THE DIARY OF J. MURPHY

By Jacquetta Murphy-McCleave

It's a book of poems, mostly based off of things/situations that happened in my life in my twenties.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Amz Book Publishing Services
• Release date: Nov 22, 2024
• ISBN: 9781836636618

Book preview

THE DIARY OF

J. MURPHY

Jacquetta Murphy-McCleave

Copyright © 2024 Jacquetta Murphy-McCleave

All Rights Reserved

Dedication

To my husband, Darius, for always believing in me and encouraging me to get my literary work out there in the world. I believe in you & you believe in me. And for that, I will always be grateful.

Acknowledgement

​First and foremost, I give all the praises & glory to my God, the Alpha & the Omega, the beginning & the end, for His grace; and for giving me this gift and passion for writing.

​I would like to thank my parents for giving me life. I would like to extend my deepest gratitude to my maternal grandmother, Mary Murphy, for always loving me unconditionally, and teaching me the importance of being independent.

​I am extremely grateful to two of my closest friends whom I consider to be my sisters, Selena Frink and Marisha Williams. They have been two of my biggest supporters for over 30 years that I have known them. I love you, ladies, always!

I would like to thank my literary team for bringing my book to life.

​I am extending my heartfelt gratitude to my loving husband, Darius McCleave, for his undying love & support.

About the Author

Jacquetta Murphy-McCleave, a native of Boston, MA, experienced a diverse upbringing that spanned Bridgeport, CT, and Charlotte, NC. She concluded her high school education in Florence, SC. Presently residing in Charlotte, NC, alongside her husband, Jacquetta is an alumna of the University of North Carolina at Charlotte, where she earned her Bachelor of Arts degree in English.

Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgement

About the Author

Chapter 1  How You Gonna Shine  Sitting on His Sun?

How you gonna shine sitting on his sun?

Tomorrow Never Comes

Waking In The Mist

Broken

A Woman’s Worth

My Faith Won’t Let Me Down

Taking Hope

A Real Woman

What Looks Like Foolishness on a Sensible Day

Right Now

The Pain

The Diary of J. Murphy, Almost

Chapter 2  The Edge of Never

The Edge of Never

The Traveler

When I Look At You (Two)

I Used to be His Favorite Girl

Suicide Bomber

My Mr. Right

I’m Right by Your Side

Losing Faith

Rescue Me

I Know the Plan

A Motherless Child

The Diary of J. Murphy, One Day I Woke Up

Chapter 3  The Technician

The Technician

Autumn’s Dance

Right Then, Right There

Adam Steven

Employment

The Weekend Life

Someday My Prince Will Come

Enter My Computer Room (At Your Own Risk)

A Real Man

Anticipation

Fantasy

Hit & Run

Charm

Chance

The Diary of J. Murphy, It Was My Volition & My Own Will

Chapter 4  I’m Beautiful in My Own Right

Peach Tree

Big Women Need Love Too

Back Road to a Dream

I’m Here If You Need Me

I Am My Brothers’ Keeper

The Best Part of Me

Game Over

A Moment Too Soon

What’s The Matter With Me

I’m The Sheep That Got Lost

I’m Beautiful In My Own Right

The Diary of J. Murphy, The Other Day

Chapter 5  I’m Walking In My Own Shoes

I’m Walking In My Own Shoes

Last Woman Standing

Hope & Faith

Walk A Day In My Life

My Name is Love

Sagittarius

All Alone

This is my Season

I Wanted to Be Loved

The Last Letter

Rose Petal

The Diary of J. Murphy, I Am A Woman Scorned

Chapter 6  The Male Representative

The Male Representative

There’s A Place in Hell

Life Isn’t Fair

Manipulation

Come to the Table

Hate

The Road He Took

Mr. Sorry

After His Own Heart

Shawn, Marlon’s Cousin

Two Types of Trifling

The Diary of J. Murphy, My Migraine Life

Chapter 1

How You Gonna Shine

Sitting on His Sun?

How you gonna shine sitting on his sun?

How you gonna shine sitting on his sun?

How you gonna shine sitting on his sun?

While he’s paper chasing, skirt flirting, tipsy drinking

You’re looking mad & getting angry because he told you that you were his only chick

He didn’t bother to pick

Up the phone when he saw your name on the caller ID

He didn’t bother to text you back when you were concerned if he made it home safely.

I’m telling you & you’re telling me that if his heart was cold enough, you still couldn’t see past the tissue on the floor,

From all the tears you shed, asking yourself why he doesn’t love me anymore.

I’m telling you & you’re telling me, if his heart was big enough, that if he could love all the girls in the neighborhood

Why is he still chasing after your good-good

You’re telling me & I’m telling you

With the amount of hurt on your heart

How he ignores you, that still wouldn’t pull you two apart

You’re telling me & I’m telling you

The more the images of his neglect become clear

You rather jump off a bridge because the pain is too much to bear

Didn’t anyone ever tell you that you are beautiful, girl?

You have so much potential in this world.

How you gonna shine sitting on his sun?

How you gonna smell the roses sitting in the house?

How you gonna break through what you’re going through if you can’t get through what you’ve been through?

A man ain’t supposed to keep you down

When you’re trying to keep up with the kept up

A well-kept woman knows her bounds

She don’t mess around,

Keeping her face low to the ground

And playing on the border, dealing with men south of the border, border lining, fine dining & checking out early only makes you late

Showing up for the party of two when it’s only you who can’t get passed the gate

Looking for a true soul mate

How you gonna shine sitting on his sun?

How you gonna let him tell you over & over that he loves you when all he does is cause you pain,

Are you seeing what’s going on or you can’t see through the rain?

Who told you a woman is supposed to cry over some loser straight out of loser camp?

Return him back to the place from whence you got that stamp

He’s not a champ

You got a lot going for yourself, girl you bad!

You sitting at home locked in your room being sad

You’re too young to act this old

You’re too warm to feel this cold

You’re too good to be this bad

You’re too pretty to look this sad

How you gonna shine sitting on his sun?

And if he told you that you’re the one

But he ain’t lost no sleep from all the fun he had

Then maybe it’s time to turn a good girl bad

They say you can’t turn a bad girl good & when a good girl has gone bad, she’s gone forever

So let him live with the fact he did you wrong forever

And let him see the tears fall forever

Because the dent in your heart will be there forever

But one monkey don’t stop the show forever

How you gonna shine sitting on his sun?

While you’re the perfect diamond watch sitting on his wrist like the perfect Armani suit to complement the perfect blend of caramel & hazelnut

Let him go home alone & bust his own damn nut

You don’t like yours salty anyway

And you wake up to a better day

Feeling good & talking sassy

You’re a first class chick, classy

And the next time he decides to throw you to the back of the bus,

Collecting dust

Understanding your worth is an absolute must

Let him chase after his Jezebel and have his fun

After all how is he gonna shine when you are his sun?

Tomorrow Never Comes

I’m waiting on tomorrow.

Tomorrow the sun will be brighter,

The day will be shorter,

Everything will go perfectly right

And I’ll be able to see the light

I’m waiting on tomorrow

Where the flowers are blooming

Where the sky is baby blue

And the clouds are far away

I’m waiting on the day after today

I’m waiting anxiously, anticipating an alignment where amazing happens

I’m bordering the boundaries of never bouncing back

I can imagine the fresh air just barely caressing my skin

And the enchanting whisper of gentle peace piercing my ear

The breeze from the ocean’s breath slowly creeping in

The sand between my toes tickling my childhood, I know I was there

It seems like it was ages ago and memories afar

I’m not in my element

I’m not even touching the reality of my mind

The drive I once had, I can’t find

What seems ahead, seems to trickle behind

I’m waiting on a sign

Like a symbol or a raindrop across the blue sky

Instead of teardrops dropping down my pretty brown face

I’m not winning this race

I’m waiting on the day my thirst is satisfied with a savings account that says beware

That’s too big for me, but just enough to share

I’m waiting on the day they call my name

The day things turn around but never be the same

I’m running across enemy lines & unfriendly borders, I’m racing through red lights

Only to embrace long days & lonely nights

I’m jumping through hoops to get to the other side

Only to find I've already lost my mind

I’m dancing to silence & laughing at thin air

I’m walking down dangerous streets but have nothing to fear

I’m waiting on payday where my check isn’t being raped by Uncle Sam & his homeboys

I’m waiting patiently on the day I don’t have to rob Peter to pay Paul or turn tricks down on 5th & Trade

Or the day where I can be as nonchalant as Dwayne Wade

Killing them softly

And by the fourth quarter I made

46 points & my mom is my biggest fan

Cheering me on, like I’m her main man

I’m standing on the verge of impulse leaving my lasting impression of my bad boy frame

I wanna be like Dwight Howard, starting out impossible but achieving the impossible as they call my name.

I’m swinging from the ceiling fan

I’m reading a sign Yes we can

I’m sipping on the fantasy of a mixed drink that turns my possibility into a reality.  I’m chasing rainbows & searching for gold.

I’ve been told the truth I hold makes most cold.

Now my lawyer needs a lawyer. I’m hoping for the best but facing the worst.  I am still on the edge of never.  I’m blown away by fear but yet I don’t care

You can’t know where you’re going til you know where you’ve been.

Waking In The Mist

I’ve been there too many times; times I thought I wouldn’t pull through, thoughts that wouldn’t go away.  Waking in the mist, feeling gray.  Bearing the pain, and it hurts; the pain left me with nothing to gain.  I can’t find me because Hope ran off with me.  I’m trying to find myself in the mist feeling lost & confused.  Oh, it hurts!  The pain is sharp, begging for mercy!  Looking for a sign that this trip is almost over, but somewhere I took a detour.  It was Abigor, the devil’s cousin, the fake grin he wore!  I’m missing who I used to be.  Where is she?  Where is me?  Waking in the mist living life dangerously.

Waking in the mist living life dangerously.  How