The List

By W. M. Gee

David Duff is in love with his best friend, and before Thanksgiving he's going to tell her how he feels… He just has three problems to overcome:

1). Her football star boyfriend, Jed;

2). Her upcoming birthday, for which he still hasn't bought her a present;

and

3). His existential fear of talking to girls.

 

Voted 'Best Romance' and 'Best Overall Story' in the Golden Comma Awards.

• Language: English
• Publisher: W. M. Gee
• Release date: Jul 28, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223550587

W. M. Gee

W. M. Gee is a writer who specialises in teen, horror, fantasy and sci-fi stories. His works often explore real world problems from adolescent perspectives, because — hey — we’ve all been there, right? In his free time, he loves writing poetry, reading sci-fi and painting minis. In 2021 he was awarded the people’s choice Golden Comma Award for his teen novella, "The List."  He published his first teen-horror novella (ebook and print), "The Woodcutter's Daughter" in 2023. He lives in London, England but longs to own a lighthouse and listen to the sounds of the sea. 

Book preview

Chapter 1

Okay, let me lay things out for you: my name is David Duff and I have a huge problem. I’m in love with my best friend, Cheryl. She’s in love with this other guy, Jed. But in three weeks – right before Thanksgiving, in fact – I’m going to tell her how I feel.

That leaves three weeks to remove the three obstacles standing in my way:

1). Her boyfriend Jed;

2). Her upcoming birthday that I still haven’t bought her a present for;

and

3). My existential fear of talking to girls.

I made a list – that’s what I do. Helps me prioritize things. Usually. But obstacle #1 is huge and plays football (and who is kinda scary); obstacle #2 is that I’m awful when it comes to buying presents. So, this time, I decided to do last things first.

When I say I’m afraid of talking to girls, I don’t mean completely. I don’t shrink into my hoodie like some shy turtle (can turtles be shy?). I can ask the lunch-lady at school for extra creamed corn (though – at my school – it’s pretty barf-inducing, so why would I?). I can work well in a mixed group – at least according to my last English report. True, it makes me sound more like a salad than a superstar-playa-play (I read that somewhere). But when it comes to matters of the heart, I’m about as useless as pencil without a tip. I’m tipless. I’m a tipless wonder.

I have zero dating experience. About as close as I get to going on a date is going for ice cream with Bex. Bex was my best friend before Cheryl came along. It’s the weirdest thing (I’m sure you can relate) but talking to girls-who-are-my-friends has never been a problem for me; the problem only comes around when I want that girl to see me as more than a friend. Lucky for me — as well as making lists -– I specialize in making plans. And I made a plan to get over my soul-churning fear of talking to girls.

It was kind of obvious, really. I figured I clam up in front of girls because I don’t have enough dating experience. Or any dating experience, really. So alls I needed was to get about a year’s worth of dating experience in about an hour. Solution: I decided to dive into the world of speed-dating!

The speed-dating was online (of course). I’m not brave enough for face-to-face. I mean there’s diving in and there’s all-at-sea-on-a-sinking-raft-with-the-sharks-circling. But I think there must have been a glitch in matching my user. My name is David Duff, so I chose my initials Double-Dee. Anyway, the first person it dropped me in with was this really old guy from Texas.

Hi! I said a little too enthusiastically.

Um, hi? he replied, looking a little lost. "I was looking for wimmen." I’m pretty sure from the way he said it that’s how he thought the word was spelled. His name was Noah. He was surly.

Yeah, okay, I replied. So, here’s the thing: I’m not gay — not that there’s anything wrong with being gay — I hastily backtracked; I’m such a doofus sometimes – but I’m looking for some practice talking to girls and I was wondering if maybe we could use the next 8 1/2 minutes for me to practice?

I talk too fast sometimes. I could tell from the guy’s expression that he was taking a moment to process what I was saying. People tell me to slow down, but life’s for the living. I hope my need for speed doesn’t come through in my writing. Probably does. Anyway, I’m getting side-tracked. Noah. And the practice talking to girls.

Practice talking to girls? he replied stoically. I’m a guy.

This was true. The handlebar mustache and about a year’s worth of gray stubble were dead giveaways. But I figured he must have talked to girls before, so that meant he still knew more about them than I did.

I know, I replied. I was hoping, maybe you could pretend?

He dropped the line. So, that didn’t go too well.

But I wasn’t put off. Plenty more fish in the sea. The next round of dating hooked me Cassandra.

Cassandra was from the Midwest and had a love for puppies and pies. Only not together. I explained my situation and she said she’d love to help me. We chatted for a while, and I learned so many interesting things about pie-crusting. But — as she did most of the talking -– I didn’t really learn that much about talking to girls.

Can I ask you something? she said when she came up for breath (about six minutes into our allotted 10).

You can ask me anything you like, bebé, I replied trying on a deep, manly voice. It fitted like an oversized hat. I could have done with one to hide from the withering look she gave me. She stared expectantly at me until the tension reached out between our two screens and choked an apology out of me.

I mean, I’m sorry, Ma’am, I replied deferentially to her age. What did you want to ask me?

"Aren’t you a little young to be Internet Dating?" she asked after a pause.

What I lack in years I make up for in experience, I replied. It wasn’t technically a lie. It’s just that inexperience was one word, not two. But the way I confidently parroted something I’d seen in a movie I felt would surely pull me through. It was several movies, in fact. I’m kind of a buff.

Honey, I just don’t think that’s true, she said sympathetically. Let me offer you some advice from my own experience: don’t be in a rush to make things happen. They’ll come round in their own time.

I thanked her for sharing her 50+ years of experience with me.

Then she dropped the line as well for some reason.

Maybe my connection was lagging out, or something.

The four dates after that went pretty in much the same catastrophic way, but I did get one girl’s number.

It was her apartment number, though...

And the very next time I’m in Tokyo City, I will definitely look up Megumi.

Maybe internet-dating wasn’t the right way to go. Tomorrow I’ll talk to Bex. She’s a girl. She’s been, like, my best friend since forever. Since before Cheryl. I’m sure she’ll know how to help me before I make a real