That was so Mom.

My dad shook his hand and gripped his shoulder, then Maggie gave him a hug too.

Fantastic. Thank you, Mom and sis, for setting a precedent I’m going to have to follow.

Still, my heart went out to Eddie. It just wasn’t right for anyone to face graduation day all alone, without anyone to cheer you on, to tell you they were proud of you for getting through what was probably the toughest thing any of these guys had ever done. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. And from the way Eddie’s grin had gotten even bigger than ever I could tell that their hugs meant the world to him.

He turned to me. Damian was watching me too, expectant. Better and better—apparently my brother had joined the conspiracy against me. I sighed, just a little, and opened my arms. I gave an unintentional gasp of surprise as Eddie practically threw himself into my hug, squeezing me tight like I was a long-lost best friend or a long-absent girlfriend. Yuck.

In some corner of my mind, I remembered the last guy— not related to me—I’d let hold me like that. Yatol. I could still feel his arms tight around me, hear his words creeping back into my memory:

I would go anywhere for you.

I stood at the gates of Hell for you.

I jerked away from Eddie, heart hammering. Oh God, I’d heard him. Heard his voice, right there. Right behind me. I swung around, scanning the mass of humanity, but I only saw crowds of families, friends, and young recruits. I realized I was shaking, then after a moment I noticed everyone in my group was staring at me, puzzled. I tried not to look at Eddie, but out of the corner of my eye I saw him with his hands still extended, his face a perfect mixture of confusion and embarrassment.

Damian touched my arm. I hadn’t even seen him come up beside me.

Um, Mer, what’s the problem? he said in a low undertone. It wouldn’t kill you to hug Eddie, you know.

I couldn’t find my voice. Suddenly Damian pulled his hand away from my arm, studying me now in genuine concern.

You’re cold as ice. You okay?

I shook my head fiercely and clasped my shaking hands on my arms, self-conscious with everyone still watching me.

I’m fine. Sorry, D. I didn’t mean anything by it, just…got a funny feeling all of a sudden. I had to do something to salvage the situation with Eddie, at least for Damian’s sake. I racked my thoughts for something to say, then settled on the truth. Sorry, Eddie. I just thought I heard someone call me, and I freaked out. Uhh…not so pleasant memories, you know.

Eddie relaxed, but instead of grinning and waving it off like I expected, his confused expression dissolved into concern, and he hugged me again.

He rattled off a stream of Spanish that I only half-understood—and I was pretty sure I didn’t want to understand the other half—and finally ended in English, You let me know if anyone here is bothering you, and I’ll take care of it, right? Me and Saber, we got you covered. No worries, okay?

I hid a grimace behind a smile and nodded. Sometimes I didn’t understand myself. If I’d been any other girl, I would have been in absolute heaven getting this kind of attention from this kind of guy. Suave, hot, fit, sweet as could be and my twin’s best friend—what wasn’t to love? I could feel Darcy’s accusing gaze, wondering the same thing. So why didn’t I seem to get it? But I couldn’t help pulling away, couldn’t tear down that wall I’d built up inside. Anything less felt like I was betraying Yatol. All of my sane, mature, practical self was screaming at me to move on, to get over it, to let the past die, but I just couldn’t do it.

My gaze roved one last, desperate time over the people. I’d heard his voice, as clearly in my ear as if he’d been standing beside me—not the vague, quiet, internal voice of memories and dreams. But it wasn’t possible. My throat burned and I struggled to push back the rising knot of tears. I wanted it to be possible. It was all I really wanted.

Chapter 2

The others were carrying on a lively debate around me. Lunch, right. We hadn’t eaten since some ridiculously early hour in the morning. Most Marines and families went to a particular restaurant, apparently, as a kind of Family Day tradition, and Damian grimaced as he told us his drill instructor would be there for us to meet. Eddie laughed and told us that the DI’s never smiled. Ever. It was like they just didn’t have the smile muscles.

A little later and we found ourselves in the elegant restaurant, surrounded by DI’s stopping by all the families to chat about the recruits. They were some of the scariest-looking people I have ever seen, and I’ve seen a few. But I noticed the deep respect on Damian and Eddie’s faces as they watched their former instructor come toward us. It was almost reverential awe.

The instructor shook all our hands, the faintest glimpse of something possibly resembling a smile touching the corners of his mouth. I caught Eddie and Damian exchanging a silent, expressionless glance that still screamed surprise, and couldn’t resist a little grin.

The DI shook my hand last. Since he’d already chatted with my parents about Damian’s stellar performance through boot camp, I expected him to just greet me and go on with his rounds. But he stopped and studied me curiously.

You’re Merelin, I take it? Twin sis?

I stared, a little taken aback and more than a little tongue-tied. I would never have survived recruit training, I realized grimly. Give me an Ungulion any day and I’d be fine, but give me a Marine drill instructor and I’d be a pathetic quivering blob in minutes. Finally I managed a nod. I couldn’t even get out a yes sir.

The DI turned away, taking a couple of steps and then spearing me an uncompromising glance that told me he expected me to follow him. Though he wasn’t an exceptionally tall man, that didn’t make him any less intimidating. He had the body of a small bear. A small, compact, hairless bear. I took two steps and crossed my arms protectively, not intending to look petulant.

You know, when your brother was my recruit, he took charge of his platoon almost the first day. Hit the ground running and never stopped to look back. Real natural leader. I said to myself one day, ‘That boy’s done this before.’ I didn’t know how. Impossible, I told myself. He’s barely out of training wheels and pull-up diapies. But he just acts like a real seasoned soldier. And you know what he told his platoon? I heard him say it again and again, and I thought first time around he was dressing down the babies, giving them hell, toughening them up. Then I realized he really meant it. He wasn’t making fun.

What did he say? I asked—it was the obvious question.

He almost smiled again. He’d tell his men, ‘My sister is tougher than you.’ Or, ‘This wouldn’t stop my sister.’ Things like that. Like I said, I thought he was dressing them down—no offense to you. But he really meant it.

He surveyed me carefully, head to toe, obviously appraising me to see if I was worth Damian’s esteem. I dropped my arms to my sides and lifted my chin, trying to meet his gaze with something resembling confidence.

I’m sure he was exaggerating a little, I said.

Oh, I don’t doubt it, the DI replied, so surely that I blushed. But he’s a good judge of men’s mettle. Like I said, a natural leader. He saw something in you. And to be perfectly honest with you, you got to be something of a symbol around his platoon. A glorified emblem of honor and victory and the whole damn Corps. I think some of them had shrines set up to you by the end of training.

I’m sure those wouldn’t pass inspection.

The DI actually gave a hoot of laughter, clapping me on the shoulder so hard that I gasped for breath.

You’re something else, Merelin Lindon. But my thanks to you for being an inspiration to those recruits.

I hope I don’t disappoint, I said.

Not at all. He wagged his finger at me. Enigma, that’s you. Not a disappointment.

He turned away, shaking Damian and Eddie’s hands again, then strode off to visit some other hapless family. I met Damian’s puzzled glance. At almost the same moment we both lifted our hands in a questioning shrug. And suddenly there was Eddie again, throwing his arm around my shoulders.

Holy sh—shells and bells, he cried, squeezing me in a sideways hug. Was that a laugh I heard from our hat? Make me a liar!

I smiled faintly and edged out of his grasp. Hey, Damian, can I talk to you for a sec?

He nodded and headed outside, where the hot San Diego sun blazed down on the palm trees and the restaurant’s yellow stucco walls. We found some benches arranged around a pretty fountain, but neither of us moved to sit down. Damian watched me quietly, hands behind his back, face expressionless. I slanted a glance at him and almost smiled. Before now, I’d only ever seen that look on his face when he was concentrating, or deeply worried. It was like boot camp had been a big bolt of lightning, freezing his face in that expression.

Suddenly I felt awkward. I couldn’t remember why I had wanted to talk to Damian. Maybe I hadn’t. Maybe I’d just wanted to get away from handsy Eddie. I crossed my arms and stared at the ground.

Can’t believe you got a laugh out of Sergeant Beck, Damian said finally. Unreal. What was that about, anyway?

I felt myself blush. Don’t know if I could tell you.

He smiled and nodded. For a while we both stood silent, facing the lush green lawn and waving palm trees. Then Damian slanted me a curious glance.

So what do you think of Eddie? He’s kind of crazy, but…

What about him?

It came out sounding more snappish than I meant, and Damian arched a stern brow at me.

Geez, Mer, I just asked what you thought of him. I meant what I said earlier. He’s like a brother to me. I’d hoped you would like him too.

I like him just fine, I said, avoiding his stern gaze. He’s great. I love him already. Hugs all around.

Damian’s breath hissed out and he made a little quarter-turn on his heel to stare at the fountain. He didn’t say a word. And somehow, seeing him so in control of himself, not rising to my bait, really annoyed me. It was like he was suddenly older and stronger and smarter and better than me, leaving me behind like the angsty teenager I knew I was being. I shoved my hands in my pockets and scuffed my shoe on the stones.

I’m sure he’s great, I finally offered. It just kind of creeps me out that he’s always touching me. I’m not a touchy-feely kind of girl, D. Sometimes I just want to be left alone.

That’s what you’ve been saying for the last year. I don’t like seeing you like this, Mer. I want you to be happy. I thought maybe he would be different. Stupid me, I guess.

I gripped his arm, burying my head against his shoulder. I don’t want to argue about it. I shuddered. Damian, I thought I heard him.

What? Who, Eddie?

No. I could feel the burning tears at the back of my throat. No, no, don’t cry…not now. I cleared my throat and managed to whisper, Yatol.

He took one step back and stared at me. I knew why it surprised him. I hadn’t said that name since the day we came home.

Earlier, when you hugged Eddie?

He actually believed me? My heart leapt, but then I saw his face. Stern, disapproving, skeptical. I couldn’t speak with him watching me that way, so I just shrugged and nodded.

I’m sorry, he said. I know it’s tough letting go of memories like that. There were times after Dad disappeared that I could have sworn I heard him calling me down to supper. It happens. It hurts, but it’ll go away.

I wasn’t imagining it!

He touched my arm, briefly. Mer…you have to let him go.

He could have stabbed me in the heart with an unsharpened pencil and it wouldn’t have hurt as much as those words. It took every ounce of will to force back the tears.

I can’t let him go. Don’t want to.

But I buried the anger and all the grief with a quick shake of my head, and turned back to the restaurant.

Never mind. I should’ve guessed you wouldn’t understand.

Mer—

Forget I brought it up. Come on, everyone’s probably waiting on us.

He grabbed me by the arm before I reached the building. For a moment he just studied me, so sad, all the strength and fire gone from his gaze.

I don’t want this hanging over us tomorrow, he said. I need you, sis. I need you with me. God knows you got me through boot camp. Don’t walk out on me now.

I would never, I gasped, hugging him fiercely. I’m so sorry, D.

I wanted to say something else, to make some excuse for myself and my idiotic behavior, but I couldn’t. I could only say I was sorry.

Okay, he said. We’ll forget about it. Come on, I’m starving. Swear I haven’t had a real meal in three months!

I breathed a sigh of relief as I trailed after him.

The rest of Family Day flew by. We wandered around the base, went shopping, ate ice cream and got sunburned. Eddie toned down during the afternoon, but as soon as it came time for the recruits to return to their barracks, he was back to hugging me and doing his best to charm me with his wide warm smile. It was a really nice smile. I almost found myself blushing when he flashed me that big grin with a good night.

Darcy was all over it when we got back to our rooms. Even Maggie joined in, and then I couldn’t do anything to make them shut up about it. Finally I resorted to going to bed, way earlier than I was used to, just to make them leave me alone. I woke up feeling cross, and that made me angry at myself on top of it all because I wanted to be happy for Damian.

Graduation passed in a whirlwind. The band played as the platoons marched out onto the parade deck, rows on rows of white hats and blue and khaki uniforms. Mom and Maggie could have single-handedly kept Kleenex in business. Even Darcy cried when Damian’s platoon stopped in front of our section of the bleachers. I almost did too. Part of me wished I could.

Then, almost before I realized what had happened, the recruits all turned sharply amid a cacophony of cheers and applause, and their lines dissolved as they shook hands and said their goodbyes to each other. It was over. Damian was a Marine. And I couldn’t have been prouder.

We waited on the perimeter of the parade deck until Damian made his way over to us. Somehow I’d almost hoped that Eddie would have said his goodbyes already and gone on his way, but there he was, trailing about ten feet behind Damian. He looked so happy, though, I couldn’t bring myself to resent him. I even voluntarily gave him a hug while everyone else was hugging each other. It seemed like the thing to do. Darcy arched her brows meaningfully at me when she saw, but I only scowled and turned away.

We decided to have dinner all together before heading our separate ways. Most of the new Marines left in the early afternoon, but I could tell the decision had more to do with Eddie than the charm of San Diego. Dad went with Damian and Eddie to track down their bags and stow them in the rental car, leaving us girls waiting by the slowly clearing parade deck. Then Mom and Maggie left to do something—I wasn’t even paying enough attention to hear what—leaving just me and Darcy.

I sat on the bleachers, eyes closed. For not having shed a tear, my head ached like I’d been sobbing for hours. Darcy sat quietly beside me, apparently content to let me suffer out the pain in peace and quiet.

Then, Why don’t you like Eddie?

I wanted to scream. I’d like him a lot better if people stopped asking me about him, I snapped.

I clamped my mouth shut and glared down at the ridiculous tropical sundress Darcy had made me wear. After a minute I vented my frustration on the hem of the frilly skirt, violently tugging it straight. I really wasn’t a dress kind of girl. I had no idea what possessed me to let Darcy talk me into buying the thing. She looked like a doll in anything with pink or flowers or frills anywhere on it, and knew how to take advantage of it. I mentally grumbled that I’d rather be in Damian’s cammies than this get-up. Maybe that would make the Latin Lover keep his hands to himself.

Darcy frowned, surveying me incredulously. Who else was asking about him?

Damian, I muttered. We kind of argued about it yesterday.

"You and Damian were arguing? she gasped. Whoa, Lin-Lin, really?"

I glowered at my hands. I don’t know what the big deal is. Why should I have to like him if I don’t want to? He’s great, sure, but he’s so… I wiggled my fingers at her as if that could explain, then shuddered for good measure. It’s gross.

Darcy laughed, burying her golden head in her hands. "Wow. You guys were fighting over that? You never fight."

It’s idiotic.

Yeah it is. You know Damian just worries about you, that’s all. He wants you to be happy. You wear this perfect little Merelin mask but it’s like, helloooo, are you in there anywhere?

What?

"You know you haven’t been the same since last summer. You didn’t go to prom. I mean, what the—? Prom? And now you’ve got this drop-dead gorgeous Marine following you around like a puppy and you treat him like—"

I don’t want to talk about it.

You never do! That’s the problem. If you’re still angsting over that guy who broke your heart, I’ll hunt him down and slap him halfway to Pluto.

I made some kind of grimacing noise in reply, half laugh, half sob. How could something be so funny and so painful at the same time? But Darcy couldn’t understand that. I had never really told her about Yatol, just that there was a guy I had cared about, and that my heart had broken. She inferred all the rest on her own. Darcy was my best girlfriend, but there were still things you didn’t spill. This was one of them. Four people on Earth besides me knew about Yatol, but they never mentioned him. Sometimes it felt like they’d all forgotten that Arah Byen had ever happened.

You don’t understand, I finally managed to reply. It wasn’t like that.

What? Did he or didn’t he break your heart?

"He died, Darcy! That’s how my heart broke. He died."

She just stared at me, mouth in a little O of shock, two faint lines between her brows. After a minute she put her hand on my shoulder.

I had no idea. I’m so sorry.

I shrugged, plucking the hem of the dress again. It was a year ago. Doesn’t matter any more, apparently.

Mer, she said. Unlike everyone else in the world, she only called me Mer when she was being totally serious. I don’t want to sound harsh, sweetie, but if he’s…dead…you really can’t go on like this. You have to let him go.

Were she and Damian on the same brainwave now?

Hey, there’s my girl!

Fantastic. Just when I thought my afternoon couldn’t get any worse, there was Eduardo, jogging toward us. I swung my head around to roll my eyes at Darcy, trying to hide behind my hair. Eddie reached us, pouring out a stream of Spanish that I didn’t need to translate to understand. As soon as he got to the bleachers he jumped up beside me, throwing his arm around me.

"What’s wrong, bella?" More Spanish. Then came the shoulder scrunching, and the staring into my eyes with deepest concern.

She has a headache, Darcy said.

I forced myself to my feet, wrenching out of Eddie’s grip. Sorry, guys. I have to go get some water. I tapped my temple, adding, It’s getting really bad.

I muttered another sorry over my shoulder as I slipped out of the bleachers. Somehow I found my way back to the less-than-glamorous lodgings where we’d been staying, glad we hadn’t checked out yet. I let myself into the room I shared with Maggie and Darcy and flopped down face-first on the bed. The room was dark and silent, besides the little space air conditioner rattling quietly under the window.

I just wanted to go home. But home meant getting ready for college, and college meant deciding what I wanted to do with my life. And no matter how I did the math, going back to Arah Byen never seemed to figure into the likely outcomes.

Once I’d asked my dad if it was possible—if I’d ever be able to go back. I didn’t get any kind of definite answer from him. He just said that the link between our worlds was no longer necessary. For a while that had been as a good as a yes, but as time dragged on and nothing changed, my optimism shriveled up and died a sad lonely death. So I was stuck, desperate to go back into the past, dreading the future. Why did things have to be so difficult? How was I supposed to live a life of wholeness with my heart cut straight in half?

I rolled onto my back and sat up, glaring at my reflection in the mirror across the room. Enough of the melodrama, the me staring back at me said. Whine, whine, whine. Grow up. Nobody else gets a fairytale life, so why should you?

She was glowering at me, just like I deserved. Still, I wanted to chuck something the size of a small dinosaur at the mirror. I escaped the disapproving stare by burying my face in my hands.

You have forgotten me.

I jerked my head up, my gaze freezing on the mirror.

Yatol.

He was right there. Right behind me.

I jumped up, staring all around, tears streaming down my cheeks and heart hammering. But the room was empty. Devastatingly empty. The mirror was empty too, besides me in my ridiculous dress, hair all a mess, streaks of mascara under my eyes like some kind of lame perfume commercial.

He was here.

I sank down in a puddle of fabric at the foot of the bed, my whole body racked with sobs.

He’s dead, I kept telling myself. You’re imagining it.

But I didn’t want to believe it. My mind just clung