Holidays… when you’re married to a man who drinks too much or suffers from addiction they can be difficult, can’t they? You’re hoping for the best. You’re praying they will stay sober so you can have a beautiful, warm, and loving holiday.   Maybe you’re planning on visiting with family and they don’t have any idea how bad things have got at home. Or perhaps you have children and you just want their father to be the loving dad they deserve. I know exactly how you feel. When I was married to a wonderful guy who struggled with this disease, I had really high expectations for the holidays. I decorated the house, cooked delicious food, or sometimes, if I was busy, I would purchase some delicious food, and I would invite my family over to celebrate and have fun. But during all my planning, I was feeling nervous. In the back of my mind, I was worried that he wouldn’t stay sober and my big plans to have a lovely and happy holiday would be ruined. And, the truth is, my reality was far different than the dreamy holiday I had fantasized about. There was drinking and drug use, sometimes even days before the actual holiday. I remember during Christmas, I would see my father carving the turkey and my husband just sitting on the couch with a beer, completely in his own world and think, “Why aren’t you enjoying this holiday with us? This could be so wonderful if you just put down the drink and engage with the ones who love you.” It made no sense.   And that’s an excellent place for us to begin with this holiday guide: This disease makes no sense. Here are three tips to help make your holiday happier: 1. Stop trying to understand the why. They are sick, and this disease makes no sense, and that’s all you need to understand. The sooner you surrender trying to understand why they act up, the faster your healing begins. Think about it: Who would choose to feel wasted over feeling the love their family has to offer?   Who would choose to feel a fake kind of joy that drugs or alcohol make them feel, over the real joy of laughing with your loved ones?    Who would choose mind-numbing drugs over receiving the warm love of a spouse? Someone who is sick. Someone who's out of control and who has a disease. And the more you try to understand the reason why they make these unhealthy choices, the more frustrated you will become. 2. Have a plan if they refuse to leave the house. When you’re planning your holiday and you're wondering: “What do I cook, who should I invite over, or where should we go?” Or if you're invited to an event or meeting up with friends, I want you to include a backup plan if they start to drink or use drugs. In other words, what are you going to do if they start acting up? You might be thinking, “I don’t know what to do, Michelle.” And I don’t want you to worry because I’m going to offer you some helpful suggestions if they refuse to leave and you have plans to go out.   If they start to drink before a holiday party or event you’re excited about attending, you have a choice. You can leave the house without them and have a good time. Here’s what you’re not going to do: you’re not going to make the unhealthy choice to cancel your plans if they refuse to go.   You’re a courageous woman. You can go somewhere without your loved one. You have excellent social skills and people enjoy talking with you. You will be surprised how much fun you can have if you leave them at home.   Think about it: you won’t need to constantly look across the room and worry if they've had another drink. You won’t feel embarrassed about their slurred words or awkward behavior.   The only person you will be responsible for is you (and maybe your children if they are attending).   You can do it! I know you can. I promise you’re more capable than you give yourself credit for.   Even if you have just 5 minutes of fun, it will be better than wasting the evening staying at home upset and disappointed he made his bad choices again.   3. Have a plan if they start drinkin