Hysterical Hangouts with The Hindlegs

By G. S. Gerry

What happens when families stop being polite and start being real?

In a world where reality is stranger than fiction, Viktor Sniperbone's inspired idea takes you on a hilarious wild ride filled with near-death antics, secrets, and the cra

• Language: English
• Publisher: G. S. Gerry Press
• Release date: Sep 22, 2023
• ISBN: 9798869116932

G. S. Gerry

G. S. Gerry is a dedicated family man,  Navy veteran, and writer from humble beginnings in St. Petersburg, FL.  Married for 17 years, at the sound age of 18, and father to 4 kids (16/14/11/8).  Just your average, everyday Joe Schmuckatelli with some wild stories to tell. As is the G. S. Gerry tradition, everything in his life seems to happen in the most non-traditional ways. He experienced 16 & pregnant before it became popular. Overcoming obstacle after calamity after hilarious situation in his short time on the earth.   There's an old saying "plant a tree, have a child, and write a book." G. S. Gerry's debut novel Meth Murder & Amazon checks one off the list, with an unforgettable comedic journey of a lifetime.  But, he is taking recommendations on trees to plant.

Book preview

SEASON 1 TRAILER

Viktor Sniperbone is either the luckiest man alive or the biggest fool of all time. The circumstances surrounding Viktor and The Hindlegs will go down as a brazen attempt to secretly expose the inner workings of one family’s dynamic.

Viktor is young, in good health, has his own place, and is a contributing member of society. But Viktor feels like something is missing from his life. His world forever changes the moment a young girl named Mandi Hindleg walks into his life. Mandi is the girl of his dreams. She’s the most beautiful woman he’s ever laid eyes on and the two of them have been dating for the last six months. Viktor is all but certain that she will be his future wife. The two of them have even recently moved in together and are about to take the next step. There’s just one problem: Viktor has to meet Mandi’s family, The Hindlegs.

Throughout their courtship, Mandi has kept conversations light and breezy with Viktor, only sharing modest details about her loving family. Her parents have been happily married for a million years. Mandi is the second oldest of the kids and has one older brother and two younger brothers still living with her parents. But not every family is as they seem. Behind their smiling facades lies unspeakable, astonishing behaviors.

During Mandi and Viktor’s most recent dinner date, Mandi nonchalantly mentions, I love my family, but they are wild! You know how they say, there is one in every family? My whole family is that one. They are over the top, hysterical, and beyond extreme!

That one choice morsel lodges deep into Viktor’s cerebellum and lays dormant like a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off.

*Tick, Tick, BOOM!*

Viktor has an epiphany of epic proportions. He thinks to himself, What if I figured out a way to secretly record Mandi’s family! If they are really that savage, this could be the perfect opportunity to film the greatest reality show of all time!

Viktor starts to contemplate the idea. Then, after a few days, he begins to scheme and plot on how to bring this splendid idea to life.

With Mandi’s innocent, offhanded comment, Viktor hatches a plan that will alter the course of reality shows forever.

He will film the entire Hindleg family without their knowledge or the use of a camera crew. It’s a monumental challenge, but the payoff could be extraordinary!!!

Viktor plans to use a secret recording device to bring the viewers at home an uncut, raw, and totally authentic reality show the likes of which have never been witnessed before.

What happens when families stop being polite and start being real!?

Welcome to the most electrifying, dramatic, outrageous reality show debut of all time!

Hysterical Hangouts with The Hindlegs is live in

3.

2.

1…

EPISODE 1: WRESTLED INTO SUBMISSION

Rated TV-14 for violence, weapons, wrestling, and thematic elements.

The anticipation has been building for months as the cable networks and streaming services broadcast trailer after trailer for an electrifying new reality show. A reality show unlike anything seen before it! The entire cast is clueless; unaware their actions are being secretly filmed for the glorious viewing public to witness. The world is thrust into a fevered frenzy at the unavoidable train-wreck they can’t help but indulge in. An uproar of exhilaration erupts at the opening sequence to Hysterical Hangouts with The Hindlegs…

Lights, Camera, undercover ACTION!

Keep the camera rolling. Whatever you do, don’t stop recording! We have to capture E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. These are the words Viktor Sniperbone recounts, speaking directly into the secret camera as he cautiously walks onto the grounds of Hindleg Manor . A terrifying, shadowy mound of dirt, rubble and loose gravel lead up to the under-construction mid-century multistory home. Located smack dab in the middle of Itchy-Cha-Cha, Flawrida on the banks of the alligator infested Hoochy Coochy river, this is a rural, country town with a population of 12…and 6 of them live here.

It’s an awe-inspiring, prehistoric sight. A multitude of moss-covered oak trees and other greenery envelop the constructs of the Hindleg property. Viktor‘s loud gulps and chasing goosey bumps are barely concealed by the haunting sounds of Jurassic Pterodactyls and other unsightly fowl creatures that roam these parts. Off in the wooded distance is a gigantic wooden enclosure wrapped in barbed wire. The hair-raising, spine-tingling screams of deranged swine cry out, haunting anyone within earshot, invoking imagery from Thomas Harris’ Hannibal. There are six foot pigeons parading around, with menacing bugs and mosquitos on steroids buzzing about eager to inflict itchy carnage upon their next victim. Who knows what sort of unspeakable danger lies beyond the low-lying fog?

The Hindleg’s own fifteen plus acres out in the Podunk’s of nowhere, Flawrida and local folklore has it that this residence is home to an ancient burial ground of delinquents, scumbags, and troublemakers no longer spoken of or heard from again.

Viktor is gingerly walking into a trap known as the introduction. This introduction and the subsequent chain of events will go down in history as an epic success or a monumental train wreck. Only time will tell as Viktor boldly attempts to secretly record all of The Hindleg family interactions without any suspicions of his undercover experiment.

Viktor Sniperbone is a young, confident, and well-mannered man never having met a set of parents that didn’t like him…yet. He’s sporting a pair of new age spectacles and dressed in his favorite form fitting polo shirt. He’s rocking a fresh fade, a short beard, and has a general nonchalant presence about him. But he has no idea what he’s gotten himself into.

Viktor has been courting Mandi Hindleg for about six months and is naively optimistic about meeting his girlfriend's family for the first time. Mandi is a beautiful and vivacious young woman, full of life and instantly commands attention whenever she enters a room. Somehow, Viktor swayed her royal vivaciousness to take a chance on him. Viktor is beyond smitten with Mandi and hopes that one day they might be joined together in holy matrimony. Mandi has three brothers, Rider, Tucker, and Hunter, still living at home. The oldest brother, Rider, is the same age as Viktor.

As Viktor drives up the beaten and worn-down path to Hindleg Manor, counting the tombstones - uh hum, rubble - Mandi happens to see the car’s headlights and hurries outside to meet him.

Aww, babe…you look so nice, Mandi exclaims as she unknowingly gazes into the camera and greets Viktor with an innocent kiss on the cheek. I hope you’re ready for this! Mom and Dad have been anxiously expecting your arrival. Whatever happens tonight, be strong. Don’t be alarmed by what you see or hear. Don’t let your guard down and whatever you do, DON’T let them see you sweat. They’ll take that as a sign of weakness and really sink their teeth in. You’re with me, and that’s allllll that matters.

Viktor gulps louder than Jeremiah’s bullfrog.

3. 2. 1.

*Knock Knock*

Mandi grabs Viktor’s hand and they gaze into each other’s eyes one last time, as if to reassure one another.

Mandi takes one more look back towards the camera, oblivious to its presence, opens the front door and gently pulls Viktor through the precipice. The viewers are warmly greeted to a full blown construction war zone; a home remodel in the works. There’s power tools and half-emptied boxes of nails and other sharp objects scattered about wherever the eyes can see. THIS is a man’s house! But, somehow, women live here too. A modern cave dweller couldn’t have designed a more perfect habitation.

The floors are a painted, light gray plywood subfloor with no finishing to speak of. Half hung drywall is expertly fastened to random sections of wall and ceiling, while other sections expose the inner foundational constructs of the home’s bare bones. It’s a jigsaw puzzled hodgepodge of in-progress madness. A loud slam, followed by *echo, echo* accompanies the young couple as the front door closes swiftly behind them.

(Isn’t it amazing, the difference that insulation and fully installed drywall makes?)

Mandi leads the way, with her and Viktor’s fingers interlocked. They move into the foyer and float across the splintery plywood floors, the camera covertly capturing every dazzling spectacle. As Viktor makes his way past the corridor and around one of the concrete pillars, he sees him!

Viktor immediately releases Mandi’s interlocked hand and stands up straight as can be. Seated at the kitchen table, displaying a sleeve of ashen green, faded tattoos is the master of the house. Wearing a high and tight from his military days as a badge of honor is the formidable Commodore Ateoff Hindleg.

Directly adjacent to The Commodore is a shotgun and an array of ammunition, fully loaded handguns, and rifles. Viktor sees used shotgun shells with strange engravings on the casings. Accompanying the artillery is a menacing blood-stained machete, riddled with chunks of hair and flesh that have been expertly fused to the blade. It’s staring right up at Viktor and our viewers at home.

G-g-g-good evening Mr. Hindleg, sir, Viktor stammers aloud.

COMMODORE. It’s Commodore or Commodore Hindleg young man. It’d serve you well to learn the rules of engagement for this household, son, Commodore Hindleg exclaims, his piercing gaze looking right through the concealed camera and into Viktor’s soul. Hey, son…did you bring in a wallet?

Viktor pats around his front and back pockets, eventually unveiling a brown leather trifold wallet to Mandi’s father.

Do you like magic tricks? Throw that wallet over here so I can take a closer look. I’ll teach you a fun little magic trick, Commodore Hindleg instructs.

Viktor tosses his wallet over and across the table full of armament to The Commodore, who snatches it out of thin air.

The Commodore waves his right hand over the top of the wallet. He then picks it up, lightly touches it to his forehead and does a quick flick of the wrist.

Abra kadabra. Unveil thyself to meee. Viktor Sniperbone. Height 5’10. Weight 180 lbs. Driver's license number D-458-68-7047. Address… Commodore Hindleg recites aloud, committing to memory the details of Viktors license. "Tada!! When was the last time you’ve seen a wallet talk to a Commodore? How do you like them apples?… If you so much as harm one hair on my daughter’s head, if you hurt her, in any way - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually -

you see these instruments of war? He points down at the armory in front of him. I’ve engraved a number of these shotgun shells with your initials. Don’t get any funny ideas inside your pea brained head. The magic wallet trick told me everything I need to know. Where you live, where to find you…so what are your intentions with my daughter?"

Viktor’s pleasant demeanor immediately washes away, his face nearly white as a ghost, his mouth drier than the Sahara Desert, and he’s having trouble finding the words to speak.

Uh, um, uh hum, *hacking* *hocking* *gulping*, I, uh, I ummm… Viktor struggles to form a complete thought let alone a full sentence.

Ha ha, I’m just funking with you, young man. Stop tripping all over yourself and speak up. Say it like you got a pair! The Commodore appears quite pleased with himself, his magic trick and his interrogation techniques. How bout this. I tell you what. Since I can see you aren’t too bright, evidenced by you throwing me your wallet without a moment’s hesitation, why don’t you come over and collect your belongings? Well, what are you waiting for, son? I don’t bite. I’m only fooling’ with ya. Just come over here and grab it.