Commandments for Marital Success

By Hellene Paredes

On the path of life as a couple, countless questions emerge: How to avoid the conflicts that so often disturb the relationship? How to create an intimate relationship that is truly satisfying? How to build, with solid foundations, the castle of shared dreams? How to rescue the joy that once colored the union? How to constantly cultivate mutual health and well-being?

These questions resonate with each person who walks the marital journey, whether those who venture into a new chapter or those who face turbulence along the way. Amidst this intricate tangle of questions, this book emerges as a beacon of guidance and wisdom.

In these pages, we seek answers to such dilemmas, revealing the secrets of building a concrete and enriching relationship. Here, we demystify the belief that marital happiness is a mere result of chance; on the contrary, we defend the idea that happiness is a project built with four hands.

It's not just a journey for couples taking the first steps of marriage or facing unexpected challenges. It is a work that shows that, with the right attitudes and an openness to change, it is possible to revitalize even time-worn relationships.

Through behavioral transformation, the cultivation of marital empathy and mutual respect, the improvement of the art of mature communication and a genuine willingness to nurture a healthy relationship, this journey takes on new meaning. These pillars, when intertwined with the commitment of both parties, erect a solid foundation that elevates the relationship to a plane of deep gratification.

Along the lines of this work, we reveal how to navigate the intricate territory of emotions, how to skillfully overcome obstacles and how, finally, to pave the way for an uplifting, full and truly happy marital experience. By exploring these pages, our readers will find a reliable compass to guide their steps on this marital journey, a guide that will lead them to a deeper understanding and conscious construction of the relationship of their dreams.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Betha Digital Publisher
• Release date: Aug 7, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223282822

Hellene Paredes

This work is dedicated to everyone who seeks to improve the quality of their affective relationships, whether in new partnerships, maintenance or reconstruction of existing relationships. I am Hellene Paredes, specialized in couples therapy, and I share valuable knowledge, not only academically, but, mainly, of practical achievements, extracted from day to day, and added along a trajectory full of challenges and learning. I started my journey in 1976, getting married at the age of 28. After the first few years, I found myself with marital conflicts that led to separations (actually two separations). After earning a degree in psychology and earning a doctorate in relationship therapy, my third marriage brought wisdom and stability; This marital stability was achieved by learning from previous mistakes, in addition to what I had learned in college and, in a very decisive way, with what I learned from the daily work of the profession of marital therapist. This way I achieved a deep understanding of relationship dynamics. I learned that self-awareness is crucial for healthy relationships, allowing you to understand your own emotions and reactions. With this base, we develop emotional self-control, face challenges constructively and cultivate virtues for a harmonious coexistence. I also learned the mechanics behind healthy relationships: Communication, empathy, respect and goodwill between marital peers. Throughout my career, I have operated globally (North America, Europe, Asia and South America), realizing that human needs are universal. The pursuit of happiness and lasting relationships transcends cultural boundaries. I learned, in practice, that most breakups can be avoided, and I want to share this very important knowledge. Information is a powerful resource for preventing heartbreak. Learning that adequate preparation can avoid problems and disappointments. My mission is to provide guidance, allowing people to build strong relationships, motivated by self-awareness, mutual knowledge, effective communication, respect between the parties and the firm decision to make it work.

Book preview

COMMANDMENTS

FOR

MARRIAGE SUCCESS

HELLENE PAREDES

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BETHA DIGITAL EDITOR

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FIRST EDITION

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JULY 2023

BRAZIL

CNPJ 44088204/0001-00

Sumário

Starting Our Work

What is a Conjugal Relationship?

Why do people get married?

Why do people break up?

Definitions of Problems and Conflicts

The importance of self-knowledge in married life

The Importance of Mutual Knowledge

The Importance of Dating

Building a Perfect Relationship

Respect and trust between partners

The Marital Empathy

Complicity Between Peers

Building Marital Maturity

The Importance of Marital Communication

The Cycle of Interest in the Marital Relationship

Building Marital Fidelity

Importance of Objectives in the relationship

How to Rebuild the Relationship

When Divorce Is The Answer

A new restart

Conclusion

Starting Our Work

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It is undeniable that the search for a companion to share life's journey is inherent in human nature. Since time immemorial, we have yearned to find our soulmate, someone who complements our joys and mitigates our challenges, creating a relationship that seems like a dream, where harmony, happiness and balance are constant.

However, reality often differs from this romantic ideal. Statistics show that half of all relationships eventually become embroiled in deep conflict, resulting in a painful decision to separate on the part of the couples involved.

The bonds that unite two people in a relationship are indisputably powerful. Every interaction, every shared moment, creates an intricate web of emotions and memories, forming a connection that seems unbreakable. So when that connection is severed, whether by mutual choice or unforeseen circumstances, the impact is deeply felt by both parties.

Separation is not just a physical division; it is a complex and often painful emotional process. Emotions intertwine, and feelings of sadness, loss, and uncertainty can become overwhelming. Those who once shared hopes and dreams now find themselves facing the reality of a new, separate life.

Why do marriages fail? Why do couples break up? What are the reasons for marital disagreements? Is there a formula for success in married life? How to build a healthy, solid and balanced married life?

Again, half of all marriages end in divorce, this is a worldwide statistic. However, more than 65% of these separations could be avoided with some changes in attitudes on the part of the spouses.

The truth is, people don't want to break up; couples start living together because they love each other, they like each other, they want to be together.

It's also a statistic that about 50% of those couples who break up end up getting back together; This proves that the union need not be interrupted.

So, why is there such a high number of separations in the marital scope?

The question of why marriages often face difficulties and challenges is complex and multifaceted. Married life is a journey filled with ups and downs, and the reasons for disagreements and separations can vary considerably. Exploring these questions helps us better understand the factors that contribute to the success or failure of a relationship.

Couples break up for a variety of reasons, many of which involve differences in personality, values, goals, and expectations. Sometimes the very characteristics that initially attracted partners can, over time, become sources of friction. Lack of effective communication, financial difficulties, family problems and everyday stress can also put pressure on the relationship.

The truth is that married life is a coexistence between two unique people, each one bringing with them their own emotional baggage, past experiences and worldviews. Disagreements can arise when expectations are not met, when there is no room for expressing feelings or when there is a failure in mutual understanding.

Although there is no foolproof formula for ensuring the success of a marital relationship, there are principles and practices that can significantly increase the chances of building a healthy and lasting union. Open and honest communication is key. This involves listening carefully to your partner, expressing yourself respectfully, and seeking solutions together.

Empathy plays a crucial role in married life. Trying to understand your partner's emotions and perspectives helps create an environment of mutual understanding and support. In addition, a willingness to compromise and compromise when necessary is essential for overcoming challenges and conflicts.

Building a healthy married life also requires investing time and energy in the relationship.

It's important to create quality moments together, keep the romance burning and nurture the emotional connection over time.

As we have already said, although there is no definitive formula for success in married life, there is a standard pillar for creating a successful relationship: the genuine desire to build a solid partnership.

Without this genuine interest in creating an affective life, an interest on both sides, it will be difficult for the relationship to develop and strengthen. The fundamental basic principle is good will, bringing with it other supports, such as, for example, reciprocal respect and a generous dose of empathy, which is that ability to put yourself in the other person's shoes, with the intention of better understand their feelings, their views.

Each couple is unique, with their own dynamics and challenges. The journey to a balanced married life involves continuous learning, adaptability and the ability to grow together as you weather the storms and celebrate the joys of life. It's an ongoing commitment that, when cultivated with love, respect and understanding, can blossom into a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship.

So that readers can check for themselves, we will list some bodies that deal with studies, research and statistics on these issues involving marital relationships; See below:

National Marriage Project - Based in the United States, this project at the University of Virginia conducts research and studies on marriages and families.

Gottman Institute - A research and therapy organization founded by psychologist John Gottman, who is known for his extensive research on relationships and predicting divorce.

Pew Research Center - This research center conducts social studies, including research on marriage, divorce, and family trends around the world.

National Center for Family & Marriage Research - Based in the United States, this research center focuses on issues related to family and marriage, including divorce.

Australian Institute of Family Studies - Conducts research on a variety of family topics including marriage, divorce and relationships.

Office for National Statistics (ONS) - A UK agency that collects and publishes official statistics, including data on marriages and divorces.

Statistics Canada - Canada's official statistics agency conducts research and collects data on a wide range of topics, including marriages and divorces.

Family Research Council - A US-based research organization that explores issues of family, marriage, and cultural values.

Marriage Foundation - A UK charity that conducts research on marriage and divorce, as well as providing information and resources for couples.

Institute of Couple and Family Psychology at the University of Zurich - This Swiss institute conducts research and offers study programs on couple and family therapy.

Many of these institutions and organizations carry out statistical studies on the main causes that lead to the separation of couples. These studies often involve surveys, data analysis and information gathering from couples and individuals to better understand the reasons behind marital separations. They may examine factors such as communication, conflict, finances, expectations, values, changes in work life, health, and other elements that play a significant role in relationship dynamics.

For example, the National Marriage Project in the US and the Office for National Statistics in the UK collect data and conduct research to understand trends and factors related to marriages and divorces. The Pew Research Center also conducts research on marriage and divorce, often exploring people's attitudes and opinions about these issues.

These statistical studies can help identify common patterns, trends, and challenges that couples face, providing valuable insights for mental health professionals, marriage therapists, and also for couples who want to strengthen their relationships and avoid marital problems.

The main causes of marital separations may vary according to the place, culture and time period studied. However, we will provide an overview of the factors that frequently come up in surveys and studies on the subject. It is worth noting that percentages may vary in different studies and contexts, but here are some of the main causes that may contribute to marital separations:

Communication Problems: Lack of effective communication and inability to resolve conflicts in a healthy way can be a significant factor. It is estimated that communication problems contribute to around 65-70% of breakups.

Lack of Empathy and Understanding: The inability to put yourself in your partner's shoes and understand their emotions can lead to irreconcilable