My Life as a Blundering Ballerina

By Bill Myers

"It's way harder being a guy than a girl." "Is not." "Is too." "Is not!" "Is too!"

So begins another madcap McDoogle mishap as Wally agrees to switch places with Wall Street (his best friend even if she is a girl). Teachers, parents, friends, everyone is in on the act as the two try to survive 72 hours in each other's shoes. It's a custom-made Wally catastrophe that includes: exploding Home Ec cookies (apparently Wally used gun powder instead of baking powder), baby-sitting a mob of out-of-control monster babies, and imprisoned 2.2 hours in the bathroom every morning to fix his hair. Last, and by no means least, Wally must replace Wall Street as a star in The Nutcracker ballet!

All in all it becomes one of Wally's greatest misadventures as he finally learns the important lesson of honoring and respecting others.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Thomas Nelson
• Release date: Oct 2, 1997
• ISBN: 9781418535049

Bill Myers

Bill Myers (www.Billmyers.com) is a bestselling author and award-winning writer/director whose work has won sixty national and international awards. His books and videos have sold eight million copies and include The Seeing, Eli, The Voice, My Life as, Forbidden Doors, and McGee and Me.

Book preview

MY LiFe

as a

Blundering

Ballerina

Tommy Nelson®Books by Bill Myers

Series

SECRET AGENT DINGLEDORF

. . . and his trusty dog, SPLAT cha

The Case of the . . .

Giggling Geeks • Chewable Worms

• Flying Toenails • Drooling Dinosaurs •

Hiccupping Ears • Yodeling Turtles

The Incredible Worlds of Wally McDoogle

My Life As . . .

a Smashed Burrito with Extra Hot Sauce • Alien Monster Bait

• a Broken Bungee Cord • Crocodile Junk Food •

Dinosaur Dental Floss • a Torpedo Test Target

• a Human Hockey Puck • an Afterthought Astronaut •

Reindeer Road Kill • a Toasted Time Traveler

• Polluted Pond Scum • a Bigfoot Breath Mint •

a Blundering Ballerina • a Screaming Skydiver

• a Human Hairball • a Walrus Whoopee Cushion •

a Computer Cockroach (Mixed-Up Millennium Bug)

• a Beat-Up Basketball Backboard • a Cowboy Cowpie •

Invisible Intestines with Intense Indigestion

• a Skysurfing Skateboarder • a Tarantula Toe Tickler •

a Prickly Porcupine from Pluto • a Splatted-Flat Quarterback

• a Belching Baboon . . . with Bad Breath •

WallyMcDoogle13_0002_002

The Portal • The Experiment • The Whirlwind • The Tablet

Picture Book

Baseball for Breakfast

www.Billmyers.com

the incredible worlds of WallyMcDoogle

MY LiFe

as a

Blundering

Ballerina

BILL MYERS

WallyMcDoogle13_0003_001

MY LIFE AS A BLUNDERING BALLERINA

© 1997 by Bill Myers.

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or other—except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a registered trademark of Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Thomas Nelson, Inc., titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fund-raising, or sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail [e-mail].

Verses marked TLB are taken from The Living Bible, copyright © 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois, 60189. All rights reserved.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Myers, Bill, 1953–

My life as a blundering ballerina / Bill Myers.

p. cm. — (The incredible worlds of Wally McDoogle ; bk. 13)

Summary: At the suggestion of their speech teacher, Wally and his good friend Wall Street agree to switch places for three days to prove whether boys or girls are better.

ISBN 978-0–8499–4022–4

[1. Sex role—Fiction. 2. Christian life—Fiction.

3. Humorous stories.] I. Title. II. Series: Myers, Bill, 1953– . Incredible worlds of Wally McDoogle ; #13.

PZ7.M98234Mydd   1997

[Fic]—dc21

97–34366

CIP

AC

Printed in the United States of America

09 10 11 12 13 QW 20 19 18 17 16

For Bill Myers, Sr.—

one of my heroes.

Love each other with brotherly affection and take delight in honoring each other.

—Romans 12:10 (TLB)

Contents

1. Just for Starters . . .

2. Bumble Boy to the Rescue

3. Something in the Air

4. Pass the Cookies . . . to Someone Else

5. Political Correctness

6. A Smokin’ Rehearsal

7. Under Attack

8. Political Crackedness

9. Team Work

10. Wrapping Up

Chapter 1

Just for Starters . . .

It’s way harder being a guy than a girl.

Is not.

Is too.

Is not.

Is too.

The best thing about this kind of argument is that it can go on forever.

Is not.

Is too.

Is not.

Is too.

I mean it’s so mindless you can pick up a good book (preferably something with a title that starts with My Life As . . .), or catch an America’s Funniest Home Videos rerun, or even do complex fractions—all at the same time—and still keep it going.

Is not.

Is too.

Is not.

Is too.

Unfortunately Wall Street, my best friend (even if she is a girl), and I were just getting into it when Ms. Finglestooper strolled over. As our drama and speech teacher and a recent graduate of Fruitcake U (or some other weird college out West), she felt it was her solemn duty to make every minor molehill into a major mountain.

Wally, she said, I think you and Wall Street might have a topic for some speeches here. Before we could answer, she turned to the rest of the class and called, People! People, gather around here for a moment.

And since gather around sounded a lot better than sit in your seat, keep quiet, and do your work, the class immediately obeyed.

What’s up? they asked as they crowded around us.

Well, Wally here thinks being a young man is tougher than being a young woman. And Wall Street believes it’s just the opposite. She turned to us. Is that correct?

Wall Street and I nodded our heads off. So did the rest of the class . . . the boys agreeing with me, the girls with Wall Street. And before we knew it, the entire class had returned to the debate:

Is not.

Is too.

Is not.

Is—

Class . . . class . . . Ms. Finglestooper clapped her hands. I think there’s a way to settle this argument a little more intelligently, and maybe create some interesting speeches at the same time.

How’s that? I asked. (Unfortunately I had not read the back cover to this book, otherwise I would have kept quiet and run for my life.)

Ms. Finglestooper smiled. All you two need to do is simply trade places.

What do you mean? Wall Street asked.

You and Wally agree to live each others’ lives for a certain amount of time. Let’s say, seventy-two hours.

What?! we cried in unison.

Sure . . . it will be perfect. She pointed to me. You’d get a taste of what girls go through, and you, she pointed to Wall Street, will become more sensitive to what guys face. Then, when it’s all over, you may both present speeches about what you’ve learned.

I don’t know, Opera, my other best friend, said. I’m not so sure how Wally will look in a dress.

The class snickered, but Ms. Finglestooper shook her head. No, no, we won’t go to that extreme, but—

One of the guys interrupted. Wall Street couldn’t last ten minutes as a guy.

She’d last longer than Wally as a girl, someone argued.

Would not.

Would too.