Why Men Hate Going to Church

Written by David Murrow

Narrated by Erik Synnestvedt

It's Sunday morning. Where are all the men? Golfing? Playing softball? Watching the tube? Mowing the lawn? Sleeping? One place you won't find them is in church. Less than 40 percent of adults in most churches are men, and 20 to 25 percent of married churchgoing women attend without their husbands. And why are the men who do go to church so bored? Why won't they let God change their hearts? // David Murrow's groundbreaking new book reveals why men are the world's largest unreached people group. With eye-opening research and a persuasive grasp on the facts, Murrow explains the problem and offers hope and encouragement to women, pastors, and men. Why Men Hate Going to Church does not call men back to the church-it calls the church back to men.

• Language: English
• Publisher: ChristianAudio.com
• Release date: Sep 1, 2008
• ISBN: 9781596445956

David Murrow

David Murrow is an award-winning television producer and writer based in Alaska, most recently working for Sarah Palin. A best-selling author, he is also director of Church for Men, an organization that helps churches connect with men and boys. David and his wife, Gina, have three children.

Reviews for Why Men Hate Going to Church

[Jason Johnson · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I really enjoyed this book. I heard a sermon series based on the book almost 10 years ago and it has always resonated with me. I hope and trust that one day more men and women will understand how important it is for God and His calling to be understood and accessible by all.

[Katie · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Really good thoughts. Aim for women, you might get them. Aim for men, you get both.

[bookanonjeff · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

A Gold Mine. I finally finished reading David Murrow's "Why Men Hate Going to Church (updated)", after having put it down for a couple of months while I read other books and worked on other things.

The best I can say about this book is that it is a gold mine, in the truest sense of the term. You see, my wife watches Gold Rush on Discovery Channel, so I wind up watching quite a bit of it with her. On that show, various crews move around literally TONS of earth, searching for a few specks of gold. That is EXACTLY what you will be doing reading this book - searching through tons of detritus (to put it gently) for the occasional HINT of something worth noting.

To say I was disappointed in this book would be a statement in contention for understatement of the year, at least. Upon seeing the title and even a couple of the other BookSneeze reviews, I actually requested BookSneeze make this available in eBook format, which is how I read all my books now. I was hoping for something as mind blowing and concrete as Shaunti Feldhan's seminal work, For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men. Instead, the "research" in this book at one point literally consisted of the author standing outside an Alaska sporting goods store and asking 97 men what they thought was masculine or feminine about church.

And that is the most glaring flaw of this book - little to no actual research to base the author's claims on. Instead, he draws on what he personally sees and how he personally feels. Which is fine, if the title would have been "Why Me and My Friends Hate Going to Church". But in purporting to talk about a genuinely real crisis, the author falls flat on his face due to so little research on the topic. Add to this the guy's blatant homophobia and misogyny - he dislikes any song that mentions a love of Jesus, because it sounds too gay - and you pretty much have a recipe for disaster. Indeed, one of the reasons I put the book down for a couple of months was because of the sheer number of times I was almost ready to destroy my Kindle just to get this book away from me. But I agreed to participate in the BookSneeze program (a truly great program, btw), and I didn't want to review the book without completing it, so here I sit, having now done so.

Overall, I'd give this book 0.5 stars out of 5. It has enough good in it that if you're DESPERATE for something to read and can get your hands on a free copy, I'd say it is better than nothing - but not by much. Had I paid for the book, I'd be demanding my money back.

[highlander6022 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

A fabulous book. An absolute MUST READ for all clergy. Murrow hits the nail squarely on the head so often and so truly. Unfortunately, the feminization of Christianity and most churches has gone so far that it is questionable whether it can ever be moved back to a balance. Jesus was NOT the meek and mild, quiet, contemplative, child-hugging person that he is portrayed to be in churches and modern culture. He actually got ANGRY at people, chastised people, destroyed their stands and threw the money changers out of the temple...no feminine person was he.

[ngood-1 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

This is one of those books that I think I will try to go back and read once every 5 years or so because it addresses things so ingrained within the Christian culture, and therefore within my psyche, that it will require repeated exposure and reminders to work them out of my general interactions. Having said all of that, there are things within this book that I highly disagree with; the book is very reactionary (although the author repeats over and over that this reactionary position should never be maintained by anyone) and therefore tends to be extremist in nature. However, if the reader is careful to recognize those things which are reactionarily extreme and those which are biblically sound, this book will prove to be extremely helpful in the personal development of any Christian and corporate development of any church.

[aleesa-16 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Murrow has written a thought-provoking and important book about the crisis of the number of "unchurched" men today. This is an obvious labour of love for Murrow, as he almost abandoned Christianity himself because he didn't feel there was any room for his masculinity. Some points I especially liked:

- men’s passivity in church stems less from laziness and more from uneasiness (with the “feminine status quo”)

- many of today's churches are focused on comforting rather than challenging

- churchgoing shields a woman from her deepest fears (abandonment, isolation) but forces a man to confront his (loss of independence and control)

- the songs and sermons use language that appeals to women ("precious, tender, sharing, communication, feelings, nurturing, gentle, relationship"); even traditional images of Christ are feminized (long, flowing robes and hair)

- today’s Christianity is marketed like Tylenol: the antidote to trial, suffering and pain. That’s Jesus’ approach upside down!

- stagnant churches ask, how can we minister to our people? life-giving churches ask, how can our people change the world?

I highly recommend this book for anyone interested in why there are so few men at church these days...and want to change that.

[spbooks_1 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Christianity is not attractive to men at the moment. In fact, men hate going to church, according to David Murrow, the author of Why Men Hate Going to Church. Murrow argues that Christianity has become feminized since the industrial revolution to such an extent that men are leaving in droves or avoiding church like they avoid housework (my example - not his!). The men who do dominate the leadership positions in churches are actually feminized men who feel comfortable with, and demonstrate the characteristics of, women - intimacy, verbal communication, emotions, caring, touching etc.The entire thesis of this book is premised on the assumption that men and women are completely different in their natures. (The author draws on the popular Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray.) Murrow believes that most people conceive of Jesus Christ as living out the values ’that come naturally to women.’ The way that church is structured (in most Christian churches) appeals to women because of this belief about Christ and, therefore, men are left out in the cold. Christianity is seen as a "soft" faith and, if men are attracted to Christianity it is because they are ’highly verbal, sensitive, and relational.’ ”Real” men are into power, competition, achievement, practical skills, results, setting goals, etc. All of this is not deliberate, of course. But it's a very real problem.How do we get men back into the church? Reverse the feminization of Christianity and bring masculine elements back into church worship and life. If the Church is to reverse the declining membership of its congregations (in the West, in particular) it needs to get men back into the pews. Women, it turns out, like churches with lots of men so the focus needs to shift to making the faith more masculine - and the women and children will follow.Why Men Hate Going to Church is a passionate, fast paced read. It's powerful and persuasive. A lot of the material sounds reasonable and some of Murrow's assertions are backed up with empirical evidence. The idea of “masculinising” aspects of Christian belief and worship is certainly needed? For example, images of Jesus need to become more real than the effeminate versions of much Christian art. And the praise songs that have men singing to Jesus as his lovers definitely need to go!But I experienced a degree of discomfort as I read this book. Firstly, the differences between men and women seems overly stereotypical. Very little is discussed in the book about the commonalities between men and women. The simplistic distinctions between men and women as described by, for example, John Gray have been criticized as excessively reductionistic and not reflecting how similar men and women are in so many respects. The picture drawn by Murrow seems to "black and white".Secondly, Murrow's passion and enthusiasm for making his point sometimes borders on sexism. While the feminine is occasionally affirmed it would be easy to infer that the bad aspects of Christian worship and life are the product of female nature. I've only read the book once, but I can't recall any occasion where the author has remotely suggested that “masculine” Christianity may have its problems or any hint at the historical abuse of women by men who have suffered at the hands of men in power. I don't believe this is intentional but Murrow needs to be more careful about this aspect of his views.In summary, Why Men Hate Going to Church is a passionate plea for the reconsideration of men's needs in our churches. It's a plea also being made outside the church in areas such as education. Men and boys do need healthy masculine role models in the church. Murrow's passion and enthusiasm for the concerns of men is great to see. For me, though, I would have liked to see a more substantial, objective argument presented for rejuvenating Christian worship for all. But then, maybe I'm not a “real” man!

[deusvitae · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

There are some books which prove quite important to one's growth and development in life because they make evident a pattern, challenge, and/or idea that is true, real, and yet somehow neglected or left unconsidered. Why Men Hate Going to Church by David Murrow is one such book: after reading it, you will never look at Christianity and its practice in 21st century America the same way again.I first encountered this book a few years ago and was glad to have the chance to read and review the updated and revised edition. "Completely Revised and Updated" is not an exaggeration: I remember many of the key arguments and themes, but in the new edition they are presented more powerfully and underscored with more evidence. My reading of the original edition really caused me to think about the best way of approaching ministry; reading the new edition has led to the same process.Why Men Hate Going to Church presents one of the pressing challenges of American Christianity: where are all the men? The author sets out the evidence: most churches have a gender gap, featuring far more women than men. The more active the women get, the more likely the men are to leave. When men are not active in churches, their children are less likely to be active in churches, especially their male descendants, and the challenge grows.The author then provides helpful analysis of the sources of the difficulty: church plays to the strengths of women but the weaknesses of men. Women tend to be more auditory, better at study, more relationally-driven and focused, willing to sit and listen, share, and better at expressing themselves verbally. Men are more visual-spatial, less patient with study, less relationally-focused, fidgety, and often find expressing themselves verbally as challenging.Men do excel at boldness, willingness to take risks, and engagement in acts of service, but many times these values are not honored as highly in the assembly and in the general life of a church. The author spends some time contrasting different images of Jesus and to whom men and women best relate ("the Lion of Judah" vs. "the Lamb of God"). The author describes how churches better appeal to women, and on account of it, develop a more softened and feminine approach, further alienating men and enhancing women's presence.Yes, many ministries are male-dominated, but the author does well at showing how ministry is often done by men who are more verbal, studious, and more "feminine" than the average "macho man" (and I, for one, must plead guilty). The author also shows how when women do take over, either in terms of various matters within the congregation or as preachers themselves, men are most often further alienated and their number continues to drop.The author spends some time looking at historic trends and the various reasons why we have come to the place at which we find ourselves, as well as seeing different experiments that seemed to work in the past (like the YMCA). He also spends a lot of time considering how to bring the men back in: return to a mission-based view, consciously think about how a given prayer, song, lesson, theme, etc., would sound to the average man and adapt accordingly, find things for men to do that play to their strengths, and find ways to work with boys and their particular composition in such a way as to respect their constitution and not develop an inferiority complex in the face of all the girls.I have some concerns about many of the suggestions which put a lot of the impetus on the church where the Lord put it on the individual Christian in terms of service and in terms of the programs which should be provided for the youth; thankfully, the revised and updated edition put less emphasis on adaptations to the assembly and more on finding ways to get men to serve out in the world. I'm afraid that some of his theological points in terms of masculinity might be a bit too reactionary against an overly feminized version of Christianity; it's understandable but not necessarily beneficial.These concerns should not distract from the main point of the book or its importance. I believe this is a must read for anyone who seeks to promote the Gospel of Christ and wishes to encourage his or her fellow Christians: you don't have to agree with every point or every solution to gain from the author's perspective and the needed reconsideration of thought, feeling, and practice toward being more inclusive of masculine characteristics. There's a reason Jesus speaks more concretely and obviously about mission than relationship; there's also a reason why Jesus chose 12 men and worked intensively with them. If the church will grow and prosper in the twenty-first century it will need men to stand up with faith, boldness, vision, and effort to promote the Gospel message, and an over-emphasis on the "feminine" aspects to the detriment of the "masculine" aspects of humanity is pushing those men out and away. There are times for preaching and study; there are times for service and boldness. There is a strong need for greater relationship; there is as strong of a need for recognizing, understanding, and accomplishing God's mission for His Kingdom. Let us find ways to bring men into the fold and make sure that we are not pushing them away on account of our distorted emphases or an environment hostile to masculinity!*---book received as part of early review program

[dubiousdisciple · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I have a confession to make. I accepted this book for review thinking it might be good for a few laughs. Get a guy through the church doors? What are you gonna do, turn it into a sports bar?I was wrong about David’s book. Oh, I laughed alright—a lot!—but all the time I was chuckling, I was nodding. David has nailed it.Funny thing is, speaking as a guy, we don’t know why we hate church. We just know it’s uncomfortable. The awkwardness has to be explained to us … and when it is, we finally nod knowingly.David probably thinks his book is for pastors. No, it’s for couples. Ladies, if you want your guy sitting next to you in the pew, read this. Then find a new church together. One where the pastor has read the book, too.

[nirrad_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I really enjoyed this book has some great idea's to boost men's ministry can't wait to implement some of these ideas

[adam3000_1 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

I am torn. Should I lend/recommend this to others? Murrow's insights into the masculine spirit and the feminization of the American Church are valuable, and many of his suggestions represent a Biblical model of Church. HOWEVER, there are many other ideas that display a low view of Scripture and an overemphasis on letting the congregant (or the consumer) determine the "program" of the "show" on Sunday.Most disturbing is Mr. Murrow's incredibly poor use of scripture. A conservative estimate would be that 70% of the text's appeals to God's Word are incorrect, using verses either from suspect "translations" or by taking them completely out of context (a strange example is his using "It is not good for the man to be alone" to warrant the need for more intentional male fellowship). I hope this does not reflect the exegetical skills of the men at his very "masculine" Church.In conclusion, this book is helpful, but it leaves me with the desire for a better book. To my (limited) knowledge, a Theologically-accurate and compelling addition to the men-book craze has not arisen yet. I pray that there would be one soon.