Within Us: A Twin Flame Journey

By Leantus Thomas

This is a raw true story of self discovery, an unfiltered journey of a unique and complex love. A love which defies all logic. The uncovering of the deepest existing soul connection and destined path which leads to an accelerated and intense spiritual awakening. A beautiful revelation of purpose and ultimately the map to unconditional love of self and others. A rocky road of transformation, growth and the mastery of overcoming fear and transmuting darkness into light. A walk home.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Jul 10, 2023
• ISBN: 9798765243039

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Copyright © 2023 Leantus Thomas.

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and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use

of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical

problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The

intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help

you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use

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Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are

models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 979-8-7652-4302-2 (sc)

ISBN: 979-8-7652-4303-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2023911211

Balboa Press rev. date:  07/25/2023

CONTENTS

Introduction Page

Chapter 1 Childhood

Chapter 2 Us

Chapter 3 Grief

Chapter 4 Angela

Chapter 5 Connectedness

Chapter 6 Sara

Chapter 7 The detours

Chapter 8 My dreams

Chapter 9 Angel numbers

Chapter 10 Manola

Chapter 11 Chakras

Chapter 12 The work

Chapter 13 Tarot, oracle decks and starseeds

Chapter 14 Steffi

Chapter 15 The different stages of hope

Chapter 16 Naddel

Chapter 17 The mess

Chapter 18 Nadine

Chapter 19 Messages

Chapter 20 Akashic records

Chapter 21 Accountability

Chapter 22 Calling

Chapter 23 Steph

Chapter 24 Acceptance

Chapter 25 The previous relationships

Chapter 26 Honesty

Chapter 27 823

Chapter 28 Healing is not perfection

Chapter 29 Twin Flame Journey

Chapter 30 The dream

Chapter 31 Synchronicity

Chapter 32 Inner child

Chapter 33 Chaser and runner energy

Chapter 34 Trust

Chapter 35 Shedding

Chapter 36 Union?

Chapter 37 Money and keys

Chapter 38 Gratitude

Chapter 39 Obstacles or hidden blessings

Chapter 40 Consciousness

Chapter 41 Cosmic memory awakening

Chapter 42 Enlightenment

Chapter 43 Anger and Jealousy

Chapter 44 Another round

Chapter 45 WTF

Chapter 46 Knowledge

Chapter 47 Energy shift

Chapter 48 Questions

Chapter 49 Unconditional love

Chapter 50 Surrender and Trust

Chapter 51 Letting go and Surrender

Chapter 52 11:11

Chapter 53 Truth

Chapter 54 Compassion

Chapter 55 Third parties (Karmic relationships)

Chapter 56 The core wound

Chapter 57 3D vs 5D

Chapter 58 Divine counterparts

Chapter 59 Snakes and turtles

Chapter 60 Overview

Chapter 61 Love vs Fear

Chapter 62 Balancing energies

Chapter 63 Soul song

Chapter 64 Encouragement

Thank you

About the Author

INTRODUCTION PAGE

My name is Leantus Thomas (everyone knows me as Lilly), daughter to Jannette and Clatus, mother to Jahlilia, Philina, and Kimani, sister to Ashby, Gatsby, Nicole and Ato, divine feminine, twin flame to Anthony. I am 42 years old and this is a book/journal on my twin flame journey, my spiritual awakening. It is my raw truth on all levels and my hope and intention is that my experiences, pain, struggles and victories will help and encourage others to go deep within themselves, to be brave enough to do the uncomfortable work, heal and discover their own light.

CHAPTER 1

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Childhood

I have always known that there is something bigger to life than what we see on the surface. I never had words for it but I always felt it. Ever since I was a little girl I questioned what they told us. The rules that we were told to follow, the restrictions to be obeyed and the sexist differences which were to be honoured and respected. Born on the caribbean island of Trinidad, living with my mom and four siblings, I grew up learning a lot about what a girl shouldn’t do. We lived in an apartment complex. We had four rooms, the girls room which my sister and I shared, the boys room where my three brothers slept, my moms room and our living room. We were on the 4th floor, the top floor. The view from our balcony was quite nice, overlooking some nice houses, the mountains to the right and a far view to see lots of stars and beautiful sunsets. On Sundays my mom would braid my sisters and my hair for the upcoming school week. My brothers were allowed to go downstairs and play ball or pitch marbles. My sister and I had to stay inside because outside was no place for us girls. This was all very confusing for me growing up, I didn’t accept those rules easily, it never made sense to me but as we all know what we hear and see growing up nourishes us, definitely molds and shapes you in one way or another, if you like it or not. I now understand why my mom was so afraid all the time. She endured some heavy traumatic experiences growing up and did her best to protect us from the same. Her experiences are not my story to tell but I will say that as an adult knowing what I know, understanding the weight she has been carrying all her life and still being able to give us love and provide for all five of us mainly on her own, she is a superhero. My mother had a difficult time with me always flowing against the stream and speaking my mind. This was of course viewed as being rude and disrespectful. I want to believe that I balanced it out with my loving nature. As I sit here in my bed with my beautiful son sleeping beside me, breathing heavily as he always does, I feel so much gratitude for life, for this moment when my journey of writing these lines takes a first breath.

December, 8 1988

Leaving Trinidad at the age of 7 to live in New York is a very memorable time of my journey. My daddy gave me a mustard yellow suitcase with my initials in huge bright red tape on the front to ensure I don’t miss it at baggage claim. I flew with a friend of his who then brought me to my grandmother’s apartment where I was to meet my dad. He didn’t Take the day off work to pick me up from the airport, he never took a day off work no matter what. My earliest memory of my daddy was him teaching me how to properly make a bed. I still think of it every morning, well most mornings when I make my bed. I remember imagining what life in NY would be like. I have always been a big dreamer, still am. In my mind NY was magical and I would fit right in. To my big surprise it was nothing close to magical, at least not to my understanding at the time of what magic is. The memory that best describes that part of my life was when I saw snow for the very first time. I was so excited to go outside and feel the snow flakes on my face. I put layers of clothes on to prepare myself for some outside fun in the snow, ran downstairs towards the apartment building door only to have to stop at the door due to a loud noise which I didn’t understand at first. Other children from the neighbourhood got outside before I did and decided to have a snow fight. Instead of just using snow to make snow balls they made snow balls with stones in the middle. This created the horrible noise agiánst the door and so I could only watch the snow from inside and was unable to go outside and play in the snow and have my magical moment as I had always imagined it. That pretty much sums up the Brooklyn experience, wonderful possibilities with a large portion of harsh reality. My mom and sister soon moved to NY as well and we then lived in a small two room apartment, sharing the space with my dads cousin and her daughter. My mom who was barely home because she worked three jobs to make ends meet for both our lives in NY and for my brothers, my aunty and her three sons back home in Trinidad who solely depended on her income. She would precook for the entire week for my sister and I and return home for weekends. When she was home she listened to Luther Vandross, Micheal Bolton and Anita Baker. I loved their music, I can still sing every song. Love was and still is my favourite topic. I still listen to love songs all the time my mom no longer does though, I wonder if that means she has given up on love, romantic love I should say. My parents slept in the living room and my sister and I shared the other room with my dads cousin and her daughter. The tight living space didn’t bother me, what bothered me was the way my sister and my cousin treated me. They bonded over teasing me, making me feel uncomfortable and excluded. The first time I ever saw red, as I refer to it, was when my sister was teasing me about my ears in front of a boy I liked. My sister, cousin, 3 boys and I had decided to skip school and hang out at our place. She started calling me names and everyone laughed. I lost it, walked into the kitchen and grabbed a knife, she ran into the bathroom and shut the door. I was so angry and hurt that I stabbed at the door with all my strength. I remember it so clearly, it was the first time I had felt disrespected and such an intense amount of rage. At the age of 8 I was no longer a child, I didn’t play games or with dolls, I was very much into boys and day dreamed of my idea of the perfect partner who I would share my happily ever after with. Funny, writing these words I realise I still am that little girl who dreams of the perfect romantic relationship. I had my first moon at 8. I was petrified, I was not prepared, had no idea what was happening since no one had ever spoken to me about this and to top it all off I had chicken pox at the same time so in my mind my life was coming to an end. I told no one. The space for deep, uncomfortable conversations or big people business’ ‘was not given. As mothers usually do, my mom noticed and questioned me. I was so embarrassed and scared and said I spilled ketchup and it stained. She was excited, shocked and terrified at the same time. She told everyone in the family. It was broadcasted and made me feel even more embarrassed. Facing my daddy was especially nerve wrecking, I felt so ashamed to face him. All he said was Lilo are you ok?". I no longer felt ashamed but after that he no longer took me on his lap nor did he cut my finger and toe nails as he used to every week. The transition from child to a young woman was complete. December 8, 1988 I turned 8 years old. That is the first time I recall feeling magical. To this day the number 8 is my lucky number.

21.10.22 (23:08)

I come from a place of love and light and that is where I will always be.

CHAPTER 2

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Us

25.10.22 (13:36)

We met on Feb. 23.2017. It was at a breakfast jouvert party on carnival thursday in Trinidad, must have been around 7am. I saw him as he walked through the entrance and it was almost like he was moving in slow motion. He was wearing a yellow t-shirt and black shorts, a cap turned backwards. Immediately I felt drawn to him. I asked my friend Zakiya, (who is my oldest friend and more like a sister to me) who is that? I watched him walk in but was afraid he would see me eying him so I did my best not to stare too long but I kept looking over to him, it was magnetic and I felt nervous and excited and shy and awkward and all these butterflies before even speaking to him. He stood on the right of me, close enough to get a good look at eachother but not close enough to speak to one another. I caught him looking over at me several times too. Whenever our eyes met we would both shyly look away. Zakiya couldn’t help but notice so she said just go dance with him. I thought she was crazy, there was no way I could go over to him. She took it upon herself to walk over to him and tell him that I wanted to dance with him. I saw him walking over to me and I have never felt so nervous in my life. He said good morning, your friend said I should come over and dance with you. I could barely get a word out, he tried to dance with me but I couldn’t even move, I felt like a 12 year old at her first school dance being asked to dance with the guy she had had a crush on for forever. He immediately noticed that I was not comfortable and sweetly said I can tell that you are not comfortable, so when you are I will be standing over there. I blushed and said ok. After taking another drink and realising that we were both continuously looking at each other I walked over to him and asked if I could have one of his cigarettes. He said yeah, of course and we both smiled at each other and started talking and it felt so natural. He immediately noticed that I did not live in Trinidad and asked for my number. He said I just want to see you again, so I told him I am a mother of two, 36 years old and only in Trinidad for the carnival. I then jokingly asked him how old he