Rock Critic Law: 101 Unbreakable Rules for Writing Badly About Music

By Michael Azerrad

Straight out of his beloved Twitter feed @RockCriticLaw, acclaimed rock journalist and author of the classic books Come As You Are: The Story of Nirvana and Our Band Could Be Your Life, Michael Azerrad turns his trenchant eye to the art of rock writing itself, hilariously skewering 101 of the genre’s seemingly endless litany of hackneyed phrases and tropes.

One of the finest music writers today, Michael Azerrad has catalogued the shortcuts, lazy metaphors and uninspired prose that so many of his beloved colleagues all too regularly rely on to fill column inches. In 2014, he began his wickedly droll Twitter feed @RockCriticLaw to expose and make fun of this word-hash. Now, he consolidates these "Laws" into one witty, comprehensive and fully illustrated volume.

Rock Critic Law includes timeless gems such as:

• If a band pioneered something, you must say they are "seminal." That is the Seminal Law of Rock Criticism.
• If a recording features densely layered guitars, then you MUST use the phrase "sonic cathedrals."
• Even when it’s easy to find out with research, by all means ask a band how they got their name.
• Please feel free to deny an artist’s individuality and say they are "the new [x]."
• If two guitars play a melodic line in harmony, you MUST say they are "twin lead guitars."

All 101 Rock Critic Laws are accompanied by original illustrations from Ed Fotheringham, beloved Seattle scenester and highly regarded artist who has created album covers for everyone from, well, seminal grunge band Mudhoney to iconic jazz label Verve Records, as well as illustrations for TheAtlantic, Vanity Fair, The New Yorker and more, making this book a must-have for music lovers everywhere. A unique appreciation of music writing from one of its own, Rock Critic Law irreverently captures all the passion and furor of fandom.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Open Road Integrated Media
• Release date: Oct 23, 2018
• ISBN: 9780062696755

Michael Azerrad

Michael Azerrad is a rock journalist, author and drummer. His writing has appeared in the New York Times, Rolling Stone, Mojo, Spin and the New Yorker. He frequently appears on television as a commentator on rock music and was most recently the editor-in-chief of the Talkhouse. He is the author of the books Come as You Are: The Story of Nirvana and Our Band Could Be Your Life: Scenes from the American Indie Underground 1981–1991.

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Introduction

Years ago, I was on a journalism panel at a major music convention, and an earnest fellow in the audience asked, How do you keep it fresh? In a fit of snark, I shot back, Wrap it in plastic! People laughed, but I’ve regretted that comment ever since—the poor guy was asking a good question. Thankfully, my colleague Gina Arnold chimed in with some of the best advice for music critics I’ve ever heard: Read fiction. I’d guess that most of what Rock Critics read is other Rock Critics. And if Rock Criticism is all you read, then, in a sense, Rock Criticism is likely all you’re going to write. Such an incestuous, cannibalistic literary diet probably goes a long way toward explaining the ubiquitous, seemingly indestructible clichés that I call Rock Critic Laws. Now, with blogs and podcasts and social media and all the other available internet platforms, everybody can be a Rock Critic.

Lately, it’s also a symptom of economics. With per-word rates plummeting, Rock Critics need to crank out more pieces than ever if they want to make something resembling a living, and it’s more difficult to conjure le mot juste when it’s 2 A.M. and you’re banging out your third record review that day. Budget-slashing also means that your editor is probably too overworked to nip that sophomore effort or stinging blues licks before it hits the stands.

The thing is, Rock Critics mainly get over with insight or eloquence or wit or a big personality or just the contagious passion of the fan (or the caustic allure of the hater). We have to, because many of us don’t know a lot of things that could