Count Time

By Mark and Dena Knight

"Cell in for count!"

Millions of men and women hear the prison cell doors slam shut for another formal count. This routine happens 365 days a year and will always be a mainstay for control and order. How do you develop essential biblical teachings when your environment shows the lack of God's presence? How do you clear out the negative energies of the prison life and hone the skills you need to return home a responsible individual on fire for Christ, marriage, and home?

You can expect the stories from the Knights to inspire your progress, and you will understand the terminology. Mark and Dena have used the common link of cliches as catalysis to bring you topics on unity, grief, forgiveness, your future, and much more in heartwarming ways with which you can connect. Their to-the-point tactics and common sense will bring you several laughs and perhaps a few tears. They will stimulate your requirement to communicate with your spouse because the book and its message are useless without steady communication. Trust the pen-to-paper process.

If you are in a relationship or marriage, this can be a remarkable opportunity to invest in its growth. As the days turn to months, the power from self-reflection will help you identify the genuine affection you have for your loved ones awaiting your homecoming.

Then this book is for you.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Aug 22, 2023
• ISBN: 9798886167740

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Count Time

Mark and Dena Knight

ISBN 979-8-88616-773-3 (paperback)

ISBN 979-8-88616-774-0 (digital)

Copyright © 2022 by Mark and Dena Knight

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Preface

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Add Insult to Injury

Age Before Beauty

Agonizing Reappraisal

Agree to Disagree

Albatross Around One's Neck

All in a Day's Work

All in the Same Boat

All Things to All Men

All Work and No Play

Apple of One's Eye

Apple-Pie Order

Armed to the Teeth

As Luck Would Have It

At a Loss for Words

At Sixes and Sevens

Axe to Grind

Bag and Baggage

Bark up the Wrong Tree

Bathed in Tears

Beat a Dead Horse

Beat a Hasty Retreat

Beat around the Bush

Beg to Disagree

Beggar Description

Bend Over Backward

Best Foot Forward

Best-Laid Plans

Better Late than Never

Beyond the Call of Duty

Bigger Than All Outdoors

Bigger (or Larger) than Life

Bite Off More than One Can Chew

Bite the Bullet

Blushing Bride

Boggle the Mind

Born with a Silver Spoon

Brave the Elements

Breathe a Sigh of Relief

Bright and Early

Bright as a Button

Bright-Eyed and Bushy-Tailed

Bright Future

Bring Home the Bacon

Budding Genius

Bull in a China Shop

Burn the Midnight Oil

Busy as a Bee

Butter Wouldn't Melt in One's Mouth

By Leaps and Bounds

By the Same Token

Calm Before the Storm

Can't See the Forest for the Trees

Carry a Chip on One's Shoulder

Case in Point

Caught in the Horns of a Dilemma

Caught Red-Handed

Chip off the Old Block

Clear as Mud

Coin a Phrase

Cold as Ice

Crying Need

Cut a Long Story Short

Dead as a Doornail

Defend to the Death One's Right To

Depths of Despair

Diamond in the Rough

Die Is Cast

Do One's Thing

Doom Is Sealed

Doomed to Disappointment

Down in the Dumps

Down One's Alley

Draw the Line

Drown One's Sorrows

Drunk as a Skunk (or Lord)

Early Bird Gets the Worm

Early to Bed, Early to Rise

Ear to the Ground

Easier Said than Done

Eat One's Hat

Eternal Reward

Eyes of the World

Fair and Square

Face the Music

(The) Fair Sex

Fall on Deaf Ears

Far Be It from Me

(A) Far Cry

Fast and Loose

Fate Worse than Death

Feather in One's Cap

Feel One's Oats

Few and Far Between

Few Well-Chosen Words

Fight Like a Tiger

Fill the Bill

Fine and Dandy

First and Foremost

Fit as a Fiddle

Flash in the Pan

Flat as a Pancake (or Flounder)

Flesh and Blood

Fly off the Handle

Fond Farewell

Food for Thought

Fools Rush In

Foot in One's Mouth

Foot the Bill

Forgone Conclusion

Forewarned Is Forearmed

Free as a Bird

Fresh as a Daisy

Generous to a Fault

Gentle as a Lamb

Get Down to Brass Tacks

(A) Good Time Was Had by All

Goose That Laid the Golden Egg

Grain of Salt

Grand and Glorious

Graphic Account

Green-Eyed Monster

Grind to a Halt

Hand That Rocks the Cradle

Handwriting on the Wall

Happy as a Lark

Happy Pair

Hard Row to Hoe

Haul (or Rake) over the Coals

Have a Foot in the Door

Have a Leg Up

Head Over Heels

Hear a Pin Drop

Heart of Gold

Heave a Sigh of Relief

Hew to the Line

High and Dry

High as a Kite

High off/on the Hog

Hit the Nail on the Head

Hit the Spot

Hook, Line, and Sinker

Home Away from Home

Hot Under the Collar

Hue and Cry

Hurry Up and Wait

If (the) Truth Be Told

In Full Swing

In No Uncertain Terms

In on the Ground Floor

In Seventh Heaven

Inspiring Sight

In the Final (or Last) Analysis

In the Limelight

In the Long Run

In the Nick of Time

In This Day and Age

Iron Out a Difficulty

Irons in the Fire

Irony of Fate

Irreparable Damage (or Loss)

It Goes without Saying

It Is Interesting to Note

It Never Rains, but It Pours

It's an Ill Wind

It's Six of One, and Half a Dozen of the Other

It's Not over Till It's Over

It Takes All Kinds to Make a World

It Takes Two to Tango

Jig Is Up

Just Deserts

Jump the Gun

Keep a Low Profile

Keep a Stiff Upper Lip

Keep the Faith

Keep Your Nose Clean

Knight in Shining Armor

Knock on Wood

Labor of Love

Land of Milk and Honey

Land-Office Business

Last but Not Least

Last Straw

Lead to the Altar

Leave in the Lurch

Leave No Stone Unturned

Left-Handed Compliment

Lend a Helping Hand

Let One's Hair Down

Let the Cat out of the Bag

Let the Chips Fall Where They May

Let Well Enough Alone

Lid of Secrecy

Like a House Afire (or on Fire)

Lock, Stock, and Barrel

Long Arm of the Law

Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth

Low Man on the Totem Pole

(As) Luck Would Have It

Mad as a Hatter

Mad as a Hornet (or Wet Hen)

Made My Day

Make a Long Story Short

Make a Virtue of Necessity

Make Ends Meet

Make Hay While the Sun Shines

Make Heads or Tails

Make No Bones about It

Marriage Made in Heaven

Matter of Life and Death

Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch

Mend One's Fences

Method in One's Madness

Milk of Human Kindness

Mince Words

Mind One's Ps and Qs

Miss the Boat

Moment of Truth

Moot Point

More than I Bargained For

More Sinned against than Sinning

More than Meets the Eye

(The) More the Merrier

Motley Crew

Naked Truth

Necessary Evil

Needle in a Haystack

Needs No Introduction

Never Say Die

Nip in the Bud

None the Worse for Wear

No Sooner Said than Done

Nothing New Under the Sun

Of a Higher Order

On Cloud Nine

On the Ball

On the Best (or Unimpeachable) Authority

On the Lam

On the Other Hand

On the Wagon

Once in a Blue Moon

One Fell Swoop

One's Own Worst Enemy

Open Secret

Opportunity Knocks

Out of the Frying Pan into the Fire

Over a Barrel

Overcome with Emotion

Paint the Town Red

Pay the Piper

Penny for One's Thoughts

Penny Wise, Pound Foolish

Perfect Gentleman

Pet Peeve

Pillar of Society

Pillow Talk

Pinch Pennies

Play It by Ear

Play the Devil's Advocate

Play the Field

(At This) Point in Time

Politically Correct

Poor but Honest

Pop the Question

(The) Powers That Be

Practice Makes Perfect

Practice What You Preach

Pretty as a Picture

Pretty Penny

Pull the Wool over One's Eyes

Pure as the Driven Snow

Put up or Shut Up

Quick Fix

Quiet as a Mouse

Rack One's Brains

Rain Cats and Dogs

Raise the Roof

Reign Supreme

Render a Decision

Resting on Our Laurels

Ring True

Ripe Old Age

Rub the Wrong Way

Sad to Relate

Save for a Rainy Day

School of Hard Knocks

Seal One's Fate (or Doom)

Second to None

Seize the Day

Sell Like Hotcakes

Separate the Men from the Boys

Separate the Sheep from the Goats

Shoot from the Hip

(A) Shot in the Arm

Shout from the Rooftops

Show One's Hand

Sick and Tired

Sight to Behold

Sing Like a Bird

Skeleton in One's Closet

Small World

Sour Grapes

Sow One's Wild Oats

Stagger the Imagination

Start (or Get) the Ball Rolling

Steal One's Thunder

Stick in One's Craw

Stick Out Like a Sore Thumb

Stick to One's Guns

Still Waters Run Deep

Stir up a Hornet's Nest

Straight from the Shoulder

Straight and Narrow

Straw in the Wind

Straw That Broke the Camel's Back

Strong as an Ox

Stubborn as a Mule

Sweat of One's Brow

Sweet Sixteen

Sweet Smell of Success

Take a Dim View Of

Take a Rain Check

Take It Easy

Take the Bull by the Horns

Tell Someone Who Cares

That Beats Everything

That's for Sure

That's the Way the Cookie Crumbles

Through Thick and Thin

Throw Caution to the Wind

Throw in the Towel

Throw One's Hat in the Ring

Throw the Book At

Time and Tide Wait for No Man

Time Hangs Heavy

Time of One's Life

Tip the Scales

Tired as a Dog

Tit for Tat

To Tell the Truth

Too Funny for Words

Too Little, Too Late

Turn over a New Leaf

Uncharted Seas

Unsung Heroes

Up the Creek without a Paddle

Usually Reliable Sources

Vale of Tears

Variety Is the Spice of Life

Vice Versa

Wash One's Hands Of

Wear Two Hats

Wee Hours

Wet to the Skin

What Part of No Don't You Understand?

When All Is Said and Done

When You Come (Right) Down to It

While Ignorance Is Bliss

Wide-Open Spaces

Wise as an Owl

Without Further Ado

Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

Work Like a Charm

Work One's Fingers to the Bone

Year In, Year Out

Old Timer

About the Author

Preface

Dear readers,

The purpose of this devotional book is to fill a need that we believed was missing. Married for twenty-two years, we have completed countless Christian-based marriage devotional books through the years. However, we felt that much of the material wasn't written with couples like us in mind. Who are couples like us? A couple where one of the two is incarcerated, serving a lengthy prison sentence. Just because prison separates us physically doesn't mean marriage becomes unimportant. Or you and your spouse live miles apart due to employment changes or financial reasons.

We hope this book inspires you to take charge of your relationship and make yourselves a priority. We believe marriage is the most important relationship God designed. Every marriage takes commitment and work, especially for those living apart.

Our hope is that you are honest with yourselves and each other throughout the 365-day process. If reading a devotional book is new to you, we encourage you to keep an open mind to new things. Even if, at times, the subject matter may bring about vulnerability, we encourage you to delve into those areas that may be uncomfortable.

You will notice each day begins with a cliché and that all are arranged in alphabetical order. This cliché is our starting point of the day to direct our message. Why clichés? Clichés are thought of as mundane, dull, or unoriginal. And we are anything but. We and many of you too are not as predictable as clichés, so what works for many may not work for all. We each found a scripture or quote that corresponds to the cliché, and we also weaved that title cliché back into the body of the message. Look for it when you read it. Each of us completed our writings without notifying the other of what we were going to write about. Mark's writings are marked with an MK and Dena's with a DK. What you read is our interpretation of how we wanted to take that cliché—be it a childhood story, a memory, or our two cents on a topic. Many pages have been sent back and forth to each other to bring you what you read today.

Typically, at the end of our writing, we each have work for you to do. It might be reading a Bible passage, writing a note to your spouse, or answering questions. If you should skip a day or two, don't give up. Reach out to your spouse if you are able and let them know so that you can be as close to the same speed as possible. When you have finished your writings for a certain time frame (such as a week), drop them into the mail and send them to your spouse. Once received, through this method of communication, you will gain insight on how your spouse thinks and responds. This can be done on the phone or through video messaging as well. This may even be better because you can have eye contact and facial expressions to read.

Allow yourselves time to work through what you learn about each other. Remember, each person absorbs things differently, and you may or may not be at the same emotional level. Each day is written in the confidence that you will dedicate time daily to growing into a power couple. May you enjoy what you have to share.

Best regards,

Mark and Dena Knight

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

God's dream is that you and I and all of us will realize that we are family, that we are made for togetherness, for goodness, and for compassion.

—Desmond Tutu

MK

My mandatory prison sentence has made me honestly reflect on my absence as a live-in husband for Dena. I can't control my not being home to provide and protect, but I can become the very best man I can be, and always make small efforts daily to ensure that happens. Acceptance has been a vital component for growth. I can only control my actions and attitude. I'm responsible for applying myself to growing in all areas of my life, even while locked away.

Think about it, humans desire companionship. We can see how participants react on the longest-running reality TV show, Survivor after just days away from loved ones. The show has a reward challenge where family members visit after twenty days, and the reactions are heartfelt. They then compete together in a physical challenge to win a day in paradise together. We can also see the impact of hand written letters at the Survivor auction where host, Jeff Probst allows contestants to put up cash for love or food items. The contestants almost always choose love letters.

As days and months pass, they take a toll on our relationships. Never underestimate the impression you can have on your loved one's heart by staying active in the communication process. Take some time today and reflect on how you can express to your loved one how much you miss them and look forward to seeing them. Start today by writing things that make your heart grow fonder. What does today's cliché mean to you?

Making the best use of your time because the days are wicked.

—Ephesians 5:16 New American Standard Bible

DK

This topic is easy to write on: how much I love my husband and how we look forward to seeing one another midst the gaps of time we have spent without each other. Looking beyond that loneliness for Mark and missing him every day, I have to look at the picture with a larger scope. Such can be said about our end goal. Our home is not here.

Is it possible for my heart to grow fond of a place I've never been to or seen? Sure, this place is referenced to as the home of Christ, my father's house, John 14:2, also referred to as paradise, Luke 23:43, 2 Corinthians 12:4, and Revelation 2:7. As you combine your efforts to ease your separation, remember the Lord has something great for you.

Take twenty minutes out of your day to journalize your thoughts about living without your significant other. During your next phone call, video chat, or letter, share this with him or her.

Add Insult to Injury

But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.

—Colossians 3:8–10 New International Version

MK

Nothing can ensure our commitment to change, like when our faith is tested. I have many times had falling outs with coworkers and supervisors because I decided I had to be right. I know I am at my worst when I know I am right! So many times I had to learn this lesson taught from today's scripture.

When I first got arrested and woke in the Snohomish County Jail, my life up to that point had been spent fulfilling desires of the flesh. Transformation for me came in the form of recovery. I attended AA for the first time. I heard the twelve steps read out loud for the first time, and I could not believe that there were these simple steps to use. I wanted to scream the steps from the rooftops. Surely everyone needs these guidelines for life. After some twenty years now and three recovery meetings a week, I believe it is not for those who need it, but those who want it.

Even though I have personally changed, many men decide to come back to jails and prisons; they never put down the shovel; they will just keep digging deeper and deeper into the darkness. Just like when the hand of AA was there for me, they may look up and find a way out. Is not coming back to prison going to add insult to injury to our loved ones? Telling and showing are two different things. There are mantras often heard in prison, Don't just talk about it, be about it. This can also apply to those in the community who say they want change, but don't give the convicted man a second chance.

I owe it to the family of my victim, my community, my family, the volunteers for all self-help programs, and the hundreds and hundreds of men who have come to believe in me to remain clean and sober. Applying scriptural advice of putting on the new man is essential even while living in prison. And discard the habits of the old one.

What are some things you haven't dealt with within your life that could use some attention?

Age Before Beauty

Don't discard me in my old age: as my strength fails, do not abandon me.

—Psalms 71:9 Christian Standard Bible

MK

Our shadow follows us around. Young or old, beautiful or ugly—they reflect our physical selves without light. It does change throughout our lifetimes, but it will always be with us. My wife's shadow has remained faithful and true. I love her beauty, physically and spiritually. In the darkest days of pain and loss, I have seen her rise above and be there for me.

Even though we all grow older and our bodies change and the grey of wisdom starts to set in, our shadow remains the same. What knowledge can you gain from the older ones you are around? Can you see the age before beauty in them?

Older ones may have the answer to just the thing you are suffering. Challenge yourself today to try and find one or two older ones that can serve as a mentor to you in your walk.

The golden rule applies; therefore, treat others how you would like to be treated. The Holy Scriptures are applicable in all areas of our life's path, even prison. It's clear, God can use a person mightily even while I prison. Look to Joseph in the Old Testament. While in Egypt, he spent many years in confinement and became more than anyone had expected. Why? He had faith in what God had shown him.

Who are a few of the older ones that add value to you? How can you apply their wisdom to your marriage?

Agonizing Reappraisal

Let love flow so that it cleanses the world. Then man can live in peace, instead of the state of turmoil he has created through his past ways of life, with all those material interests and earthly ambitions.

—Sai Baba

MK

The emotional toll of maintaining a relationship with our immediate family is a poignant agonizing reappraisal on account of the barbed wire and concrete. As time moves, letters and phone calls become fewer as the world moves without the one serving time.

My experiences calling my grandma even when phone calls cost over $28 for twenty minutes in the early 2000s, allowed me to hear a caring and concerned voice. She would always build me up in some way. Month after month and year after year for sixteen years, she always encouraged me to overcome the odds, until her passing in 2016. Even though my loss of freedom agonized her, she kept the faith of encouragement alive.

Asking questions that inspire ongoing dialogue enables you to stay tuned in to the climate of your relationship. How can you continue to build up and praise within your marriage?

Paul greeted them and recounted one by one the things God had done among the Gentiles through his ministry.

—Acts 21:19 Berean Study Bible

DK

Our life together has been different than a cookie-cutter married life. We aren't any different than other couples. We love each other and are committed to building and strengthening our marriage bond. If you are anything like us, I would imagine that you are, then you want to evolve together. You also understand the upheaval geographically, emotionally, and spiritually that living apart can affect your daily life.

Each day I open my eyes, and my husband isn't there with me; I also am reminded of the harsh realities of our agonizing reappraisal, but he truly is with me everywhere I go. Knowing I have his support and encouragement goes a very long way. We write to each other and have phone calls. We have planned events to do in the future, such as hiking, long walks, and family dinners.

What type of activities might you and your spouse look forward to planning? They don't have to be grand or expensive. Start out writing love notes or fresh cut flowers in a vase. You will soon replace something abstruse with a new life of merriment and pleasure.

Agree to Disagree

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.

—Robin Williams

MK

I have had to own some, if not all, of the mistakes from my past. My blank slate was affected from an early age by various sources of moral values. It took introspection to really gain what was accurate truth and what had been lies.

Dena and I made a vow to be happy. We do not see any reason to get all worked up and having to be right every day and at every turn. We honor one another instead. If one of us needs to be reproved, then we do it with tactful words, not hurtful ones. I think we both would rather spend our time enjoying each other's love and compassion rather than trying to be right all the time.

How might you and your spouse find the words that allow you to agree to disagree without insulting one another?

Now Ben-Hadad King of Aram mustered his entire army. Accompanied by thirty-two kings with their horses and chariots, he went up and besieged Samaria and attacked it.

—1 Kings 20:1 New International Version

DK

Does today's reference scripture sound like the two of you when you argue? Are you preparing your weaponry for battle that includes everything to fight with so you can claim victory?

I sincerely hope not. Fighting is inevitable; the handling of it is what will save you both hurt feelings and frustrations. Before the warfare wages, set the rules of engagement, talk about how you will speak to each other. Don't dredge up prior mistakes. Let your topic of disagreement be the topic. Be direct with your words while speaking respectfully in love.

My husband and I see things much the same way, yet we do not manipulate when we don't. The pleasant thing about Mark is he doesn't see everything as I do. I don't want to be married to my clone. We have taken a stance not allowing anger to build up and fester into a fight. That is why it is alright if we agree to disagree. We would much rather have a home at peace than a battleground.

Name one thing about your arguments that you would consider counterproductive to a resolution?

Albatross Around One's Neck

He will cover you with His feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.

—Psalm 91:4 New Living Translation

MK

My youthful years were filled with many junior and high school long-distance running practices. We studied teamwork, training, composure, and humility. I carried that discipline into prison. To this day, when I run, I compare the method to my long-distant marriage. My journey seemed so far to go. But like all things, my sentence will end but not my marriage union.

Along those miles, I often wondered why my parents, Naomi and Steve, had gotten a divorce. Neither ever talked about it nor became honest before they passed away. That burden felt like a weight around my neck. Why? Why did it have to be such a secret? I asked them why they got divorced and both told me to ask the other. Both conceded to cancer from lifetimes of smoking to take them away before their prime. First my mom in 2006 at fifty and Dad in 2018 at sixty-five. I miss them both and try to keep the sound of their voices in my mind.

It's been years gone by, and I believe I can end the cycle of bad habits that my parents struggled with, because I have overcome them. I can choose to clean up my thoughts and habits. I was going down the wrong road, but prison saved my life in many ways.

We are all products of what we think about and act. I will stay under the protection of Yhwh the Lord if I take refuge under his wings. Please read Psalm 91:4 again. No longer will the bad habits and bad associations be the albatross around my neck.

My most important choice was to set clear boundaries with the men whom I live around. The truth of the matter is we are the three or four people we hang around.

Are you keeping reliable and trustworthy associates? Who are those that support you in your walk? In what ways can you show them appreciation?

All in a Day's Work

The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more.

—Jonas Silk

MK

As we approach each day, we are rewarded about fifteen hours, after sleep, and personal care to accomplish whatever we would like. Have you ever taken inventory of how you spend your time? Try it. All it takes is effort and being honest with the results. Let's assume that you have had eight hours of blissful sleep, begin your inventory upon waking. From hour to hour and include what you got done. Repeat this process all week. If you do this, you'll be sure to identify the significance of what all in a day's work will have in your life. Values are the things we find profitable. Once we figure out what consumes our time, we then can find out where our code of behavior rests.

I did this exercise with a friend who is serving a life sentence. It opened his eyes to a few facts. At first, he watched over thirty-eight hours of television per week, and second, he was not growing spiritually. Although he claimed to be living a certain way, his actions didn't show it.

He said to me, Man, I feel like I have been wasting my life.

He went on to enroll in college courses. If you want to reassess your ideals, give this experiment a try.

Are you living a life of usefulness and merit? Take some time today and tell your spouse what you value and why?

Whatever you do, work at it with your whole being, for the Lord and not for men, because you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as your reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

—Colossians 3:23, 24 Berean Study Bible

DK

Sometimes going to work each day feels like the movie Groundhog Day. Like the same day is being relived repeatedly. But it isn't. I have the power to change how I move throughout the day. Not everything runs smoothly, but it is in those moments where I say to myself, Do this for the Lord because he has made so much possible in my life.

Usually, I am feeling the pressures at my job to complete various tasks. I remember that I cannot finish it all by the end of the day. Carrying stress around isn't healthy, nor is it conducive to positive output.

Maybe it might be taking a twenty-minute walk each day or bringing a journal with you to write down specific ideas and thoughts. It will help relieve some of the tension of working things out daily. I enjoy being at home to unwind from a long day, no matter how I choose to decompress, I know that it was all in a day's work.

How are you able to help one another loosen up from the misfortunes of the day?

All in the Same Boat

When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her.

—Ruth 1:18 New International Version

MK

Prison causes a man to look around and take stock of the more intrinsic morals of life. So many wastes the freedom they have been given from those that fought and died so they could have it. They spend time focusing on the hate and differences rather than the uniqueness of one another, and cherishing the time we have together. Life is short, yet we are all in the same boat.

I certainly can't be held responsible for some of the black eyes that our forefathers took. From the western frontier exploration, the two world wars, and the Civil Rights Movement to present day, many brave people held their loyalty to defend this country. The long list of history's dark past is also full of great acts of courage from both men and women who chose to stand or sit and say, No more! or Not on my watch!

Sure, we all have our ways, and beliefs about what's right and wrong, but that shouldn't give us the right not to care about each other. Do you invest in hate? Why or why not?

One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood.

—Lucius Annaeus Seneca

DK

What qualities do you look for in your best friends? Do you want someone who only tells you what you want to hear? Would you rather have a trusted friend who has your back in good times and bad?

Think back to when you met your best friend. Perhaps you grew up together and you have a lengthy history, or you haven't known one another as long. No matter when you met, you'll do well to rely on a reliable pal. When you are all in the same boat with your comrades it means that you are not alone facing life challenges. You have someone who has your best interest at heart. Proverbs 13:20 tells us to walk with the wise and become wise. Take some time to say thank you and express your appreciation for that friendship.

Are you building walls or bridges in your relationships? How are you showing that you are choosing honesty, trust, and goodwill within those relationships?

All Things to All Men

We who are strong ought to bear with the shortcomings of the weak and not to please ourselves.

—Romans 15:1 Berean Study Bible

MK

Blessings like clean water, electricity, clean linen and clothing, three nutritionally full meals, a roof over our heads, and central air and heat. These are some of the luxuries we have handed to us every day. Not all prisons are the same, but in America, these luxuries are commonplace and often taken for granted.

Our basic needs are given to us free of charge. Some men will say, That isn't true, I pay for those needs with my time. I would disagree. Some men still haven't accepted their responsibility for the reason that got them locked up in the first place. They demand that their freedom come but have not given any thought to how they earn the basic essentials, that allow them to survive. They complain about nearly everything, yet many men released make return visits.

How do you help neighbors to fulfill being all things to all men? When others grumble about the accommodations, do you join them? It is difficult to remain optimistic in this environment, but negative energy is toxic.

Start a list of things you are taking for granted. Make a list of things to which you are grateful. Do some things appear on both lists?

To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men, so that by all possible means I might save some.

—1 Corinthians 9:22 New International Version

DK

One of my greatest joys in life is giving to Mark. He is truly one of a kind, a wonderful man. He works at improving himself daily through Scripture, prayer, and study. He is well-liked and helps others to achieve their goals. Perhaps it is unnoticed that Mark is trying to be all things to all men. I say this because he tries to meet men where they are in life. He greets others with a listening ear no matter who they are. Some listen, and some don't. His goal is to direct others to the love of Christ that awaits every man.

It is my honor to be there for him, to do what I can. If that means writing or calling someone he can't reach, placing funds on a phone account, or just being there to listen about his day. I must be receptive and open.

Do you permit yourself the freedom to give to your husband? Second Corinthians 9:7 tells us that God loves a cheerful giver. There is no room for selfishness in your distinct. You must find out how to show graciousness a little differently, because you don't live under the same roof.

How can you inspire your spouse to act with decency to those he/she is around? I understand a prison setting isn't typically where one would look for kindness. But for some people, consideration is what is needed.

All Work and No Play

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

—Proverbs 17:22 New International Version

MK

A person needs to take stock of what is significant. In recent years, I have given myself the green light to relax on holidays, play Scrabble, and eat a spread. Being employed within DOC isn't challenging. I've remained employed in some form my entire incarceration. I learned how to work to finish daily tasks with some constructive people.

I have always been self-motivated, and enjoy working toward goals I set. While most of my accomplishments go unnoticed, I know my efforts will pay off upon release. There's no wrong way to do the right thing. I often watch guys who are perfectly happy wasting time. They have the belief it is up to the Department of Corrections to change them. At times, I wanted to walk up to them and slam my fist down on the table and scream, Wake up! but that would only lead to conflict. I work with those who want change, not with those who need it. They are stuck in a laziness rut. And the I've got this attitude.

How do you balance work and play hours? Once home, how do you envision being fully present to those in your household?

I never lose sight of the fact that just being is fun.

—Katharine Hepburn

DK

Mark and I have made a playlist a mile long with various activities we look forward to doing together. Visits to aquariums, museums, weekend getaways, date nights, concerts, and visiting farmer's markets just to name a few. We have lost a great deal of time, but rather than dwelling on what we are unable to do, we dwell on what we have to look forward to. How can you and your spouse go about planning, and preparing activities that bring you a cheerful heart?

From now until that point your spouse comes home on a full-time basis, much of your time will be spent at work. Assess what can be left at work, and not taken home with you. Work isn't everything. Be willing to set boundaries. Ask yourself, Is this the environment for me? If not, how do I help change it? If your husband is anything like mine, he will be your biggest cheerleader in work related matters, and he will also want you to be happy.

How can you focus on a plan to play later, but still be gratified now? How can you and your spouse go about planning and preparing activities that create a cheerful heart?

Apple of One's Eye

Keep me as the apple o' the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings.

—Psalm 17:8 King James Version

MK

Do you know someone who dislikes having their picture taken? My wife really dislikes it. I remember back in early 2004 having to beg her, and I mean beg her to make an appointment at a professional studio I have cherished those pictures ever since.

I've made requests for newer updated pictures over the years, but as usual, she says, Boy, you know I hate having my picture taken. Which I respect, but it did not hurt to ask.

I have a picture of Dena that I've kept taped to the end of my bed frame for seventeen years. It allows me to see her face and big beautiful brown eyes. Having this memento reminds me every day that this woman loves me unconditionally; she loves all of me, and she believes in me. I know I'm the apple of her eye as she is mine. Being the apple of one's eye has its advantages. When loneliness and uncertainties come my way, I can look at her and see the reflected love form the light within Dena's eyes.

Do you have updated pictures of your loved one to cherish? What plans can you make to have some taken?

So, I had to be careful. I recognized the responsibility that, whether I like it or not, I had to accept whatever the obligation was. That was to behave in a manner, to carry myself in such a professional way, as if there ever is a reflection it's a positive one.

—Sidney Poitier

DK

Proverbs 7:2 tell us, Keep my commands and you will live; guard my teachings as the apple of your eye. What does that mean? When I read this, I understand it to say I must not only read the Lord's commands, but I must live them as well. I must allow the words and sentiments to flow through and sustain me to where I shall rely upon or want for no other. When I looked up apple of my eye, it refers to the pupil, the dark center of the eye and that reflectiveness we see of ourselves is, The little man.

What image do you see looking back at you? Are you living according to the world's ever-changing direction or by the stability of God? Do you diligently seek him in all areas of your life? Give Proverbs chapter 7 a read.

Apple-Pie Order

If you ain't first, you're last.

—Will Ferell as Ricky Bobby in Talladega Nights

MK

It's clear that experience brings great results Dena and I met shortly after my transfer from Columbia, Missouri to Everett, Washington. I was hired in the kitchen as a Certified Trainer at Olive Garden. I spent my time at work following three directions. First, follow the recipe. Second, keep things neat, clean and orderly, and thirdly was to stay away from Dena when she was in the weeds. Following these three things always made production flow well.

Throughout my incarceration, I had the blessing to lead other men. Applying this concept: less clutter equals less confusion; less confusion equals less stress, and less stress equals more productive teams. Many pick up the simple tools offered while others cannot take the heat. There is nothing wrong with keeping things neat, clean and orderly in our lives and to keep following the recipe of success either. That's living in apple-pie order. Unless you already know everything, we all need some direction.

Share with your spouse today what things you make need to unclutter to make the flow of your life improve. Remember small efforts made daily lead to success.

But all things should be done decently and in order.

—1 Corinthians 14:40 English Standard Version

DK

I am by no means a perfectionist, but I do like structure in many things. My little section of an office at work that I share with one other person I like very much that my area to be tidy and in apple-pie order. My chair, keyboard, even the mouse must be straight and centered before I go home.

My clothes at home are a different story. Half of the clothes are color coordinated for finding garments quickly. And others are thrown onto top shelves I cannot reach. What were once organized stacks are now leaning heaps of sweaters and blouses.

My thoughts on structure are this: decide what things need your constant attention live them with precision. Not everything in life needs our 100 percent energy or time. Everyone's pie is different so you must decide for yourself how to prepare it.

Which one of life's ingredients could you do without to live a better life? Less social media? Reduced work hours? Unhealthy relationships?

Armed to the Teeth

Faith does not make things easy—it makes them possible.

—Bianca Olthoff

MK

Respect. After spending time in every custody level of the prison institution, the word respect is part of everyday life in the unwritten code of being a prisoner. It's the one thing we have that matters most and self-respect means everything because everyone wants it.

I have been disrespected many times. I have been called out of my name several times. I have had my property go missing and not had my words listened to, but I was able to keep my composure and keep my promise to Dena. I was armed to the teeth keeping my vow I made to her. I promised that I would never physically harm someone unless it was necessary for self-defense. I would never do anything that would cause me to keep from coming home to her.

The question I ask myself is, Do I have respect for the one insulting me, or do I have respect for my wife and marriage vow? I've learned that I do not have to attend every argument that comes with an invitation. My weekly fitness routine and the promises to my wife keep me armed to the teeth. It won't be easy for the wolves and those who prey on others to affect me because maintaining promises keeps me motivated and safe.

How do you deal with rude and disrespectful people?

First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst.

—Dale Carnegie

DK

How often do things work out just as we plan them? Do you have that personality that you plan events months into the future? Do you operate better by flying by the seat of your pants? There's something to be said for those individuals who can draw up plans and proposals and have them ready. These folks, classically, have strategized multiple contingencies; so as not to impede the flow of progress. Are you like this? Or maybe your spouse? Being armed to the teeth is admirable and so can a last-minute approach.

Some folks are exceedingly productive when give a short target date. Are we any better than the other? I would say not I think the world needs both of us because we all have a different trajectory and vantage point. If we blend in to appreciate what the next person has to offer, we might get along a bit better.

Which of you two is more structured and balanced? Which of you operates better thinking on the fly?

As Luck Would Have It

Life takes new twists all the time, very little works out as we expect.

—Fran Coyne

MK

What makes our marriage unique is it is nowhere close to being traditional. Early on we were attracted to each other, and when I got into trouble, Dena didn't give up on me. But she wanted to get to know me. All the individuals beginning a marriage should choose what they are going to give up. Traits like selfishness and dishonesty have no room here. Are you willing to let your guard down and put trust and honesty into the relationship? As luck would have it, Dena and I have been blessed with many years of rewarding benefits. I never knew a relationship could bring such feelings of love, it's no wonder marriages that embrace God's design are so fulfilling.

Have you opened the door to your heart to allow your spouse in or have you left on the security chain? While only allowing them in just a little at a time? Keeping the security chain up in unhealthy relationships is natural, and is in some cases, mandatory but should have no place in a healthy marriage. My hope is to remain a monogamist, thus giving intimate sexual rights, living under the same roof, building financial freedom, and an everlasting willingness to serve to better our union. She's it for me.

We exaggerate misfortune and happiness alike. We are never as bad off or as happy as we say we are.

—Honore de Balyac

DK

When I stop and think about the past incarcerated years, I can't help but be grateful that I was always geographically close to Mark. For those of you having to travel far, perhaps even states away, I truly admire your dedication. I know how difficult it has been to repeatedly go to a facility, learn their ways only to move and do it again. Your road has not been easy. But with the grace of God, he has afforded you the strength to persevere. For those who may be questioning whether to continue your complex path, I encourage you to seek trusted council. Spend time in prayer and ask God for direction and time talking with your spouse.

As luck would have it, incarceration without a doubt, disrupts your straight forward marriage. Your perception of undemanding or traditional is up for interpretation but what you have is no less valuable. I encourage you to engage with your Higher Power. Understand that only you can choose to live in misfortune or happiness.

Does your incarcerated spouse speak words of thanks when you see him or her? How do you feel when shown appreciation?

At a Loss for Words

But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear.

—1 Peter 3:15 King James Version

MK

As time marches on, we face tremendous heartaches and losses. The kind when losing your breath and choking back tears cannot stop, even while biting your lips because it hurts so much. Most men will tell you their biggest fear while serving a prison sentence is to lose a loved one to death.

I have had to live out some of those fears, and the tears that came with them were real. Men and women who had my life in their hands raised me and loved me. Every one of them gave me the knowledge to survive and get along in this big old-world. Part of me will be part of them forever. I was at a loss of words when my dad took his own life. He was in the late stages of cancer when he did this. I still get choked up thinking how alone he must have felt at that moment. I spent weeks after writing a few of our memories together. Please check out Old Timer at the back of the book.

Words have power. They can allow you to reflect on what each loved one meant to you. And you can enjoy their memory. If you can write, I suggest that you do because you'll never be at a loss for words creating a tribute.

My mother always taught me never offend a man's ego and never hurt a woman's emotions, an advice I will not forget to pass on to my daughter.

—Soha Ali Khan

DK

There is always so much to learn about your partner, and that fountain never runs dry. Being married is an ongoing discovery of stories, memories, and feelings. Whatever we learn as a couple, we must remember we are here to support and encourage not detach or malign. Once we give offence to what our spouse has done, we shut that channel down little by little until our spouse no longer feels comfortable sharing.

Hurling insults that further disparage or damaging sentiment is simply no way to be with one another.

Time is so limited; why spend it opposing one another? I am at a loss for words about how some couples can willfully hurt the very one they claim to love. Instead, take the time to figure out why the conversations turn as they do. What factors resurface? How should you be showing compassion to your spouse? Supposing your roles were reversed, would you want that same kindness?

Have you ever made a slanderous comment about your spouse to their face or behind their back? How did you justify this to be acceptable? You now recognize the error? Have you asked for forgiveness of him or her?

At Sixes and Sevens

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart.

—Helen Keller

MK

Have you ever been yelled at by someone who caught you or your friends doing something foolish? When I finally worked up enough courage to call my grandma Louise after my arrest, she screamed, Have you lost your damn mind? The phone