Ask David, Rhonda and Matt Assertiveness, Suppressing your Feelings, and the "Miracle Cure" question Questions for today’s Ask David podcast. Chris asks if I have a book about assertiveness. Brian asks: Is there anything to the theory that "suppressing emotions" is harmful or is that just Freudian mumbo jumbo? Matt asks about the “Miracle Cure” question in the Assessment of Resistance portion of a TEAM therapy session. Rhonda began with a lovely endorsement and a cool reminder of the classic book, Robinson Crusoe, who created cognitive therapy (the double column technique) when he was stranded on a deserted island! I believe I wrote about it in one of my books, possibly Feeling Good. It’s pretty cool! You will hear Matt playing the role of the “evil” thoughts, like, “I am stranded alone on a deserted island,” and Rhonda will play the role of the “good” thoughts, like, “Yes, but my life was spared, and all of my shipmates died.” Here's what it looks like in the novel: Evil. Good. I am cast upon a horrible, desolate island, void of all hope of recovery.     But I am alive; and not drowned, as all my ship’s company were. I am singled out and separated, as it were, from all the world, to be miserable.     But I am singled out, too, from all the ship’s crew, to be spared from death; and He that miraculously saved me from death can deliver me from this condition. I am divided from mankind—a solitaire; one banished from human society.     But I am not starved, and perishing on a barren place, affording no sustenance. I have no clothes to cover me.     But I am in a hot climate, where, if I had clothes, I could hardly wear them. I am without any defence, or means to resist any violence of man or beast.     But I am cast on an island where I see no wild beasts to hurt me, as I saw on the coast of Africa; and what if I had been shipwrecked there? I have no soul to speak to or relieve me.     But God wonderfully sent the ship in near enough to the shore, that I have got out as many necessary things as will either supply my wants or enable me to supply myself, even as long as I live. I know this novel is a couple hundred years old, so it certainly deserves nomination of the earliest cognitive therapy! Now, for the answers to today’s Ask David questions. Keep in mind that these answers were written BEFORE today’s recording, so the actual live answers will differ in some regards from the written answers below.   1. Chris asks if I have a book about assertiveness. Hi Dr. Burns, I hope you're doing well. Do you have a book on assertiveness training? I've used your books to help me with my hidden "should" statements, which has enabled me to be less angry or anxious whenever someone treats me less than satisfactorily. While this has helped immensely, I realize it's still in my interest to reduce the behavior I disagree with. For example, my sibling scheduled an early morning shift after I had a long day of work. Because they can't drive, they expect me to take them to work, which means I'll only get about 5 hours of sleep; this in itself isn't a bad thing... except this is the 3rd time in a row they've done this. After using your techniques, I'm less angry and anxious, but I still want to address the behavior to reduce the likelihood that they do something like this again, which is why I'm reaching out. Thanks for your help. Kind regards, Chris David’s Reply Sure. I like my own book, Feeling Good Together, and have often recommended Manuel Smith’s When I Say NO I Feel Guilty. There is a LOT to be said about assertiveness training, including the fact that it doesn’t always work! I can give a great personal account of that! Sometimes, or always, skillful listening is also effective. Assertiveness without listening makes it sound like only your own feelings are important, which is obviously pretty self-centered. One of the most helpful things to me is the difference between healthy and unhealthy anger, and