Our Lives in Between

By Billie Kowalewski

It had been five years since the accident that derailed Veronica’s life, which left her suffering from a strange flu-like illness ever since. Thanks to a barrier set in her mind at birth, she can’t remember her name is Harmony and that this is not her real life. She has no memory of the many lives she had lived before this one and how several of those lives had been cut short. How she must uncover the reason why those lives had ended so early, and how this moment may hold the key, or she risks losing herself and Earth forever.
As Harmony, she wants to uncover the reason why her lives keep ending so soon. As Veronica, she wonders how much longer she has to live like this? What could possibly be left for her? Little did she know, she was about to get her answers.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Billie Kowalewski
• Release date: Sep 20, 2023
• ISBN: 9798215802960

Billie Kowalewski

Billie grew up in southern Connecticut where she still lives. When she’s not writing, working, or promoting her books and actually has free time she usually doesn’t know what to do with herself. She does enjoy many activities. Reading, cooking, hiking, going to the beach, and roller skating to name a few but spending time with her daughter and son are her most favorite.To learn more about Billie and her work you can visit: https://www.Enlightenedbook.net

Book preview

Chapter 1

Veronica Edwards

June 1980, Moodus, Connecticut, USA

As I shifted my car into park, I thought about the last time I was here at this cemetery. How stupid I was to believe that I could somehow escape what had happened. Anger boiled within me. I should’ve never believed any of those idiots who kept saying that I needed to just move past it. That I needed to just forget everything. That over time, life would get easier.

Well, it had been five years, and I begged to differ.

Every single one of us deals with loss in their own way, at their own pace. I couldn’t help but wonder if any of that so-called advice was just big fat lies people tell when they are uncomfortable around grief. Stupid jerks.

I kept my hands on the wheel, and my eyes fixed forward, while I worked on finding the courage to get out of the car. I couldn’t decide what scared me more: facing what had happened or going through the rest of my life as severely depressed as I had been.

What if I faced this and walked away the same as I came in? What if it didn’t matter? Or what if I made myself worse? The longer I sat there, the harder it became to determine whether this really was a good idea or if I was just really stupid. I had already accepted that the chance of this helping was slight. But it was still a risk I desperately was willing to take.

I turned off the car, and the silence that followed hit me in the face like a sack of bricks. And I began to cry.

This day felt as fresh as the day he died. The sadness consumed me, and my anger fueled it like I poured gasoline into a fire. I leaned forward, covering my face with my hands, and I sobbed. I hit my hand against the steering wheel a bunch of times and stomped my foot on the floor. A soft breeze blew, and a shiver, much like a mild electric shock, washed over me, and then it was over. I was done crying and became as calm as could be.

I sat back in my seat, feeling a little confused and wiped the tears from my eyes with my palms. I glanced around the car, mostly at the ceiling, trying to figure out what had just happened. The convertible’s top was up, and the windows were closed, so I had no real answer.

I picked up my bag to get a tissue and uncovered the mementos his grandfather had been nice enough to let me take from his room when I had visited their house earlier. His Led Zeppelin T-shirt and the pair of sunglasses he always wore. I ran my fingers across the T-shirt’s print, allowing myself to feel the ache in my heart. Doubt creeped back in, but I would not give up.

I glanced up into the rearview mirror, bloodshot brown eyes staring back at me. You are tougher than this, I told myself.

I took in a swift cleansing breath and grabbed my bag, slinging the strap over my shoulder. I then grabbed the sunglasses and stepped out of the car before I could give myself a chance to have second thoughts.

My legs wobbled a little as I walked. A breeze I could barely feel howled eerily through the trees. I paid no mind to the clear blue sky overhead or the warm June air. All I focused on was putting one foot in front of the other while making my way along the row of headstones over to his.

All those bodies lying underground tended to create such an awkward, uneasy feeling. I always ended up walking as gently as possible on the tips of my toes. I knew it sounded silly, but I felt like I was stepping on people, disturbing all those poor souls who were trying to get some rest. If this had been another occasion, I would have been apologizing.

My heart thumped hard against my ribs as his stone came into view. A dry lump rose in my throat. My head swirled, but I paused, took a deep breath, and let it out.

Get a grip, Veronica! I whispered.

A strange feeling came over me as I moved closer to him. Much like in the car. A soft breeze followed by a light shiver from head to toe. It confused me, because the closer I got, the easier the walk became. I worried this good feeling wouldn’t last; that it was only temporary. But no sooner had I thought that the worry was gone, and a sense of enthusiasm took its place. I couldn’t move my feet fast enough.

Once I finally reached where he was, I put on his sunglasses and smiled. Honey, I’m home.

I knelt in front of his headstone and placed my bag on the ground beside me. Clearing away a few leaves that had gathered, I read the names.

I took off the sunglasses and placed them on the ground right under his name. As I traced the letters in his name and then in his mother’s, I stayed quiet. No words were good enough to describe how genuinely wonderful both of these people were to me. It saddened me to know that the world was without two very good souls.

Hi, Joan. I smiled. My eyes fixed on her name. I hope you don’t mind that I came to visit your son today.

I picked at the grass and turned toward his grave. Hi, Seth. My eyes welled up. This was the first time I had said his name willingly in years. It’s me...Veronica. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to visit you until now. I moved to San Francisco after you— Out of habit, I stopped myself before stating the obvious. "—left. I hope things are going well for you, wherever you may be. I hope you’ve found happiness there."

A soft smile crept across my face as I babbled away, filling him in on our time apart. It helped me relax a little, and my one-sided conversation became easier. But I still continued to pick at the grass and fidget with my fingers to help keep myself talking.

I felt scared and it churned in the pit of my stomach as I approached a more sensitive topic. But I would get everything I needed to say out. I took a deep breath and let it out, fidgeting even more. As I started to really ramble, my voice became high-pitched and speedy.

I stopped by your house today to visit George... I am sure you know he’s doing well... Do you remember the roses we planted out front? They look so good! See? I told you planting those was a good idea... My voice drifted off. "Oh... I should confess that I went into your room while I was there. As you can see, I took your sunglasses. I hope you don’t mind. I ducked and made a face. I also took your Led Zeppelin shirt."

I jumped as I realized that I had almost forgotten a small part of my plan and dug through my bag. Oh! I almost forgot! I brought you a little treat. I pulled out a cassette player and placed it on the ground. Then I went through my bag again, dug out a cassette, and held it up toward the headstone. I put the tape in the player and pressed play.

"Oh... What’s this? A little... Toys in the Attic? I said, sounding dramatic. I knew you would love this."

I placed my back against the headstone and closed my eyes, making myself comfortable. I sang along to some of the songs. It was enjoyable at first, and, as intended, it brought memories from our time together to the surface. My hands weren’t fidgeting anymore.

Tears streamed down my cheeks. "It’s so hard not being able to talk to you, and it’s just so unfair. I’ve watched people who didn’t love each other half as much as we did get to be with each other for years, but you and I only had five months—unless you start counting from when we met in the third grade.

But really?! Five months? That’s all we got?! I shouted, tossing my hands up. "Just five months of happiness... And then it was just...gone." I hung my head, cupped my face with my hands, and sobbed.

After a few moments, I wiped under my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm down. "A year ago, my stepmother suggested that I should get back out there. I know she meant well, but I almost threw up right there. Until she said something, that thought never once crossed my mind.

I’ve had a few guys ask me out at school, but I told them all no. I just can’t do it. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to. I know it sounds crazy, but I can’t love anyone else the same as I love you. I wiped under my eyes again and sucked in a jagged breath. So, I decided...that I’d rather live the rest of my life alone, loving you, than try to pretend with someone else. That’s why I came here. To tell you that.

I shrugged. Who knows? Maybe I’ll be one of those ladies with, like, forty cats. An image of me surrounded by a house full of cats filled my mind, and I laughed. Uh... On second thought, I think I’ll minus thirty-nine of those. I chuckled again.

Pain shot across my forehead. I clutched my head, leaning forward in agony as the pain wrapped around my skull. I rummaged through my bag, grabbed the Tylenol and Coke I had brought with me, and took two pills. I had been carrying them everywhere I went nowadays. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I leaned forward and rested my head against my knees.

Ugh...I just don’t get it, I muttered through the pain. "It was like I was hit by some sort of plague when you died. The aching and the chills... I can’t breathe right. Ugh... And these headaches! No matter what I do, it just won’t let up either. It’s like I literally can’t live without you. I grimaced from the pain. How am I going to get through the rest of my life like this?"

I took a deep breath and exhaled. Our love for each other has always been exceptionally strong though, hasn’t it? I forced a weak but determined smile. Remember, Seth? The closer you are, the better I can breathe.

I sat there for a while, waiting for the pills to dull the pain just enough that I could function. Once they kicked in, I picked up my mess off the ground and stood.

Brushing off the back of my pants, I smiled at his stone. I’m going up to Devil’s Hopyard now to go sit by the falls. I would have done it before while I was up that way, but I wanted to see you first, so I could invite you to come with me... I hope you follow me there... I love you so much, and I’ll never stop.

Tears flowed down my face as I walked back over to the car and started it. I tried to stop them while I was driving, but I couldn’t.

I turned onto the road that ran over the top of the falls, pulled into the parking lot, and parked the car. The sound of rushing water greeted me the moment I turned off the engine. Like the falls were welcoming me home. I smiled.

Seth and I spent a great deal of time visiting Devil’s Hopyard State Park. It now just seemed like a good way to cap off my visit and hopefully bring me the closure that I had been searching for.

The falls were loud and energetic. I crossed the road and headed down the rocky path that runs along the side. I moved closer to the cedar fence to watch the water cascade down. Leaning against the railing, droplets sprinkled my arms and I inhaled deeply. The scent of the honeysuckle that grew by the fence hit my nose.

To my surprise, relief and happiness coursed through me the moment I did. I was more alive right here than I had been in the last five years. Maybe doing all of this was really what I needed after all.

I continued down the path and traveled across a small wooden bridge with a slight skip in my steps. Just like I did the last time we were here. I followed it down to a secluded little spot, where he had asked me to be his wife.

I sat on a rock and curled my knees in, just staring down at the water. Through the water’s reflection, I caught sight of my red and blue friendship bracelet with the little white beads. A gift from Seth from when we were eight; the day he and I decided to be best friends.

It looked a little tattered now. The white beads were a bit scuffed and had darkened over time. The red and blue woven threads had darkened too but remained strong and had never frayed. It had been so big on me when he had first tied it on. Now it fit perfectly and served as a brilliant symbol of our everlasting friendship.

I ran my fingers across the woven threads, feeling the beads. The way I always did whenever I thought of him. Instead of the sadness I had felt at the cemetery, happiness from my memories of him filled me.

It was starting to get late. I had to head back to have dinner with my grandpa.

I stood and brushed off the back of my pants. When I turned to walk up the path, intense pain shot forcefully across my head again. It brought me to my knees, and tears to my eyes. I clutched my head in my hands, doubling over in agony. Crumpled up on the rock, I cursed myself because I knew my bag with the pills was in the car.

The pain intensified, paralyzing me. My vision went askew, and a loud pop sounded inside my head.

Chapter 2

For the first time in years, an incredible sensation of relaxation and peace flowed through me. I couldn’t stop my happiness or the smile that spread across my face.

Light filtered in through the darkness as the sun rose. Gradually, it grew. The bright light shined against my eyelids, twinkling through them in a way that I had never seen before. I let out a giggle as it tickled my nose, enticing me into awareness in a playful manner. It continued its peculiar dance across my face and flowed down the length of my entire body. The warm, inviting sun energized me from head to toe. It was filling me with such love and happiness, and I could feel that it was all for me.

I breathed through my nose, and a sweet, familiar fragrance—like the most succulent honey—greeted me. I inhaled again deeply, savoring my guilty pleasure for a moment. Then I could have sworn I had just heard the most incredible sound.

Veronica.

Ah! There it was again! Spoken like a gentle whisper by a familiar deep voice—the deep voice of an angel. Oh, please, Lord, let me hear it again.

Baby.

Excitement coursed through my veins. I giggled, savoring the heavenly deep voice that had been awakened from my subconscious memory.

This must be a dream. His voice... It could only be a dream.

The scent became much stronger, surrounding me, and someone gently touched my right cheek. My whole body tingled when his breath brushed up against my ear.

It’s time to wake up, Veronica, he whispered.

I must be dreaming. I felt way too good.

Aren’t you gonna get up? he asked in a joyful yet curious tone.

I held my eyes closed. I’m having a good dream and I don’t want to get up.

He laughed, a delightful sound. Baby, you’re not dreaming... You’re home now.

I stretched my arms up above my head while trying to inhale as much of his sweet scent as I could. My body relaxed even more the deeper I inhaled the delicious scent, and I could feel it tingling through, all the way down to my toes. This was the closest I had felt to him in such a long time. I was trying hard to hang on to as much of the dream as possible.

But with the sun still dancing against my eyelids, I knew sleep would be impossible for me now. I was so disappointed with myself. I was about to ruin the best dream I had had of him in years. I tried to open my eyes, but it was so bright that I had to shut them again. I could have sworn that I was in my bed at home, but I couldn’t recall where I was last or where I was now.

Blinking, I opened my eyes again, trying to adjust them to the overwhelming light. I’m home?

No defined walls or ceiling surrounded me. Just a never-ending bright white. I had never seen anything like it.

This doesn’t look like home. It’s too bright.

Yes, he said on an exhale. He sounded so happy.

When I placed my hands on my chest, I was surprised by a silky-smooth material I wore. My brows were furrowed, and I glanced down to find myself lying on a cot in a long, white silk robe. My fingers ran along the coils of the golden rope around my waist, following it down to its fringed ends.

It was the most peculiar sensation when the fear I started to feel didn’t make my body react in the same way it normally would have. There was no heart pounding or blood racing, just calm and peace. As if my emotions were controlled.

I then turned in the direction of where I had heard his voice. My eyes widened, and I gasped.

Seth sat right next to me. His chin-length, jet-black hair hung down, framing his handsome face. His lips were turned up into a carefree smile, and his gorgeous green eyes lit up, full of such familiar warmth and joy. The only difference was that the two overlapping purple scars that ran down the length of his left cheek were now gone.

Seth! I jumped up and threw myself at him.

His chair swayed back as the force of my leap almost knocked him over. His deep, throaty chuckle sent my heart into an all-too-familiar, extremely missed, frenzy.

I leaned back to look at him, not daring to let go of the hold I had around his neck. He smiled at me from ear to ear. An overpowering joy flowed through me. I grabbed his collar and pulled him in, desperate for his lips on mine. He deepened the kiss. His arms, strong and secure, wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer. My natural instincts reawakened. Sounds of content escaped us as he kissed me back just as desperate for me as I was for him.

I truly was in Heaven.

I then leaned back to look at him. I can’t believe it! You’re alive! I hugged him again. I missed you so much!

I missed you too.

I thought I’d never see you again. How is this even possible? Is this a dream?

No. He stared into my eyes. Strands of my brown hair swirled around his fingers as he tenderly played with my curls. You’re not dreaming. He didn’t elaborate further, and just kept smiling at me.

Slowly, I caught on to where I may be. If I’m not dreaming...a-a-and you’re here... That must mean—

A static noise, as if someone had turned on a television, sounded from my left. We both turned toward it. A static image played on a type of television that floated midair. The display changed, and numbers began counting backward from five.

Four... Three... Two... One.

A movie, centering on a familiar-looking young couple, started. The woman was pregnant. She appeared distressed, holding onto her rounded belly. The man held onto her as he helped her through what looked like a hospital entranceway.

The scene changed, focusing on the woman. Sweat glistened on her cheeks and dripped from her hair. She panted and screamed while she clutched the rails of the hospital bed, she was lying in. Her partner paced back and forth just outside the room, wearing a path into the floor.

The doctor leaned forward, and a newborn baby’s wail echoed all around me. I blinked and leaned in, realizing the young couple were my parents. The doctor held up the screaming infant, and I gasped in shock. The baby was me.

Images from my life unfolded before my eyes. One by one, I relived it all. My heartaches and struggles. My triumphs and milestones. Each image unfolded faster than the one before it, right up until I collapsed in the woods, which I now understood was my death.

Before I had a chance to react, my vision went askew. The room around me swayed, and I almost fell backward. Seth’s arms tightened protectively around me as a flood of information rushed into my mind all at once like a wild torrent.

I was Veronica Edwards on Earth, but that was not my real life. My real life was here, and my true name is Harmony.

The bizarre television quickly inverted in on itself, disappearing. All was silent.

Transitioning from our life on Earth back