What We Have: A Memoir

Written by Amy Boesky

Narrated by Elizabeth London

At thirty-two, Amy Boesky thought she had it all figured out: a wonderful new man in her life, a great job, and the (nearly) perfect home. For once, she was almost able to shake the terrible fear that had gripped her for as long as she could remember. All of the women in her family had died before the age of forty-five-from cancer-and she and her sisters had grown up in time's shadow. Urgency colored every choice they made and was amplified now that each of them approached thirty-five-the deadline their doctors prescribed for having preventive surgery with the hope that they could thwart their family's medical curse. But Amy didn't want to dwell on fear now; she wanted to spend time with her husband plan for a new baby; live her life. And that's just what she did. In a way that only someone who is so acutely aware of passing time can, she chose to put her anxieties aside and relish life's simple pleasures. In What We Have, Amy shares a deeply transformative year in her family's life and invites listeners to join in their joy, laughter, and grief. Unparalleled in its optimism and wisdom, What We Have celebrates the promise of a full life, even in the face of uncertainty.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ascent Audio
• Release date: Nov 8, 2010
• ISBN: 9781596597013

Reviews for What We Have

[knittingmomof3 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

From My Book Review Blog, Rundpinne..."Beautifully written with a mix of heartbreak and joy, What We Have by Amy Boesky is a deeply moving memoir of family dynamics. Amy Boesky tells her story as a daughter, a wife, a sister, a mother and of course as herself, a type “A minus” personality, whose life has been structured with special focus on time, considering the women in her family rarely live past the age of fifty. While not a memoir of ovarian cancer, the very essence of who Amy is stems around the women of the family, a family with a predisposition to ovarian cancer. Boesky writes a fluid story, written in two parts, much like the hands of a clock, balanced, while throughout the book Boesky masterfully blends in the history of language, medicine and especially of time, to illustrate her emotions throughout the book. What We Have is a deeply moving narrative of strong women who made me both laugh and cry, and for whom I felt deeply, for Amy, her sisters Julie and Sara, and her mother Elaine, and for their husbands and their children. Written in an exquisite tone, Amy shares with the reader her struggles and her family’s joys and sorrows, the bond that brings them so close together and yet is so deadly, all the while begging the question: can we recapture lost time, history, things gone before us or do we rely solely on memory and living in the moment? Perhaps there is no correct answer for this, poets write about this topic frequently and it is a topic Boesky broaches throughout her book. I highly recommend What We Have to any reader, especially those who do not care for memoirs as this book is not a typical memoir."

[bobbieharv · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

A beautifully written honest moving book that reads like a novel, tragic and funny and thoughtful and engrossing all at the same time.

[nyiper · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This was just plain excellent----and true to the description on t he cover, it reads exactly like a novel---except that it is real. The writing is beautiful and so is the "story"---sadly, heartbreakingly in part, beautifully told. This is written 15 years after much of what is described-----so we will await sometime in the future when there is more from this author.

[literaryfeline · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Have you ever plucked a book off your shelf to read, not really expecting more than a good story; only, you find so much more than you anticipated? I am sure we all have to some degree. Whether it be an even richer reading experience, a connection made with a character, a lesson learned, or something else entirely. It was that way for me and Amy Boesky's memoir, What We Have.It is difficult for me to be objective about this book because it spoke to me on a personal level. And when Lisa of TLC Book Tours pitched the book to me, I think she knew it would, although perhaps not in quite the way she thought. I hadn't been so sure. I didn't think I was in the right place for a book like this, but I couldn't have been more wrong.Ovarian cancer runs in Amy's family, cutting short the life of many of the women in her family. With their their history of cancer always looming over them, Amy and her sisters knew they didn't have much time and so tried to pack a lifetime in as soon as they could. Getting married and having children were among the priorities. The memoir covers a short span in Amy's life, but definitely a life changing one. It is full of happy moments as well as intensely sad ones.Certain aspects of Amy Boesky's life are similar to my own--some of what she writes about I am going through right now. And I think that's part of why I connected so well with What We Have. At times it felt like I was looking into a mirror. I devoured the chapters about Amy's first pregnancy and when she brought the baby home. I could feel her and her husband's frustration at selling one house and searching for another. And I know what it's like to live with a family history of cancer (breast cancer in my case).There were also other moments, such as my own mother's diagnosis and treatment of breast cancer; how frightening a time that was, especially given our family history, and my own fear of the disease. And then of the spreading of Amy's mother's breast cancer to her bones and the various treatments and side effects that followed--much like my friend, Melyssa's experience. She lost her battle with the disease a couple of years ago, and it was quite a blow to all of us who loved her. As a result, that was an especially difficult part of the book to get through.Like Amy, I am a bit obsessed with time and planning. Her interest in the history of time (clocks, calendars, etc) resonated with me, although I am not sure I attach my own interest so tightly to thoughts of mortality--at least not on the surface. With the birth of Amy's children to the death of her mother, the theme was reinforced, reminding me of the cycle of life.I was also drawn to the strong relationship between Amy, her sisters and her mother. I only met my own sister in adulthood and we live so far away from one another that we haven't really had a chance to develop much of a relationship. So while the author's experiences are different than my own, I do know the love of family and the significance that it can play in a life. Seeing my parents grow older, I feel the weight of time even more, especially at this stage in my life. As much as I struggled to get away and be my own person, there are still times when I need my parents, when I long for my mother. Just as Amy does.Amy Boesky's memoir is written in a casual and thoughtful style which I found warm and welcoming. I easily connected with the author and found we share a lot in common both in beliefs and worries. But there were differences as well and that made the book all the more interesting. When I finished reading What We Have, I could only think how fitting the title is. It can be seen in several different ways. What We Have is about a family history of cancer and loss. But more so, as I prefer to see it, What We Have is a story about life and love and survival.

[kraaivrouw · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I liked this memoir. It's well-written, sincere, playful yet serious, and the author manages to bring herself and her own struggles to light in a way that feels honest. The book gave me a lot to think about, particularly as the author struggles with her own need to think ahead and be prepared and the reality of a world that throws what it wants to at you in its own time and fashion.Ms. Boesky obviously belongs to a clan that loves and supports each other, even when it's difficult. I particularly appreciated her honesty about her own feelings when her sister lost her baby and then had difficulty supporting Ms. Boesky in her pregnancy and delivery. I can only imagine how purely awful that must have been for everyone involved - two sisters, pregnant together and planning for their children to play together until one loses her child. Just awful.Also illuminating was the story of the author's mother's death from cancer. I liked the mix of humor and pathos and I liked reading about everyone trying to come to terms with the inevitable. The story of the house her parents almost bought, A River Runs Through It, touched my soul and really brought her mother to life for me.The author is at her least successful when she talks about her own work and in talking about making decisions about her own health based on her family's extensive cancer history. The book is marketed as being primarily about this aspect of Ms. Boesky's life and I think it does her a disservice because that's not, ultimately, what the book is about. As the author's specialty is the advent and evolution of timepieces and timekeeping, I would have liked for her to play more with this element within her own story. I don't think she's written the book she meant to write, and she may still write, but I liked this book and hope she writes more.

[whitreidtan · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

When you look at your parents, can you see where you got your eyes or your chin or your height? Certainly we inherit obvious physical characteristics from our families. I have my mother’s eyes and my father’s dimple. I passed both of those things on to certain of my children. But we inherit so much more than we know. Just imagine wondering if you inherited (and passed along) the potential for ovarian cancer. Author Amy Boesky has spent her entire life wondering this. None of the women in her family tree lived long lives, all felled young by virulent ovarian cancer. Her mother had a prophylactic hysterectomy to halt the grim march of cancer and Boesky herself had always known that she wanted to do the same by the time she was 35, the age doctors recommended the procedure for her. But in the meantime, she lived her life and this memoir details how she went about living to the fullest even while shadowed by this terrible menace. Taking place mainly over the four or so years in which Boesky met and married her husband and gave birth to their two children, this memoir is incredibly affecting. Love, life, and starting a new family were interrupted by sadness, loss, and enduring grief.In her early thirties, Boesky met and married her husband at the same time she was launching her academic career. The first year of their marriage was a negotiation between very different personalities, including the negotiation of when to have a baby. Boesky felt time ticking away from her thanks to the cancer threat. Her intensive planning and his laissez-faire attitude were at odds. But Boesky knew with certainty the number of black circles, denoting female family members dead of ovarian cancer, dotted about the family tree. And so it was cause for celebration when both she and one of her three sisters fell pregnant at the same time. But the joy of this was shattered when her sister’s baby died in utero, leaving Boesky unable to break through her sister’s grief except through their mother. And when the minefield of unspoken sorrow was finally breached, it was to face an even bigger blow: their strong and loving mother, the tough teacher so beloved by her students, had metastatic breast cancer. How could she have dodged the ovarian cancer bullet only to face a recurrence of breast cancer? And what would this further threat mean to her three daughters and their daughters?Genetic testing was in its infancy during this time in Boesky’s life and aside from doctor’s charting the linked deaths, there was little to no information as to the nature of the predisposition. There was only the knowledge that it, the cancer, could reach out and get Boesky or her sisters at any point. The sense of urgency, of having a deadline, pervaded Boesky’s life. In fact, she did much academic research on calendars and time and she weaves tidbits about the history of these concepts into her life narrative. This story of the several years so tightly packed with overwhelming joy and crushing sorrow is beautifully rendered. It is emotional and honest, reflective and searching. It is a love letter to the power of family and love and support and a raspberry in the face of the disease that claimed so many of her relatives, both those she never had the chance to meet and those she loved dearly. It is the repository of memories for her daughters, too young to remember themselves. Finally, it is the well-written chronicle of a woman not afraid to triumph over fear and her own sense of living on borrowed time.