Dads Down Under: A Treasure Chest of Fathering Ideas from Prominent Australians

By Bruce Robinson

Good fathering is a powerful force in the lives of children, a force that can markedly reduce their risks of crime, substance abuse, depression and bad attitudes to school and at the same time increasing their chances of having fulfilled lives. But even when dads know this, they usually just don’t know what to do.
This book, from best-selling parenting author Dr Bruce Robinson, is a ‘treasure chest’ of tips from prominent people, written to help dads who want to do a better job of fathering. It works because most dads just don’t know what to do.
The book includes stories and tips from Dennis Lillee, Justin Langer, Dennis Cometti, Mick Malthouse, John Howard, Kim Beazley, John Anderson, Andrew Denton, Geraldine Doogue, Mike Munro, Margaret Court, Tim Winton, Michael Chaney, Sir Rodney Eddington and others.
All profits from the sale of this ebook go to the work of The Fathering Project, a university-based not-for-profit organisation which aims to give every child a strong and appropriate father figure.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jun 17, 2013
• ISBN: 9780980513486

Bruce Robinson

Bruce Robinson is the director and screenwriter of Withnail and I, How to Get Ahead in Advertising, Jennifer 8 and The Rum Diary. He has also written the screenplays for The Killing Fields, Shadow Makers (released in the US as Fat Man and Little Boy), Return to Paradise and In Dreams. He is the author of The Peculiar Memories of Thomas Penman and Paranoia in the Launderette, and of two books for children, The Obvious Elephant and Harold and the Duck, both illustrated by Sophie Windham.

Book preview

Dads Down Under

A treasure chest of fathering ideas from prominent Australians

Dr Bruce Robinson

Dads Down Under - A treasure chest of fathering ideas from prominent Australians:

This edition first published in 2013 by MACSIS Publishing, Perth, 6008, Australia

ABN 71 264 006 446

www.macsis.com.au

Copyright © 2013 Bruce Robinson

The author asserts his moral rights in this work throughout the world without waiver. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means (electronic or mechanical, through reprography, digital transmission, recording or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Cover photographs and design by Scott Robinson

Edited by Hannah Raffel

Author website: www.brucerobinson.com.au

Quotations: The author wishes to acknowledge those interviewed for their kind contribution of quotations. In addition, he acknowledges Andrew Denton and the Australian Broadcasting Corporation for permission to use material from Enough Rope,

Photo credits: In addition to photographs from the public domain, the author wishes to acknowledge the following for their kind contribution of photographs: Francis Andrijich (Beazley), Bill Bachman (Winton), the Office of the Prime Minister (Howard), Brendan Read and the The Australian Women’s Weekly (Anderson), West Australian Newspapers Ltd (Cometti, Edwards), Allsports (Marsh), The Age (Nossal), BBC and National Library of Australia (Lillee), Royal Perth Hospital (Wood), Telethon Institute of Child Health research (Stanley)

This book is dedicated to those men who have left promising and secure careers to take on the task of helping men be better fathers. There are hundreds who have done that, such as James Dobson, Bob Hamrin, Warwick Marsh, Richard Fletcher, Nicky Lee and Rob Parsons, to name just a few.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgements

Preface

Section 1 Australians of the year

Peter Doherty AC – Nobel Laureate in Medicine

Ian Frazer – Scientist, Physician

Fiona Wood – Plastic surgeon

Sir Gustav Nossal – Scientist

Fiona Stanley – Scientist. Institute Director

Section 2 Politics

John Howard – Prime Minister of Australia

Kim Beazley AC – Leader of the Australian Labor Party

John Anderson – Deputy Prime Minister, Leader of National Party

Ian Campbell – Cabinet Minister

Carmen Lawrence – President of the Australian Labor Party, State Premier

Geoff Gallop – State Premier

Richard Court AC – State Premier

Section 3 Cricket

Justin Langer – Test cricketer, opening batsman

Dennis Lillee – Test cricketer, greatest fast bowler

Geoff Marsh – Australian Test vice captain

Craig Serjeant – Australian Test vice captain

John Inverarity – Test cricketer, Chairman of Selectors

Ian Brayshaw – Sheffield Shield Champion

Section 4 Other Sports

Dennis Cometti – Renowned AFL and Olympics commentator

Michael Malthouse – AFL coach, Collingwood, West Coast and Footscray

Margaret Court AO MBE – Tennis champion. 62 Grand Slam titles. Pastor

Shane Gould – Triple Olympic swimming gold medallist and world record holder

Ken McAullay – Champion state cricketer and AFL player

Neale Fong – Chairman WA Football Commission, Medical Administrator

Peter Hillary – Everest Mountaineer, Son of Sir Edmund Hillary

Tim Willoughby – Champion rower and yachtsman, double Olympian, stockbroker

Patrick Rafter – Grand Slam winning tennis player

Section 5 Medicine and Science

Peter Le Souef – Professor of Paediatrics

Mark Edwards – Heart surgeon

Michael Good – Doctor, Institute Director

Christine Jenkins – Lung specialist

James McCluskey – Immunologist, Institute Director

George O’Neill – Obstetrician and drug rehabilitation expert

Section 6 Media

Andrew Denton – TV producer and talk show host

Geraldine Doogue – Media personality and author

Mike Munro – Media personality

Murray Green – ABC and Australia Network Director

Steve Irwin – The Crocodile Hunter

Section 7 Arts

Tim Winton – Author

Cate Blanchett – Actor

Olivia Newton-John – Actor

Rachel Ward – Actor

Sigrid Thornton – Actor

Wendy Harmer – Comedian

Section 8 Corporate

Michael Chaney – Corporate Leader, Wesfarmers, BHP, Woodside, NAB

Linda Kristjansan – Telstra Businesswoman of the Year

John Akehurst – Managing Director Woodside Petroleum

Harry Perkins – Chairman, Wesfarmers

Warren Reynolds – Company Director

Section 9 Professional

Pauline Dixon – Social worker

Peter Newman – Author, environmental scientist and urban planner

Peter Prout – Lecturer in education

Kanishka Raffel – Senior Anglican clergyman

Brian Edwards – Physiotherapist and vigneron

Rosemary Kendell – Occupational therapist

Jim Watterston – Director General of Education

Section 10 Parenting

Steve Biddulph – Famous parenting author

Daniel Petre – Author of ‘Father Time’ and Microsoft executive

Phyllis Prout – Clinical psychologist

Yvonne de Blanc – Social Worker

Section 11 Community

Tim Costello – Lawyer, pastor, CEO of World Vision

Peter Carnley – Anglican Archbishop

Harley Hayward – Aboriginal pastor

Robert Vojakovic – Consumer advocate, asbestos diseases society

Tony Cooke – Trades and Labour Council President

Allan Chapple – Principal, Trinity Theological College

John Dickson – Well known author, singer, pastor and speaker

Ian Robinson – Pastor, author, founder of ‘Tall Trees’

Anonymous

Acknowledgements

I am extremely grateful to the interviewees for making the time available to talk with me, often more than once, for being honest with me and for taking the time to check the text and provide me with personal photos.

Preface

Fathers and father figures are critical

There is convincing statistical evidence that fathers and father figures are critical for optimal development of children. Strong and appropriate father input increases the chances of positive outcomes (e.g. confidence, sense of self worth) and reduces the risk of negative outcomes (e.g. drug addiction, crime), something I learnt in writing my three previous books for fathers (‘Fathering from the Fast Lane’, ‘The Blue Book of Tips for Fathers and Father Figures’ and ‘Daughters and their Dads’).

The use of personal interview quotes from prominent individuals

Because my own experience on the subject of fathering is limited to just one father and three children, and because the published literature on the subject describes problems but not solutions, I turned to interviews for new ideas. The more people I interviewed the more I realised that personal quotes and stories provide different and more helpful information that currently published research studies.

The notes from these interviews are rich in information and ideas. They give the reader a glimpse into the private family life of those interviewed – what they do at dinner, how they solve problems, their biggest fears, their ideas for holidays and how they overcame bad role modelling (or failed to overcome it).

I have interviewed over 400 individuals, lasting 60,000 minutes and producing about one million quotable words, representing over 17,000 years of fathering experience. Although there are as many ‘ordinary people’ in the interview list as there are high profile interviewees, I have chosen (in this book) to record the information obtained from prominent individuals. Although their comments don’t carry more weight than those from less prominent individuals, they are helpful because:

they are usually very busy, so their ideas have widespread value in a busy life

they often receive negative press, and readers are interested in the personal aspects of their lives

they are often in the public eye to some extent and their stories have an intrinsic curiosity value

This book is quite unique – these individuals have not discussed much of this material elsewhere and their collective insights won’t be found anywhere else.

Their comments are not presented as a scientific study but as a rich mine of ideas and strategies that have worked for them.

Importantly, they have allowed me to put their name to these quotes. Where quotes are not obtained during my interview with the subject, the source of that quote is clearly referenced. Where material is quoted from recorded interviews I have taken the liberty of removing the fillers such as ‘you know’, ‘sort of’, ‘eh’, ‘mmmm’ and have joined half sentences and deleted repetitions. I have done this without altering the message.

The feedback I have received from many people is that these interviews convey helpful messages. So many different types of fathers, with good and poor relationships, have shared their ideas and encouraged many others.

Why the words of prominent individuals are powerful

The main advantages of using these quotes and stories to convey messages about dads are:

the tips have been ‘road-tested’, that is, they have worked or failed, not just been imagined

they provide realistic strategies, tips and ideas, not just problems

they are personal stories rather than theoretical

they are authentic, first hand stories, not second hand

they represent people in normal family life, not just from counselling sessions

they provide a range of new ideas

they encourage dads to break stereotypes

they have the benefit of hindsight

they encourage others that things can work out despite awful circumstances

they are all interesting people and fun to read about

In this book I have focused on Australia on the assumption that the stories will be of interest to Aussies. There are other books in which individuals from the USA and the UK are documented.

An index is available online that will enable the reader to access ideas from these interviews that related to specific topics. That index also identifies ideas from other similar interviews of individuals from the USA and the UK.

Some of the interviewees would be considered household names, like cricketer Dennis Lillee, politicians John Howard and Kim Beazley and ABC TV journalist Geraldine Doogue. Others are prominent in their own particular fields.

I have omitted the use of the word ‘former’ because it is unnecessarily repetitive and adds little to the text – it is generally obvious when someone is no longer playing Test Cricket.

Assumptions

In writing this book I am assuming that the reader is interested in understanding how fathers and father figures can do the best job they can for their children, and that they are open to new ideas.

Editorial comments

The interviews are presented as given to me, and it is important to note that I do not endorse all that is said.

Prior to each individual’s interview notes, I have taken the liberty of adding a few of the issues from the interview that I thought were worth highlighting and/or some of the special tips that I think you might find especially useful.

Possible ways to read this book

It would be difficult to read the material in this book at one continuous setting. Perhaps you might consider reading a section then thinking about it for a while and talking about it with someone.

The ideas presented are not instructional. It may be helpful to see these ideas as a ‘supermarket’ rather than a ‘schoolbook’. That means the readers can pick those ideas that suit them and leave the rest. Also, it means that at a later time they might choose some other ideas from the book to try. Other will ‘pick different ideas off the shelf’ based on personality and circumstances.

Section 1

Australians of the year

Peter Doherty, Nobel Laureate in Medicine

Ian Frazer, Scientist, Physician

Fiona Wood, Plastic surgeon.

Sir Gustav Nossal, Scientist

Fiona Stanley, Scientist. Institute Director

Peter Doherty AC

Nobel Laureate in Medicine

Australian of the Year 1997.

Nobel Prize for describing how the body’s immune cells protect against viruses.

Born in Brisbane and trained as a veterinary surgeon.

National Trust Australian Living Treasure.

Fellow of the Royal Society.

Author of The Beginner’s Guide to Winning the Nobel Prize.

Currently working in Melbourne and Tennessee.

Author’s highlights

Beware the great productivity myth (that spending more time working improves your productivity.

Avoid becoming a road warrior.

The Philadelphia solution – being intentional about finding real communities for your kids.

Making time for kids in a busy schedule

My dad died when I was twenty-one. He was busy and he also played golf on the weekends and I resented him for doing that, because I rarely saw him. I have deliberately always gone to the kids’ sports such as Little League. We’d have dinner together when I was at home and occasionally I would pick them up and drop them off at school.

Both of the boys are now married and they both spend a lot more time at home than me – they are from a different generation. Jim is a lawyer in Melbourne and has two children, and Mike is a neurologist in Seattle.

Road warriors - The impact of work travel

I don’t think my busy travel schedule was a shock to the kids as they didn’t know any different – I did it from when they were very young. It may have been harder when we first moved overseas because we were quite isolated – we had no immediate family living near us and that made it harder.

But there are lots of dads today who are real road warriors – they are always travelling. There are also lots of weekend dads because of the high rate of divorce.

When we lived in Philadelphia we had a lot of exposure to Jewish communities and we noticed how cohesive that type of community was for families. We decided to attend an Anglican Church in Philadelphia and this did provide the sort of community that our children needed.

One way that my job has helped our family is that it has given our family the experience of living in different places. We have lived in Edinburgh as well as in Memphis, Philadelphia and Canberra.

My wife’s sacrifices

My wife had her own career in science, as a librarian and in teaching, but really sacrificed her career for mine in order to be present for our two sons. I was travelling a lot and she was always there. She is extremely tolerant and took a lot of the load, really.

Finding a community

When we lived in Philadelphia we had a lot of exposure to Jewish communities and we noticed how cohesive that type of community was for families. We are not Jewish, so we decided to attend an Anglican Church in Philadelphia and this, for a while, did provide the sort of community that our children needed.

Values

Although we are not strong church-goers, the values that we have worked hard to pass on to our children are traditional Judaeo-Christian values such as forgiveness rather than revenge, treating all individuals equally with respect and helping the poor in society. Our kids have seen us do this – we have always treated the tradesmen with the same high level of respect that we treat Medical Research Institute Directors. It is mostly the way we have modelled this rather than a lot of talk about it that has been helpful to them.

Penny remembers driving with her family to visit someone when her uncle suddenly found out that the person was a prominent left winger/communist. He promptly stopped turned around …because of his political views. We would never do that sort of thing

Taking the kids individually on conference trips

We have had family ski trips to Keystone and to the Northeast. To be perfectly honest it has never really occurred to me to take the kids individually on conference trips. It wasn’t really done when the kids were young, but I’ve noticed that it is more common now.

A scientific approach can help train kids to think

Another way that my work has helped is that the scientific approach helps sometimes in family life. It helps me teach rationality, getting the kids to look at issues for what they are rather than what they would like them to be. We have never said to the boys, You should think this way, but rather we have simply modelled our own views and encouraged them to think rationally about all the issues that confront them.

Encouraging tolerance and acceptance

When my wife Penny was young she remembers driving with her family to visit someone, when her uncle suddenly found out that the person was a prominent left winger/communist. He promptly stopped turned around and decided they were not going to visit him because of his political views. We would never do that sort of thing - we take everybody as we find them and expect our children to do the same.

Not everyone who wins the Nobel Prize tries to help the community but I think it is this strong sense of duty from my background that explains why I have done it so much.

Although my own father was not a strong role model as a father, he was good at being direct, speaking to us as adults, and taking people for who they were.

Using the Nobel Prize to help the community

I grew up in a family with a strong sense of duty. We had a Methodist upbringing so everyone really felt that we had a strong sense of duty to the community. I guess that explains why I have tried to use my Nobel Prize to help science and the community. Not everyone who wins the Nobel Prize tries to help the community but I think it is this strong sense of duty from my background that explains why I have done it so much.

The effect of my Nobel Prize on my kids

My Nobel Prize has not really had any effect on the kids. I received it when they were adults and in any case Mike, who is in medicine, never tells people that his dad won a Nobel Prize. He doesn’t avoid it if it comes up, but he doesn’t initiate that discussion.

Submissive males of today

I worry about some of the submissive males you see today. If they spend a lot of time being subservient, they tend to rebound when they get authority and start speaking about getting my department, my research group. I never say my department, I would rather use the words we or our.

There is a great myth that the more time you spend doing your work the more productive you’ll be. This is not so. What matters is the quality of the time you spend at the job.

The great myth - spending more time working improves productivity

I would advise young dads today to spend lots of time with their children. I like the idea of trying to take them to work meetings. In science here is a great myth that the more time you spend doing your work the more productive you’ll be. This is not so because people who overwork can be less productive - what matters is the quality of the time you spend at the job. I think the same applies in families. It is not the amount of time that you spend, but what you do with that time, how you spend the time that will determine your success.

Be careful about your expectations for your kids

I would encourage young dads to be careful about the expectations they have of their children. They need to be sure that they are not just encouraging their children to live a surrogate life that their father might have wanted to live himself.

Give kids clear and simple messages

Young dads should give kids clear and simple messages and guidelines about life. We need to tell kids that they can only achieve goals by their own efforts. No one will do it for them. We as their parents will support them but only whilst they work and make the effort.

Emotional blackmail in families

It is really important that emotional blackmail is never allowed in a family. Occasionally you see passive/aggressive manipulative relationships in families, and it never works well.

If I could have my life all over again

If I could have my life all over again I would like to have spent more time with my children and also would like to have given my wife Penny more support, especially at the times when we had no family around. For example, in Edinburgh she was at home with two young children and no family support and that was a hard time for her.

Ian Frazer

Scientist, Physician

Australian of the Year 2006.

Director of the Diamantina Institute for Medical Research.

Born in Glasgow and chose medicine over physics because of research possibilities.

Studied viral immunology at the Walter and Eliza Hall Institute of Medical Research.

Developed a vaccine for HPV, the cervical cancer virus, with Dr Jian Zhou.

The vaccine ‘Gardasil’ is now used worldwide.

Winner of Howard Florey Medal for Medical Research, Prime Minister’s Prize for Science, Australian Medical Association Gold Medal and William B. Coley Awards.

Married to Caroline.

Father of Andrew, Callum and Jaimie.

Author’s highlights

Making conscious decisions to reduce work travel to be with his kids.

The need to make a choice to become more involved in kids lives.

Working out ways to make better use of his weekends.

Making a decision to reduce work travel

I decided not to travel as much to medical conferences when the children were younger. I travel a lot more now that they are more independent, but I felt that when they were younger I needed to be at home more.

Taking opportunities to talk

I tend to use the early part of the day to spend time with the kids. I take the kids to school and to early morning water polo practice. Because the school was a fair distance away, it is a good time for me to get to talk to them. The only other thing we do on a daily basis is to make sure that we always eat together every night of the week. I don’t want to make it sound idyllic because we often end up fighting, but it is important to us.

I tend to use the early part of the day to spend time with the kids. I take the kids to school and to early morning water polo practice. Because the school was a fair distance away, it is a good time for me to get to talk to them.

Using work travel to take the family

Because my medical career enables me to travel, we have taken a number of family holidays skiing and sailing. I was also able to take the whole family to Cambridge (England) on sabbatical for six months which was a wonderful time together.

One other thing I would do if I had it all over again, would be to teach my children some basic household skills such as carpentry and plumbing. My dad taught me that stuff but I have not taught my own children any of those skills.

If I had it all over again

If I had it all over again, I would probably have made better use of my weekends when the kids were younger. We spent a lot of time working in the garden and getting the house renovated but now when I look back I wish I had just played with the children more.

One other thing I would do if I had it all over again, would be to teach my children some basic household skills such as carpentry and plumbing. My dad taught me that stuff but I have not taught my own children any of those skills.

Fiona Wood

Plastic surgeon

Australian of the Year 2005.

Plastic surgeon.

Born Yorkshire, trained as an athlete and aimed for an Olympic career.

Studied at St Thomas’s Hospital Medical School in London.

Director of the Royal Perth Hospital burns unit and the McComb Research Foundation.

Invented Spray-on skin.

Led a team saving 28 burns patients after the Bali bombing.

Voted the most-trusted Australian in a Reader’s Digest poll for six successive years.

An Australian Living Treasure.

Married to Tony Keirath.

Mother of 6 children.

Author’s highlights

Bookending working days if mum and dad both work - share the parenting time.

Questioning all expectations that others at work have of you – you don’t have to agree to do all of those extra responsibilities.

How girls gain or lose confidence.

My dad was a coal-miner but he hated it

We had a very close family and I have always been close to my mother and father.

My dad was a coal-miner in Yorkshire. He hated it. He was as cranky as all sh** when he had to go down the mine and he was happiest when he was out of it.

My father was very driven, especially with regard to the two oldest boys. He didn’t want them to be coal-miners but wanted them to succeed in other areas in life.

My father said, I want to see my two sons rowing in crews for Oxford or Cambridge.

I didn’t remember it at the time, but when I was five someone came to our village to make a movie called A Wedding on Saturday. In it, my dad was filmed in a pub with a number of coal-miners standing around drinking and talking about their children and their expectations they have for them. My dad stood out in that film as being very unusual and different from the other coalminers because he said that he would not be happy until he saw his two sons rowing under London’s Putney Bridge in crews from Oxford or Cambridge University. His friends made fun of him for having such ridiculous expectations, but he persisted. But it was obvious right back then that he was keen that his children did well in life.

My dad stood out .. from the other coalminers because he said that he would not be happy until he saw his two sons rowing under London’s Putney Bridge in crews from Oxford or Cambridge.

I’ve always been close to my dad – he was my athletics coach and a teacher

I’ve always been close to my dad. In fact, my brother and I were athletes and he trained us and coached us in our running, so we saw a lot of him.

We had family holidays together. But even on holidays dad would be trying to improve us. He would get us to wade out into the sea until we were knee-deep in water, then he would get us to do a crouch start and then race through the water.

My dad would always recite phrases and poems, especially the poems of Rudyard Kipling. Those lines have stayed with me throughout my life.

My dad came off night shift out of the coal mine and immediately got on a bus with us to go down to Birmingham for an athletics carnival. But I only came second in my race and he didn’t say anything. I think he realised that his great white hope wasn’t going to be the winner he’d hoped for.

I remember one time when my dad came off night shift out of the coal mine and immediately got on a bus with us to go down to Birmingham for an athletics carnival. I only came second in my race and he didn’t say anything. I think he realised that his great white hope wasn’t going to be the winner he’d hoped for. He didn’t say much on the bus on the way home. I thought to myself, I have stuffed it. I don’t think he was disappointed in me personally, just that I wasn’t the great white hope that maybe he hoped I had been

Both my mother and father gave me confidence.

Both my mother and father gave me confidence. I think Dad focused more on my two brothers in terms of their success. He also tended to focus more on sport than on academics – he saw sport as a way out of the coal-mining village that we lived in. For mum it was important to succeed academically because she though it was important that women were financially independent from men.

Parents as safety nets and sounding boards

Children need support from their parents. They need to know that they are not alone in life, that they don’t have to do it all by themselves. That includes providing them with the comfort of knowing that there is a ‘safety net’ in life in case of failure and doubt. This includes being a sounding board for them.

I am forty five and I still need the comfort of having a safety net and having a sounding board for my own feelings and ideas.

Being there with them and for them

Children also need for their parents to be there with them and for them. For example, I am a plastic surgeon and my professional colleagues have meetings on Saturday mornings, but I don’t go to them. I would rather be there with the family. As long as I am home with the family the majority of the time, they will understand that on the odd occasion when I am not there, there is a good reason for it.

Question all expectations

My advice to young professionals is to learn to question all of the expectations that people have of you so that you can make your own decisions in your own time, so that you can choose how you want to spend your time.

Kids are incredible sponges.

Kids are incredible sponges. They are always watching and absorbing things from their parents.

I say to my son, Be the brother that you would like to have. If you say it often enough, they will start to do it.

Success has got to be worth the pain

Success in a career always involves sacrifice. If a young women beginning a career in surgery asks for my advice, I tell her, It’s got to be worth the pain. If the prize is not justifiable, if it is not worth it, just walk away.

Is lack of confidence a girl thing?

Is lack of confidence a girl thing? I am not sure. I can say to my daughters, You’re great! but that is not enough. If Tony says it, however, it seems to have a greater effect. I don’t know whether that is because it is a girl thing to need validation from a male, or simply because he doesn’t say it as often so it has more impact.

Is lack of confidence a girl thing? I am not sure. I can say to my daughters your great, but that is not enough. But if Tony says it, it seems to have a greater effect.

Some daughters need a lot more encouragement than others. You need to be aware of that. We have six children and they have six different personalities.

Sir Gustav Nossal

Scientist

Australian of the Year 2000.

Born in Austria but left for Australia after Nazi annexation (his father was Jewish).

Studied medicine at Sydney University.

Director of the Walter and Eliza Hall Institute.

Studies antibody formation and immunological tolerance.

Written five books and 530 scientific.

President (1986-1989) of the International Union of Immunological Societies and the Australian Academy of Science (1994-1998).

Member of the Prime Minister’s Science, Engineering and Innovation Council.

Chairman WHO Vaccines and Biologicals Program (1993-2002).

Chairman of the Strategic Advisory Council of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation Children’s Vaccine Program (1998-2003).

Deputy Chairman of the Council for Aboriginal Reconciliation from 1998 to 2000.

Albert Einstein World Award of Science, Koch Gold Medal and Centenary Medal.

Married to Lynn.

Father of Katrina, Michael, Bridgette, Stephen.

Author’s highlights

The value of a stable marriage as a foundation for fathering.

Helping kids to love learning through stories and curiosity.

Learning about fathering from mothers more than from fathers.

When kids say, But I just can’t talk to my dad.

I’ve worked 60-70 hours a week all of my life

For good fathering, time matters. The quality time idea is somewhat overplayed because it doesn’t really work in your own time. Those occasions of intimacy and true intellectual experience cannot be contrived – you have to wait for these opportunities. You can only get control of your time by deciding on your priorities. I only ever had two priorities, they were work and family. I don’t think I’ve short changed the children on time, particularly when they were little and they needed it more.

I’ve worked 60-70 hours a week for most of my life and in order to make the family a co-priority I had to give up golf for 20 years.

I made sure I was always there for their birthdays.

Compartmentalise your time

I would advise young fathers to be strictly disciplined about compartmentalising their time. Have good slabs of time off with your kids every week. You need to have it very clear in your mind when it’s time to play and then use that time to play. Don’t take work home and work when it should be play time.

We always had dinner and weekends together

I never changed nappies but I made sure that I came home so we always had dinner together, even if it meant that I went back to the lab later on when the kids were in bed.

The second thing I did was to make sure that no work was done after lunch on Saturday so that the rest of the weekend was dedicated to the family.

Staying in touch when away

Throughout my working life I’ve averaged about 8-10 weeks away each year. I didn’t keep much contact with the kids because I guess in those days it wasn’t the rule to phone – phones were much more expensive than they are now and there was no email - in fact, I’m so old fashioned that I used to write letters home and send hand written post cards. In the last 20 years it’s been much easier to phone every day or every other day and I’ve done that, but that’s because the costs have diminished.

The quality time idea is somewhat overplayed because it doesn’t really work in your own time. Those occasions of intimacy and true intellectual experience cannot be contrived – you have to wait for these opportunities.

I’d like my kids to forgive me for being overseas as much as I was and for them to realise that there was nothing much I could have done about it.

Involving the kids in work

Sometimes I would involve the kids in my work. I’d bring them into the lab and even get them to help with the mice.

The value of a stable marriage

The real centre point of a child’s needs is a good stable marriage between their parents. Otherwise the kids are affected by it.

My wife Lynn chose to work part time because we felt that the critical thing was that someone was home when they came home from school. That’s when life’s worries poured out.

I’d really like my kids to understand the huge respect I have for their mother. She did most of the parenting.

We had huge fun as a family along the way and lots of good times and laughter.

Being a gentle critic

Kids need unconditional love. Fundamentally, children need to realise that you are there for them, as a support and as a gentle, not monstrous, critic.

Helping kids to love learning with stories of cannibals

A child’s love of learning comes naturally if they recognise that Dad and Mum love learning. We’ve always involved our children in adult conversations and of course we’ve always had lots of visitor and friends from interesting places overseas and involved the children in their conversations. Carlton Gajdusek told lots of stories of cannibalism in New Guinea and the kids sat there rapt.

Reading is really important to develop a kid’ s love of learning. We’ve always loved books.

Stimulating a healthy lifestyle

Stimulating a kid’s belief in a healthy lifestyle is not something in which I can say I have a good track record. It wasn’t really a focal point 40 years ago when I started fathering and really my wife was much more important in this area. No, I don’t have a good track record there. I’m better with my grandchildren though.

Talking about the sex business

I think the kids turn more to their mother Lynn than to me with regard to emotion. I guess she had more time with them. Even when it came to talking about the sex business I tended to leave it more to her than I should have. I guess that’s because I was bought up by the Jesuits and having had all kinds of guilt myself, I didn’t feel like I was in a good position to talk about sex and sexuality to the kids.

Avoid the do as I say, not as I do style

Values can’t be taught. We need to avoid the do as I say, not as I do style of parenting. Important things shine through the daily pattern of life. I think my kids have learnt what our values are by listening to the outrage we express at something in the newspaper or on the television.

Kids need unconditional love. Fundamentally children need to realise that you are there for them, as a support and as a gentle but not a monstrous critic

In terms of values, my philosophy has always been, let them push the boundaries, as long as it’s not dangerous or destructive to them or anyone else, because kids won’t really do things that are very bad.

Religion

We took them to Mass when they were little until they were the age of 12. They are all now Catholics but I don’t think they are practising. We still go to Mass at Christmas and Easter but Lynn is more faithful than I am, I have to say.

I learnt more from my mother than my father

Most of my learning about fathering came from my parents, my mother more than my father. My father was a gruff and stern man whose interests were quite different to my mother’s. He went his own way and although my other two brothers had conflict with my dad, I didn’t tend to. I guess I was a bit of a goody-goody and tried to stay on his right side. My mother however was a much more powerful role model. She was Austrian and came to Australia having had servants and a cook until the age of 37, and now she had to learn to cook, wash, dry and make a bed for herself. It was hard for her to learn, and a big change in lifestyle as they had no money. It took a while for Dad to become established and she really turned her life interest toward her 3 boys who became the centre point of her life. They had a fairly good marriage but they were more united through the children than anything else. In other words, I saw tremendous energy going into children and that’s been something I aimed for.

Ridiculous adulation of prominent people in Australia

I’ve worried about my profession having disastrous effects on the children. This has been particularly important at times when I have undergone the ridiculous adulation that happens in Australia for example getting a Knighthood and being made Australian of the Year. Really, I’m surprised they are as normal as they are! I’ve always told them that people want to have icons and that I’m just an ordinary Joe and they believe that. There is still part of it though that is difficult for the kids, in that they are faced with the personal challenge of asking themselves Will I ever amount to anything as much as my dad? I don’t talk about it much with them. I think my children look at me with a mixture of admiration and concern. Teachers can be really hurtful in that regard when they say things like, That’s not an effort worthy of your father.

We need to avoid the do as I say, not as I do style. Important things shine through the daily pattern of life. I think my kids have learnt what our values are by listening to the outrage we express at something in the newspaper or on the television.

I’d like my kids to be understanding and forgiving of the curious pressure that being well known has placed on me and on them.

Managing people

I’ve learnt a lot about managing people from my mentor, Sir Frank MacFarlane Burnet. He was never jealous of people and was always happy to give people credit for what they did. I’ve never been jealous of anyone at work who is smarter than I am and I’ve enjoyed letting students become my teachers.

I didn’t bring the people skills that I learnt at work back to my home, though. I have always made a conscious effort to put a fence around my work and bringing home people skills from work is not an interface that applies to me particularly.

Acceptance as equals

It’s really important to accept your children as equals and to treat them as such. Sometimes when I was fighting with my younger daughter, she would say, Dad, I’m listening to you but I can’t hear you. When you adopt that tone of voice I can’t hear what you are saying. Change your tone and I will be able to hear you. It’s so important to treat the children as equals and speak to them in that style. You know you’re doing a good job as a father if you continue in a good relationship with your children.

The superficial significance of success

Young fathers should see their work for what it really is. When you’re young and your work doesn’t succeed for a while, it assumes a great significance which is silly and misplaced.

I can’t talk to Dad.

The worst thing is silence. Kids bottle up their emotions, under the notion that they can’t talk to Dad. Dads must keep the lines of communication open with their kids. That is fundamental.

I have undergone the ridiculous adulation that happens in Australia for example getting a Knighthood and being made Australian of the Year. I think my children look at me with a mixture of admiration and concern. But I’d like my kids to be understanding and forgiving of the curious pressure that being well known has placed on me and on them.

When kids choose the wrong career

My saddest moment occurred when my eldest son got the marks for medicine but wasn’t sure if he really wanted to do medicine. My wife was convinced he’d be better off in the humanities based on the sort of gifts he had, but he went into medical school and then failed a couple of years and checked out. That produced a lot of guilt on my part. I never pushed him into medical school at all, but I think there was a part of him that just wanted to please his dad. Trouble was, he didn’t do any work because he knew he was in the wrong thing. Now he’s in business and doing very well. I’m just sad that my career may in some way have caused him to make a wrong decision.

If I had my time all over again

If I had my time all over again, I would have voted for Sir MacFarlane Burnet to be 12 years younger, so that I wouldn’t have become Director of the Walter Eliza Hall Institute at the age of 30. It’s really hard to take on leadership when your kids are young. That job meant that my life became fragmented and diversified with committees and fundraising, and it started to invade the rest of my life. My advice to young people is to postpone success to a stage of life when you’re more personally fulfilled in other parts of your life.

Sometimes when I was fighting with my younger daughter, she would say Dad, I’m listening to you but I can’t hear you. When you adopt that one of voice I can’t hear what you are saying. Change your tone and I will be able to hear you

I also think I should have given Lynn much more help with discipline. I was too much of a softie. There wasn’t a conflict between her and me, it’s just that I was more lenient. I was the nice guy, but I really should have given her more support.

I think I should have given Lynn much more help with discipline. I was too much of a softie. There wasn’t a conflict between her and me it’s just that I