In Memory Of...

By Joy Eckert

The concluding story of the O'Neill family and their struggle with revenge and grief. Ailish O'Neill's life goes on in a slow pace after her recovery from the illegal drug Higher Love. Until one surprisingly good night out she meets a special man who turns her life around. After encountering a terrible nightmare, she is warned from the grave of apocalyptic events to come. She senses trouble is ahead sooner rather than later. Heartache continues to surround her which seals her already strong friendship with Maria Sapienti. But is Ailish strong enough to continue or does her future lie in the hands of the love of her life? 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Joy Eckert
• Release date: Feb 25, 2024
• ISBN: 9781527272231

Book preview

N MEMORY OF...

JOY ECKERT

––––––––

Published by Doorbell Books.

Text ©Joy Eckert.

The moral right of the author has been asserted.

All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Typeset in Berthold Bodoni. First printed in 2020.

This is a work of fiction. Names, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

ISBN: 978-1-5272-7223-1

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Joy Eckert was born in Newcastle-upon-Tyne. She moved to Germany for one year after meeting her future husband Tim in Spain.

She went on to live and work in America, Tim’s homeland, for fifteen years.

Returning to the UK in 2001 with Tim and their daughter Sara, she worked in the hospitality business in Northumberland.

After several years they went to live in Great Malvern in Worcestershire, then Stratford-upon-Avon in Warwickshire before returning home to the North-East in 2018.

Joy now lives in a small village in Northumberland with Tim and their dog Rose.

––––––––

Remembering Mam and Dad with love.

Bluebells, Blackpool and B&B’s.

––––––––

Grief is like a butterfly trapped

in the wet sand.

Released only when that special one comes along.

CHAPTER 1

Gasping for breath and sweating profusely I sit propped up against my pillows just woken from one of the most terrible reoccurring nightmares. Pulling myself up to a sitting position I try to find the switch to my bedside lamp to take away the thick darkness surrounding my trembling body. My throat is so dry with fear as I reach for the glass of water on my bedside table and knocking it over in the process. Water flowing down onto the floor and into my velvety slippers. I carefully place my shaky legs onto the floor but finding it really difficult so I grab on to the furniture as I walk. I’m needing water so badly and extremely desperate to get to the bathroom sink with the empty glass in hand. I feel as if I have been suddenly struck down with a nasty viral infection as I feel so hot and dizzy. Wanting to seek comfort from Mam but afraid to wake her. As I eventually place my sweaty hand on the door handle, I feel a disturbing spiritual presence surrounding me. Holding on to the handle too scared to turn my head around I move as quickly as possible to get that cold water down my burning throat. My hand now on the cold tap but finding it very difficult to turn. When I eventually accomplish this task, I slowly throw my head back to drink and as I do my reflection in the mirror shows a frightened woman with sweat beaded on her forehead. Then a sudden movement behind my shoulder shows a presence of a blurry figure. I stay frozen to the spot. Unsure of what I am seeing my eyes turn to notice just for a few seconds the face of a male with the most sorrowful expression. Not monstrous but still has the ability to scare the shit out of me. Then he suddenly disappears leaving a horrible smell. The smell of mould and decaying flesh. I sit my still shaking body down onto the toilet seat feeling the dampness of my nightie against my skin and think about what I have just experienced. Could this be after effects of the drug I was taking.? I had told my therapist that I was having bad dreams. But they were starting to go away and they were more of a feeling of being trapped. This is totally different and very real. So real that I feel that when they occur, I am awake and my body is looking down as if I am witnessing events to come. Events that are apocalyptic. Souls that are lost and no one to comfort them. That’s the scariest part.

I sit until my mind decides to calm my body down. I eventually leave the bathroom to walk slowly downstairs to make a hot a drink not caring about the uncomfortable feeling of my damp skin. Not long after I hear the sound of Mam coming from the bathroom. She most likely wants her cup of tea. I pull her mug out of the drainer with my still shaky hand and press the button down on the kettle again. I wonder whether to tell her about my experience but think better of it. I don’t want to scare her even though I want to get the horrific burden off my chest.

Finding a letter appear on my bedside table is very strange to say the least. It wasn’t there when I was in my room earlier. I look at it and turn it over in my sweaty palms several times being careful as if it is going to disappear in front of my eyes. The colour and the texture of the paper seem to be from a different era. Antique cream with the feel of thin wall paper. The writing of my name on the top fold is of a professional manner, looking like a fountain pen was used with extreme care. As I sit on my bed, I look it over one more time before opening it up with my thumb nail being careful not to tear the paper. My eyes must have grown a few sizes bigger as I read with interest.

Oh my God. He has contacted me but with a letter? I read the words over and over again. Looking at it as if it will change. It states that I will be getting a visit in two days. Nothing else apart from the smell when I opened it. It is that smell of Thaddeus his woodsy musky aroma I love so much.

I will now hopefully find out the truth. The truth of what happened that horrific night in that dark and dank warehouse.

The only thing I worry about is that he is coming to my house. Our house, me and Mams. Will it be at night or day? He didn’t say. Why didn’t he?

After being in a hypnotic state for the past few moments I move from my bed and walk toward the window. It is getting dark now and as I look out toward the garden before pulling the curtains, I notice a movement near the rose bushes. Then a faint light appears. Has Mam bought solar lights for safety and didn’t tell me? Surely, she would have mentioned that. I will have to ask her. But as I look again the light has disappeared. I don’t think twice about it but before I eventually close the final few inches of the curtain, I see someone standing behind me in the reflection of the window. I turn quickly but there’s no one there. Only a smell has been left in the room. That same smell from earlier which worries me. I walk through a mist which has been left. Wafting my hands back and forth out toward the bathroom. I then grab the room spray from the windowsill and walk quickly back into my bedroom walking backwards as I spray then quickly closing the door on my way out. I know someone is trying to tell me something but what.? My head is in a quandary with my thoughts going back and forth. But I know what my gut is telling me...life is going to change.

CHAPTER 2

Becoming invisible is one of lives hopes that probably everyone wants to do at some moment in time. Well, I found ‘my moment’ and it certainly wasn’t a good one.

I laughed in his face, really going for it, showing off my teeth and throwing my head back; I’m sure my nose made that horrible snorting sound too. And, I’m so pleased I didn’t also throw in the F word amongst all that kerfuffle which would have totally ruined my lady like persona. Then, I regretted that move so much. I put my hand up to my mouth in shock and everything went silent. (This was it...my wanting to become invisible moment.) The serious look on his face told me he wasn’t making this up, no, not one little bit. But what did he expect when he told me that he can walk through walls and doors without getting himself seriously hurt? He’s here right in front of me holding my hands in his. He appeared in the garden while Mam was asleep and I was pottering about. I then let one hand free to prod his arm to make sure he’s real, and then he breaks the silence and laughs that laugh I love so much. Thaddeus is telling me, in detail, of what happened that night. I sit here on the garden seat mesmerized, listening to the story of the terrifying time I was held captive in that cold and dark warehouse in London last winter. He saved my life so I’m living with a promise to keep his secret of how he saved me. I find it a bit lonely quite frankly to have to deal with it and having to hide the truth from everyone for the rest of my life. But I feel very privileged that I have experienced an out of this world event that has totally changed my life. Although sometimes I awake in the mornings wanting to tell the whole world but I know I can’t.

While he is still around, I ask him if he knows why I am seeing a man appear before me and the terrible experience I’m having with the real nightmares. He doesn’t say a word but I notice his expression turns to concern. What? I ask. That solemn look on your face is telling me your keeping something to yourself Thaddeus. Is there something I should know?

He takes my face into his hands and looking right into my eyes he says. Ailish you have to believe that whatever happens in your life is meant to be. Whether it is bad or good. I will be there for you when I am supposed to be. He hesitates then, He will be gone now.

Looking back at him I feel reassured. Knowing that I can sleep without having those terrifying dreams to upset me will help my life get back on track.

I’ve been through hell and back ever since my sister Carly committed suicide. She was taken from us due to forced drug taking, causing her to have severe depression. The reason why she eventually took her own life.

My Mam at the moment is on a backward slope as she’s trying to recover from her stroke but it’s to be expected since she has also lost her younger daughter only last year.

Me? Well I’m still recovering from the drugs that I decided to get into whilst trying to get revenge on the man who was responsible for my sisters’ death. But I was allowed to survive and to find the secret out there. The truth will eventually be told when the time is right but only to those people who deserve the privilege.

My story begins when I eventually become discharged from the clinic in my hometown of Dublin. After spending months, which seemed like years, being slowly brought back to reality from the terrible state I was in, I eventually got to know what had actually happened to me.

My body had been through a lot after I was forced into overdosing on that terrible sexual enhancing drug Higher Love. I partially lost my memory so I hadn’t a clue what had happened to me and that my body had been gradually shutting down. After being saved from the warehouse near Heathrow by my spiritual friend Thaddeus, who, with my friend Maria, got me into the very exclusive clinic that had just become one of three in the world to have the treatment I needed. I did find out that Ross Carmichael my captor, was jailed for a very long time with the rest of the drug dealers that were responsible for the deaths of a lot of women. But I found out that he was hospitalised for a long period of time due to injuries he incurred while being locked away for days.

The story was that he was found by a dog walker. The dog had run to the padlocked door of a desolate unused barn on the outskirts of Dublin. Apparently, the smell that was coming from inside had attracted the dog as it smelled of dead animals dipped in shit. These words were quoted by the dog owner, a Mr Wallace originally from Scotland. Mr Wallace had called the police when he realised something was not right. When the police arrived and smashed the padlock a body of a man aged between thirty and forty years old was tied up to a chair and near to death. Not only was this man partially tied up but he was sitting in his own faeces with signs of blood coming from his man hood. But the worst thing (for him) was the piercing he had been given. A large silver brooch in the shape of Angel wings had been pushed through his penis in a very forceful manner several times. Then left securely on the tip like a token of revenge. Seems like he’ll never use that part of his anatomy again. Karma is the important word here.

He was later identified as Ross Carmichael.

Ross had fled London when he knew he was in danger of being arrested. Looks like he ran in the wrong direction. When I eventually heard this news, I don’t know what I felt at first. But I knew that he had it coming. The garda have never found the person or persons who inflicted great pain on Ross and I really don’t think that they cared. Whoever did this to him really must have felt he deserved it. I don’t ever want to think about who it could have been. I know that Maria has a lot of connections and I know she cared so much about Carly. But whoever did do it knew that he deserved all that was coming his way.

But the most terrible thing that I eventually remembered was that my sister Carly had died.

My precious friend Maria made the decision to leave Berlin to be nearer to me while I was having the treatment. She confided in me that she needed a change of lifestyle badly, so she put her beautiful penthouse up for rent until she decided what her long-term future would be.

But the one person who did surprise me (although I knew something was different about him) was my special friend Thaddeus. He saved my life and told me that he is my spirit guide. He is my big secret. He told me that it was our secret because he said ‘everyone will get to know eventually.’ I always knew that there was someone looking out for me but never realised that he could appear in front of my eyes and be my friend. (Well more than a friend.) My other secret is that I’m deeply in love with him. He explained to me why he was (and still is at times), needed to be there at my side. He also told me that everyone has a spirit guide and he was there to save my life. I apparently have much more to do in my journey on this earth. I asked him why Carly could not be saved, he told me that it was her time and she needed to be with her Dad. He also told me that he can’t be with me all the time even though he wishes he could and I wish he could too. I have to live my life now knowing I have him as my now and again boyfriend, but it’s strange having to lie to Maria, as I always tell her everything.

My journey through life is to begin back at home, with my Mam. We are now looking after each other. She tries her best to do things for me and me the same for her. I am almost better and she copes but we still have the grief of living without my sister. My body still gets a bit shaky now and again but I was told that it won’t last too much longer. Maria has rented an apartment in the posh end of the city and she’s always here to help. I told her to get on with her life and not be burdened with me trying to get one hundred percent better. She just tells me to behave; she can do as she pleases. She then tells me that she is quite satisfied right now as she likes to help as I’m her friend after all.

After being back at home for two weeks now, I want to try and venture out and to try to get Ma to at least come to the park and get some fresh air into our lungs. I know I will have to call Maria as if I don’t, I’ll surely get into trouble. I can just hear her now if I didn’t. Why didn’t you call me; you know you’re the reason why I decided to move here. Then I would hear her go off still yapping in her native tongue. (Even though she was born in Italy she uses her Mothers language.) I knew I should have learnt German. So, I pick up the phone and dial her number.

The three of us sitting on the park bench on this beautiful day in late May, after enjoying our wonderful creamy ice cream cones, we look across the lake where the swans are lazily swimming around. Maria dressed in a more casual way than I am used to seeing her but still looking gorgeous and me in the usual jeans, both stand to throw some bread for the ducks that are much quicker to get to the banks of the lake. Mam still sitting on the bench shouting at us, Be careful you two don’t fall in will yer. I understand why she’s worried; she’s already lost one daughter. We walk a while around the park but I need more than this, I’m so fed up. Life can be boring when trying to recover. I would love to be able to go back to work and enjoy life again.

Maria has decided to spend the night at our home. Treating us to good wine and cooking a lovely meal for us. Mam was a bit put out at first thinking she was spending the night in Carly’s room but I told her Maria wasn’t going to do that, she would share my room, as I would be putting the fold-out bed for her.

Mam said, But Ailish she won’t like that she’s used to much more, she’ll be uncomfortable.

I told her, Ma, there’s more to Maria than posh stuff, she’s a woman of the world. She’ll love it. I’ve already told her where she’ll be sleeping and she’s quite excited.

Mam said Is she mad? I wouldn’t want to spend one hour on that thing never mind one night.

I looked at her and laughed and then said She said it would bring back memories of when she was a child at home when she had sleepovers, so don’t worry. We’ll have a laugh and that is what I need.

Then she answered Maybe I should join yer both as I could do with cheering up too, she sniffed.

I noticed she was quite serious so I said, Well why don’t yer, we can all fit in my room until you’ve had too much wine and when we get fed up with yer non stop yapping, we’ll throw yer out.

I laughed, then she told me, "Cheeky young thing, I’ll have yer know that with one glass of wine I’d be asleep so I’d miss out on all the gossip. So, none of that stuff

for me thanks, a pause and then she quickly glanced my way and said Well maybe just a small one." That made us both laugh which is a good sign that things are improving for us.

That night Maria made one of the best meals I’ve ever had. She had shown Mam how to make homemade pasta and then she filled it with a mixture of finely chopped sardines and peppers. I could hear them chit chatting in the kitchen as I looked through a couple of newspapers. Mam telling Maria how we love her homemade pizza. When she said we, I knew she was talking from past times when Carly really loved that pizza. I know she sometimes forgets that Carly isn’t around anymore as her memory is not what it used to be. I sit in the living room trying to relax after the fresh air we enjoyed earlier, when I notice some dating ads in the paper. So, keeping it open at that very page I wander in to where they are busy and sit at the kitchen table. Hey, I said, Have you ever seen this? I turn the page to face them, as they stand at the counter top with stuff on their hands. It looked so comical to see the sudden look of distaste on their faces.

Mam frowns at me and said, Ailish why would I take notice of that page I think I’m way past that now, anyway there was always only one man for me and that was your Dad.

Maria looks over too and said, You know Ailish, there are plenty of dating sites on line, you should have a look at them if you’re interested, are you?

I answered, Well I could do with some male company now and again for a change. Then I felt guilty and added "Maria I am so sorry if that came out the wrong way, I

love your company and you are my best friend you know that."

Ailish, I love your company too, I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t, but you need to start having a life soon and that should include a man if that’s what you want.

I replied. Well I think I’ll have a look on line and see what I can find just for a laugh, now that I’m very curious. Maria wiped her hands off and took the paper from me then had a quick look over the male faces that were smiling at her.

You know Ailish from what I can see looking here from these pictures I would definitely go on line as there’s not a lot here that’s for sure.

Mam quickly took the newspaper from her and had a look herself. Yer right, looks like a load of losers to me, why can’t yer just go out to the pubs, you might meet someone there Ailish. Maria and you should go when yer feeling up to it.

If you mean the pubs around here Ma you can forget it, I’d rather venture out to the city and go somewhere decent.

Then Maria said Ailish sometimes whoever you are supposed to meet can just turn up somewhere you wouldn’t expect them to be so the local pub could be just the place where he may be sitting right now as we speak. We all laughed and I stood up quickly and made as if I was heading out at that moment to find him.

ONE MONTH LATER.

After spending time enjoying each other’s company and looking at the dating sites (and registering with one) I decided I wanted to go out. I was ready now to go and enjoy myself in a place away from home where I could be around other people of my own age. I suggested to Maria that we could go somewhere in the city, somewhere really nice and have a few drinks. I must admit I was a bit nervous; (I’ve always been the nervous type though), so with the sweaty armpits ready to be sorted out with the strong deodorant I had bought myself, I looked through my clothes deciding what to wear. Maria knocked on my bedroom door as I was throwing stuff on the bed.

Ailish, can I come in? I quickly opened the door.

As she entered the room looking at the clothes thrown all over, she noticed the look on my face. Are you okay. She calmly asked.

I sighed and said, I’m just a bit unsure and nervous all at the same time and I don’t know what to wear either! I sat on my bed already feeling like shit.

Maria came over and sat beside me then putting her arms around my shoulders she said, Ailish I’m here for you and would never let you go out if I knew it wasn’t the right time. But I think you know as I do that it is the right time. So, can I help you decide what to wear?

I gave her a hug and thanked her for always being there for me. She helped me pick out an outfit, flared