M

By Red Umbrell

You have to fast for years, go to church for years, do everything for years! If it's not from the heart, if you don't feel something towards that God, towards Jesus Christ, it's all in vain! Now, for example, if I first consider myself the greatest sinner because I've done all sorts of things in life, because I didn't respect even ten commandments of God. There was no one to teach me, there was another system where they say there's no God, there is God.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Red Umbrell
• Release date: Mar 25, 2024
• ISBN: 9798224897872

Book preview

Preface

"L ook, mate, when you read those books, let's say the Gospel or any other book related to the Church, it says there that man sins! As far as I know, when Jesus Christ came down to save those sinners, I don't think he came to save the righteous, but sinners. So, since you know everything you've done before, that you didn't adhere to those commandments of God, you feel like you're sinful.

You have to fast for years, go to church for years, do everything for years! If it's not from the heart, if you don't feel something towards that God, towards Jesus Christ, it's all in vain! Now, for example, if I first consider myself the greatest sinner because I've done all sorts of things in life, because I didn't respect even ten commandments of God. There was no one to teach me, there was another system where they say there's no God, there is God.

Today, when you see it, you go to Church, pray to God, then you go to work, and if one day your work doesn't go well, then you pray to God, and the work starts going well, and then you stuff it in your head as if it was God from above who helped that work to go well so that you can stay on it.

Something, someone exists that rules this world, call it God or whatever."

RED UMBRELL

The clouds swirl lower and lower. The depth through which the river flows is murky and impassable. The earth is icy, gleaming, and covered in snow. The ice groans and howls from the darkness. The moonlight appears above the eclipse, illuminating the white expanse, passing and disappearing into the night.

Her belly is wet, enormous, and hot. Wrapped in sheepskins, soaked with sweat. Hungry wolves howl and intermittent barking of dogs, since midnight, but far away. Bomb blasts, as if underground, are heard equally close by; it's war, the Second World War. The frequent awakening that encompasses her passes like a rocking in that darkness, piercing her skin, chilled from the cold. She doesn't distinguish the darkness around her from the darkness within herself, and with eyes wide open in the dark, she sees nothing. A little one squirms in her stomach. It's certain he's heard, but immediately sleep stifles him, so everything sinks back into the heavy scent of sheepskin.

She's nine months pregnant, about to give birth. She still wakes up at night from pain, but that pain quickly subsides, as does the terrible fatigue and exhaustion in her bones from tiredness. So, waking up every now and then, she groans and then immediately falls asleep again, grinding her teeth.

Once she pauses in that rocking, feeling awake. She lay in the dark with her eyes wide open, bewildered and shivering from the cold. She wasn't dreaming anymore. She heard the crowing of roosters and the barking of dogs.

The child sleeping in her stomach shows signs of wanting to come out. And the noise she made, stretching her neck, she heard, because there was still such silence outside the house. However, through a crack in the canvas, she noticed a faint light filtering in and fully awakened. It was time to go; she was about to give birth any moment now!

She looked around; the boy and the girl were asleep; she couldn't give birth here; there would be blood, where the children could see it. She looked out the window; there stood Ahmed's house; she could go there alone. She slowly got up; her soul wanted to escape; everything blurred for her; she felt it close, the devil turned and wanted out. She struggled hard; sweat covered her; as the old woman said, feel it and breathe with it; step by step, she felt something warm running down her legs, she moved... leaned against the beech, squatted, and gave birth... She gave birth to a boy and named him M.

I WAS BORN IN 1943 down near Višegrad, as you go down into the valley, the village is called Jelav, that's what they called it, under some beech tree, damn it! There was the house of some Ahmed Kečmer, during the war they fled somewhere to Bosnia, Muslims, damn it all, and that's where my old lady gave birth to me. The war was raging, no money, nothing to eat, just an occasional potato and thin soup. I hadn't seen bread for a long time. The old lady stayed at home, a homemaker, while the old man was up in the forest cutting logs.

The old man got married twice. His first wife gave birth to my half-brother and half-sister. She died after three months, and then since my mother was nearby, they lived in the neighborhood, and since she was the oldest girl, they put her in charge of taking care of my half-sister and half-brother. Somewhere there, the old man caught her in the barn, and since he was a widower, she stayed with him.

My mother gave birth to seven children, five taken by either God or the Devil, I still don't know. They all died before the age of five. My brother is older, he's 40, same as my sister. There's no difference whether he's my half-brother or full brother, and I have this sister, born from my mother, she's the youngest, she's 53, a bit harder with her. I take after my father more, and she takes after my mother. She's been hungry her whole life, just like my mother was, give