#YouCan: Women’s Guide to Navigating Toxic Workplaces

By Ela Karahasanoglu

"#YouCan" offers a very different and refreshing perspective for women compared to mainstream advice that suggests women should learn how to "work with difficult people" or "reduce their stress". It is a compelling and comprehensive guide that empowers women to liberate themselves from draining and toxic workplaces, spearheaded by a seasoned female leader, Ela Karahasanoglu. Crafted for professionals at all stages—from newcomers to seasoned pros—this book is an essential companion for anyone seeking to seize control of their career and unleash their full potential.

This research-based guide, brimming with actionable advice, real-life scenarios, and effective strategies, provides the blueprint you need to confidently steer clear of, navigate and exit damaging workplaces. Drawing from her extensive leadership experience and expertise in Diversity, Equality, and Inclusion (DEI), Karahasanoglu debunks popular myths about women in the workplace with empirical data and encourages women to carve not only a fulfilling but also a toxicity-free career path.

Whether you're wrestling with a challenging boss, toxic colleagues, or a generally unhealthy work atmosphere, "#YouCan" is your go-to guide. So, grab your copy, strap in, and join millions of women demonstrating what a woman with a #YouCan attitude is capable of achieving in the workplace!

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Aug 14, 2023
• ISBN: 9798350910179

Book preview

BK90079218.jpg

#YouCan

© 2023 Ela Karahasanoglu

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

ISBN 979-8-35091-016-2

eBook ISBN 979-8-35091-017-9

Contents

DEDICATION

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

FOREWORD

INTRODUCTION

Who Is This Book For?

The Layout and Terminology

CHAPTER 1: BACKGROUND

How Was This Book Born?

Why the Reference to Investments?

Where Did it All Go Wrong?

Who or What Are the Enablers?

Internal Corporate Governance and Jurisprudence

The People Who Execute and

Are Impacted by These Rules and Laws

CHAPTER 2: MYTHS VERSUS FACTS

Women Face a Glass Ceiling

There Are Not Enough Women to Hire or Promote,

Women Are Not Made for Investments,

and Women Are a Hot Commodity in Male-Dominated Firms

Unconscious Bias Training Solves DEI Issues

and Addresses Harassment, Bullying and Discrimination

Human Resources Is There to Help You

You Are Not a Good Fit into Our Culture

Having Grit and Perseverance Is Half the Battle

Think Like a Man, Act Like a Lady, Work Like a Dog

Women Are Emotional and Therefore Weak

DEI Creates Reverse Bias for Men

CHAPTER 3: SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?

When Looking for a Job

Read the Job Description in Detail

Do Your Due Diligence

Ask the Right Questions in the Interview(s)

Network Extensively

Before Accepting an Offer

Request to Attend an Internal Meeting as a Guest

Talk to Current and Ex-employees

Listen to Your Gut

After You Accept the Offer

Your First 90 Days

Form Alliances in the Organization

Find Mentor(s) and Champion(s)

Educate Yourself and Others

When Is It Time to Leave?

Set Tangible Milestones for Yourself

Identify Your Options Before Problems Fester

Don’t Let Anger or Fear Lead Your Decisions

Discuss the Best Way to Exit with Your Lawyer

Clear Your Devices, File Key Material and Evidence

After You Leave

Negotiate Your Exit Package

Take Some Time Off

Backstop: Consider Legal Action

Review and Update Your Life Goals

CHAPTER 4: RISING ABOVE AND BEYOND

Recognizing Bullying, Harassment

and Gender Discrimination

What Is Bullying and Harassment?

What Is Gender Discrimination?

I. Sexism

II. Implicit Bias / Implicit Sexism

1. Affinity bias

2. Performance bias

3. Attribution bias

4. Likeability bias or double bind

5. Maternal bias

III. Sexual Harassment

IV. Sexual Assault

Be Prepared to Protect Yourself and Your Rights

Learn Your Rights and Responsibilities

Find a Good Lawyer

Keep Detailed Notes and Relevant Documentation

Addressing Bullying, Harassment

and Gender Discrimination

Considerations Before Addressing the Workplace Issues

I. Pick Your Battles

II. Follow the 24- or 72-Hour Rule

Strategies to Address the Workplace Issues

I. Addressing Issues Immediately/on the Spot

1. Respond with Humor

2. Stand Up Against the Bully

3. Respond Directly

II. Addressing Issues Structurally

1. Report Everything to HR and Your Supervisor

2. Document the Issues via

Emails/Messages and Personal Notes

3. Keep a Copy of Your Emails,

Messages and Personal Notes

4. Keep Your Lawyer in the Loop and Ask

for Legal Advice for All Your Internal Interactions

5. Follow Up on Your Emails and Discussions

Conclusion

End Notes

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to all the courageous women whose unwavering determination paved the way for progress for other women and inspired this book..

and to all the men who had the courage to stand behind those brave women so they could create real change…

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Dear friends, family, industry colleagues and readers,

As I sit down to write this acknowledgments page, I am filled with gratitude and appreciation for each and every one of you who have supported me throughout the journey of writing this book, #YouCan. It would not have been possible without the love, support, and encouragement of so many people in my life.

To my parents and my brother, thank you for always being my rock and believing in me even when I doubted myself. I am grateful to my mom and dad for raising me as a strong and capable woman in a place and time not very conducive to women... and a big thanks to my baby brother Ediz Karahasanoglu, whose candid and thoughtful feedback helped me avoid a blind spot and singlehandedly improved the entire message of the book. Special thanks to my partner in crime, my biggest supporter, and my other half Robin Rutherford, who taught me to believe in my dreams, and who every day inspires me to be my best. Without him this book would never exist.

To my friends, thank you for being my sounding board, cheerleaders, and my confidants. Your encouragement and enthusiasm have kept me going through the long hours and countless revisions. I could not have done it without you. I would like to thank Ayse Abamor, Muge Akyurek, Aylin Yazici (Buyukoguz) and Diane Miller for reviewing the material and providing me with their candid, thoughtful and detailed feedback which tremendously helped improve the content and the flow of this book. I am indebted to my UAA US gang - Ebru Oral, Hande Yurttan Benson, Beril Guvendik Maples, Esra Mirze Santesso, Yesim Askin, Berna Demiralp, Yasemin Esmen and Gun Unsal for being my counselor, teacher, manager, trainer, mentor, editor, and executive coach (special thanks to Esra for setting up the group!). I can’t forget Nesi Poole and my travel buddies Cielo Bingley, Joyce Chan, Kathleen Dattilo and Yolanda Balatbat for putting up with my endless work stories and showing me how women can achieve whatever they want regardless of whoever or wherever they are. This book could never be completed without the valuable insights and comments from Spence Aitken and Phil Bingley that tremendously improved the quality of the material and helped reset the tone of the book. Lastly, thanks to ALL my awesomely awesome UAA high school classmates and my super hero cousins Pelin, Ufuk, Deniz and my aunt Lalis for teaching me the power of sisterhood.

To my industry colleagues, thank you for your expertise, guidance, and mentorship. Your insights and wisdom have been invaluable, and I have learned so much from each and every one of you not just as colleagues but also as friends. Special thanks to Christine Tessier for her brilliant ideas about the name and the messages of this book. A big thanks to Heather Cooke, Oma Sharma, Esther Zurba and Sharon Wilson for not only being a role model to me and mentoring me over the years, but also teaching me the fact that behind every successful woman is a tribe of other successful women who have her back. Thanks to Duyen Luu, Helen Chan, and Kripa Kapadia for their friendship and inspiring the idea of this book and many of its chapters. 

I also want to acknowledge the countless individuals who have inspired me along the way. Whether it was a mentor, teacher, friend or a colleague who shared a kind word or taught me a valuable lesson, your impact on my life has been immeasurable.

Finally, to my readers, thank you for taking the time to read this book. I hope that it inspires and empowers you to pursue your dreams and achieve your goals, and I am honored to have been a part of your journey.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Sincerely,

Ela

FOREWORD

By Adanna Ora for Readers’ Favorite

Over the years, men have dominated and excelled in key leadership positions. With the rise of women’s rights advocacy, this has changed. Women’s education has seen the elevation of women into high positions. This has not come without its challenges. Women in top leadership positions still face problems such as sexual harassment, differences in pay for the same work done, and gender bias in the delegation of duties. Ela addresses this with her book, #YouCan. Using the investment industry as a point of reference, she seeks to entrench the principles of equality in the workplace and ensure that women are better equipped to navigate the different challenges that may arise.

I love the fact that Ela used her personal experience in the corporate world to help other women. In writing #YouCan, she gives a detailed view of the subject matter… She does this through the use of statistics, charts, diagrams, her personal experiences, and those of others… The book seeks to dispel the myths that seem to limit women and aims to free their minds to believe otherwise. The book also aims to empower women and teach them how to withdraw from unpleasant situations and maintain their dignity while doing so. I recommend this book to all women, especially those with ambition who desire to remain at the top. Thank you to Ela Karahasanoglu for blessing us with her talent.

By Emma Megan for Readers’ Favorite

In male-dominated environments, women are more prone to harassment, bullying, and gender discrimination. Unfortunately, women have been advised to be resilient, play the game, and adjust to the norms for success. It seems easier to advise women to endure a toxic work environment than to implement initiatives to help women have a chance at getting equal treatment. In #YouCan, Ela discusses women’s challenges in male-dominated environments.

She dives into some DEI myths that, especially men, seem to believe and take advantage of, providing facts for each one. This book is packed with actionable advice, real-life examples, and effective strategies to help women identify toxic employers and workplaces and find the right job that aligns with their personality type.

As women are still scared to say something when they are being bullied, harassed, and discriminated against at work, not to lose their jobs, this book comes in handy. #YouCan is an excellent book containing helpful information that all women should be armed with and is a guide to making progress possible. It empowers women to believe in their abilities, know their rights, recognize and address bullying, harassment, and gender discrimination, and have the courage to follow their dream careers/roles. This book is highly regarded as it offers data and debunks hurtful myths that show why men continue to exclude women from male-dominated industries. I would recommend it to women interested or already working in a male-dominated field. It will help them to tackle the challenges of being in a male dominated environment.

INTRODUCTION

It Only Takes One Flame to Start a Fire

You’ve already looked at the cover and the table of contents, but you are still not sure what this book is all about. Is it about feminism, or women rights, or perhaps the memoirs of women who have been exposed to toxic workplaces?

To answer that question, let’s take a brief stroll down memory lane and see what a Guide for Women looked like less than a century ago, so that we can understand the genesis of the topic we are about to tackle.

Just 70 years ago, here was the advice given to married women in Housekeeping Monthly Journal from May 1955.

If you haven’t seen it before, you may be chuckling to yourself thinking it is probably all made up. A quick check, however, will confirm that not only this was real, it was also widely accepted back then. In fact in some parts of the world, it is still the reality, which is not just limited to countries that are relatively poor and/or provide limited education. If you don’t believe it, just ask people around. You will likely hear such a story either first or second hand.

But why? We must have learned something about women rights over the last century, right?

Yes, as a society we have learned and made progress in regards to gender rights, albeit to a limited extent. We are rather slow in implementing initiatives that would put women on an equal footing as men, not just at home or school but also at work. There is a lot of talk, but not much progress, partially because a version of the above Guide for Women is still stuck somewhere in the subconscious of our society.

And this is what this book is all about. It is about creating a newer and more modern Guide for women that is truly widely accepted not just by men, but also by women, so that progress is made possible. It is about empowering women and their allies so they can move the needle in favor of diversity and equality in the workplace. It is about ensuring corporations and lawmakers not just talk about change but embrace that change. After all, any major progress in history has only been possible at the behest of individuals who have demanded that change.

Who Is This Book For?

If you are reading this book, you are perhaps a woman interested or already working in a male-dominated field, and have either experienced or are currently experiencing certain challenges in your job search or the workplace related to your gender… or you know someone who has lived or is living through such challenges… and you are looking for real-life examples and solutions that actually can work that would make a difference for women… or perhaps you want to make sure you understand the challenges of being in a male-dominated environment and learn how to tackle them if you ever face them.

You may also be a woman in a male-dominated environment but may not have really faced a lot of gender-related challenges. If so, that is great! We need more of you. It is, however, quite unlikely that there is no woman around you who has battled or is battling issues related to a toxic work environment. I personally don’t know any woman who hasn’t witnessed these issues or doesn’t know anyone who has. If you are in that camp, then this book can give you a sense of what many other women are going through and hopefully will convince you to reach out and help them.

If any of the above sounds somewhat familiar, then you are holding the right book.

Regardless of how you came across this material, it is not by coincidence. As you may already know, many self-help books start with the cliché that is something along the lines of Everything is for a great (or divine) reason and this is why you have crossed paths with this material! Yes, I do believe in luck. But, I don’t think books or any life-changing guidance cross our paths by divine intervention. Any information we require is usually out there in some form or another, but we don’t notice them until we start focusing on the subject and are ready to learn and absorb the information. We tend to seek out and find the relevant material when we are ready to internalize it. For that reason, if you are reading this book, it means you are ready to take charge and move forward, which takes a lot of courage. Therefore, kudos to you!

Before we talk about what the purpose of this book is, let’s perhaps start with what it is not.

This book will not suggest that you flex your perseverance and grit muscles by staying at the same entity under tough conditions. It will not tell you to stick it out and wait till the storm passes... or learn to play it like the boys. Because this advice is