Dare To Relate, Leading with a Fierce Heart

By Cheryl L Mason

Are you feeling invisible in your workplace? Tired of being stuck on the hamster wheel of demands? It's time to revolutionize your approach to leadership and connect with employees like never before by unleashing the power of relational leadership.

In the dynamic and ever-evolving landscape of leadership and employment, it is not

• Language: English
• Publisher: Manuscripts LLC
• Release date: Mar 15, 2024
• ISBN: 9798885043649

Book preview

Cover.jpgTitle

Manuscripts

Press

Copyright © 2024 Cheryl L. Mason

All rights reserved.

DARE TO RELATE

Leading with a Fierce Heart

ISBN

979-8-88926-022-6 Paperback

ISBN

979-8-88504-363-2 Hardcover

ISBN

979-8-88504-364-9 Digital Ebook

Dedications

In memory of my mom, an original badass. Life lesson learned: Never allow or accept invisibility.

To my husband—such an incredible journey. What’s next? With much love.

To our sons, keep forging your paths and never accept invisibility as an option.

Contents

Dedications

Praise for Dare to Relate

Introduction

Chapter 1: The Cloak of Invisibility

Chapter 2: Military Spouse 101: The Importance of Relationships

Chapter 3: Cars, Airlines, and Search Engines All Share a Common Thread: People

Chapter 4: Relational Leadership: What Is It, and How Do You Develop It?

Chapter 5: Your Leadership Toolbox

Chapter 6: Relational Leadership 101: People Matter

Chapter 7: The Secret Ingredient to Leadership

Chapter 8: People, Process, Technology—It Is Still about People!

Chapter 9: Purpose and Mindset Serve as the Foundation of Transformation

Chapter 10: Employees, Customers, and Stakeholders

Conclusion: Do You Dare to Relate?

Acknowledgments

Appendix

Praise for Dare to Relate

You, too, can lead with a fierce and committed heart! I have watched Cheryl make big things happen on the biggest of stages. Now is your chance to learn from one of America’s best. Read this book!

—Robert L. Wilkie Jr., 10th Secretary of Veterans Affairs

Having observed Cheri Mason’s life and career for many years, I can attest that her leadership qualities are exceptional. Her inspiring story serves as a powerful reminder that setbacks are not roadblocks but are opportunities. Cheri possesses the unique ability to establish deep connections with people while simultaneously empowering them to exceed expectations and achieve remarkable results. Read this book—and learn from one of the best.

—Bob McEwen, Executive Director, Council for National Policy

"Challenges are catalysts for transforming change. As the chairman of the VA Board of Veterans Appeals, Cheri Mason knows this intimately. Every single appeal she oversaw reflected a veteran who was suffering and fighting for benefits. This, along with her life experiences, has given Cheri unique and powerful insights into leading through difficult times. Dare to Relate shares these powerful leadership lessons: most critically, that the answer is always in the people.

—Jen Marr, Founder and CEO of Inspiring Comfort, LLC, and author of Showing Up

Cheryl is a big-hearted advocate for our community and the leaders inside of it who are driving positive change. Don’t miss this gem of a book chock full of lessons in leadership and life.

—Besa Pinchotti, Executive Director and CEO, National Military Family Association

From her experiences as a small-town girl from the fringes of Appalachia through her journey as a military spouse to her success driving positive, large-scale change as the chairman of the board of veterans appeals, US Department of Veterans Affairs, Cheri’s focus on people and relationships as the centerpiece of leadership is spot on. Her insights and stories are inspiring to anyone seeking to become a better leader. Do yourself a favor—pick up this great book!

—William E. Bill Kieffer, President and Chief Advisor, Kieffer & Associates LTD; Former Senior Director Global Talent Management; Development and Human Resources, Amcor

Cheri Mason is a resilient leader who leads with a fierce heart, connects with people authentically, and advocates for those she serves and leads. My leadership has improved by watching her and being mentored by her. Her book will do the same for you!

—Nichole R. Coleman, Executive Director, Hancock County (OH) Veterans Service Office and Past President, National Association of County Veterans Service Officers

Having seen Cheri Mason in action as the new board chairman and CEO, I could immediately appreciate both the cultural challenges that awaited her and her readiness to meet them head-on. Early on, she infused the organization with fresh energy and a people-centric atmosphere that fostered optimism about the new direction for the board. Despite facing a seemingly insurmountable appeals backlog, she soon commanded respect through her willingness to embody the challenge and speak truth to power on behalf of her people. The results of her leadership spoke volumes as the people she valued improved the processes they used to get the desired payoff that everyone sought in terms of timelier access to justice and restored lives for veterans and their families. I plan to add Cheri’s book to my leadership library, hand out copies to my mentees, and recommend her book to any other leader looking to supercharge their leadership skills.

—Sherman Gillums Jr., Director, Office of Disability Integration and Coordination; Federal Emergency Management Agency; and Former Executive Director, Paralyzed Veterans of America

Introduction

I had reached a breaking point—ready to quit and walk away.

After devoting fifteen years to my organization, wholeheartedly believing in its mission, and climbing the leadership ladder, I found myself at a pivotal moment. Should I stay, or should I leave?

Over the past three years, while occupying a leadership position, I wrestled with the persistent feeling of ineffectiveness. Despite my team’s success in achieving good outcomes, I felt a sense of disconnect from truly supporting my employees. I consistently witnessed my superiors disregard and undervalue my insights. Each time I proposed an employee-centric approach, leaders told me I was too passionate and overly emphasized the employees. They dismissed my suggestions, insisting I lacked the proper understanding of leadership. I felt invisible and insignificant.

I began searching for other jobs. As I contemplated quitting my job, my supervisor offered me a chance to participate in a 360-degree assessment and meet with a coach. I jumped at the opportunity. Perhaps this could help me decide what to do next.

A 360-degree assessment utilizes feedback as a tool in coaching and leadership programs. The employee’s coworkers and supervisor participate in a comprehensive assessment that evaluates the employee’s leadership competencies. Through this assessment, the employee receives anonymous feedback from their direct reports and peers. Each respondent shares their insights based on their experience working with the individual. The feedback creates self-awareness regarding others’ perceptions of how the employee interacts and behaves; offers development opportunities; and can improve dialogue with the employee’s leaders, direct reports, peers, and others.

My coach highlighted the exceptional nature of my results. I received high rankings across all competencies from my teammates, employees, colleagues, and even my boss. They consistently stated that I listened and connected with them, that they felt understood and supported, and that I inspired them. Based on feedback from those I collaborated with, my effective communication style—characterized by empathy and recognition of the significance of their roles in the organization’s mission—established me as a trustworthy leader and colleague.

But more than communicating with compassion, I developed relationships. Sharing glimpses of our lives, we gained insights into each other’s worlds. For example, the people I worked with knew I had a family, spouse, children, and a dog, which meant life happened to me as much as it did to them. I understood the frustration of the washer breaking and that unexpected emergencies can occur. I helped them find solutions that enabled them to manage life and work (i.e., working through lunch to leave early, switching their time-off days, changing their basic work schedules, or offering them family medical leave and making it happen). By actively engaging with the employees, I contributed to the team’s overall success.

After carefully reviewing the 360-degree feedback and conversing with the coach, I had an epiphany. I realized I provided the employees with something valuable—a relatable connection. I genuinely cared for, valued, connected, and encouraged them. I had not fully grasped the impact of building relationships and connecting with the employees in both their professional and personal lives. This epiphany motivated me to stay in the organization. I helped my team feel heard and valued. I stopped the leader’s invisibility cloak from hiding them.

This became my purpose and passion, allowing me to add value and impact—from whatever position I held. This experience instilled in me the confidence and motivation to know I made the right choices for the employees and the organization. It transformed me into a sought-after leader, with others seeking my advice. I found opportunities to champion the employees while continuing to deliver results for the organization. The 360-degree feedback and coaching experience occurred about five years before I became the chief executive officer (CEO).

My unique qualities ultimately led to my nomination as chairman of the Board of Veterans’ Appeals.¹ When I stepped into the chairman role, employee morale and trust were extremely low. The workload had increased, but output had stalled. From my first to my last day, I put the employees first—expressing my thanks for the challenging work, providing information and technological tools, improving processes with their input that made their work more efficient, and always reaching out and relating. Even through the pandemic, I carved out time to connect.

In my five years as chairman, the Board thrived. We witnessed a significant boost in morale and trust scores, and the number of hearings held doubled. Notably, the Board also issued a greater number of decisions, all while incorporating innovative technology and expanding the workforce by four hundred employees. I proved that by relating personally to your employees as people, supporting, investing in, and fighting for them, you demonstrate that you care. In turn, the employees care for you and feel empowered to accomplish more.

Conventional business training tells us that colleagues, managers, and leaders should keep everyone at arm’s length; keep your personal life separate from work. I disagree. As humans, we need to relate—even at work! Our humanity makes us better employees and leaders.

We spend one-third of our lives working—sometimes more. We are often hired because of our experiences and qualities, yet once we land the job, we are supposed to check our lives at the workplace door. What if the leader or teammate had the same challenges as you and shared something with you that helped? Or they asked, How are you really doing today?

In the 1990s and 2000s, water cooler connections and mandated office activities brought people together, but those dwindled as many workplaces drove for outcomes, resulting to fewer opportunities for real connection. The pandemic and the explosion of virtual connectivity briefly opened the window to our personal lives, showing the insides of our homes and sometimes our family members, including our furry ones. Suddenly, people discovered their colleagues, employees, and leaders were people too.

But as we adapted to the virtual world, what happened? We slammed windows shut. We created fake backgrounds, and leaders advised us to keep family members off camera. Once again, the business world chose to disregard our existence outside work, again treating us as mere cogs in the machine devoid of a life beyond work. Already struggling with reduced personal interactions due to pandemic restrictions, we were told to close the small window of virtual personal interaction.

As chairman, I had a front-row seat to witness, learn, and navigate this unexpected and confusing maze. But my path to this position was anything but ordinary and resembled an expedition through mountains and valleys, filled with unexpected twists and turns.

I learned at a young age that you had two choices—either you connected with people or hid in the background. For me, this lesson came early in life. At four years old, I lost my father, a World War II (WWII) veteran, to suicide. At that time, many did not understand mental health and suicide, and it often instilled fear in people. This was especially true in my small town, which sat on the edge of Appalachia, where the response to uncertainty was avoidance. I tried to become invisible. My mother, a WWII Rosie the Riveter and the first in the family to attend college, would have none of that. She pushed me out of the shadows and into view, which meant connecting with people. But she also cautioned, in true Appalachian style, that I could trust no one.

With these experiences and perspectives in my pocket, I headed to college, where I received a bachelor of arts in psychology and political science. And I met and married an officer in the US Air Force. I transitioned from the frying pan of an Appalachian girl into the fire of a military spouse. At that time, military spouses were not supposed to have careers. So, what did I do? I went to law school. Actually, I attended two law schools, and then I tried