Receiving Your Personal Truth: Living with Duality and with the Implications of Taking the In-between Path

By Terry O'Brien

Our contemporary world is experiencing a crisis in facts and truth. Conflicting messages or fake news bombard us every day, about religion, politics, and COVID-19 and vaccinations. The daily newspaper, internet news, websites, and social media all compete for our attention, and quite often each insisting on their version of the facts. Made-up news and distorted information, create confusion and a distrust in various religious and political institutions.

How do we know what is true when watching the news, listening to elected officials and religious leaders, or using social media? Who is telling the truth? How can we know? What can we do?

In Receiving your Personal Truth, you are taken on a journey where you experience what is truth for yourself. Practical ways of receiving your truth are suggested. The skill of awareness and self-critical thinking enables us to understand what is true and what is false. In observing that we are one with oneness of it all, we act with compassion towards everyone.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Austin Macauley Publishers
• Release date: Aug 18, 2023
• ISBN: 9781035806362

Terry O'Brien

Terry O’Brien was born in Mackay Qld and now lives in Chinchilla. Terry has been a teacher in private high schools for over 30 years, being influential in the formation of many young adult lives. He has earned a graduate diploma in religious education which has led him to a passionate interest in learning how to see beyond human conditioning and prejudice. Terry sees himself as a distributor of ideas. His words merely act as a mirror in which to see yourself as a guide to personal fulfilment. He is an avid reader and enjoys walking, playing golf, and supporting the community.

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About the Author

Terry O’Brien was born in Mackay Qld and now lives in Chinchilla. Terry has been a teacher in private high schools for over 30 years, being influential in the formation of many young adult lives. He has earned a graduate diploma in religious education which has led him to a passionate interest in learning how to see beyond human conditioning and prejudice. Terry sees himself as a distributor of ideas. His words merely act as a mirror in which to see yourself as a guide to personal fulfilment. He is an avid reader and enjoys walking, playing golf, and supporting the community.

Dedication

To all those who taught me by example to search out my own truth and who nurtured in me a strong and tender trust. My life has been immeasurably enriched by their friendship, love and insights.

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Terry O’Brien 2023

The right of Terry O’Brien to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by the author in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers.

Any person who commits any unauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library.

ISBN 9781035806355 (Paperback)

ISBN 9781035806362 (ePub e-book)

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First Published 2023

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Acknowledgement

When I first wrote this book, I didn’t proceed to publication because it was brought to my attention the ideas expressed were very similar to Eckhart Tolle’s book, The Power of Now. I have since revised this work, rewriting sections of it from a different perspective, especially since the prevalence of misinformation and false news in society. Nonetheless, I am indebted to Eckhart Tolle.

I am also greatly indebted to Anthony De Mello for introducing me to the way of awareness and to many concepts based on his insights. My assimilation of his ideas has left a lasting legacy in the way I live. Even though I have never met him, I feel I know him personally. Many of the stories in this book are from Anthony De Mello’s books, The Way of the Frog and Awareness.

I also want to thank Drasko Dizdar for sharing his ideas on God at a hospital chaplain’s retreat, which contributed to the theology underpinning Receiving Your Personal Truth.

My deep appreciation goes to my family, for their support and tolerance of my long hours working on this writing. Thanks also to Nicola Gearon for her invaluable editing skills. I am also deeply indebted to Mal Bray and Bevin Wigan whose ideas and suggestions were invaluable for the fine-tuning of concepts.

Preface

Once upon a time, the key to accurate history was to get the facts right and keep them in order. Such a view has long since given way to an appreciation that history is an endless conversation with the past. Our present interests and concerns dictate what we explore and find in history. So, we come to the realisation that ‘truths’ and ‘facts’ are often not as immutable as they first seem, and there meaning depends on our perspective.

The study of history, in which different individuals and different groups research, publish, modify, adjust and argue their ideas, should be stimulating, interesting and inspiring, where we celebrate humanities achievements and where we learn from our mistakes.

Such a study should be guided by accuracy and honesty, where evidence is not invented, ignored or destroyed, and the resultant interpretations is revisited and revised. Meaningful conversations occur when these exchanges are based on a mutual respect and with an acceptance of another’s interpretation of history.

Regrettably, in recent years, truth has been decaying to such an extent that some observers say we have moved into an era in which objective facts have been less influential in shaping public opinion than appeals to emotional opinions and fake news. Facts are not what they used to be. With a growing distrust in scientific, political and religious authority, we need to combat ignorance and fake news. In seeking the truth, we need to rely less on contemporary digital media, because without agreement on basic facts, we cannot form a civil society. What does one do?

Common sense logic has become a rare commodity. A few, for example, are refusing to be vaccinated against COVID-19, because they don’t know what it contains, yet are willing to eat Kentucky Fried Chicken without knowing the secret sauce. Throughout my life I have been vaccinated against many diseases such as measles. I have trusted the source and never had to suffer through any of these diseases. Yet, I don’t follow blindly, as I still question what I see and hear, before I trust if it’s right.

How does one check the facts? Anyone can post a story online and news travels fast on social media. Fake news can be found on social media, newsfeeds, online videos and chat apps. So, we need to question what we watch and read. We can tell what is fact from fiction by doing our own web searches, by checking the source, by looking closely at the details and by seeing if anyone else has reported the same thing. In questioning what we see and hear, if it sounds incredible, it probable is. And if a story is suspect, then don’t pass it on.

If people are becoming more susceptible to misinformation and less receptive to factual arguments then the skill of critical thinking is of parament importance. Learning critical thinking skills should be a priority of education. We also need to trust global news organisations dedicated to factual reporting such as the ABC and Associate Press. As well as discovering the truth of what is happening elsewhere by the reliance on unbiased reporting, there is a need for us to discover our own personal truth.

While every aspect of our society, political, educational, medical and religious are being challenged, we need to know our own personal truth. Today, while a large number of people are educated, literate and more aware, they desperately need a new form of acquiring truth. While we have different experiences, there is the truth that is consistent for us as human beings. ‘Receiving Your Personal Truth’ provides a holistic way of accessing truth.

This book goes more deeply into who you are than what others tell you about who you are. It deals with issues such as what divides you from and what unites you to others. In receiving your personal truth, you will be provided with a way of living that is entirely different to what you normally experience.

Embracing Duality

Summary

Have you heard the age-old question: Which came first, the chicken or the egg? It is logically unsolvable. A chicken is born from an egg, so it stands to reason that an egg would come first. However, the egg is laid by a chicken, so the chicken would need to come first. Take the statement ‘less is more’, how can less be more? This statement uses two opposites to contradict one another.

These opposites highlight the paradox of duality we all live in. From infancy, we are taught about duality by our parents and our culture. We are taught the difference between rich and poor, short and tall, black and white. Every time we take a breath, we follow it with an exhale. We wake and sleep every day. These dual actions are intrinsic to our very existence. You wouldn’t know what a hot day was if you had never experienced a cold one. We cannot go one way without implying the opposite way. You’d never know what darkness was without the light. The natural order of the universe makes it impossible. Without opposites, nothing would truly exist.

The paradox of choice

One of the absurdities of life is the inherent contradictions that jostle and swing us from one extreme to the polar opposite experience. A single moment, though finite in time, often presents us with two equally desirable, yet mutually negating choices. In practical terms, for example, building your career at the expense of maintaining a social and family life or having bad eating habits at the expense of living a healthy lifestyle or striving to achieve success and not stopping to smell the roses.

Life pulls us in several directions all at once and before we know it, we make choices based on the exigencies of the moment or some ill-defined criteria. Instead of a reactive mindset a better approach is to proactively seek to integrate these dual paradoxes. Instead of being a source of frustration, we can learn to use them to our advantage. So how should we go about accomplishing this?

The paradox of interconnectedness

Once we understand that everything has an opposite, the next step is in understanding that each opposite is linked to the other. We can see the wholeness of everything that is. You can then bring this truth into your life and realize there is no paradox, there just is. You are what you are. There is something within you that transcends all duality. You can transcend both sides of every equation, looking at them from an external perspective. As you rise above opposites in your life, you start to put into practice the meaning behind this profound paradox of duality.

We come to an understanding that all dualities are interconnected, white is in black and black in white. This helps us to realize that nothing is superior to anything else. Everything is in harmony and balance. We can feel balance in our own lives; when we work too much or play too hard, we feel out of sorts. When we’re in balance, life seems to flow naturally.

So, life always finds its way to harmony and balance. It’s up to us to transcend the idea that we are superior, or worse than anyone or anything else in existence. We recognise that duality means unity. We are one. We can accept this truth, the paradox of duality, and start to change our perspective. So, how do we use duality to enhance the quality of our life.

1) Awareness about the duality in life.

To live a peaceful life, you need to be aware of duality or paradoxical unity in day-to-day life. Being aware about duality will help to embrace and balance the contradictions in life.

2) Accept the unity of opposites.

In fact, we need to have the understanding and an acceptance of both sides. Accept the failures, bad things, sad happenings as the negative part of the life and unite them with the positive side. Look at the things in totality with wholeness and completeness in life; without negative you can’t enjoy the positive. Accepting the negative experiences is the most positive experience of life. Accept the positive and negative, appreciate that every emotion and every feeling has two sides.

By embodying the opposite attributes of duality, by holding two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, we can achieve balance and wholeness. We can comfortably embrace two points of view that are simultaneously at odds with each other.

3) Find the symmetry of balance

However, in finding the in-between way, the paradox of duality means that while one extreme might be beneficial, there are times we need to embrace the opposite in order to achieve wholeness. Take, for instance, companionship and loneliness. While companionship is healthy and beneficial, moments of loneliness and solitude are equally good. It’s very important to have the time to get acquainted with our true selves. At times people seek out companionship; at others, they may prefer to be left alone. Both are necessary, yet both are opposites. If we are to be truly balanced and well-rounded, we need to hold our values in tension.

To prevent getting pulled in a million directions, you have to seek some sort of balance. To do that, you have to define what balance means to you. We are all unique, so there isn’t a common template for everyone. The next step is to establish goals and priorities.

4) Goals and priorities

To avoid competing and overlapping challenges, we need to priorities. In the face of competing and often equally desirable choices, prioritizing brings a sense of purpose to decision making. We should put in a conscious effort to rigorously assess choices in the face of confounding options. Without any strategic intention, there is no compass to direct your choices. Without an overarching strategy to guide your choices, you are at the mercy of the whim and pressure that each moment exerts.

A good strategy is to have a set of guiding principles that, when communicated and adopted, generates a desired pattern of decision making. When based on a set of principles, and when confronted with dual competing choices, you don’t just go by what you think suits you at the fancy of the moment. Without prioritising, you’ll be seduced to do what is urgent, but not necessarily important. With a strategy, you will not forego the important things that don’t necessarily tug at your attention at the moment, but are vital for the long-term viability of your health, career, financial stability or family life.

In Conclusion

Duality is woven into the very fabric of life for a reason. It presents us with the liberation of choice but also the possibility of balance. Although it sounds contradictory, you can use the paradoxes in your life to create balance.

Look at the things with big picture perspective. Incorporate the duality into the perception of your day-to-day life. Doing this, you will move few steps ahead, in your day-to-day life, finding oneness and unity within these paradoxes, within the happy and the sad, the good and bad, the negative and the positive. These opposites balance each other and part of same coin. In order to complete your incredible journey of life successfully, it is vital that you turn each and every dark tear into a pearl of wisdom, and find the blessing in every curse.

Introduction

An important question that will be answered in this book is How do you become aware of and feel your own personal presence? The foundation for making progress towards seeing clearly and receiving personal insights is accepting our inability to be completely attentive. In paying attention to our own personal presence, a way is revealed that affects how we see the world. In being fully present we can experience the most meaningful and beautiful, reach our potential and live creatively.

Throughout, storytelling is used as a mirror to give you self-understanding. For example, what is the meaning behind the following two stories? What stops you from seeing clearly?

A man found an eagle’s egg and put it in the nest of a barnyard hen. The eaglet hatched with the brood of chicks and grew up with them.

All his life the eagle did what the barnyard chicks did, thinking he was a barnyard chicken. He scratched the earth for worms and insects. He clucked and cackled. And he would thrash his wings and fly a few feet into the air.

Years passed and the eagle grew very old. One day he saw a magnificent bird above him in the cloudless sky. It glided in graceful majesty among the powerful wind currents, with scarcely a beat of its strong wings.

The old eagle looked up in awe. Who’s that? he asked.

That’s the eagle, the king of the birds, said his neighbour. He belongs to the sky. We belong to the earth—we’re chickens. So, the eagle lived and died a chicken, for that’s what he thought he was.

(de Mello 1990, p3)

Do you live automatically and think mechanically? Is life a continuous cycle of getting up in the morning, making the bed, having breakfast, going to work, returning home, relaxing in front of the television, making dinner, taking a shower and going to sleep? Are you carried along day after day, repeating activities with boring monotony?

The beginning of finding your personal truth is the realisation of the barriers that are restricting us from seeing clearly. If we don’t recognise what is false, we will not discover what is true. First, break out of inherited mind patterns or illusions that keep you imprisoned and powerless. The old way of interpreting reality, which also involves your own identity, has to be challenged.

An old woman observed how, with scientific precision, her rooster would begin to crow just before the sun rose each day. She therefore came to the conclusion that the crowing of her rooster caused the sun to rise.

So, when her rooster suddenly died, she hastened to replace it with another lest the sun fail to rise the following morning.

One day she fell out with her neighbours and moved to another village, several miles away, where her sister lived.

When her rooster started to crow next day and, a little later, the sun began to rise serenely above the horizon, she was confirmed in what she had known all along: the sun was now rising here and her village was in darkness. Well, they asked for it.

It did cause her to wonder, though, that her former neighbours never came to beg her to return to the village with her rooster. She just put it down to their stubbornness and stupidity.

(de Mello 1988, p133)

The difficulty of knowing the truth about yourself is the habitual tendency to identify with what you have and do. In thinking that who you are is based on what you have, you surround yourself with things. In thinking that who you are is based on what you do, you fill your life with compulsive activity. You become a slave, unaware that you have been caught in the reaction between opposites. In spending your time and energy on maintaining and guarding your possessions and occupation, you become anxious and unhappy. If you become distracted with obsessively trying to improve your comfort, you will miss the truth of real meaning and of experiencing joy. In doing what you ‘ought’ to be doing, you are not living your own life. How do we overcome the basic flaw of inattention and ignorance, and recover our true identity?

How Do You See Clearly?

If you are not aware of the internal interference caused by your ideas and desires, then you will not be open to truth. If you tell yourself what you see, then you become another censor, dictating what should be seen. If you are full of yourself, then there is no room for anything else. The choice that frees, not enslaves, is to empty yourself. To be transformed is to let go of all the inner chatter that binds you. A powerful truth that is central to Receiving Your Personal Truth is that you have to empty yourself of the binding influence of your own mind before you can find yourself and be present to others and God.

The way to discover that you have been living like a barnyard chicken is to become alert and recognise what is happening. It is simply called ‘awareness’. Awareness is moment-to-moment attentiveness to the content of your consciousness, which allows life to pour in. The authenticity of this way has to be tested through reflection, personal engagement and by the fruit of lived experience.

The great benefit of awareness is that it leads to personal insights. Everything you do can teach you something about yourself. Everything becomes your teacher. Everything you do or experience can mirror back to you what is happening in your life. With observation comes understanding. Wisdom is received when you recognise and understand that which was previously unconscious.

Do you assume you are in charge of your mind? If you are in control of your mind, then why can’t you tell yourself to go to sleep? If you wake up in the night thinking about a problem, why can’t you stop thinking about it? If you are in control of your mind, you would be able to stop worrying, stop thinking of negative and painful possibilities, and think of peaceful and pleasant scenarios. The enlightened aim is not to remove unpleasant thoughts, but to see them for what they are and let them come and go without allowing them to control our lives. When we can manage our mind, then we can to some extent control our life. Understanding how our mind works is essential for recognising what is false, for being fully present, and for receiving happiness, and for living a rich, full and meaningful life.

What Is This Book About?

Throughout this book, you will be taken through a gradual process of increasing your state of consciousness of what separates you from yourself, others, nature, and God. The greatest obstacle to experiencing your connectedness of felt oneness with all is identification with your mind. The beginning of freedom is the realisation that you are not the thinker, but the observer, which is a state of pure consciousness. To experience life in all its fullness is to live from this state of pure consciousness.

This book is meant to be read slowly and reflectively, as it contains deep insights into life that cannot be assimilated quickly. So, take your time, there is no prize received in getting to the end. While there is a systematic order to the chapters, you can start to read in any order, because the beginning paragraphs of nearly all chapters repeat the basic obstacle to receiving your personal truth. If you don’t grasp what I am saying the first time, you might the second. It really is the same.

The first three chapters give you the opportunity to recognise the limitations of living in ordinary consciousness. The following nine chapters provide you with the opportunity to become aware of your inner world. The next seven chapters reveal important discoveries of the inner journey. The remaining chapters provide information on how to receive your personal truth and practices of how to live as a spiritual being.

A central theme of this book is for you to experience your personal truth by silencing the thinking mind and by shifting awareness to an intuitive mode of consciousness. When the rational mind is silenced, the intuitive mode produces an extraordinary awareness. The importance of seeing through our illusions, as well as awakening to life’s unavoidable facts over which we are powerless, is emphasised.

Also, another central theme is called the ‘in-between way’, which has some similarity to, but is not the same as, the Buddhist concept called the ‘middle way’. In our everyday world, we know about the dual nature of reality, for example: positive and negative, attraction and repulsion, active and passive. Frequently, I will mention the dualistic nature of reality, that is obtained when reality is analysed by the intellect. But reality is not dual. Inaccessible to ordinary consciousness, an essential truth discovered as you enter a higher form of consciousness is that there are no contradictions. There is no ‘good’ or ‘bad’ in life anymore. Conditions are neither positive nor negative. Things are as they are. Consequently, instead of running with one side of the equation, we embrace both sides. We become increasingly conscious of maintaining an in-between perspective.

The insight of ‘allowing to be’ (accepting the way things are) takes you beyond duality or the polarities that create dramas in life. It puts an end to all seeking and wanting. No one can argue with a fully conscious person, with one who sees life as not containing gain and loss, success and failure, hot and cold, up and down. In seeing the true nature of life, we still make our point clearly, but there is no reactive force, no defence or attack. In offering no resistance to what is, we find peace (Tolle, 2004, p182).

An Invitation

In Receiving Your Personal Truth, you will be invited to take a leap to a higher viewpoint, to perceive in a new way, to go beyond dualism, to think intuitively, and to operate from your innermost core, your true self. If we were to drop our expectations, ambitions and fantasies, we would transform ourselves and the way we relate to everything. If we did take the leap to a higher viewpoint we would see with extraordinary perceptiveness; we would see the value in the ordinary. The benefit of this new way of seeing, is we would see the value of a flower and a beautiful sunset are more valuable than all the money in the world. We would live a totally new way of enjoyment and rejoicing, for the sheer joy of living.

The advantages of operating from awareness and in following the in-between way is we see clearly the world as it is. While the implications of this new way of living are explored, at the heart of the good news of Receiving Your Personal Truth is discovering that we are spiritual beings with unlimited possibilities. Our real work is spiritual. In living as a spiritual person, you will experience the joy of being aware and your life will have meaning. Nothing can compare with receiving your personal truth.

Who Is This Book For?

This book is for those who live unaware, mechanical and controlled lives, who are imprisoned by others’ expectations. It is for those who are affected by praise or blame, who identify with ‘me’, with their friends, possessions, country and body. This book is for anyone who feels lost and confused, who wants answers to life’s difficulties and challenges and who want to find their personal truth.

However, since this book has been written for those with a specific interest of receiving enlightenment, then my clientele is much smaller. In particular, my ‘niche market’ is for the open-minded who want to develop a vision of everyone being one, equal and whole. It is for those who believe that a larger intelligence is working within us and who want to discover how-to-live in harmony with this intelligence, with nature and with each other.

My Purpose in Writing This Book

My purpose in writing this book is to increase the level of consciousness so as to contribute towards the evolution of humanity. I believe that when enough people raise their level of consciousness and get in touch with their inner self than a collective shift will occur and we will share a common purpose and a common vision.

While the ‘content’ of everyone’s consciousness is different, the basic ‘structure’ is similar and by learning about this ‘structure’ we can increase our level of consciousness. In accepting what we can change and that certain things cannot be changed; we participate in our evolution. In accepting and trusting the process of evolution, we realise that the way things are must be exactly what is best (Richo, 2005, p3).

While I don’t interfere or fix, be careful that my words don’t indoctrinate you. You have to question and challenge everything that you read. But challenge from an attitude of openness, not from an attitude of stubbornness. You can change yourself, first by waking up and second by having a willingness to listen and understand. However, I want to point to what I believe is the way to receiving your personal truth so that you can understand your greatness and see the beauty in your existence. I can point you in the direction of truth, but only you can see it. You liberate yourself by understanding your own personal truth. No one else is responsible for what you think, what you feel, and how you act, but you.

Do You Need to Change?

Each of us would like to feel that our personal journey through life on spaceship earth will somehow be a contributing factor towards creating a better world. Yet discouragement often sets in after a realistic glance at the world around us where violence, crime, war and insensitivity surround us on every side. It often seems a hopeless task to accomplish even a small amount of significant change. The modern individual feels very much alone and helpless. The temptation is either todrop out or simply drift through life doing a little bit of good here and there and grasping at whatever happiness comes our way (Grassi, 1986, p3). Perhaps, we are trying too hard to change reality.

The paradox of change is that it’s necessary for us to grow, but if we set out to change ourselves, it becomes impossible. We cannot bear to have a defect, so we set about correcting the weakness in ourselves, which becomes an act of intolerance. The only way we can change is through self-acceptance.

Change can never be forced. The paradox of change is that if we resist then we will strengthen what we want to change in ourselves; it’s only through understanding change that change will take place. For example, if you are tense then leave it alone, the less you interfere the better. If you can’t change the fact that you stammer, accept it, then that very acceptance will pave the way for change.

Worsts still, our attempts to change others is a camouflaged rejection of others. The world will change overnight if everyone would stop trying to change everyone else. Change happens when you accept yourself as you are and others as they are. This is not an invitation for complacency, because acceptance is not inertia, but a joyful recognition of all that is, in order to make the best of things as they are and life as it is.

Chapter One

What