Because We Are Bad: OCD and a Girl Lost in Thought

Written by Lily Bailey

Narrated by Lily Bailey

Written with the indelible power of Girl, Interrupted, Brain on Fire, and Reasons to Stay Alive, a lyrical, poignant memoir by a young woman about her childhood battle with debilitating obsessive compulsive disorder, and her hard-won journey to recovery.

By the age of thirteen, Lily Bailey was convinced she was bad. She had killed someone with a thought, spread untold disease, and ogled the bodies of other children. Only by performing an exhausting series of secret routines could she make up for what she’d done. But no matter how intricate or repetitive, no act of penance was ever enough.

Beautifully written and astonishingly intimate, Because We Are Bad recounts a childhood consumed by obsessive compulsive disorder. As a child, Bailey created a second personality inside herself—""I"" became ""we""—to help manifest compulsions that drove every minute of every day of her young life. Now she writes about the forces beneath her skin, and how they ordered, organized, and urged her forward. Lily charts her journey, from checking on her younger sister dozens of times a night, to ""normalizing"" herself at school among new friends as she grew older, and finally to her young adult years, learning—indeed, breaking through—to make a way for herself in a big, wide world that refuses to stay in check.

Charming and raw, harrowing and redemptive, Because We Are Bad is an illuminating and uplifting look into the mind and soul of an extraordinary young woman, and a startling portrait of OCD that allows us to see and understand this condition as never before.

• Language: English
• Publisher: HarperAudio
• Release date: Apr 3, 2018
• ISBN: 9780062799166

Lily Bailey

Lily Bailey is a model and writer. She became a journalist in London in 2012, editing a news site and writing features and fashion articles for local publications including the Richmond Magazine and the Kingston Magazine. As a child and teenager, Lily suffered from severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). She kept her illness private, until the widespread misunderstanding of the disorder spurred her into action. In 2014 she began campaigning for better awareness and understanding of OCD, and has tried to stop companies making products that trivialise the illness. Her first book, Because We Are Bad (Canbury Press), published in May 2016, reveals her experience of OCD. She lives in London with her dog, Rocky.

Reviews for Because We Are Bad

[Nadine · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Wow. What a thorough, relatable, intimate way of learning about OCD from an internal perspective. Builds empathy for someone trying to understand what a loved one may be going through.

[Anielleday Ooneymay · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I'm giving this one 5 stars because it's the most validating book I've ever read. From reading the back and dedication in the bookstore to the last word tonight, I've never felt so understood in my life. Lily Bailey is honest about her OCD in a way that I would never dare to be. Lily's suffering is far more severe than mine has ever been, but there are so many commonalities we share that I read the book with a highlighter. When she told her boss about her OCD, "I prepare for Bill to give one of three standard responses: 'Oh, I'm also so OCD!' 'Aren't we all a bit OCD?' 'You can come and clean my house!'" How common and horribly invalidating these responses are. Imagine you meet someone with schizophrenia and respond to their vulnerable admission of their mental illness with "Ugh, I'm so schizo too." It's cruel, but it's the reality of living with a disorder that people don't understand... or worse, think they understand. However, in this book, Lily takes you inside her head and introduces you her obsessions and the compulsions she uses to cope with them. She explains magical thinking and intrusive thoughts and their impact on her life. It is clear that her suffering is debilitating, even though on the outside she may appear like she has it all together. I hope this book ends up in the hands of others suffering from OCD and those who need to understand it. Lily Bailey makes mental illness accessible to those who struggle to understand and for those of us who suffer, I think she wrote it to help us feel understood. The book's dedication is "For you, you know who you are," and I'm pretty sure she is talking about me.

[Cambria Spears · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Wonderful! Loved her honesty and openness to share! ????

[Madison Wyatt · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I've never related to someone so much before. This brought me endless relief, you've accompanied me at home while I clean. While I bathe. While I cook, clean, everything that I usually have a hard time doing because of the intrusive thoughts. It takes so much courage to open up to the entire world, this book is truly amazing.

[philipjhunt · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I'm stunned how Lily Bailey can describe her mental health struggle with such objectivity and selfless honesty. The reader gets real insight into the logic of the Obsessive Compulsive mind. Bailey communicates with self-deprecating wit, balanced with honest communication about the pain of coping. Or trying to. This is an excellent book.