Looking Back: Shadows of Our Lives, #1

By Ruth Hay

Fear is only the beginning.

Rena's mother left her a roadmap to freedom. This is the beginning of a story of disappearance, built on bravery and hard choices.

Book One in a three part series, formerly published in part as Borderlines.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ruth Hay
• Release date: Aug 29, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223181972

Book preview

PART 1

REVEALED

CHAPTER ONE

SUSSEX, ENGLAND, 2016.

She chose the time and location with extreme care. If there was to be even the smallest hope of success she wanted the setting to give her confidence. If, as was more likely, she would be utterly rejected, she needed to have a quick exit.

It was mid-afternoon. The restaurant was recovering from the morning rush and preparations for the evening meals had not yet begun. She sat at a booth, facing the entrance, and near to the side exit.

There was a glass of chilled mineral water in front of her and she watched the condensation drip down its sides. She knew her hands were shaking so much there was no chance she could lift the glass for a sip without letting it smash onto the tiled floor.

There was still the opportunity to flee, never to return, but she had done that before and this was the last chance for some kind of normality in her life. She had learned, the hard way, the value of truth.

She would not turn back now. It was too late for that.

There you are, Rena! What’s this about? Your message sounded urgent. What was it that couldn’t wait until tonight? Do you want to order?

She looked up into his open, guileless face. It was a face she loved with a painful love because she was about to risk his total disapproval in the next few minutes or hours.

Sit down please, Steve. You know I have wanted to talk to you about my life.

He interrupted impulsively. There was something unusual in her brown eyes. Something he had not seen before and it worried him.

Sweetheart, you know it doesn’t matter to me. I know you. What happened before now, doesn’t count.

Oh, but it does. It has to or I can’t go on.

He sat down opposite her with a thump. Here it comes. I hoped she had forgotten. This is it.

He passed a hand over his face and composed his expression. Whatever she had to tell him it was better to finally get it over with. Enough of the hints and sorrowful looks. He was going to have to hear her out.

"I told you I was involved with someone in Canada but I did not tell you about the man I was involved with. Gregory Verkers was the most beautiful man I have ever seen. He was the kind of person you expect to see on the movie screen, backlit perfectly, with every hair in place, gleaming eyes and glowing skin. In the movies you would know there was a team of artists behind him. No one could look that good in real life. Gregory Verkers did.

I was out with my friend Judith Weiss. She had dragged me to this new tapas bar downtown to see the sights. I was bored within five minutes. The bar crowd was far from the venue my other York University colleagues would frequent. This was a place for drinking and wild dancing, not lofty debates and erudite arguments.

I made my apologies to Judith and turned to leave when I saw him looking at me across the dance floor.

He was a head above the twisting bodies and he mouthed the command, ‘Wait!’

I was shocked that he had noticed me at all but it did not stop me from heading to the exit. He caught up as I was walking back to my car.

He said, Stop! Let me talk to you.

I knew enough not to be forced into a car and driven away by some madman, so I kept walking and gripped my keys so that they formed a pointed weapon, should I need one.

He did not quit. He pleaded for me to listen to him. He said he recognized me from the college and I hesitated for a second, thinking he was related to one of my colleagues or one of my students.

That was all he needed. One second of hesitation and he reeled me in like a fish on a line.

Before you ask, Steve, no, I was not aware of this at the time. What I am about to tell you is informed by months of introspection, study, and bitter experience. What I know now was beyond my comprehension then, and for far too long afterward.

I am ashamed to say, it did not take long for me to be mesmerized by this man. Not only was he the most handsome man I had ever seen, ‘way out of my league’, as Judith would say, he seemed to be genuinely interested in my work, my opinions, my life, my every thought. I had never talked about myself so much to a willing listener. He asked about my childhood, my parents, my dreams, and I told him everything. Of course I asked questions about him as well, but the conversation always turned swiftly back to me. It was as if I was suddenly transformed into the most fascinating, desirable woman in the world for him.

It was unforgettable. It was irresistible.

It was not long until I yearned for the end of my teaching day so we could meet. The sight of him across a restaurant or waiting by the cinema was as potent as the first time. I would catch a glimpse of myself in a shop window and hardly recognize the new creature I had become. I felt as if some of his amazing looks had brushed off on me. I invited him back to my apartment. He admired my decorating style and praised my book collection expressing interest in my field of study and declaring he had read the classics of Greek and Roman history at university in the States.

That night was the first we made love. I woke the next morning with a gorgeous Greek God in my bed and thanked Zeus and the pantheon of gods. I called in sick. We stayed in bed until I could hardly walk to the washroom my muscles were so sore from his athletic love-making.

Things moved fast after that."

She stopped and glanced quickly across at her companion. She had been looking down at her clenched fists the whole time she had been speaking. Now she saw Steve’s face was closed and she knew he was utterly shocked.

Rena, I don’t need to know all these details. Are you trying to scare me away from you? Why are you doing this?

She took the first deep breath she had risked since she began to talk. She knew there was much worse to come. If he could not bear this, there was no hope for them.

She tightened her hold on her hands. She had rehearsed this scenario so many times and always backed down from the confrontation. It required opening up scars that were deep and dark and pain-filled.

There was no other way.

I know this is hard to hear, Steve. It hurts me too, believe me, but listen and you will begin to understand.

I hope you are right, Rena. I can’t take much more of this.

She resumed her inward look and started again, praying silently for his patience.

"I went back to teaching students but my heart was not in it. I was on autopilot. Nothing was real compared to Gregory. I was completely under his spell. I never even thought of my family on the other side of town. I did not call Judith. I left York University campus as soon as possible each day.

On the next weekend he decided we should move in together. My downtown flat was too tiny. He needed to be located closer to the airport because of the travelling he did for his work as an art auctioneer. We went out together to look for a house. He wanted a yard and a picket fence, all the traditional trappings of settled life. I agreed with whatever he said. I wrote a cheque to cover the deposit as his money was tied up in some deal to purchase paintings for his company.

Everything was moving so fast my head was in a constant spin but the centre of the whirlwind was always Greg and his devotion to me, body and soul."

Good God, Rena! How long did this last? It sounds insane. It does not sound like the woman I know at all.

He got up as he spoke and turned toward the front exit. At the last moment, he said over his shoulder.

I have to think about this. I’ll be in touch.

There was more than a hint of maybe in his voice and she slumped forward onto the table. It had taken everything in her to tell the story so abruptly. He was not the only