Live in the Present: Bryson and Caiden

By Amanda Kay

This is the story of my life.
The good,
The bad,
And the in between.

-Caiden Kamry-

• Language: English
• Publisher: Amanda Kay
• Release date: Feb 21, 2024
• ISBN: 9798223609032

Book preview

Prologue

Sitting at his funeral felt surreal. How could I have been so stupid? I didn’t even hesitate when the ball went into the road. I didn’t look. If he hadn’t pushed me out of the way this would be my funeral instead of grandpa’s. It should be my funeral.

Dear Grandpa,

I know this is my fault. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but right now mom hates me. I need her, but I know she blames me so I’m trying to give her space. Mark moved in and we are selling the house. I don’t want to move, but I understand why mom can’t stay here. I owe her a better life so if moving is what she wants to do then I guess we will move.

I’m sorry for running into the road. I’m sorry for ending your life. You are the most important person to me and now you’re gone. I love you.

-Caiden

Closing my journal, I tried to close my eyes and sleep, but just like the last few nights that seemed like an impossible task.

It’ll be okay Caiden. The faint whisper soothes me slightly though I couldn’t place the familiar voice.

A heart drawn on a wall Description automatically generated

Chapter 1

My name is Caiden Kamry. I’m alone in a world I can’t escape from. Since my grandfather’s death a year ago I’ve lived in three different places. We sold the only house I’d ever known, and my mom’s husband Mark pocketed the money. Mom is blind to his manipulation, and I’m pretty sure he’s abusing her too. I’m only fourteen so I don’t know what I can do. I seek advice from my grandfather by writing him letters, but my answers are never there.

Mark has taken everything that remained good in my life away. He tells me it’s my fault my grandfather is dead. He tells me my mother hates me because I killed him, and he reminds me that being gay is gross and disgusting and that she hates the sinful lifestyle I’ve chosen. Not that he’s one to preach about being godly and sinless. He doesn’t think I know about the abuse because he helps her hide it well. I know though because I can hear them at night when they think I’m asleep.

He keeps her hyped up on drugs and booze and tells her he’s sorry and she falls right back into his arms and does his bidding.

Dear Grandpa,

I wish you could tell me what to do. I wish, I could save her. I’m lost without you and I’m drowning in how I feel about myself. I hate myself because if you were still alive, we wouldn’t be in this position and I don’t know how to get us out of it.

I made a new friend but since it was guy Mark quickly found a way to end our friendship. I didn’t even like the guy in that way. I just wanted someone to talk to. But when he found out I was gay he quickly backed away. I’m sure there was more to the story that he didn’t share. I’m positive Mark told him I wanted to kiss him or that I had a crush on him. Which isn’t a bad thing, but it also was the furthest thing from the truth. I don’t understand why he is like this.

I started high school last month and I’ve already been made an outcast because of Mark. He keeps moving us around as well making sure I can’t get too close to anyone. How am I ever going to survive this?

-Caiden

Chapter 2

Coming home from school today I found a new resolve. I can’t keep letting him hurt mom. Not when I can protect her. Last night while I was trying to sleep, I heard them, and I heard him tell her something that has haunted me all day.

I only hit you because of that sinful disgusting brat you’ve raised. Those words replayed in my head all day and I knew what I had to do. I couldn’t guarantee it was going to completely stop the abuse toward my mom, but I had to try.

Mark?

What you want?

I swallowed hard knowing what I was about to ask for. Take your anger out on me instead.

He gave me a snide smile and then pulled his hand back. I closed my eyes so I couldn’t see the punch land, but I felt it the moment it did. I gasped for air as the wind was knocked out of me and I clenched my stomach.

That what you want boy? I could feel the tears begin to stream down my face and I swallowed hard trying to find my voice.

Yes. I answered weakly.

Then so be it. He laughed and I could hear his footsteps walk away. I was screwed, but maybe tonight mom would be okay.

Dear Grandpa,

I took a stand today that I think might help protect mom. I had to try. I had to see if I could help her. Save her. Protect her.

It hurts like hell, but I can handle it. I deserve this punishment anyways. Mark is right all of this is my fault, so I need to own up to my mistakes. I need to take accountability for my sins. I need to own up to the fact that I’m gay. I can’t change that. I don’t want to change it, but I must accept it’s wrong as well. I must take responsibility for your death. Mom’s pain. Everything that she’s been though since your death is my fault and I need to atone for that.

-Caiden

My stomach hurt and I was positive tomorrow I’d find a giant bruise, but I had to do this. I could do this. Maybe one day I’d meet a great guy and mom would accept me again, but I had come to terms that would never happen. I’m too broken. Too tainted. Too damaged. No one would or should ever love me. I wasn’t worthy.

Chapter 3

You wretched little shit! He screamed striking me across the face. Why can’t you be normal? You’re the reason I had to hit your mother! He spit on me and then stormed away.

I had gotten good at masking my emotions. At least until he left me alone. We had moved again. In the middle of my sophomore year, he packed us up and made us move again. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. I was sixteen now so I could get a job, but mom wasn’t having any of it. She was so checked out to the world.

Dear Grandpa,

I hear a whispered voice all around me and I can’t place the voice. I want to believe it’s you, but I know the voice doesn’t really exist. I’ll continue to take this torture because I must protect mom.

New school again. Lucky me. I don’t even think I’ll try to make friends, because every time I do Mark stops it. I don’t think it’s because he doesn’t want me to have a boyfriend or even have just a friend. I think it’s because he wants to keep me isolated. If I had someone, I could depend on I might try to escape, and he wouldn’t be able to handle that.

-Caiden

This time will be better. That voice that oh so familiar voice that I couldn’t place was speaking more and more lately. I wanted to believe that things would get better, but the truth was I wasn’t sure if I deserved for them to get better.

I wanted to be rescued but I knew I needed to do that on my own to some extent. Still, it would be nice to have a friend I could talk to. You’ll have more than a friend. I groaned at the voice and put the pillow over my head in hopes I could drown it out. Baseball field. Tomorrow night. That last remaining echo caught my attention. I didn’t play baseball. There was no way I was going to the baseball field. I didn’t even really like the sport. Maybe because I wasn’t given the opportunity to explore sports when Mark took over our lives, but nonetheless I had no interest in going to the field in this new town. Trust me.

Chapter 4

Dear Grandpa,

Okay so hear me out. This morning when I was looking out my new bedroom window, I caught the eye of the guy across the street. I don’t think he really saw me, but I saw him. Anyhow I pulled up the website for my new school and his face was all over the home page. The baseball district finals are tonight and he’s apparently the star player.

His name is Bryson Trevino and he’s hot. He’s a jock I’m pretty sure he’s straight. I’m also certain that he wouldn’t ever be friends with someone like me, but I think I’m going to a baseball game tonight. Just to see what all the hype is about.

-Caiden

I watched from the shadows feeling guilty for distracting him during the game. I couldn’t place it, but I was drawn to him. From the moment I arrived my eyes had been glued to him. I didn’t want to make my presence known, but somehow, I caught a small bit of his attention, and he struck out because of it. Leave it to me always screwing things up.

I saw him staring out his window this morning, and I noticed him at school when I went with Mark to get registered even if he didn’t notice me. I saw the signs plastered around the school as we toured it announcing the district finals. His picture front and center on all of them. I had looked him up prior to us going to the school, but when we actually got to the school, I saw he was on a whole other level.

I knew I needed to come tonight despite how silly it seemed. I was a nobody. I knew that, and it was foolish to think I could be worthy of him. And now, as he hugged on the guy at home plate with him my heart sank further.

He’s saying goodbye. I looked around but was alone.

Who’s there? The voice seemed familiar, distant memories longing to come forward. Memories from a happier time. Memories I wished I could have back again, but that part of my life no longer existed. I was hollow inside. That voice had been with me for so long now that it frustrated me to not be able to place it.

In time you’ll understand, just know he’s saying goodbye. Corbin is dead.

I frowned, He’s dead? How could he be dead? He was right there.

The one facing us is Bryson.

The baseball guy?

Yes. Corbin was his best friend, he died in a street racing accident two weeks ago.

I cocked my head as I studied them, they’re more than friends. I grumbled still not knowing who I was talking to. Wishing I could place the voice that seemed so familiar.

They are, but then they aren’t.

I looked around confused and then back towards Corbin and Bryson. They were wrapped up in a tight hug now. "Look at him, his heart is breaking. How