My Complicated Yet Wonderful Life

By Terri L Spitzer

This poignant narrative unveils the life journey of a spirited young girl born in 1962, brimming with energy and aspirations. Set against the backdrop of a small suburb in Denver, Colorado, her story takes an unexpected turn as she faces a mysterious and challenging health ordeal. The unfolding events lead her through a maze of medical uncertain

• Language: English
• Publisher: Terri L Spitzer
• Release date: Apr 8, 2024
• ISBN: 9798892280907

Book preview

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My Complicated

Yet Wonderful Life

Terri L. Spitzer

Copyright © 2024 by Terri L. Spitzer.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without a prior written permission from the publisher, except by reviewers, who may quote brief passages in a review, and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by the copyright law.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2024903754

ISBN:   979-8-89228-088-4   (Paperback)

ISBN:   979-8-89228-089-1   (Hardcover)

ISBN:   979-8-89228-090-7   (eBook)

Printed in the United States of America

Contents

Dedication

A Family

Me

Something’s Different

Diagnosis and Treatment Plan

College

A Career and a Condo

Spalding Rehab Hospital

Colorado Easter Seals

Highlands Ranch Community Association

A Devastating Medical Event

A Shocking Loss

Changes in Mom

Back to My Health Issues

About the Author

I would like to Dedicate the book to my family, Friends, and Doctors who supported me and helped me through some difficult times in my life.

A Family

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My parents both grew up in a small suburb of Denver, Colorado, only a few blocks away from one another. My father’s family was a little more financially sound, and he lived in a nicer house and was afforded more things like bicycles, go-carts, new clothes, etc. My mother grew up in a small home with two bedrooms for six people, and her older sister and her father dug out the basement to allow them to have more space. My mother went to public schools, and my father went to parochial schools. In fact, for a long time, my mother thought my father was an orphan because he went to a Catholic school that took in orphans. They couldn’t have been more different in that respect. Both of their parents drank excessively and smoked. I think that my father’s parents, especially his father, would become abusive (both physically and emotionally) to his wife and children. My mom’s parents drank a lot but were not abu sive.

My mother first met my father because one of her friends from the public school was my dad’s best friend, and they played a lot together. As time went on, they would eventually begin to date and go to school dances and movies. During their time together, they found comfort and security in one another’s company and discovered a common bond. Both of their parents made it extremely difficult to bring friends home and, most of the time, even to be at home.

My parents were married the day after my mom graduated from high school. My mother had been held back a year in school because of an illness, so my father was a year ahead of her in school. They were both the same age, though. I think it was probably a marriage formed by security, friendship, and independence rather than love, but the love and respect developed along the way. Neither of them was shown much love, comfort, and physical affection by their parents. They were both determined that they wanted to have a family that was not controlled by alcohol and the instability it brings. They wanted their children to be able to bring their friends home to play without worrying about what kind of shape they would find their parents in. In fact, my parents, kind of became outcasts within their own families because they refused to provide any alcohol in the house and refused to drink themselves, and they didn’t smoke either. That didn’t mean that people couldn’t bring their own alcohol and/or drink in front of my parents. It just meant that they chose not to drink alcoholic beverages.

After they married, they went on a weekend honeymoon to Colorado Springs and then moved into a small apartment close to downtown Denver. They both worked. My father worked in the company his father owned, and my mother worked at a department store. It wasn’t easy to get by on what they made, but somehow, they made ends meet. My mother decided that whatever money she made would be set aside to save for a house, and the money my father made was used for living expenses.

My Father

My father was born on October 10, 1936, at Mercy Hospital in Denver. He was a fairly passive man, much like his grandfather. His younger brother was more rambunctious and seemed to find trouble, or make it, wherever he went. They had opposing personalities and different ways of dealing with things. They were brought up as Catholics and would both go to parochial schools. My father spent much of his childhood making friends in the neighborhood, playing sports, riding bikes, and going to the park. He and his brother grew up in a household that had to be unpredictable most of the time.

I think my father loved his mother dearly and grew up trying to please his dad, which had to be an impossible task. His father was an only child and was extremely vengeful and domineering. The fact that the man drank to excess could not have helped things. I think my father experienced a great deal of emotional and possibly physical abuse from his father. I’m sure he was exposed to much of the physical and emotional abuse that his mother endured from her husband. His mother did not seem to be a very strong-willed woman and probably used her strong religious faith along with excessive amounts of alcohol to cope with her life. She would die less than a year after my father married my mother, which was a great loss for my father.

My Mother

My mother was born in her home in Alexandria, Nebraska, on March 5, 1936.

She had an older sister and two younger brothers. When she was very young, her family lived close to her mother’s family farm and would visit on occasion. Those visits were filled with comfort and love as she had several aunts and a grandfather who surrounded her and her siblings. In the town she was born in, she had a widowed grandmother who also lived only blocks away and she spent a lot of time with her.

In a few years, they would move to Kansas, where her dad found work in his field of radio transmitting functions. A few years later, when my mom was about five years old, they moved to a small suburb in Denver where her father found a better job and worked on the towers at Lookout Mountain for a local radio station. Her father did not make a lot of money, and they lived in a very small house. The money they did make was first spent on alcohol and cigarettes and then on food and other necessities.

My mother often talked about her and her sister sitting outside on the porch of a neighbor, or a bar while her parents spent the evening drinking. She talked about her sister being somewhat of a rebel and always doing what she was told not to do. My mother feared getting into or making trouble. Her father was a very distant man and always seemed to be angry. When he drank, I’m sure it just made things worse. Her mother was a mixed bag. When her father was working, she could be pleasant and playful. She recalls her mother roller-skating with them in the garage, even though she was pregnant as well as other fun times. My mother also recalls things that her mom would say (I’m sure when she was drinking) like I wish I never would have had children. Her parents made sure that any extra items needed, like braces, were constantly brought up to remind her of what they were sacrificing. There never seemed to be any love or affection shown in her family.

As a young adult, my mom did all the shopping for the family, walked to and from school and stores, and took the trolley car to downtown Denver for doctor/dental appointments, etc. She did as much as she could to keep everyone happy. She also did a lot of babysitting for neighbors where she was able to make her own money and avoid being at home. The one thing she did have was that her widowed grandmother had moved to Denver with them and was always there to help give her support. When my mom needed a new dress or just something special, her grandmother always helped her get it. Her parents somehow resented my mom’s grandmother and tried to instill in her that she was a bad woman and not to be respected or liked. The truth is they had wanted her to sell her house in Alexandria and move to Denver, and they were always borrowing money from her that was never to be repaid. Although my mother always held some learned resentment toward her grandmother, I think she always knew whom she could rely on in times of need and that she was cared about and loved. She knew that her grandmother was a reliable source of support for her and her siblings.

Our Family

My brother was born on September 8, 1956. By the time he was born, my father’s mother had already passed away and his father had remarried. On the paternal side of the family, my brother still had a great-grandmother and grandfather. On the maternal side of the family, he had both grandparents and a great-grandmother. My parents were young, and raising children was a new adventure for them. They tried to get him to walk very early, and thus, most of the pictures of him when he was young showed a large knot on his forehead from falling. He was given a lot of attention, especially from his paternal grandparents and great-grandparents because he was the firstborn and he was a boy.

My sister was born on November 20, 1957. She was a welcome sight to my parents and the rest of the family, although my mother often spoke of the paternal side of the family always favoring my brother when it came to birthdays and holidays because she was a girl.

Being born so close together, my brother and sister formed a bond and support for one another. They also had the benefit of getting to do a lot of things with their paternal grandparents and great-grandparents. My paternal grandfather had started his own business making big machines that broke up concrete. They were reasonably wealthy at that time, and my grandfather would take them to the finer restaurants and show them the proper etiquette that goes along with fine dining on various trips to Glenwood Springs, buy them new bicycles for Christmas, etc. He exposed them to a variety of things that our parents could not afford. They both have very fond memories of their times with him and appreciate the lessons they learned. At the time that they were born and very young, my parents lived in the basement of a house that was within viewing distance of the house that they were building for our family. They lived in that house for a short time before my father was sent to California by his father to oversee some of the expansion of the company to be done there.

On August 7, 1962, my parents had another girl, which was me, Terri, and then they soon moved back to their house in Colorado. I was very late in coming and delayed the family’s trip back home because my mother’s doctor said she was too close to having a baby to ride on an airplane. I did not turn out to be the cute, feminine, little girl that my older and younger sister did, and preferred playing sports with my brother. I was very much a tomboy and wanted nothing to do with dolls.

On February 15, 1964, my younger sister was born. She was very petite and enjoyed all the things that a little girl likes. My younger sister and I had a special bond because we were born so close together and our siblings were over five years older than us. We, too, grew up with the same grandparents and great-grandparents that our older siblings did but were unable to share some of the same benefits they did because they were getting older and our paternal great-grandmother and maternal grandfather died fairly soon after we were born. We were quite young when our paternal grandparents divorced and our grandfather began drinking to excess. I recall my father getting him out of jail more than once. My sister and I saw the mean side of our grandfather when he got drunk and were afraid of him. All my aunts and uncles moved from the Denver area as they grew up, which left my parents/our family to take care of and be responsible for all our grandparents and great-grandparents.

Growing Up

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I remember growing up in our little house in a suburb of Denver with a porch in the front of the house that followed a sidewalk down the middle of the yard was covered with grass on both sides. For my brother and I, the sidewalk made the perfect fifty-yard line for football games. The backyard had a big grassy area with a small cement area where the clothesline my mom used and a swing set on the other side of the clothesline. For my brother and I, it made a perfect place to play baseball as well as to hit plastic golf balls. To me, it was the perfect house to grow up in. On the east side of the house was a long driveway, and it was perfect to hit tennis balls against the house to work on your tennis stroke.

When we were little, my dad worked outside of the house at his father’s business and my mom babysat at home to make extra money. Sometimes she would have up to six or seven children that she was watching besides her own. She kept a very reliable schedule. Every day, we had lunch at noon sharp, and we all ate in the backyard (in the summer, kitchen table in the winter) and had sandwiches, milk poured in a Dixie cup, and then cookies if we finished our sandwiches. We would play till 1:00 p.m. and then we would all lay down for naps. On very special occasions, my mom would pack up a lunch and take us to the zoo, or if it was a really special day, we would get to go to McDonald’s for lunch (that didn’t happen very often). My mom was very much of a clean freak and she would usually vacuum the living room once a day, the furniture once a week, scrub the kitchen floor once a week, wax the kitchen floor and the bedrooms once a month, clean the oven once every other month, and that was just the special stuff. She would do laundry once or twice a day (she used cloth diapers), cook dinner, and bake cookies, pies, and things. When I think about it, I don’t know how she did everything. She was definitely a woman on a mission.

My mother was a strong disciplinarian. There were rules and don’t cross those rules. She was not afraid to reprimand or spank her children, and oftentimes, when she was babysitting, she would use her children as an example to discipline so that the other children understood the rules. I don’t remember her ever really hitting any of the children she sat for. My mother could be very unpredictable sometimes, and I often wondered if she was tired of all the responsibility, frustrated with the lack of independence, or angry at my father. I think my brother and I got most of the results of my mother’s anger and/or frustration growing up. I don’t ever remember my older sister being hit or on the wrong side of my mom, and I did my best to protect my youngest sister from it (as did my father).

When we were all young, my parents did not have a lot of money, but that never seemed to matter. We always spent a lot of time together as a family. In the summer, my dad would come home a little after 5:00 p.m. and we would eat shortly after that. When the dishes were done, we would all head to the backyard for a game of Wiffle ball, kickball, croquette, or something. It wasn’t long before other kids in the neighborhood came and joined us. The teams usually consisted of my mother, brother, and me against my father and two sisters. We always had a lot of fun, and at times, it would get a little competitive. It was usually decided that the losers had to fix root beer floats or popcorn and Kool-Aid for everyone. Once in a while, we would make a trip to Tastee Freeze or Dairy Queen, but that would be a special treat. As we all got a little older, we started playing tennis too, with the teams being my father and older sister against my mother and brother (then it was really competitive) with the stakes being the same. As my brother and sister got older, the teams became my father and younger sister against my mother and me. We had a lot of fun with