Perfectly I'Mperfect: remarkable stories of ordinary women overcoming extraordinary circumstances

By Nina DeAngelo and Tara Hurst

Ordinary women who overcome extraordinary circumstances are intrinsically magical and belong to a special sisterhood. As we learn to quiet our own negative self-talk, we master the battle of self-sabotage, empowering ourselves to rediscover and reignite our inherent self-worth.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Two Chicks & A Dream Publishing
• Release date: Oct 6, 2023
• ISBN: 9798988947714

Book preview

Nina DeAngelo

Unleashing the Brave Within: Embracing the Power of Courage

I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. As I took in the incredible news, my heart swelled with love and admiration—emotions I had never before felt toward myself. I wasn’t sure what to do with these newfound feelings.

We all have courage deep within us. If we have the desire and ability to tap into it, that can propel us forward. From the meekest to the most gallant, we all possess the capacity to gather our inner strength and face life’s challenges.

But what is courage, exactly? Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the ability to act despite fear. It is a willingness to step outside our comfort zones, take risks, and confront our fears and doubts. Courage can be cultivated and nurtured, allowing us to tap into our true potential. All we need is positive thinking, self-belief, and resilience.

These three skills, together, form the foundation for courage. The power of positive thinking is a real thing and literally rewires your brain with programming to better serve you. Self-belief propels you into areas of your life you never thought possible. Resilience keeps you standing back up after being knocked down and brings you the ability to move forward regardless of the obstacles in your way.

Something snapped!

When I was eighteen years old, I knew I wanted a better hand of cards for the game of life than the one I was dealt. I was raised in a family with an alcoholic, gambling father and an emotionally unavailable mother. Not an environment that instilled a lot of positive thinking or self-belief but was, perhaps, the awakening of my resilience. At the ripe young age of eighteen, I decided my best bet for making something for myself was to join the Army and leave my hometown of Alton, Illinois. So, three months after graduating high school in 1991, I enlisted. Can you guess my family’s and my friends’ first reactions when I told them what I had done? They said things like, You’ll never make it, you’re too weak, you’re too cute, you’re too short, you’re too girly. And the list of reasons why I wouldn’t be successful as a soldier went on and on. What kind of mindset do you think I took with me into basic training? If you guessed negative self-talk and self-doubt, you’re completely right.

Let me set the stage for you. When I went through basic training, it was still a man’s Army. I had all male drill sergeants. They were rough and tough, and they offered no lighter hand with us ladies who had just signed our name on the dotted line. I remember one in particular, Drill Sergeant Montgomery. He fixated on me from the minute I stepped off that bus at basic training. A very tall man, he was easily six feet, if not taller. I’m just five feet, even on a good day with my hair fixed! As I stood in formation, Drill Sergeant Montgomery walked around me, repeatedly shoulder-checking me—that is, using his shoulder to hit me with force and aggression—and shoving his face up close to mine. He said things like, You think you got what it takes to make it in my Army, private? and Well, well, aren’t you the pretty, petite one?

I was scared to death! All the negative comments from my family and friends still swirled around inside my head. The thought that I had made the biggest mistake in my life crossed my mind several times. I was shaking on the inside and felt my belly swell with fear, certain I would throw up from the stress from this exchange of pleasantries. But then something happened.

Something snapped within me. I stood firmly in place and told myself, this man gets paid to break me down so he can build me up to be a successful soldier. And I stood there, withstanding his abuse without showing one bit of emotion. That was a new reaction for me! Previously, confrontations with much less aggression than that would have sent me running and crying. This moment was the first step of my journey into positive self-talk, self-belief, and resilience.

You are what you speak, and what you think!

For the duration of my time in basic training, Drill Sergeant Montgomery continued to pick on me, tell me how weak I was, and berate me at every opportunity. He even took me and several of my bunkmates into our classroom to exercise for hours at a time. I remember one instance vividly. I was yanked from sleep in my bunk by bright lights and Drill Sergeant Montgomery yelling and screaming for me and my bunkmates to get up and be in the classroom in five minutes, full canteen in hand. As we appeared, each of us was also handed a dummy weapon—a life-size replica of an M16 rifle but made of rubber. And they are heavy. We did hours and hours of exercises, jumping jacks, mountain climbers, sit-ups, push-ups, and more, until the walls in the classroom were sweating!

I chanted my reminder, in the safety of my own head, that he was getting paid to break me down so he could build me up to be a successful soldier. Several of my bunkmates were falling from exhaustion and heat stress. As each one fell out of formation, I repeated more positive self-talk to keep going. I told myself things like you can do this and you are a goddess warrior, and you will not give him the satisfaction of breaking you. I stood tall—well, as tall as I could at five feet—and endured all his torture until even he was exhausted. Then I knew the secret: I had loved myself through this and would find all the positive self-talk I needed to muster until I graduated.

I think I can, I think I can!

Drill Sergeant Montgomery was on me to study for all of my tests, and if he caught me without my study guide in hand, I would do push-ups until he was tired! After weeks and weeks of studying, it was time. My tests included skills such as disassembling my M16 and properly putting it back together within a certain timeframe, donning my hazmat suit, administering first aid to my battle buddy, being able to properly communicate a message over the hand radio, and much, much more.

I was so nervous as I approached each testing station. Then, one by one, I passed each task presented. After the first few stations, I started to believe in myself! In fact, I knew I was going to pass these tests with flying colors, and—you know what?—I did! I spoke my fervently positive self-talk into the Universe, and I made it happen.

Not only did I receive a 100 percent score on each test, but I was also handpicked to go before a panel of highly ranked non-commissioned officers—all Sergeant Majors, to be exact—and respond to their questions on the rules of engagement during wartime, the Geneva convention, and many other administrative-type questions. I could not demonstrate any of my practiced skills for the panel, but all the knowledge they tested was part of the study guide. I was a nervous wreck. Not only was I expected to answer each question correctly, but I was also expected to remember to address each Sergeant Major correctly with each answer I gave.

I wasn’t the only private selected for this level of examination, but I’m happy to report I shone, only missing one question. Wow, I thought, I really can do this! One thing I did notice as I was waiting to go in and answer questions from this panel of highly decorated non-commission officers was that there were other privates also waiting. I found this to be a bit peculiar; however, I truly didn’t give it much thought after seeing others coming out of that room. I just wondered what was in store for me.

I’m sorry...what?!

After all of the tests and questions and back in the barracks, I heard Drill Sergeant Montgomery yelling for me from his office down the hall. You better believe I ran as quickly as I could to arrive at his feet as fast as I could. Once I was in front of him, he made me drop and give him the by-now-expected push-ups. Inviting me to sit down, he proceeded to tell me that ever since I stepped foot off that bus on day one of basic training, he saw something in me, something he felt confident he could nurture.

I learned that all of the competitions I had just completed included the goal of designating a prestigious honor: Solider of the Cycle. Drill Sergeant Montgomery told me I had been chosen as the top private among six hundred graduating soldiers! I was dumbfounded, and I finally understood that this mentor had been grooming me to graduate at the top of my basic training Brigade, all along.

So, there we are, at that moment when my heart swelled with love and admiration...and for the first time those emotions were fully directed toward myself. And so I did: I graduated with top honors, was recognized at graduation, and was grateful to walk in a special procession in recognition of my achievement. I owe so much to Drill Sergeant Montgomery. Because of him and his ability to sense something in me that I didn’t even sense in myself, I learned the power of positive thinking, I gained a ton of self-belief, and now I truly understand the meaning of resilience.

So, remember, courage is not reserved for the lucky; it is a universal trait that lives in all of us. It is a force that can propel us toward personal growth, achievement, and fulfillment. May you embark on many adventures in your lifetime that help you discover boundless courage!

Nina DeAngelo is a highly skilled Neuro-Linguistics Programming (NLP) master coach and trainer, and an empowerment speaker. With years of experience in the field, Nina has honed her expertise in NLP to empower individuals and teams to reach their full potential. Through her dynamic coaching and training sessions, she has helped hundreds of individuals unlock their inner strengths, overcome obstacles, and achieve personal and professional success. As an engaging and inspiring speaker, Nina captivates audiences with her motivating messages of self-empowerment, resilience, and personal growth. She is known for her warm, friendly approach, which creates a safe and supportive environment for growth and transformation. Aspiring leaders in corporations and nonprofits seek out Nina as a coach and teacher for both personal and professional development. As her passion unlocks their true potential, they find greater purpose and fulfillment in their lives. Nina’s passion for helping others shines in every interaction and makes her a sought-after coach, trainer, and speaker in the field of personal and professional development as she guides individuals to unlock their true potential and live a life of purpose and fulfillment.

Tara Hurst

The Other Side of Fear and Doubt

The universe whispers to us our entire lives...until it doesn’t. If you go long enough without listening to it, it no longer whispers. It begins with a gentle nudge, then moves to a friendly push, then to a hard shove. And if you still aren’t listening, a slap in the face that wakes you right up. That final slap can shake you to your core; you feel it in your soul.

When I began my journey to health a decade ago, I thought my life would change drastically if I just lost some weight and did more self-care, like getting pedicures and massages. So I did those things, and even lost more than one hundred pounds. Yet I still wasn’t completely healthy or free from my own internal mind games. I still had the same negative self-talk, the same self-sabotaging behaviors, and the same lack of belief in myself that had been with me for as long as I could remember. I had released the fat that my body had stored from years of not loving myself enough. I just couldn’t shed the weight of the world or the weight of whatever in own mind was holding me down. I was the mountain I couldn’t seem to climb.

I finally made a decision that has changed my life and led me here. It was time that I got out of my comfort zone, owned my own s#!t, and finally accepted the fact that I had been the obstacle the entire time. I was the one standing in my way from the beginning. For the first time in my life, I took a hard look at myself and accepted responsibility for who I was and where I was. I let go of the guilt, shame, and disappointment that I had been carrying around for years. This major transformation began with the realization that I had done the best I could at the time with the tools I had.

And that is when the universe started trying to get my attention. First the nudge, then the friendly shove...

The Nudge

I had thought about health coaching but always found multiple excuses why I would never be successful. Then, when the pandemic hit, my husband was left without either of his two incomes. So I took a leap of faith and began health coaching to supplement our family income. What started as leading a few friends on their journeys has led me to an opportunity to give hope, inspiration, and motivation to countless others, all while keeping myself accountable.

Not long after the nudge, the universe felt I was ready for a little friendly shove...pushing me out of my comfort zones and into new situations. Health coaching posed opportunities and raised responsibilities that required me to face my biggest fears. If I wanted change, I was going to have to be the force for that change.

Next came that hard shove. I was still working as a full-time child care director, which was crushing my soul. I was building up my coaching business in my spare time. Also working on opening a record store with my husband and running a household, I was mentally and emotionally drained. Still, I was committed to succeeding at everything.

Just in time, I discovered daily affirmations. Those little sentences, awkward at first, were crazy powerful and quickly became the source of my superpower! I am strong. I am capable. I am enough. And I am a badass who can do hard things! After sixteen years of soul crushing, I turned in my resignation.

In January 2022 the universe delivered what felt like the wake-up slap of all slaps. I decided to go ahead with a total knee replacement but soon realized that something was very wrong. My recovery was too slow, and I was still in constant pain. The most challenging year of my life was about to begin.

When my entire life as I knew it halted, I felt completely unprepared for the mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual impacts. I was in a place where nothing made sense, and I was slowly losing my footing. The longest and most intense battle I had ever faced went on for six months. Constant pain and discomfort combined with sleep issues were taking their toll and getting the best of me. I had never felt so isolated and alone. I had never been so mentally and physically defeated. And I had never had to face the darkness that almost took me down, and so I prayed. I prayed for wisdom, I prayed for guidance, and I prayed for clarity.

Then an Aha! moment happened. I realized I wasn’t having a breakdown; I was having a breakthrough! I knew I was the answer as much as I was the problem. The nudge, the friendly push...all had led me to this point. Now the universe was ready to show me how to better use the tools I’d had all along.

So what changed? I began praying for guidance rather than praying for purpose, and my faith grew stronger and stronger with every obstacle. Something incredible happened after that knee surgery. I realized I had been training for this moment for years.

Not only did I allow myself the opportunity to use the tools in my original toolbox, such as prayer and daily affirmations, but the last tool I picked up proved to be a key to a whole new toolbox. I simply had to have faith that I would discover how to use its contents.

Once I finally understood that nothing happens to me, and everything is happening for me, I realized that my desire to change was stronger than my desire to stay the same.

That realization required me to sort through the mud and muck of a traumatic childhood; revisit other periods of my life that were overflowing with guilt, shame, and embarrassment; and dig more deeply into my current life, overrun until recently with self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy. So I opened my new toolbox and got to work on me...from the inside out. And here is what happened when I did:

I heard a call to return to church.

A desire to serve led me to volunteer.

A colleague invited me into a new networking group.

An opportunity to join a women’s support group came my way.

I found my way to a mindset certification program.

I began to practice meditation.

I learned to listen.

I desired change.

As I actively pursued my purpose, I noticed that my doubts were leaving me. I was moving toward dreams that required massive action and tackling challenging goals far outside my comfort zone.

But what had gotten me to this point wasn’t going to get me where I needed to be. It was time for new tools:

I showed up as my authentic self.

I asked for help.

I challenged myself.

I become bold, brave, and unapologetic.

I lived my life out loud.

I surrounded myself with hope dealers.

I am now fully committed to my daily routine. I am in love with the realization that I haven’t yet met the best version of myself. I focus on daily affirmations and gratitude. I focus on what I want and no longer worry about what I don’t. I invest my energy to build a future in which I inspire and influence others. I am committed to strengthening all the relationships in my life, beginning with the one I have with myself.

I began by creating a couple of lists. I identified three items to move closer to my health and wellness goals, and three things to stop doing, which had been holding me back. What quickly became apparent was that I may have been the mountain blocking my path, but I also am one heck of a trail guide! I was learning to be confident by getting out of my own way, and by doing things while scared. Who would be better to lead this expedition than the person who raised the mountain in the first place?

So here I am, a driving force behind my first book endeavor and planning my first women’s conference. I’m running on caffeine, Jesus, and a whole lot of intuition and grit. I am certainly not the same person I was, but I love and respect her just the same. The day I said, Alright, Lord, what are we going to do today? Who are we going to inspire? Whose life are we going to change? transformed me.

For the first time in my life, I feel whole. My cup is full: of hope, love, empathy, and joy. One day, I will be completely open about the life details that almost broke me, but for now I focus my energy on you. I want you to realize that you are worth the journey, and that you already have the tools to achieve your passion and purpose.

Just open your toolbox. Start treating yourself with the same compassion and encouragement you would offer your child or best friend. To show up for others, start by showing up for yourself. You weren’t created to be mediocre. You were meant to do great things, but none of them is meant to be done alone. Do the work, dig deep, grab that coffee, find your superpower, and take a leap of faith.

The truth is this: Everything you desire in this life is on the other side of fear and doubt.

Tara Hurst is an empowerment and transformational coach who specializes in the realm of health and fitness, energy and spirituality, advancement in business, and love and relationships, focusing on mindfulness and inner chatter. Tara is Neurolinguistic Programming Practitioner, business mentor, public speaker, and a bestselling author. After releasing one hundred pounds a decade ago and beginning her own personal healing journey, Tara began coaching others and empowering them to transform themselves by incorporating the necessary daily habits to ultimately improve their emotional, mental, spiritual, as well as physical well-being. Tara works one-on-one with others to motivate, encourage, and support them, while empowering them to build self-confidence to set