How to Steal the World

By Steven Coutinho

STEAL THE WORLD—I KNOW YOU WANT TO. You just don't know how to. But I do and with this guide, so will you. I'll teach you the secret of how gangsters do it. Not just any gangsters—none of this Al Capone or Pablo Escobar nonsense. They're rank amateurs compared to some of these folks. I'm talking about 'real gangstas.' Those who were able to steal nearly ninety percent (yes, 90%!) of the world using a simple illusion, an illusion so effective that gangsters were able to hide it in plain sight, right there in front of everyone to see.

 

Are you ready to learn their secrets and steal the world too?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Steven Coutinho
• Release date: Apr 22, 2024
• ISBN: 9798224681242

Steven Coutinho

STEVEN COUTINHO worked as regional managing director of Royal Bank of Canada in the Caribbean before pursuing his dream: empowering postcolonial minds. His firm, Xpand, helps leaders unlock the true potential of people, drawing on decades of experience advising governments and companies on sustainable growth. Steven holds a Masters in Medical Physics, cum laude, from the University of Groningen, and an MBA from the Wharton School. With a catchy title like Breaking Rank though, why should you care about his rank? Go on, read the book, you'll be glad you did!

Book preview

BY THE SAME AUTHOR

THINKING OUTSIDE NATURE’S BOX

BREAKING RANK

BE FEARLESS

INFLUENCERS AND FOLLOWERS

HOW TO STEAL

THE WORLD

A banker’s guide to gangsters

STEVEN W. COUTINHO

Gangster / ɡæŋ.stər

noun

A member of a group of violent criminals.

Gangsters commit crimes (killing, gambling, drug dealing, prostitution) for money.

Gangsted / ɡæŋ.stət

Noun or Verb

The victim of a gangster.

The action of a gangster upon you.

Illusion / ɡæŋ.stər

noun

An idea or belief that is not true.

Something that is not really what it seems to be.

Copyright © 2024 Steven W. Coutinho

All rights reserved.

Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the copyright owner of this book.

Illustrations inspired by Dominic K. Coutinho

Illustrations by Janine C. Gonzaga and Lera Balashova

Cover designed by Lera Balashova

Goustav Le Bon’s advice to gangsters

The masses have never thirsted after truth.

Whoever can supply them with illusions…

is easily their master.

Whoever attempts to destroy their illusions…

is always their victim.

The tyranny exercised unconsciously on men’s minds… is the only real tyranny…

Because it cannot be fought against.

In: The Crowd, a study of the popular mind (1895)

YOUR STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE

Goustav Le Bon’s advice to gangsters

Your guide: The Philosopher Banker

Foreword: lie

Preface: what gangsters do

Your legacy

The Groundwork: Hack People’s Emotions

Step 1. Use force to crush and control

Step 2. Make them believe you’re special

Step 3. Keep them on a short leash

Step 4. Know how to profit from what’s yours

Step 5. Ensure your truth is ‘the’ truth

Epilogue: Rebellion

Dedication

Notes

Your guide: The Philosopher Banker

Let me take a few seconds to properly introduce myself and create an inkling of credibility—as long as that lasts. My name is Steven and I will be your guide to becoming a gangster. The New York Times once dubbed me the Philosopher Banker because I ask so many questions.  I’m sticking with it for PR purposes. Once upon a time, I received a Master’s in Physics but decided that if I was to make any money in this world, I would need to get an MBA in finance from Wharton. I later tried to get my PhD in Behavioral Economics, but my supervisor found my ideas too radical and I didn’t want to fall in line. Let’s call it a behavioral quirk of mine.

I worked in the banking industry for more than twenty years, thirteen of which as a board exec. Along the way, I’ve also lived in quite a few places, from countries in the West to those in the Rest. So you can imagine I’ve seen my fair share of gangsters disguised as either clients or politicians. I was born in the Netherlands to Surinamese parents. Suriname is a small former Dutch colony in South America. My mom, Yvonne, was of Portuguese Jewish and African descent, whilst my dad, Walther, was of German and African descent. This makes me a bona fide bastard—in more ways than one.

In 2020 I got my bastard dumbass into some real trouble when I rebelled against Suriname’s president and former dictator, after some of his gangsters decided to steal USD 200 million from the local banks. You could imagine that didn’t go down well—for him. Anyway, my antics got me a full spread in the New York Times and here I am: guiding you to become a gangster too.

Shall we now move on to the foreword?

Foreword: lie

I was lying. First lesson: lie. It’s what gangsters do.

And you were probably going to skip this part anyway.

Next stop: the country of Bellisario and a story about how a few gangsters shaped the choices of the many—keeping the few in control and the many trapped in fear. Head their tactics and legacy well—and you too could be well on your way to becoming a bona fide gangster. Be prepared though: you’re going to have to make some tough choices along the way. But hey, nobody said becoming a gangster was going to be easy.

Note: the story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this story are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products are intended or should be inferred.

(Darn, I’m missing an emoji here).

Preface: what gangsters do

"I kindly ask you: do not talk to the media.

We are working around the clock to rebuild our economy.

We cannot use social unrest at this time."

Bellisario’s President

YOU COULD SWEAR THAT CHAVEZ’S BRONZE statue was laughing at them from across the room when Fat Tony, Bellisario’s President, dryly said: Bank directors, I have some grave news. Four hundred million dollars of your banks’ cash reserves have been stolen by our Central Bank. We are not sure where your money is, nor how it happened, but rest assured, my government is on the case. What I need from you is to keep quiet about this. I kindly ask you: do not talk to the media. We are working around the clock to rebuild our economy, and we cannot use social unrest at this time. It was a cool Saturday morning on the first day of the Chinese Year of the Rat (I withhold comment). But instead of enjoying the fireworks on the streets of Bellisario’s quaint capital, the bankers were sitting in the office of ‘Fat Tony’ dealing with an exploded bomb—and the request to keep it quiet to avoid social unrest.

Much of the population’s foreign currency had been stolen by the very institution that was supposed to protect them: the ‘mother bank.’ Let’s call her ‘Mom.’ It was clear the government (let’s call him ‘Dad’) was also in on this heist. Without foreign currency, the value of the local currency (BRDs) would become worthless: dollars needed to import foreign goods would be sold at the highest price, forcing local prices up, and plunging much of the population into poverty (which happened soon after).

This theft wasn’t an isolated event, though—it was the result of poor choices that had been made in Bellisario for decades: electing a convicted drug trafficker to lead the country to the promised land—twice? Ufff, poor choice. Dad spending more than he earns, then borrowing more than half a billion dollars at ten percent interest to plug the hole? Poor choice again. Asking a creative accountant with no monetary experience in 2019 to run Mom? Yup, you guessed it: poor choice. Then asking a wealthy trader, an ousted bank CEO, and a politician to supervise the creative accountant? You’re getting good at this: poor choice. Banks transferring their own foreign currency to Mom’s account out of fear, because IMF said so? Right again: poor choice. The population remaining silent in fear, believing it didn’t have the power to change anything? Poor choice because the many will continue to suffer the consequences of their inaction at the hands of the few.

Before we continue with the story, let’s introduce some of the (definitely fictitious) actors, shall we?

The actors

Fat Tony’s office was located on the second floor in the once-colonial residence called the Palace. It was clear he wasn’t there often. Nothing had changed for years—except for the introduction of Chavez’s bust that still looked to be smirking at the bankers. In the middle of the office, there was a couch and two chairs on which four men were seated: Flanders, CEO of MID-bank, Smithers, CEO of ROB-bank, McCure, Commercial Director of INT-Bank, and Bart, CEO of BIG-Bank, the largest commercial bank of Bellisario. Together these four men were responsible for over eighty percent of the country’s banking industry.

To the left of the couch was Fat Tony and on his right the Minister of Finance, Barney, and Apu, Deputy Governor of the Central Bank. On Fat Tony’s left was Mr Burns, Chairman of Mom’s Supervisory Board. Fat Tony was Bellisario’s notorious dictator who, after a successful coup d’état decades earlier, plunged the country into fear and economic chaos. He was later convicted in absentia for drugs trafficking, and by a local court for the execution of many prominent dissidents.

Tony was elected as president over a decade ago after a landslide victory. Barney had previously worked for the IMF in Lebanon before being asked to join Tony as Mom’s governor. Barney was the ‘right man in the right place’ because of his IMF pedigree. Nobody bothered to ask what he actually did at the IMF, and those who did didn’t ask what a statistician with zero policy experience was doing running Mom. Barney was also purported to have had an intimate relationship with Tony’s daughter—until he fled the country (supposedly to Cuba) to avoid extradition. Mr Burns is one of Bellisario’s wealthiest people, growing his wealth from importing and selling consumer goods. Apu was head of Mom’s payment division. He seemed to have blown the whistle on the whole bank heist. Although he himself has