A Different Kind of Black: Pretrial Prep Is a Beautiful Madness

By Quenton Bell

About the Book
A Different Kind of Black: Pretrial Prep is a Beautiful Madness is a fascinating series of essays. The text also includes a series of inspirational quotes written from a series of different viewpoints. This is ultimately a manifesto of both beauty and hope.

About the Author
Quenton Bell was born in Chicago, Illinois in 1979. He is a humble man who is proud to have authored this unique book. He firmly believes that the strength of the most primitive part of one’s mind is also one’s weakness. Mental health is everything!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dorrance Publishing Company
• Release date: Jul 24, 2023
• ISBN: 9798888127933

Book preview

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The contents of this work, including, but not limited to, the accuracy of events, people, and places depicted; opinions expressed; permission to use previously published materials included; and any advice given or actions advocated are solely the responsibility of the author, who assumes all liability for said work and indemnifies the publisher against any claims stemming from publication of the work.

All Rights Reserved

Copyright © 2023 by Quenton Bell

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted, downloaded, distributed, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, including photocopying and recording, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented without permission in writing from the publisher.

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A Different

Kind of Black

Pretrial Prep Is a Beautiful Madness

The wallpaper would cover the blood. When she’d go to work he’d make eyes at me and touch me. I’d say nothing because at least he wasn’t speaking to me. I know it’s you. I’d appear every other week with bruises, cuts and scratches at random. You did this to me. The wallpaper would cover the blood I hoped. The kids at school would drown me repeatedly in the pool and you were supposed to protect me. I knew; about the blood beneath the wallpaper. I couldn’t play sports because of the physical contact. Dodgeball, football, and baseball. The blood beneath the wallpaper didn’t prevent me from being hit, punched and struck for being alive. I was placed in speech class because it was presumed that I couldn’t speak. You never wanted to hear anything that I would say and I’d pay for it. You never listened to me. I was slapped for being the favorite punching bag ever. There was so much blood - beneath the wallpaper. I was accused of thinking that I was better, because I tried to be clean. I flew through the air from being gut punched. I would vomit from childhood sickle cell. Plaster, paint and wallpaper couldn’t hide the blood. I was without many things that I didn’t need. A family, a culture and a nation and the last thing that I did not require was sympathy. Walk with me. I need caffeine. Don’t forget to be there for yourself.

A different kind of Black.

Insanity

You fell underneath my grace; for I merely kissed you a total of five times. The first was to see if I could. The second was to taste you. The third was me; in my mind daring you to do so. The fourth was to embrace you. The fifth was done as I retired from foreplay. Three times you’ve broken my single rule. I stated not a request, but a demand. Do not touch me. As you are my canvas ~ I am the artist. Only an artist knows when something is complete. Does your body whisper to you after sex… You nasty Bitch" Yet I am kind too! - Quenton Bell.

I came to the conclusion that for me; the things that are required in a relationship are not things that I’m willing to do. - Whoopi Goldberg.

A series of essays. A series of inspirational quotes. A series of viewpoints. There’s something here for you. A manifesto of beauty and hope. A wild ride. A DIFFERENT KIND OF BLACK.

A different kind of Black.

If Love is Overrated.

Even when I do nothing within the day; I count it as a mental health day. Let’s begin. He walked into the counseling office where I had been doing some work. I viewed him from afar yet we hadn’t been introduced to each other yet. Considering the fact that I had been a nerd during my freshman year I was determined to seek out - a social status or standing. Looking back, what I really wanted was to be verified. I had actually been involved in several altercations in which I hadn’t initiated. Some of the results were brutal on my part though I continued to press toward my goal. In doing so I quickly learned that teenagers are cruel.

I saw him. This guy was a very fashionable dresser, arrogant, educated and no one ever said anything negative to him ever. Later I found out that he went by the title Reverend. Like I guess it means whatever…

The features of this young mythological beau had been extraordinary though not enough to be labeled as a man. Strong high cheekbones, brown eyes, golden complexion, full brown lips and a slender build. Manicured nails of all things. I pondered who in high school carries his or her self with such class like this. No one but him. Viewing his mannerism and finesse I quickly developed into some class of being in someone’s class. I observed him entirely and I don’t mean stalked. It was nothing more than that of a mere observation as frequently as possible. Ok I made it my duty to be in the area prior to him arriving.

We officially met and now that I think about it we possibly both needed some counseling. That morning I made sure that I wore something suitable but not over the top. My actual outfit was black form fitted jeans and a black polo shirt. At that particular point I owned not a thread of designer clothing, just some stuff from Sears, Marshall Fields and K-Mart to name a few.

The fragrances that I wore were completely unknown to me. You know when you buy magazines and wipe the little inserts with the cologne against your neck and palms. It was midday when he strolled into the office and sat near me and began to chat with me. As if he knew my name. However we continued through the process of asking questions about each other’s interests. You know the introduction bullsh*t.

Engaged fully. Afterwards came the climax as he invited me to his mom’s apartment where he resided as well. I could feel my entire nature rising becoming hard and wet as I slowly accepted the offer. We soon pursued the journey to Oz. I recall that Full House and the Simpsons were on television but I don’t remember the order. Our conversation was sheer nonsense and our jokes were even worse. A nervous banter as we laughed. At the same time my penis was rock hard and I had never used it with another guy before. He started to tickle me as my legs were crossed tightly. I was murdered softly by his chat and charm as he noticed my erection. What is this? he said, as if he hadn’t known. Like a dumbass I just looked as he started to unzip my pants. I asked him if he had done this before? He uttered that he had not. I said neither have I. We proceeded into unchartered territories exploring each others body and doing what we called making up sexual positions that had already existed. Our first same sex relationship and yet we had sex everyday after school for a period of six to nine months. I was having more sex than any of my high school classmates.

Eventually I needed to know if he loved me. Considering the fact that I spent so much time with him. I finally asked and he responded with a verdict of I care deeply for you. Well I personally felt that wasn’t adequate enough for me. I immediately terminated the relationship.

Two months had passed without any communication from either of us though the school was divided between him and I on a social basis. My encounter with him hadn’t ended yet.

Within that same off period I redefined myself and gained a better understanding of the inner me. The me that society has known up to this point. I quickly learned to be silent and hear everything while focusing on my environment and raw power. You don’t belong in a relationship with someone who doesn’t feel the same way you do. You won’t find anyone who is perfect but try to find someone near perfect. And you can always do badly by yourself. If your self esteem is low, seek therapy. Eventually he and I returned to speaking terms as well as also having sex only twice a month.

Ray Charles. - Don’t go backwards, You’ve already been there.

I begin with an idea: then it becomes something else. Pablo Picasso.

You can’t fingerpaint by using just one color. Dirk B. Richardson.

The characters in this book are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is entirely coincidental.

A different kind of Black.

This isn’t a cauliflower and a cat.

Subject: AR 15 Assault Rifles. Founded in 1954 by Fairchild Engine and Airplane Corp. ArmaLite is best known as the originator of the AR 10 and AR 15 Platform firearms. Today ArmaLite is owned by Strategic Armory Corps. Colt FireArms bought the patent for the AR 15 in 1959 from ArmaLite. Gun enthusiasts are illogical in thinking that the production of the AR 15 will and could benefit their family’s safety. AR 15’s are for soldiers in combat and shouldn’t be liquidated to the general public. This has nothing to do with the Right to possess a standard firearm for self defense with the home. The 2nd Amendment simply terms.

Analysis vs Study.

How do I tell my child? - The Uvalde mass shooting by Salvador Ramos contrasts and or compared to George Zimmerman who fatally shot Travon Martin which ended in acquittal.

What was the catalyst?

Is there a difference between the Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting. - Adam Lanza murdered 28 individuals Contrast and or compared to Breonna Taylor who was murdered by law enforcement...?

Is there a difference in the quality of life or was one life- of a greater value? Becoming one in an 18 second comprehensive thought.

What I wanted wasn’t always what I needed.

What I wanted was you.

What I needed was me.

Pay attention and read it again.

This whole story is completely true except for all the parts that are totally made up. I repeat. This whole story is completely true except for all the parts that are totally made up.

In the process of writing this book it has been the third loneliest moment of my life.

A different kind of Black.

I enjoy art.

You’re still an artist if you don’t release your work. You’re still a writer if you don’t publish a piece. Art is still art even in private.

Artists are here to disturb the peace. - James Baldwin.

You should not have to be reminded to act right. And if you stay correct then nobody will ever have to correct you. Those were two concepts that were taught to me as a child. I incorporate quotes because they’ve proven to be essential to maintaining a valuable state of mental health likewise truths. My plan B was another way of achieving my plan A.

Jackson Pollock did his thing with a stick. Don’t Drink and Drive.

Bob Ross was totally correct. There aren’t any mistakes, just happy accidents.

"I would rather have abject failure and know that I took great risk than mumble or whisper my way through a movie with an attitudinal coolness." - Jared Leto.

President Zelensky. - Read my lips: Without gas or without you? Without you. Without light or without you? Without you. Without water or without you? - Without you! Without food or without you? Without You!

God Bless Ukraine. You are within my most positive prayers and thoughts.

Queen Victoria. - Beware of artists. They mix with all classes of society and therefore are the most dangerous.

Life is short buy the artwork. - Yoko Ono.

A different kind of Black.

Case Study Question

Are Mexicans Better Employees than African Americans?

Understanding does not necessarily equate or mean agreement.

I just asked my current lover. Who happens to have originated from Mexico at the age of seven..

People wonder why African Americans are the poorest in this country. In certain industries Mexicans have surpassed African Americans in the work field such as fast food and other laborious jobs. Is this because some if not most African Americans spend much of their time singing and dancing or playing sports on their phone allegedly. Or just not bilingual. It’s believed that the work ethic is non-existent amongst the newer generation. I did ask the question on social media too. The response quoted as We think that certain jobs are beneath us. Unquote.

I understand and totally respect the unity amongst Mexicans, Latinos etc. An unpopular truth is that black people don’t even like black people. Are you individually governed by your talent? Knowing that everyone can’t be or play quarterback.

Becoming one in an 18 second comprehensive thought.

There were moments when a selfish little child stared at the brown paper bag. Creating friends from crayons colored pencils and graphite laying on the kitchen floor. Dreaming of what should be creating people from brown paper bags… I lived in a place where I have been uprooted and blown into a sea of fields. A forest of color. His loneliness brought beauty. His strangeness surprised me. Kendrick Dewayne.

Art is an experience, not an object. - Robert Motherwell.

Mass formation psychosis is when a large part of a society focuses its attention to a leader(s) or a series of events and their attention focuses on one small point or issue.

Dear Andy Warhol.

One day I shall paint an interpretation of Liza using Pointillism rather than Pop Art.

Mass Formation Psychosis is a technique. Followers can be hypnotized and be led anywhere, regardless of data proving otherwise.

One man gathers what another man spills. - Robert Hunter.

A different kind of Black.

Eugine Delacroix.

I was just trying to finish eating the leftover pizza from last night’s dinner while reading the celebrity news. My usual multitasking activities. To my surprise he started telling me about when he walked into the glass wall. I continued to eat my pizza. His conversation escalated as he stated that he needed a boyfriend. He had taken the new medication for his blood pressure. I stopped eating the last slice of pizza to pay attention to his mental health. Side eye, where is this going I wondered.

His banter began…You watch football for the game; I watch it for the bouncy asses and we are not the same. I don’t believe in the devil, I believe in the evil of man.

I personally wondered what was the milligram of medication he’d taken. Now he’s talking about the rapture. I asked when the rapture was supposed to happen. He answered, Chil I don’t want to know.

My pizza was really cold. I suppose my body didn’t need the calories. The caffeine from his coffee sent him into a verbal tangent. He said that he may not be the brightest crayon. I stated but you’re still a colorful bitch with the brightest eyes. The hysterics of his vernacular made me view and wonder about things from a psychological perspective. I was afraid to go smoke a cigar because I would miss out on documenting the sound of the multiple single minutes. Was there clarity beyond the dog barking in the amplified inner ear. The dog’s bark was