Prepare for the Harvest

By Amy L. Allison

Amy was born in Columbus, Ohio in 1954. She attended North Central High School in Indianapolis, IN. She graduated from Indiana University with a Business degree., in 1977. She earned her Masters in Business Administration in 1980 from the University of Evansville, IN.

Ever since she was old enough to hold a pencil, she wrote lyrics to songs, stories, and simple poems. Though Amy always enjoyed the creative writing classes and workshops, she pursued a career in various aspects of business. Her passion continued to be writing stories, essays, articles, and poetry into her adult years.

Amy has been published in tabloids Hoosier Sportsman, Hoosier Outdoors, (in Indiana) and a holistic tabloid Branches, (in Indianapolis, Indiana). She was published in national magazine Lotus: Personal Transformation. The introduction of PC’s created a highly efficient manner of putting her thoughts down on paper. Her literary projects can be found at the Rebel Odyssey website, which was originated in 2003. Here is where she has self-published her writings of five decades.

Amy’s meditation book “Prepare for the Harvest” has been her first book published, in both hard-copy and ebook format. It is a book of daily reflections for those people who wrestle with addictions and Borderline Personality Disorder. This book gives 366 snippets of suggestions, recovery tools, humor, wisdom and quotes from famous people, movie personalities, cartoon characters, writers and philosophers. Hard-copies may be obtained from the Lulu Press website.

Amy may be reached via email through her website. She resides in Indianapolis, Indiana with her life partner, Doug Bunch, and their cat, Ki-Ki.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Amy L. Allison
• Release date: Oct 22, 2011
• ISBN: 9781466042575

Amy L. Allison

Amy was born in Columbus, Ohio in 1954. She attended North Central High School in Indianapolis, IN. She graduated from Indiana University with a Business degree, in 1977. She earned her Masters in Business Administration in 1980 from the University in Evansville, IN. Ever since she was old enough to hold a pencil, she wrote lyrics to songs, stories, and simple poems. Though Amy always enjoyed the creative writing classes and workshops, she pursued a career in various aspects of business. Her passion continued to be writing stories, essays, articles, and poetry into her adult years. Amy has been published in tabloids Hoosier Sportsman, Hoosier Outdoors, (in Indiana) and a holistic tabloid Branches, (in Indianapolis, Indiana). She was published in national magazine Lotus: Personal Transformation. The introduction of PC’s created a highly efficient manner of putting her thoughts down on paper. Her literary projects can be found at www.rebelodyssey.com. The Rebel Odyssey website was originated in 2003. Here is where she has self-published her writings of five decades. Amy’s meditation book “Prepare for the Harvest” has been her first book published, in both hard-copy and ebook format. It is a book of daily reflections for those people who wrestle with addictions and Borderline Personality Disorder. This book gives 366 snippets of suggestions, recovery tools, humor, wisdom and quotes from famous people, movie personalities, cartoon characters, writers and philosophers. It was published in November 2011, and the eBook quickly followed Amy's second book, "Destiny of Detours", is a "Roman a clef" autobiography of her life, her journey, and her recovery. The printed version of this book was published in 11-1-17 through LuLu Books. a link to the hard-copy is available on this website. The eBook format was released on 9-29-18. Amy may be contacted through her websites with questions of recovery, alcoholism, Borderline. She resides with her life partner Doug Bunch and their cat Ki-Ki.

Book preview

Prepare for the Harvest

Daily Meditations for Those with a Dual-Disorder of Addictions/Alcoholism and Borderline Personality Disorder

Prepare for the Harvest

by Amy L. Allison

Published by Amy L. Allison at Smashwords

Copyright 2011 Amy L. Allison

Smashwords Edition, License Notes:

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

ISBN for EPUB format~ 978-1-4660-4257-5

Printed in the United States of America.

Cover of book designed by Amy L. Allison

Introduction A dual-diagnosis of a mental illness and addiction requires dual recoveries. This book addresses the opening of one’s mind to accept the seeds of knowledge, courage in the winds of change, and the wisdom of the tears that grow our recoveries. We will reap a harvest we never imagined possible.~ the Author

Dedication~ I dedicate this book to (DBT-specialist) therapist, Barbara K. Wightman, PhD. She was my therapist for six years and retired in 2010. Her training, in part, was with the originator of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Dr. Marsha Linehan, Director of Behavioral research at the University of Washington in Seattle. Her calm and methodical manner of teaching, coupled with her continual application of the *DBT Skills, taught me that regulated emotions made for a more peaceful life. I could control myself. Her unrelenting dedication to my recovery from BPD saved my life, literally, more than once. I believe that during this time, this guardian angel with skin on, stayed on board with me during the raging storms, as well as when I was adrift. She also taught me to be mindful of the joy to be found in still waters. Her willingness to help me and her never-ending wisdom will never be forgotten.

From the Author~ This book was written in a particular sequence was for a progressive unfolding of recovery from addictions along with the mental disorder of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Addictions, says Joseph Frascella, director of the division of clinical neuroscience at the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), are repetitive behaviors in the face of negative consequences, the desire to continue something you know is bad for you. For a discussion of BPD traits, please refer to the reading on January 27th for clarification. You may start your reading on page iii of the introductory pages (numbered with Roman numerals). The introductory pages will provide you with some background information on addictions and BPD, enabling a better understanding as progression is made through the year. The daily meditations begin on Page 1 of this book. You may then start the daily readings on today’s date.

Acknowledgments~ I wish to thank all of those who encouraged me as I wrote this meditation book on dual-disorders. My sponsor, Jan L.; therapists Linda Caldwell and Gina Minks, who cheered me as I finished it; my mother, Christine Doumas Conlin, who is a writer of poetry, as was her mother, the deceased Helen C. Doumas. Special thanks goes to my writing mentor, Marion Redstone, J.D., who provided the light on the path of my writing and publishing journey with his wisdom and experience. He assisted with the proofing and editing of this book. Also, much appreciation goes to Doug Bunch, who spent countless hours proofing the original draft of Prepare for the Harvest. Doug’s unrelenting dedication to this book and his constant support helped make this book possible. Without the challenge made by retired therapist, Barbara K. Wightman, for me to actually write this book, it may not have ever been attempted or accomplished. It is my first book written and published. Other writings of mine may be found on my personal website, Rebel Odyssey, copyright 2003: by Amy L. Allison Four Components of DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy)- as outlined by Dr. Marsha M. Linehan. 1. Core Mindfulness: Cultivate Wise Mind. 2. Interpersonal Effectiveness: DEAR MAN, G.I.V.E. F.A.S.T. 3. Distress Tolerance: Wise Mind A.C.C.E.P.T.S., I.M.P.R.O.V.E. the Moment, Build Mastery, Radical Acceptance, Quieting the Mind. 4. Emotion Regulation: Opposite to Emotion Action, P.L.E.A.S.E., Build Mastery, Build Positive Experiences. Any text with an asterisk (*DBT) will refer to Dr. Marsha Linehan's book in the Bibliography.

Twelve Steps of Recovery~ 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. 7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. 10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong and promptly admitted it. 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Serenity Prayer~ (Long Version) God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen. by Reinhold Neibuhr

Forward~ Maybe we reached for this book on a bookstore shelf, because its title caught our attention, and we saw for those with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Or we heard this term casually mentioned by a therapist. Well, you are not alone. You see, I am BPD too, and have been in treatment since May 2004. I am also a recovering alcoholic; I got sober August 21, 1989. My alcoholism masked my Borderline; at fifteen (15) years sober from active alcoholism, I was a raging mad-woman. A psychiatrist told me I could die without treatment for this disorder. A psychologist, specializing in the Dialectical Behavior Therapy treatment, coached me on how to live my life more skillfully. Found within this book are little gems of wisdom and recommended practices from professionals, who are dedicated to our survival and healing. Also, the echoing words and caring spirits of those who have recovered before me can be heard and experienced in this book. I started a website of this mental health disorder in May 2009. Go to Webquest, appearing after December 31st for more information.

Introduction~ This book of daily readings is based on the Dialectical Behavior Therapy skills, and loosely on the other cognitive therapies: such as Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy, Schema Therapy, and combinations of these methods with other cognitive therapies. These combinations of methods in treatment hopefully re-program the Borderline's brain to operate at a more centered baseline starting point than from a constant state of erratically aroused emotions. Many of the daily readings are based on these mental health practices and methodologies. Interwoven into the lessons of Prepare for the Harvest, are the spiritual aspects of the basis of any of the Twelve-Step programs that are available for alcoholics, drug addicts, food addicts, gamblers, sex addicts, shoppers, and just about anything on which one can get hooked.

After fifteen years of 12-Step meetings, sponsors, individual therapy, group therapy, workshops, and retreats. I was forced to look at recovery in a different context and from a different viewpoint. I was diagnosed as a classic textbook Borderline, and I was starting at Step One again. I thought I was powerless over my Borderline Personality Disorder. However, I was quickly taught that I was not powerless, and that I had more control than I thought. I was told that I needed to re-train my Emotional Mind's zany ways, temper it with my stable Rational Mind to achieve what is known in the DBT Skills as having a Wise Mind.

I am fortunate to have a set of recognizable symptoms with successful treatment methods. Most recovering people engage in non-productive thinking for which there is no prescribed remedy. A tried-and-true system of skills and behaviors, though, had been developed, and if practiced, could definitely change how I reacted to others' behaviors, situations, and my own actions. What!? Re-program my brain's mental processes after fifty years of habits? Yikes! What an order, I can't go through with it! (from the text of Alcoholics Anonymous, Chapter 5).

I was told I could die from this. No therapist would take me on as a client until I went into treatment for BPD after I had been diagnosed by a psychiatrist. Prior to this, others had just not accurately pinpointed the problem. When I was about two years sober (1991), one therapist brought it up, had me read the book I Hate You, Don't Leave Me, but did not really force me to seek treatment for BPD because an effective treatment had not been developed yet. Fortunately, Dr. Marsha Linehan's concept of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy was introduced in 1993. By the time I was diagnosed in 2004, BPD had gotten eleven years or so of deliberation and discussion. The fun and games of my Borderline charades came to a screeching halt for me. People were worn out from all my trauma-drama.

Prepare for the Harvest is from Me, to You, for Us both to stay in touch with time-proven skills for a calmer life, and practical behaviors of how we can quiet our minds. Maybe just having another option of a more inviting path to travel as you walk through your life one day at a time is the motivation for looking closer at this book. Possibly, you have come to realize that your life is being run by an addiction. It has become the main problem, and needs to be addressed. After a while, another layer of the onion is shed, and a mental disorder called Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) surfaces in a discussion with a healthcare professional. This disorder is cunning, baffling, powerful, and impatient to destroy you, your life and everyone in your life. You may not think you need a daily prompting for a more emotionally-regulated life. This disorder is stealthy and lethal. Alcoholism or another addiction will be the lesser of the two problems, should the diagnosis of BPD be handed to you.

I have lived it for over half a century, and am lucky to have survived. A glossary of terms is provided at the back of this book to clarify some concepts concerning BPD. We all can use some help now and then. Emotions and stressors are part of the Human Condition, and they may both be managed to enhance our lives, and to not hinder our journeys. I am only about seven years ahead of you on this journey of healing from this dual diagnosis at the publication of this book, should you just be starting yours. Each dawning day can throw me back into the bewilderment of the first few Skills classes of DBT treatment. I will be right here with you in spirit as you read. Let our travels begin.

The Facts~ Borderline Personality Disorder affects 2 out of 50 people, or roughly 4% of the population, which is 10.8 million people in the United States. 70% of those with BPD also abuse alcohol, drugs, food, sex, gambling, or some other addictive activity. Borderlines diagnosed are 3% female, and 1% of male, but more males are being diagnosed, and the proportions are changing. There are approximately 14 million alcoholics in this country, and 3 million of them are recovering in Alcoholics Anonymous. Seven (7) million alcoholics have psychiatric disorders; and 1.8 million people are inflicted with the dual diagnosis of alcoholism and Borderline Personality Disorder. This problem is huge. Approximately 7.6 million people in the United States alone suffer from some form of addiction and Borderline Personality Disorder.

Daily Readings By Month

January February March April May June July August September October November December

January 1 | Don’t Judge

It's New Years' Day, and the resolution to keep more order in the household isn't working. House-guests are sleeping all over the floor. The little tykes are wanting their cereal now, and the overly-cheery morning news on the TV is about to make us come unglued. Instinct is to start barking out commands to the sleeping household. Trying to pry a burned-to-a-crisp pizza off the bottom of the oven, a smile breaks out. Take a deep breath and think. Everyone is safe. Everyone had fun. No one was in a car accident. No one drank too much (even with 5 teenagers sleeping somewhere in the clutter). We ask ourselves the questions, ‘how did we get so lucky?’

No matter how busy or difficult life may seem, there is always a peaceful, serene, powerful and untouched part of us that is in complete control, and quietly witnessing all that we do, without judgment. ~ Craig Townsend

January 2 | Shame Smothers

Following is a story once heard: "I thought I was all alone in the room. Not a soul was in the business wing of the church. I had been asked to tidy up the office while all were at lunch. I was a trusted volunteer and had served for several years. As I was cleaning I spied the Record of Receipts: Congregants’ Financial Offerings by family in alphabetical order. Curiosity prompted me to leaf through the confidential journal, and I checked on some prominent names, a bit nervously. You could hear a pin drop in the silence, so there was no mistake when I heard the faint squeak of the sneakers. With dread I turned around and met the eyes of the senior pastor, as I quietly closed the book. Self-hatred consumed me as the minister walked up, took the journal, locked it in his desk and left. On my knees, I prayed fervently that I would not cut myself, as I always had done when full of shame. My Higher Power was there for me."

January 3 | Meditate Daily

The mystical secrets of a more serene life had eluded us for years. Our lives were not tranquil. We had heard that life was 10% what happened to us, and 90% how we reacted to it. Maybe life was going to keep on happening in its unpredictable manner, but we had to do something with our inner calm-it wasn't just going to happen one day. We may have been exposed to meditation in a *DBT Skills Group, and needed to try it again. It's all about clearing the mind; focusing on our breathing. It's just that simple. Breathing is necessary for living, and is pretty basic. We really can't mess the process up. Breathing and clearing our mind of thoughts will ripen our mental state for a calmness to appear in our consciousness.

Inner silence promotes clarity of mind; it makes us value the inner world. ~ Deepak Chopra

January 4 | Relaxing Respite

The speech to the committee did not bring the results we had banked on, after hours of preparation. Our cell phone was vibrating every five minutes, and our drama-queen mother was repeatedly phoning until we picked up, which we didn't. An insistent reminder on our computer was alerting us of our next meeting in an hour. The co-worker in the next office was talking too loudly on his speaker phone, and two people were waiting six feet away to talk to us. Now. We shut down our computer, turned off our cell phone, put our office phone on Do Not Disturb; we stood up from our desk, walked to our office door, smiled at our impatient co-workers and closed the door. We turned on our iPod. We looked at the wall clock, and smiled. Nothing is so urgent here, that won't wait for 900 seconds (15 minutes), The Stock Market didn't crash, and nobody died because of these actions. However, we prospered.

January 5 | The NO Sentence

Feeling good about who we are as a person is vitally important to our recovery. Peoples' expectations of others, over-loaded schedules, inconsiderate ingrates, and our co-dependency can compel us to say yes to a request from our friend, instead of no, my schedule will not permit it. We over-extend ourselves, and get tired, irritable, and resentful of the favor that we are doing for a friend. Mastering the art of Saying No may be a really good place to start building some self-esteem, and consequently reducing our guilt feelings when we are approached and asked to give of our