Why Men Hate Going to Church

By David Murrow

“Church is boring.” “It’s irrelevant.” “It’s full of hypocrites.” You’ve heard the excuses—now learn the real reasons men and boys are fleeing churches of every kind, all over the world, and what we can do about it.

Women comprise more than 60% of the adults in a typical worship service in America. Some overseas congregations report ten women for every man in attendance. Men are less likely to lead, volunteer, and give in the church. They pray less, share their faith less, and read the Bible less.

In Why Men Hate Going to Church, David Murrow identifies the barriers keeping many men from going to church, explains why it’s so hard to motivate the men who do attend, and also takes you inside several fast-growing congregations that are winning the hearts of men and boys. In this completely revised, reorganized, and rewritten edition of the classic book, with more than 70 percent new content, explore topics like:

• The increase and decrease in male church attendance during the past 500 years
• Why Christian churches are more feminine even though men are often still the leaders
• The difference between the type of God men and women like to worship
• The lack of volunteering and ministry opportunities for men
• The benefits men get from attending church regularly

Men need the church but, more importantly, the church needs men. The presence of enthusiastic men is one of the surest predictors of church health, growth, giving, and expansion. Why Men Hate Going to Church does not call men back to church—it calls the church back to men.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Open Road Integrated Media
• Release date: Oct 31, 2011
• ISBN: 9780849949814

David Murrow

David Murrow is an award-winning television producer and writer based in Alaska, most recently working for Sarah Palin. A best-selling author, he is also director of Church for Men, an organization that helps churches connect with men and boys. David and his wife, Gina, have three children.

Book preview

PRAISE FOR

WHY MEN HATE GOING TO CHURCH

This is one of the most helpful books for understanding why men are indifferent toward church and how churches must change to welcome men.

—MARK DRISCOLL

Pastor of Mars Hill Church, cofounder of Acts 29 church planting organization; founder of The Resurgence

"As a trainer of churches all over the world, I cannot remember one session where I have not recommended Why Men Hate Going to Church by David Murrow. It is a prophetic and relevant ‘snap-out-of-it’ masterwork that every pastor must read—not just for the sake of the kingdom, but also for his own sake and sanity in ministry. David’s words are strong but needed medicine for those of us who call ourselves pastors."

—KENNY LUCK

Men’s pastor, Saddleback Church

David Murrow knows how to connect with men. Where was this guy when I was twenty?

—FRANK PASTORE

Host of America’s largest Christian talk show, KKLA (Los Angeles)

A church filled with committed men is unstoppable. This is the playbook that can literally redefine and rebuild the church body and its impact on men in this new season in America.

—BRAD STINE

God’s comic comedian, actor, author, and inspirational speaker

In this volume, David Murrow puts his finger on some of the key reasons why men hate the traditional form of church. This book shows us a way of ‘being church’ that lines up with the New Testament and reveals the stunning greatness of Christ to the world.

—FRANK VIOLA

Author of Pagan Christianity, Reimagining Church, Jesus Manifesto, and From Eternity to Here

"David Murrow’s ministry has impacted thousands of churches around the world. Why Men Hate Going to Church is a transforming work that will cause you to think differently about what it takes to involve men in your church."

—DR. JAMES GRASSI

President and founder, Men’s Ministry Catalyst

The first edition was excellent. This one’s better. Everyone interested in getting men into church should read this book, read it again, and then lend it to a friend.

—BILL PERKINS

Speaker; author of The Jesus Experiment

David Murrow has quickly become one of the leading voices in the world regarding issues of men and the church. His research is vital to any leader trying to reach men.

—DR. CHUCK STECKER

President/founder, A Chosen Generation and Center for InterGenerational Ministry

"In this gem of a book, David Murrow presents clear and convincing reasons for why men aren’t in church. . . . Why Men Hate Going to Church challenges every churchgoer to step up to the plate and do what it takes to engage the men in their congregations."

—DR. ALBERT L. WINSEMAN

Faith Communities Global Practice Leader, The Gallup Organization

"As a lifelong Catholic girl, I’ve often wondered why men are less than enthusiastic about church. Now I know why. Why Men Hate Going to Church was a real eye-opener for me."

—U.S. SENATOR LISA MURKOWSKI

 (R-ALASKA)

This is an eye-opening resource for Christians concerned with the retreat of men from the life and ministry of our churches. . . . David Murrow offers wonderful and insightful advice to help remedy this dire situation and recover the vital role of men in today’s church.

—DR. GARY COOK

President, Dallas Baptist University

Women, if you really want to know why men are so bored, uneasy, and passive in church, this is the book for you. If you want to know why he’d rather play golf than meet with the God of the universe, read this book.

—FLORENCE LITTAUER

Founder, CLASSeminar; speaker; author of Personality Plus and Silver Boxes

David Murrow has made a painful reality profoundly clear: most churches no longer connect with men. Of course, it doesn’t have to be that way, and Murrow shows why. But until we acknowledge the problem, nothing will change and we will lose millions of sons, husbands, and friends—and the gifts they bring to the church in the process.

—DR. ROBERT M. LEWIS

Founder, Men’s Fraternity

"Why Men Hate Going to Church encourages and enables women to dive deeply into the hearts of men and understands what motivates them spiritually. While exposing the reality and danger of churches overrun by feminine ideals Murrow offers theological brilliance grounded in richly biblical truths. This is an amazingly insightful book."

—GINGER PLOWMAN

Author of Don’t Make Me Count to Three

"I’ve often noticed that sermons on Mother’s Day tend to gush over moms, while on Father’s Day they tell dads to ‘shape up.’ I’ve always thought this strange, but David Murrow’s book explains how common this attitude actually is. The modern church pushes men out of the pews by ignoring their needs and devaluing their stengths. For churches and individuals wondering where all the men have gone, Why Men Hate Going to Church gives us a much-needed diagnosis and a practical prescription to call the church back to effective, relevant ministry to America’s men."

—SHEILA WRAY GREGOIRE

Author of Honey, I Don’t Have a Headache Tonight: Help for Women Who Want to Feel More "In the Mood"

David Murrow has shined a bright light on one of the church’s darkest secrets: missing men. Church history shows that when men return to church, its impact on society multiplies. Murrow documents the reasons men are absent, then provides practical suggestions to make church a place where both men and women feel at home. You may not agree with everything Murrow says, but you can’t ignore it.

—DR. WOODY DAVIS

President and head coach, TEAMinistries, Inc.

The problem of missing men could be the most difficult challenge the church faces today. We try to fix this problem with minor program adjustments, then wonder why there is little or no change! I challenge every Christian to read this book, to understand the problem, and to enter into the battle to build spiritual fathers.

—DAN SCHAEFFER

Author, speaker, and director of Building Brothers

Women, if you’re having trouble getting Bubba off the couch and into the pew, this is the book for you. In a fair, enlightening, and entertaining manner, Murrow shares how to stand by our men, releasing them to God’s great adventure, instead of taming or redecorating them.

—BECKY FREEMAN

Author and speaker

"Finally, a book that helps women understand why our best efforts to get our husbands to church almost always fail. In Why Men Hate Going to Church, Dave Murrow shows how we—and the church—have tried to ‘feminize’ men and why they fight against it (and why they should). We don’t want girly men! We want men of God! Murrow believes that’s possible and that it’s not too late for it to happen."

—NANCY KENNEDY

Author of When He Doesn’t Believe and Between Two Loves

"For every female who has ever wondered, ‘Why isn’t my man more into church?’ For every male who has ever wondered, ‘What’s wrong with me?’ For every leader who has ever wondered, ‘How can we reach and inspire men?’ David Murrow has brought to us a fresh voice regarding the spiritual gender differences and some amazing insights and stunningly simple solutions to the complex problem of reaching and inspiring the male. Though it’s not likely that men were dropped on their heads in the fall, this book offers better explanations of what makes guys tick and what ticks them off. It should be a crime for the things of God to bore anyone, and David is a first-rate crime stopper for the spirits of the male species."

—ANITA RENFROE

Comedian and author of The Purse Driven Life

And where are the men? David Murrow asks why so many good men do not fit the molds and patterns offered by the contemporary church. So should we, if we are to proclaim the gospel in its fullness.

—DAVID DOBLER

Former moderator, Presbyterian Church (USA)

WHY MEN

HATE

GOING

TO

CHURCH

COMPLETELY REVISED AND UPDATED

DAVID MURROW

9780785232155_INT_0007_001

© 2005, 2011 by David Murrow

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or other—except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a registered trademark of Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Thomas Nelson, Inc., titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fund-raising, or sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail [e-mail].

This book is adapted from material from Why Men Hate Going to Church (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2005), How Women Help Men Find God (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2008), and other sources.

Unless otherwise marked, Scripture quotations are taken from the New King James Version. © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked CEV are taken from the Contemporary English Version. © 1991 by the American Bible Society. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are taken from the King James Version of the Bible. Public domain.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Murrow, David.

  Why men hate going to church / David Murrow. — Completely rev. and updated.

      p. cm.

  Includes bibliographical references (Notes).

  ISBN 978-0-7852-3215-5 (trade paper)

  1. Christian men—Religious life. 2. Church work with men. 3. Church attendance. I. Title.

  BV639.M4M67 2011

  277.3'083081—dc23

2011033356

Printed in the United States of America

11 12 13 14 15 QG 5 4 3 2 1

CONTENTS

Introduction

PART 1: WHERE ARE THE MEN?

1. Perfectly Designed

2. Yes, There Really Is a Gender Gap

3. Men: Who Needs ’Em?

4. Who Are the Missing Men?

5. The Masculinity Bank

6. The Two Jesuses

PART 2: CHURCH CULTURE VS. MAN CULTURE

7. Victoria’s Secret . . . When We Lost the Men

8. The Christian-Industrial Complex

9. Men and Contemporary Worship

10. Twelve Things Men Fear About Church

11. The Stars vs. the Scrubs

12. Check Your Testosterone at the Door

13. How Churches Feminize over Time

14. How Churches Drive Boys Away from the Faith

PART 3: CALLING THE CHURCH BACK TO MEN

15. The Battle to Reengage Men

16. Why Megachurches Are Mega

17. Pastors and Men

18. Teaching and Men

19. Getting the Big Story Right

20. What About Women?

21. Young Men and Faith

22. Men, Prayer, and a Few Other Things

23. How Men Minister to Others

24. How to Minister to Men

25. A Church for Everyone

Notes

About the Author

INTRODUCTION

APRIL 27, 2007, I WAS THE KEYNOTE SPEAKER FOR THE PRESBYTERIAN Church (USA) Men’s Churchwide Gathering in Louisville, Kentucky. I had been invited to speak about my new book, Why Men Hate Going to Church.

I was hoping for a good crowd. The PCUSA, though in decline, still had more than 2.6 million members. More than three thousand Presbyterian women had just wrapped up their gathering in Louisville.

I arrived the morning of April 27 and walked down to the banquet hall where I was to speak. I entered the room and did a double take. It was tiny, with seating for fewer than one hundred. I checked the sign on the door: 2007 Presbyterian Men’s Churchwide Gathering. I was in the right place.

Final score: Presbyterian women: 3,000+. Presbyterian men: 88.

9780785232155_INT_0011_001

You are reading a revised version of Why Men Hate Going to Church. I agreed to update the book because it’s needed now more than ever. The percentage of men participating in church grows smaller each year. The typical US worship service draws an adult crowd that’s 61 percent women. Church volunteers and employees are still overwhelmingly female. Major national men’s ministries such as Promise Keepers used to pack stadiums—but now have trouble filling church auditoriums. Ethnic and overseas churches report gender gaps as high as 10 to 1. Christian colleges are becoming convents.

New research reveals the importance of men to congregational vitality and growth. Almost without exception, growing churches draw healthy numbers of men, while declining congregations lack male presence and participation.

But even as men retreat, signs of hope abound. Since I wrote the original version of this book, I’ve discovered a number of congregations that have shifted to a more intentional focus on men—and are prospering as a result. A few seminaries have finally begun addressing the issue of missing and passive males. Songwriters are once again composing with men in mind. And innovative ministry to men is sprouting in the most unexpected places.

Even if you are not a Christian, you have a dog in this fight. Religion is not going to disappear. Men will always seek God. The only question is, which God will they seek? A God of love and peace, or a God of hatred and violence? It’s no coincidence that the nations in which Christianity was the freely chosen religion of men are also bastions of tolerance, charity, and political stability. And abundant research spotlights the many benefits that accrue to society and families as men engage in a local congregation.

9780785232155_INT_0012_001

This revision is a mashup of content from the original Why Men Hate Going to Church, along with newer sections plucked from How Women Help Men Find God, The Map, and other books and articles I’ve written. So if you read paragraphs that sound familiar, you may have seen them on my websites or in another one of my books. My publisher assured me that it was okay to plagiarize myself.

Also, I’ve trimmed this revision down to fighting weight. Why Men was my first book, and I didn’t know if there was going to be another one. So I packed it with too much verbiage and a few rabbit trails. I’ve completely reorganized this new edition, adding the latest findings and examples from churches that are turning the tide. And I’ve created the most requested feature—a chapter-by-chapter group discussion guide. The guide is available free from my website: www.churchformen.com/guides.

I will be focusing on the practical instead of the spiritual in this book. This may come as a shock to some. I’m not saying that spiritual practices such as prayer, Bible reading, and preaching are unimportant. In fact, if God is moving in a congregation, nothing else matters much.

But we tend to ignore the practical. And it matters more than we realize. Let me illustrate.

In the early 1800s, two missionaries sailed from England for the jungles of Africa. The first missionary built an English-style church, preached in English, and imposed an English-style dress code on his African congregation. The second missionary built a church that resembled a local gathering house. He preached in the native language and allowed people to dress as they pleased.

I don’t have to tell you which man met with greater success.

Both men were powerful preachers. Both were men of prayer. Both presented the gospel every week. Yet the second missionary reached many more people because he got the practical things right. He did not modify the gospel; he simply presented it in a way his hearers understood.

Men are the world’s largest unreached people group. Men have a unique culture, language, and way of life. They respond differently than women. If you doubt this, simply watch the TV commercials on a men’s sporting event. Then click over and watch the commercials on a women’s soap opera. The ads are completely different—as if they’re targeting two separate species.

Jesus called his followers to be fishers of men. My job is to show you how to get men into the net (the local church)—and keep them from jumping back into the sea. Once they’re in the net, the spiritual takes precedence. Fair enough?

9780785232155_INT_0014_001

Seven things you will not find in this book:

1. BLAME. When the first edition of this book arrived, some condemned it for blaming women. I thought I had been very clear, but this time let me be crystal clear: women are not to blame for the gender gap. Neither are men. Or pastors. Honestly, who cares? The purpose of this book is to illuminate the problem and seek solutions. Period.

2. SUBMIT TO ME, WOMAN. This book is not about subjugating women or stripping them of their rights. The goal is not male dominance but male resurgence.

3. THE PHRASE MEN SHOULD JUST . . . This is not a book about how men ought to be. Instead, it’s an honest look at how men are. It shines a light on the growing chasm between church culture and the real needs of men.

4. A CLEVER MARKETING CAMPAIGN TO GET MEN BACK. Marketing is not the answer; it is the problem. Decades of female-targeted marketing is one of the main reasons Christianity is losing its men.

5. THE OBVIOUS SOLUTIONS. Of course we’d see more men in church if pastors preached better sermons, if Christians were less hypocritical, and if everyone prayed more. This book focuses on the underlying reasons men find church distasteful—reasons you may not have considered.

6. THE ANSWER AS TO WHY AN INDIVIDUAL MAN IS NOT A CHRISTIAN. A book cannot diagnose the spiritual condition of a particular man. The reasons men reject the faith are many. This book examines the mentality of the herd, rather than the behavior or experiences of an individual bull.

7. A CALL TO COMPLETELY CHANGE THE CHURCH. Your congregation does not require an extreme makeover. There’s no need for a new gospel or Jesus—the originals will work just fine. I’m convinced that in many cases, a few gentle course corrections are all it would take for the majority of congregations to connect with more men.

9780785232155_INT_0015_001

Common story: a man has an encounter with God. He begins growing in faith. Then—kaboom!—he steps on a land mine. He leaves the church. His faith is destroyed.

Think of this book as a map of the minefield. I’m going to show you how to recognize the triggers, trip wires, and booby traps buried deep in Christian culture—and how to remove them.

Many have called men back to church. Now it’s time to call the church back to men.

PART I

WHERE ARE

THE MEN?

MY WIFE, GINA, AND I ENJOY LIVING IN ALASKA. WE TRY TO TAKE full advantage of our short but beautiful summers. So do mosquitoes. Trillions of these flying vampires bedevil our state from late May to early September.

I’ve noticed something odd. Mosquitoes rarely bother Gina, but they attack me like kids diving for candy under a broken piñata. Before hiking I must bathe myself in mosquito repellent; she slips on one of those coiled bracelets and goes unbitten.

Like those mosquitoes, there’s something buzzing around our churches that is literally sucking the lifeblood out of our men. But women seem largely unaffected. In the next six chapters we begin identifying this pesky affliction.

Chapter 1

PERFECTLY DESIGNED

IT’S SUNDAY MORNING, AND THREE MEN ARE BUSYING THEMSELVES on Rosewood Street.

The first one is Ward. He’s a welder by trade who’s getting his boat ready for an afternoon of fishing with a couple of buddies. His wife, Cristin, is at church with the kids, but she’s promised to stop by the store on the way home to pick up a half rack

Reviews for Why Men Hate Going to Church

[bookanonjeff · Rating: 1 out of 5 stars]

A Gold Mine. I finally finished reading David Murrow's "Why Men Hate Going to Church (updated)", after having put it down for a couple of months while I read other books and worked on other things.

The best I can say about this book is that it is a gold mine, in the truest sense of the term. You see, my wife watches Gold Rush on Discovery Channel, so I wind up watching quite a bit of it with her. On that show, various crews move around literally TONS of earth, searching for a few specks of gold. That is EXACTLY what you will be doing reading this book - searching through tons of detritus (to put it gently) for the occasional HINT of something worth noting.

To say I was disappointed in this book would be a statement in contention for understatement of the year, at least. Upon seeing the title and even a couple of the other BookSneeze reviews, I actually requested BookSneeze make this available in eBook format, which is how I read all my books now. I was hoping for something as mind blowing and concrete as Shaunti Feldhan's seminal work, For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men. Instead, the "research" in this book at one point literally consisted of the author standing outside an Alaska sporting goods store and asking 97 men what they thought was masculine or feminine about church.

And that is the most glaring flaw of this book - little to no actual research to base the author's claims on. Instead, he draws on what he personally sees and how he personally feels. Which is fine, if the title would have been "Why Me and My Friends Hate Going to Church". But in purporting to talk about a genuinely real crisis, the author falls flat on his face due to so little research on the topic. Add to this the guy's blatant homophobia and misogyny - he dislikes any song that mentions a love of Jesus, because it sounds too gay - and you pretty much have a recipe for disaster. Indeed, one of the reasons I put the book down for a couple of months was because of the sheer number of times I was almost ready to destroy my Kindle just to get this book away from me. But I agreed to participate in the BookSneeze program (a truly great program, btw), and I didn't want to review the book without completing it, so here I sit, having now done so.

Overall, I'd give this book 0.5 stars out of 5. It has enough good in it that if you're DESPERATE for something to read and can get your hands on a free copy, I'd say it is better than nothing - but not by much. Had I paid for the book, I'd be demanding my money back.

[highlander6022 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

A fabulous book. An absolute MUST READ for all clergy. Murrow hits the nail squarely on the head so often and so truly. Unfortunately, the feminization of Christianity and most churches has gone so far that it is questionable whether it can ever be moved back to a balance. Jesus was NOT the meek and mild, quiet, contemplative, child-hugging person that he is portrayed to be in churches and modern culture. He actually got ANGRY at people, chastised people, destroyed their stands and threw the money changers out of the temple...no feminine person was he.

[ngood-1 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

This is one of those books that I think I will try to go back and read once every 5 years or so because it addresses things so ingrained within the Christian culture, and therefore within my psyche, that it will require repeated exposure and reminders to work them out of my general interactions. Having said all of that, there are things within this book that I highly disagree with; the book is very reactionary (although the author repeats over and over that this reactionary position should never be maintained by anyone) and therefore tends to be extremist in nature. However, if the reader is careful to recognize those things which are reactionarily extreme and those which are biblically sound, this book will prove to be extremely helpful in the personal development of any Christian and corporate development of any church.

[aleesa-16 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Murrow has written a thought-provoking and important book about the crisis of the number of "unchurched" men today. This is an obvious labour of love for Murrow, as he almost abandoned Christianity himself because he didn't feel there was any room for his masculinity. Some points I especially liked:

- men’s passivity in church stems less from laziness and more from uneasiness (with the “feminine status quo”)

- many of today's churches are focused on comforting rather than challenging

- churchgoing shields a woman from her deepest fears (abandonment, isolation) but forces a man to confront his (loss of independence and control)

- the songs and sermons use language that appeals to women ("precious, tender, sharing, communication, feelings, nurturing, gentle, relationship"); even traditional images of Christ are feminized (long, flowing robes and hair)

- today’s Christianity is marketed like Tylenol: the antidote to trial, suffering and pain. That’s Jesus’ approach upside down!

- stagnant churches ask, how can we minister to our people? life-giving churches ask, how can our people change the world?

I highly recommend this book for anyone interested in why there are so few men at church these days...and want to change that.

[spbooks_1 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Christianity is not attractive to men at the moment. In fact, men hate going to church, according to David Murrow, the author of Why Men Hate Going to Church. Murrow argues that Christianity has become feminized since the industrial revolution to such an extent that men are leaving in droves or avoiding church like they avoid housework (my example - not his!). The men who do dominate the leadership positions in churches are actually feminized men who feel comfortable with, and demonstrate the characteristics of, women - intimacy, verbal communication, emotions, caring, touching etc.The entire thesis of this book is premised on the assumption that men and women are completely different in their natures. (The author draws on the popular Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray.) Murrow believes that most people conceive of Jesus Christ as living out the values ’that come naturally to women.’ The way that church is structured (in most Christian churches) appeals to women because of this belief about Christ and, therefore, men are left out in the cold. Christianity is seen as a "soft" faith and, if men are attracted to Christianity it is because they are ’highly verbal, sensitive, and relational.’ ”Real” men are into power, competition, achievement, practical skills, results, setting goals, etc. All of this is not deliberate, of course. But it's a very real problem.How do we get men back into the church? Reverse the feminization of Christianity and bring masculine elements back into church worship and life. If the Church is to reverse the declining membership of its congregations (in the West, in particular) it needs to get men back into the pews. Women, it turns out, like churches with lots of men so the focus needs to shift to making the faith more masculine - and the women and children will follow.Why Men Hate Going to Church is a passionate, fast paced read. It's powerful and persuasive. A lot of the material sounds reasonable and some of Murrow's assertions are backed up with empirical evidence. The idea of “masculinising” aspects of Christian belief and worship is certainly needed? For example, images of Jesus need to become more real than the effeminate versions of much Christian art. And the praise songs that have men singing to Jesus as his lovers definitely need to go!But I experienced a degree of discomfort as I read this book. Firstly, the differences between men and women seems overly stereotypical. Very little is discussed in the book about the commonalities between men and women. The simplistic distinctions between men and women as described by, for example, John Gray have been criticized as excessively reductionistic and not reflecting how similar men and women are in so many respects. The picture drawn by Murrow seems to "black and white".Secondly, Murrow's passion and enthusiasm for making his point sometimes borders on sexism. While the feminine is occasionally affirmed it would be easy to infer that the bad aspects of Christian worship and life are the product of female nature. I've only read the book once, but I can't recall any occasion where the author has remotely suggested that “masculine” Christianity may have its problems or any hint at the historical abuse of women by men who have suffered at the hands of men in power. I don't believe this is intentional but Murrow needs to be more careful about this aspect of his views.In summary, Why Men Hate Going to Church is a passionate plea for the reconsideration of men's needs in our churches. It's a plea also being made outside the church in areas such as education. Men and boys do need healthy masculine role models in the church. Murrow's passion and enthusiasm for the concerns of men is great to see. For me, though, I would have liked to see a more substantial, objective argument presented for rejuvenating Christian worship for all. But then, maybe I'm not a “real” man!

[deusvitae · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

There are some books which prove quite important to one's growth and development in life because they make evident a pattern, challenge, and/or idea that is true, real, and yet somehow neglected or left unconsidered. Why Men Hate Going to Church by David Murrow is one such book: after reading it, you will never look at Christianity and its practice in 21st century America the same way again.I first encountered this book a few years ago and was glad to have the chance to read and review the updated and revised edition. "Completely Revised and Updated" is not an exaggeration: I remember many of the key arguments and themes, but in the new edition they are presented more powerfully and underscored with more evidence. My reading of the original edition really caused me to think about the best way of approaching ministry; reading the new edition has led to the same process.Why Men Hate Going to Church presents one of the pressing challenges of American Christianity: where are all the men? The author sets out the evidence: most churches have a gender gap, featuring far more women than men. The more active the women get, the more likely the men are to leave. When men are not active in churches, their children are less likely to be active in churches, especially their male descendants, and the challenge grows.The author then provides helpful analysis of the sources of the difficulty: church plays to the strengths of women but the weaknesses of men. Women tend to be more auditory, better at study, more relationally-driven and focused, willing to sit and listen, share, and better at expressing themselves verbally. Men are more visual-spatial, less patient with study, less relationally-focused, fidgety, and often find expressing themselves verbally as challenging.Men do excel at boldness, willingness to take risks, and engagement in acts of service, but many times these values are not honored as highly in the assembly and in the general life of a church. The author spends some time contrasting different images of Jesus and to whom men and women best relate ("the Lion of Judah" vs. "the Lamb of God"). The author describes how churches better appeal to women, and on account of it, develop a more softened and feminine approach, further alienating men and enhancing women's presence.Yes, many ministries are male-dominated, but the author does well at showing how ministry is often done by men who are more verbal, studious, and more "feminine" than the average "macho man" (and I, for one, must plead guilty). The author also shows how when women do take over, either in terms of various matters within the congregation or as preachers themselves, men are most often further alienated and their number continues to drop.The author spends some time looking at historic trends and the various reasons why we have come to the place at which we find ourselves, as well as seeing different experiments that seemed to work in the past (like the YMCA). He also spends a lot of time considering how to bring the men back in: return to a mission-based view, consciously think about how a given prayer, song, lesson, theme, etc., would sound to the average man and adapt accordingly, find things for men to do that play to their strengths, and find ways to work with boys and their particular composition in such a way as to respect their constitution and not develop an inferiority complex in the face of all the girls.I have some concerns about many of the suggestions which put a lot of the impetus on the church where the Lord put it on the individual Christian in terms of service and in terms of the programs which should be provided for the youth; thankfully, the revised and updated edition put less emphasis on adaptations to the assembly and more on finding ways to get men to serve out in the world. I'm afraid that some of his theological points in terms of masculinity might be a bit too reactionary against an overly feminized version of Christianity; it's understandable but not necessarily beneficial.These concerns should not distract from the main point of the book or its importance. I believe this is a must read for anyone who seeks to promote the Gospel of Christ and wishes to encourage his or her fellow Christians: you don't have to agree with every point or every solution to gain from the author's perspective and the needed reconsideration of thought, feeling, and practice toward being more inclusive of masculine characteristics. There's a reason Jesus speaks more concretely and obviously about mission than relationship; there's also a reason why Jesus chose 12 men and worked intensively with them. If the church will grow and prosper in the twenty-first century it will need men to stand up with faith, boldness, vision, and effort to promote the Gospel message, and an over-emphasis on the "feminine" aspects to the detriment of the "masculine" aspects of humanity is pushing those men out and away. There are times for preaching and study; there are times for service and boldness. There is a strong need for greater relationship; there is as strong of a need for recognizing, understanding, and accomplishing God's mission for His Kingdom. Let us find ways to bring men into the fold and make sure that we are not pushing them away on account of our distorted emphases or an environment hostile to masculinity!*---book received as part of early review program

[dubiousdisciple · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I have a confession to make. I accepted this book for review thinking it might be good for a few laughs. Get a guy through the church doors? What are you gonna do, turn it into a sports bar?I was wrong about David’s book. Oh, I laughed alright—a lot!—but all the time I was chuckling, I was nodding. David has nailed it.Funny thing is, speaking as a guy, we don’t know why we hate church. We just know it’s uncomfortable. The awkwardness has to be explained to us … and when it is, we finally nod knowingly.David probably thinks his book is for pastors. No, it’s for couples. Ladies, if you want your guy sitting next to you in the pew, read this. Then find a new church together. One where the pastor has read the book, too.

[nirrad_1 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I really enjoyed this book has some great idea's to boost men's ministry can't wait to implement some of these ideas

[adam3000_1 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

I am torn. Should I lend/recommend this to others? Murrow's insights into the masculine spirit and the feminization of the American Church are valuable, and many of his suggestions represent a Biblical model of Church. HOWEVER, there are many other ideas that display a low view of Scripture and an overemphasis on letting the congregant (or the consumer) determine the "program" of the "show" on Sunday.Most disturbing is Mr. Murrow's incredibly poor use of scripture. A conservative estimate would be that 70% of the text's appeals to God's Word are incorrect, using verses either from suspect "translations" or by taking them completely out of context (a strange example is his using "It is not good for the man to be alone" to warrant the need for more intentional male fellowship). I hope this does not reflect the exegetical skills of the men at his very "masculine" Church.In conclusion, this book is helpful, but it leaves me with the desire for a better book. To my (limited) knowledge, a Theologically-accurate and compelling addition to the men-book craze has not arisen yet. I pray that there would be one soon.