You Always Have A Choice

By Julie Hyde

A practical transformative guide for anyone feeling overwhelmed by life's relentless challenges.

Do you feel as though you're going through the motions, exhausted by the constant life-juggle, and not truly living your life?

Do you know deep down that you need a change but lack the confidence and energy to pursue what

• Language: English
• Publisher: Publish Central
• Release date: Dec 12, 2023
• ISBN: 9781923007543

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

Many people I speak with professionally and personally are feeling overwhelmed. The relentlessness of life often takes us to our capacity point, where we feel we’ve had enough. Life is too short to constantly feel that way.

When Penny contacted me, she felt trapped and fed up. Her life didn’t align with her desires and she sensed that it was slipping out of her control. She was going through the motions, exhausted by the constant struggle and not truly living. Deep down, Penny knew she needed a change but a lack of confidence and energy held her back. She found herself at a crucial crossroads – having to choose whether to stick with what’s familiar or to boldly take steps towards a life she truly loved. It wasn’t an easy choice but one she needed to make.

I could relate to her struggle because I’ve been in that place numerous times, and so too have many of my clients. Misalignment and overwhelm are common experiences in people’s lives. It’s easy to lose sight of what truly matters when we’re driven to constantly improve and achieve. But what’s the point of all of that if it doesn’t lead to genuine happiness?

The poignant words of writer Dale Wimbrow in his poem, ‘The Guy in the Glass’, reflects this beautifully. As you read it you might imagine it’s written just for you:

When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf,

And the world makes you King for a day,

Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,

And see what that guy has to say.

For it isn’t your Father, or Mother, or Wife,

Who judgement upon you must pass.

The feller whose verdict counts most in your life

Is the guy staring back from the glass.

He’s the feller to please, never mind all the rest,

For he’s with you clear up to the end,

And you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test

If the guy in the glass is your friend.

You may be like Jack Horner and ‘chisel’ a plum,

And think you’re a wonderful guy,

But the man in the glass says you’re only a bum

If you can’t look him straight in the eye.

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,

And get pats on the back as you pass,

But your final reward will be heartaches and tears

If you’ve cheated the guy in the glass.

As he touchingly says, the last person you want to be cheating is you, and the most important person you need to be happy with is the person who is looking back at you from the mirror.

I want this book to release your pressure valve. I hope reading it is like heading out for coffee or wine with your closest, most inspirational friend who only wants the best for you and encourages you to thrive. I hope it gives you the space to breathe and to feel a sense of calm, while also reassuring you that you are not alone in how you’re feeling.

Life is an ever-flowing river of opportunities and constant change. Change is one of the things we can count on. It embodies choice itself. Whether we face change with resistance, resentment or open arms is entirely up to us – regardless of whether it’s welcomed or not.

img735946eb96a2 LIFE’S UNPREDICTABILITY MEANS WE CAN’T ALWAYS CONTROL WHAT HAPPENS TO US, BUT WE HOLD THE POWER TO CONTROL OUR RESPONSES.

But how do we do that? We all need practical strategies to apply to life’s challenges, and that is what this book is about.

Throughout my life, I’ve encountered a multitude of changes. Spending 21 years in the corporate world exposed me to big changes happening every two years or so, be it organisational change or shifts in job roles. But one day I made the decision that altered everything. I chose to start my own business, to be my own boss. This transition was massive, transforming how I operated and changing me into the person I needed to become.

In the 16 years since, I’ve worn various hats as a leadership coach, keynote speaker and podcast host. To stay relevant in this ever-changing landscape, I’ve continually evolved and adapted. Not only have I embraced universal and technological changes, but I’ve also kept a close eye on my clients’ evolving demands and needs.

Then, in October 2021, I experienced what was to be the biggest change to my life so far. I received a shock diagnosis of aggressive stage three melanoma cancer. As someone who had always been fit and healthy and who loved to be in control, I was shell-shocked.

Now I had the biggest opportunity of my life to test all of the theories and practices I had developed over the years. This change tested me and my mindset – and, to this day, it presents constant challenges that require me to change and adapt. But I could rely on the one thing I knew to be true: my mindset is my superpower. I was confident in that and the bucketload of resilience that I could dig into. I find strength in knowing that change, no matter how daunting, holds the key to growth and endless possibilities. I’ll be showing you how to strengthen your mindset and embrace those possibilities, too.

img735946eb96a2 YOU HOLD THE POWER OF CHOICE TO LEAD A LIFE YOU LOVE.

You can adapt to change and build your resilience and confidence to be happy, feel fulfilled and be proud of yourself. You can make the choice to move away from overwhelm and juggling unnecessary expectations to be truly happy. You always have a choice, no matter what.

The art of choice is at the heart of this book. It’s about mastering the skill of making empowered decisions that align with who you are and what you dream of. Within these pages, I’ll introduce you to nine powerful strategies that have transformed lives, including my own and those of countless clients. You’ll also get to explore not one but two game-changing business models that open doors to the power of choice and cultivate a superpower mindset.

Simplicity is our ally here. This book is all about making things easy to grasp and enticing to read. There is no technical jargon or bland instructions. I’ve filled this book with actionable insights and real-world examples.

Building your confidence, finding your voice and cultivating resilience will become second nature. With these invaluable tools in your kit, you’ll tackle any future change head-on and emerge stronger and even more resilient. By the time you reach the last page, your mindset will truly be your superpower. Mindset matters more than you can imagine, and I’ll show you precisely why as we delve deeper.

Let’s dive right in together.

Chapter 1

OVERWHELMED? YOU’RE IN THE RIGHT PLACE

On 6 October 2021, at approximately 7.30pm, I was diagnosed with stage three melanoma cancer. I was told it was aggressive, and that I was in for the fight of my life.

At that moment, I felt like I was on the downward slope of a steep and very scary roller-coaster. I could see my life rushing past. I wondered, is this the end? Am I going to die? Will my life be cut short right here, at 53?

The diagnosis completely turned my life upside down.

Within only five days, I’d had major surgery to remove the melanoma from the arch of my right foot. This was the melanoma’s starting point. It then spread to the lymph nodes in my right groin area. They removed most of these, as they were full of cancer.

When I woke up after four hours of surgery, I had a 30 centimetre wound from my stomach down to the top of my right thigh. I had a hole in my foot bigger than a 50-cent piece that was covered by a skin graft. I had a wound on my left leg where they’d taken the skin for the skin graft. I was hooked up to various machines pumping painkillers and antibiotics into me, and others that were grinding away to help me heal. I was pretty banged up and in very unfamiliar territory. I was immobilised, unwell and felt very vulnerable – and I didn’t like it.

img735946eb96a2 REALITY IS SOMETIMES A TERRIBLE SHOCK. IT WAS IN MY CASE. BUT IT CAN ALSO BE YOUR BEST ASSET IN HELPING TO SHIFT UNWELCOME CHANGE FROM PAINFUL TO TRANSFORMATIVE.

Facing reality means confronting the facts of your circumstances; in my case, the horrible diagnosis. I didn’t want to accept my reality at all. I was in total denial and I kept wishing this wasn’t happening to me. While I was trying to be brave in front of others, I was feeling scared inside.

We often live in denial, hoping life will get better. Denial can affect personal relationships and health, and lead to addictions and societal issues. You may deny your own shortcomings, avoid facing the consequences of your actions, or refuse to acknowledge the severity of a situation. This may create a false sense of security, but it stops personal growth and prevents you from solving challenges. It can hold you in a precarious position.

When the denial bubble bursts, you may feel shocked and overwhelmed. I have seen this play out in my life, and in the lives of my coaching clients, again and again. Even after my surgery, I was living in denial. I hoped that this was it and I wouldn’t need further treatment. I wanted to return to my life pre-diagnosis. I wanted to be Julie before the cancer. But that was not my reality. My bubble burst quickly. When that happened, I felt very overwhelmed.

Overwhelm can be a natural response to situations that feel like they’re too much to handle. This limit is different for everyone. Overwhelm can also be our own doing, when we find ourselves juggling too many balls and exceeding our capacity. In fact, I felt quite overwhelmed while writing this book!

Accepting your reality is key to reducing overwhelm. Doing so can provide critical insights for improvement and will help you adapt to change. Using your reality as an asset involves making informed decisions by recognising both the positive and the negative aspects of a situation. Proactively shaping your reality boosts your ability to create a life you love.

So many people are feeling overwhelmed. In this instance I’m not talking about an overwhelm that is too intensive to overcome or that paralyses you. I’m talking about the feeling of having too many tabs open in your brain, feeling stuck or trapped and living out of alignment with who you are, which leads to feeling unhappy. You might feel like it would be catastrophic if you dropped one of the balls you’re juggling. You might feel exhausted, like you’re running on a treadmill to nowhere. Or you might constantly feel worried that you’re not pleasing anyone or succeeding at anything, while neglecting to look after yourself. It may be a combination of all three that’s causing your overwhelm.

It’s only when you take responsibility for the cause of your overwhelm that you have any chance of adapting and changing. This is especially true when you’re accepting a situation you have no control over rather than one you have created. There is a moment of truth and wisdom when you accept what you might change.

In this chapter, we’ll look at how the modern way of living life at full pelt, in a state of constant busyness, has a tremendous impact on our wellbeing. We’ll evaluate the effects of being constantly on the go, and identify the underlying causes of being caught in the cycle of busyness – because if you’re not busy, then who are you? We’re going to explore the fact that you’re not alone. Feeling overwhelmed is normal, and is often due to universal worries and an excessive mental load from our own and others’ unrealistic expectations. It can also be a product of our own thoughts and actions. I’m also going to share with you that the juggle is real, but we have a choice in what we take on and how we respond. This part is important, because we’re always going to be juggling many, many balls in the air. That’s what’s called life.

I’m then going to take you through an empowering exercise called labelling the balls. By labelling the balls, you will understand how many balls you are juggling and then decide how many balls you would like to juggle. You’ll learn to identify which balls you can let bounce, and which balls you might never pick up again.

img735946eb96a2 YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE AT