I See You!: A Leader's Guide to Energizing Your Team Through Radical Empathy

By Erin Diehl

Laughing your way to self-love and selfless leadership

In I See You!, professional development keynote speaker and facilitator Erin Diehl has paired her eighteen years of leadership experience with her improv-honed sense of humor to create a mindset shift for busy, stressed-out leaders. Using laughter, positivity, and empathy, Erin will take you on a journey of self-exploration to discover a newfound sense of self-love and inner peace that translates into improved leadership performance.

 

As you work, and giggle, your way through the curriculum of Energy U—a comprehensive coursework in investing in yourself first so you can emanate and give others your positive energy—you will learn how to master leadership-optimizing skills including the following:

 

• Transitioning from burnout to consistent, sustainable energy

• Fostering a magnetic company culture that attracts and retains the best employees

•Creating a long-lasting impact on the people you lead

 

Between easy-to-use activities and glimpses into the highs and the not-so-highs of Erin’s own personal and professional leadership journey, I See You! is bursting with actionable, sanity-saving advice. By learning to embrace radical empathy, for both yourself and others, you will be empowered to magnetize and attract top talent and ultimately evolve into the human being you were meant to be—all while having fun on the journey.

 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Greenleaf Book Group
• Release date: Feb 20, 2024
• ISBN: 9798886451474

Book preview

Preface

As an improv comedy expert, facilitator, and podcast host who has taught over 35,000 people to chicken dance, spoken onstage with former president Barack Obama, and helped thousands of people improve their workday through experiential learning workshops, I had an entirely different book in mind. You were going to hear tips and tricks on how improv can help you be a better presenter, communicator, networker, and leader. I was going to bore you to tears with case study after case study of teams who have used improv training to help them be more cohesive, allowing synergy and lots of cross-functional communication.

We will now refer to the other book as that book. That book is gone—lost, out the door with buzz words like core competencies and out of pocket. That book is dead because the new version is alive and kicking.

I didn’t choose to write this book. This book chose to write me. I know what you’re thinking: Who is this chick? Before you think I’m going to get out my crystals, light a scented candle, and turn on some meditation music, let me explain (she says as she casually puts the citrine stick and volcano candle from Anthropology in her desk drawer and turns up the new Taylor Swift album).

In the year 2022, I broke. I cracked. I hit my bottom.

The three pairs of Ps

You know the saying what goes up must come down? I was on the flip side of that cliché: What goes down must come up. You’ll find that I love alliteration (and acronyms), and well, this time in my life could not have alliterated more. This was my period of paired Ps: perpetually pivoting, people pleasing, and perceived pain.

PERPETUAL PIVOTING

In 2020, I had no choice but to pivot my completely in-person professional development company—seemingly overnight—into something I wasn’t sure could work. In a matter of just a few weeks, we became a completely virtual business to keep our doors open. And by doors, I mean our Zoom meeting room. We had no online presence at the time, and each day felt like an episode of Survivor. I felt naked, afraid, and hungry for a time when we didn’t feel so exposed and so . . . tired! I wanted off the island, but I wanted to be victorious at the same time. The wild wilderness that was the global pandemic required pivot after pivot to innovate our way through. Adopting the notion that this was the new normal was never an option for me. Owning a business that required human-to-human connection to provide our services made staying indoors and closed off from human beings extremely difficult. And, to be blunt, it was downright depressing.

When you hear the word pivot, you normally think of one big change that shifts you into a new way of being. That wasn’t the case for us, and I began to think about the word pivot as a continuous practice, one that not only shifts you into a new way of being but opens your eyes to all the ways there are to be. Even with this concept top of mind, I still lived in constant fight or flight mode. Will we make it? When are we going to have to do something completely different? Is all this worth it?

After pivoting for three solid years, our business finally achieved a P&L report that didn’t have as much red on it as my face during my Accutane teenage years. Still, my fight or flight mode did not have an off switch, and I only knew this way of existing. Pivot, pivot, pivot. Worry, worry, worry. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

PEOPLE PLEASING

Enter P pair part deux. I have always been a people pleaser, but 2020 added a new element: I had just given birth to a miracle baby boy. As a new mom, a hamster on a wheel of fight or flight when it came to pivoting my business, and a human being who has deep bonds with those around me—I was trying to please everyone. My son, my husband, my team, my dad, my mom (who was recovering from a stroke), my clients, my neighbors, my online community, my dog . . . the list goes on.

The one person whom I did not please and gave zero effort to? Myself. I was drained, burned out, and depleted mentally and physically. But instead of stopping and resting, I kept going and pushing. I did this day after day, until the third P came into the picture.

PERCEIVED PAIN

I’m not talking about when you accidentally stub your toe and it stings for a good ten minutes, or when you hit your funny bone (which is not funny) and the pain lingers for a solid five. I’m talking about chronic pain, deeply rooted pain that found its home in my back. This pain caused me to cry at night. It was pain that doctors couldn’t diagnose through X-rays or blood work. It was pain that didn’t go away after each new chiropractor gave it their best crack. This pain stood up to acupuncture visits, cupping appointments, and dry needling sessions.

The physical pain made itself known because I hadn’t taken the time to know its counterpart: my emotional pain. The deep-rooted, unprocessed emotions that I had been hiding from were blocking me from knowing my inner guidance system and truly becoming the woman I wanted to be.

It dawned on me that I hadn’t processed the many rounds of IVF that I went through to conceive our son, the stroke that almost killed my mother, or the pandemic that took away an unimaginable number of lives and almost squashed my identity and my business. I wasn’t able to see myself, hadn’t processed any of this emotional pain; instead, I dissociated by diving into work, motherhood, and other people’s problems. I hid from it at night with a dirty martini, a glass or two of wine, or a bad reality television show that made my mind go numb. Now I have the language of process and dissociate, but at the time, throwing myself into everything besides the problem felt normal—expected, even.

I thought Tylenol, Motrin, stretching, and physical therapy were reasonable methods to deal with the pain, but it had other plans. It persisted until one day, a mentor told me about Gabor Maté’s When the Body Says No. I read the final chapter of the book on a red-eye flight home after keynote speaking at a conference. In that moment, everything clicked—like what you see in the movies but without the background music or a zoom-in on my face. I realized that my body was screaming at me because I hadn’t listened to any of its whispers. I hadn’t given myself permission to feel the pain that came with almost losing the business with a mission that is my life’s purpose, almost losing the woman who gave me life, and almost not having the opportunity to give life to my son. There’s something particularly haunting about all of these almosts that has kept me subconsciously angry, and it’s this: I hadn’t allowed myself to feel any of it.

I closed the book on that plane and cried in the dark in my seat next to a stranger who was most likely very confused. OK, I didn’t just cry. I sobbed. I’m talking big, heavy, Kim Kardashian ugly-cry tears.

I had found the root of my pain, and now it was time for me to get to work. I drove home from the airport that night determined and ready. By tomorrow, I would heal, and the pain would go away. I would be free because I had found the cure.

Then tomorrow came, and so did the next tomorrow, the next tomorrow, and the next. How do you heal years of unprocessed emotions; years of putting energy into everyone else except you; years of anger, sadness, and loss? You give it time. You go into a healing cocoon. You lock yourself in a closet every morning and journal.

Speaking of closets, I called this the Marie Kondo method for processing emotions. Marie Kondo had a Netflix show about home organization in which she helped homeowners declutter and eliminate what no longer sparks joy. In a similar way, I considered each specific event in my brain as its own closet: one closet for my IVF journey, one closet for my journey into motherhood, one closet for the loss of our in-person business as we knew it, and one closet for the near loss of my mother. Each closet had several drawers holding unprocessed emotions waiting to be acknowledged, felt, and released. And each drawer looked like the junkiest junk drawer you have in your home—the one with the car keys, phone chargers, sunglasses, papers from your kid’s preschool, rubber bands. You know the one.

So I went into each mind closet and decluttered, one drawer at a time. This took time, energy, and several boxes of Kleenex. I thanked the emotions that no longer served me and let them go. Newer, more positive emotions took their place. Although this sounds cathartic and charming, I didn’t want to leave my house. And since I’m here to tell the truth, there were some moments I didn’t want to be alive.

Living with the three paired Ps was the hardest, most isolating time in my life. The funny thing is that, once I processed the emotions and finally had some more organized mind closets, most of my back pain vanished. Once I shifted my focus to healing my emotional pain instead of my physical pain, the physical pain didn’t scream at me anymore. It still creeps up when I fall back into old patterns, but I am now mostly pain free and am enjoying a new phase of life with a new set of Ps: purpose, priorities, and peace.

I now have a sense of inner freedom that I’ve never felt before. I see myself for who I am and who I can be. This freedom allows me to say I love myself and mean it. I practice self-care. I show up for myself first so that I can show up for others. I look at my failures as gifts and have tools to get myself out of the funkiest of funks. I also have a spiritual connection with my truest, highest self, as well as a deep connection with my Inner Guide (to you, this may be God, the Universe, or Source Energy).

The connection

This connection with my Inner Guide is the driving force for this book (not that book) coming to life. We all have access to our Inner Guide; it is just up to us to take time to be still and listen. Through this guidance, I have surrendered to what I am here on this Earth to do, and through that surrender, I have been reborn.

In that rebirth, I have found a deep connection with myself and a deeper understanding of how the fear of failure, people pleasing, and chronic stress play a role in how we show up in our day-to-day lives, especially in our workplace. The pandemic created a giant spotlight on how leaders show up not only for their teams but for themselves, especially when placed under constant pressure. Let’s look at some of the statistics that prove this point even further.

According to Gallup’s State of the Global Workplace report, work-place stress reached an all-time high in 2022, amid post-pandemic fears and stubborn inflation. Another 2022 study conducted by the American Psychiatric Association shows that three-quarters of American adults said they have experienced health impacts due to stress, including headaches, fatigue, anxiety, and depression.

An article for Deloitte titled The C-Suite’s Role in Well-Being discusses a study showing that one-third of executives are constantly struggling with fatigue and stress and with feelings of being overwhelmed, lonely, or depressed. This stress felt by managers cascades to their employees, impacting well-being, retention, and performance.

In an April 25, 2023, article for Forbes, Garen Staglin describes how managers can trigger anxiety in their employers through unusual or erratic actions, emotional volatility, excessive pessimism, and ignoring people’s emotions. Managers that withdraw or are more hotheaded have teams that are 62 percent more likely to leave their jobs and 56 percent more likely to stop participating.

This leadership illusion to keep up with the fast-paced business evolution and always be on leaves little room for upkeep and off switches. As leaders, we prioritize the needs of the business and the reactionary needs of employees and forget to put ourselves first. This lack of energy input into ourselves causes a lack of connection not only with our highest self but in our relationships. This includes relationships with the people we lead, our teams, our organizations, and the communities we belong to.

The new vision

Once the connection was made, I realized why this book was needed and why it was needed now. This book is for the leaders, parents, partners, friends, siblings, daughters, sons who put everyone else in their life first. This book is the resource for you, the leader, who is suffering in a leadership role and needs actionable, tangible steps to take to make sure that YOU are taken care of first.

Don’t worry: I see you. By reading and applying these fundamentals, you will place energy into yourself first, create long-lasting impact on the people you lead, and magnetize a company culture and workplace beyond your wildest dreams.

I will take your hand and guide you through a journey of self-exploration using laughter, levity, and positivity. I’ll help you hold up a mirror so you can see yourself clearly. The result is a newfound sense of self-love, inner peace, and a new way of seeing the world. Through this newfound vision, you will be able to see yourself differently and turn your newfound positive internal energy outward. This electric force will attract others and magnetize true connection. These new connections will be vibrant and colorful and help you to see the positive force within others but, more importantly, the positive force within yourself.

I will be right here beside you, as your personal cheerleader, professional development bestie, and professor, guiding you to become the visionary you were meant to be. Because, in the end, I see you means that we all see the light in ourselves and can help others see their light, too. What a better world to live in, and what a beautiful sight to truly see.

INTRODUCTION

Welcome to Energy U

Love yourself first and everything else falls in line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.

—Lucille Ball, according to Google

Hello, new student and new friend! Welcome to your first day at Energy U. I’m so glad that you’ve decided to invest in yourself. You will find that many people who attend Energy U graduate with honors. They hold a prestigious degree and do wonderful things in the world.

There are hundreds of thousands of famous and well-respected alumni in