Stupid Texas: Idiots in the Lone Star State

By Leland Gregory

New York Times best-selling author Leland Gregory is definitely messing with Texas in his book Stupid Texas.

This time, Leland--who has so entertainingly highlighted humanity's stupidity in the areas of crime, business, love, politics, cruelty, and history--collects evidence to prove the widespread belief that deep in the heart of Texans lies an extraordinary capacity for absurdity. Culled from print, online, and broadcast media, Stupid Texas is an uproarious collection of true stories, trivia, and factoids about the Lone Star State, such as:

* "In 1875, James Stephen Hogg, the first native-born Texan to become the state's governor, named his daughter--Ima."

* In 1984, a Texas District Court judge sentenced a 31-year-old Houston man to 35 years in prison--for stealing a 12-ounce, $2 can of Spam."

Ridiculous, outrageous, bizarre, and comical, Stupid Texas is ideal for both kinds of people--those who love Texas and those who hate it.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Open Road Integrated Media
• Release date: Apr 13, 2010
• ISBN: 9781449400385

Book preview

STUPID TEXAS

OTHER BOOKS BY LELAND GREGORY

What’s the Number for 911?

What’s the Number for 911 Again?

The Stupid Crook Book

Hey, Idiot!

Idiots at Work

Bush-Whacked

Idiots in Love

Am-Bushed!

Stupid History

Idiots in Charge

Cruel and Unusual Idiots

What’s the Number for 911? Second Edition

Stupid American History

Stupid Science

Stupid California

Stupid on the Road

Stupid Texas copyright © 2010 by Leland Gregory. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of reprints in the context of reviews. For information, write Andrews McMeel Publishing, LLC, an Andrews McMeel Universal company, 1130 Walnut Street, Kansas City, Missouri 64106.

E-ISBN: 978-1-4494-0038-5

Library of Congress Control Number: 2009940822

www.andrewsmcmeel.com

Book design by Holly Ogden

Cover design by John Turnball

Cover and interior illustration by Robert Meg

Attention: Schools and Businesses

Andrews McMeel books are available at quantity discounts with bulk purchase for educational, business, or sales promotional use. For information, please write to: Special Sales Department, Andrews McMeel Publishing, LLC, 1130 Walnut Street, Kansas City, Missouri 64106.

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Stupid Texas

THE GREEN AVENGER

Daniel Berry, a seventeen-year-old from Denton, was looking down the barrel of a loaded potato gun when the gun accidentally went off. The teenager faces reconstructive surgery because, according to an April 16, 2003, article in the Houston Chronicle, the gun for some reason was loaded with a live frog, which hit him in the face with a force more than a gun. Daniel was lucky, says his mother. If it had been a potato or a rock, it would have killed him. It would have blown the top of his head off.

THE STATE CAPITAL OF TEXAS WAS FOUNDED IN 1835 AND WAS ORIGINALLY NAMED WATERLOO. ITS NAME WAS CHANGED TO AUSTIN IN 1839 IN HONOR OF STEPHEN FULLER AUSTIN, FOUNDER OF THE REPUBLIC OF TEXAS.

REPORT THIS!

An eighteen-month investigation by the Texas State Library and Archives Commission, reported by the Houston Chronicle on October 29, 2007, concluded that the state government requires too many reports. Approximately one-fourth of the more than 1,600 reports were duplicates of existing reports, were issued to agencies no longer in existence, or were prepared annually even after evidence surfaced that they went unread.

The commission issued its findings on the plethora of reports in a 668-page report.

THE NOT-SO-EARLY BIRD

In Texas, the federally funded organization Advocacy, Inc., which promotes the rights of the disabled, sued the Austin Travis County Mental Health and Mental Retardation Center in 1994 for getting up too early. The lawsuit forced the center to change the time of their board meetings from 8 a.m. to no earlier than 9 a.m.

GEORGE W. BUSH WAS THE FIRST GOVERNOR IN TEXAS HISTORY TO BE ELECTED TO TWO CONSECUTIVE FOUR-YEAR TERMS, AND THE FIRST SON OF A PRESIDENT TO BE GOVERNOR.

UNDER WHERE?

On August 8, 1840, a Comanche war party attacked the port town of Linnville, burning, looting, and rampaging. Most of the settlers escaped in small boats, but Juliet Watts and her husband, Hugh, ran back to their house to save their possessions. The Comanche killed Hugh and kidnapped Juliet. Days later, as the retreating Indians were attacked and defeated by a posse at the Battle of Plum Creek, Juliet was shot in the breast with an arrow. One thing stood between the arrow and certain death for Mrs. Watts: her corset.

PRESUMED IGNORANT

In a Houston courtroom in April 1994, Arthur Hollingsworth was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store. Hollingsworth waived his constitutional right to remain silent and testified in his own defense. Harris County prosecutor Jay Hileman eventually got Hollingsworth to admit that he was, in fact, in the Sun Mart convenience store at the time of the holdup. Hileman then got Hollingsworth to admit he had taken a gun into the store with him at the time it was robbed. Hileman