Look Up: The Look Series, #1

By Stephi Durand

Driven by crippling anxiety for herself and the world around her, Sydney Reid's world is changed forever when Jaxon Harrison walks into her life.

When those around her take advantage of her weaknesses, Sydney finds herself trapped in a commitment she feels she can't escape. With the help of Jaxon, Sydney has no choice but to learn how to break free from her comfort zone. On the edge of breaking point, is Sydney truly capable of pushing herself past her limitations to accept others into her heart, or will she continue to hide within the safety of her small-walled comfort zone?

 

At 222 pages long this is Stephi Durand's debut novel and only the beginning of her published writing career.

A perfect, cosy read for those wishing to see a strong female lead who suffers from her mental health and a found family.

Look Up is book 1 in The Look Series with the sequel currently in development.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Independent Publishing Network
• Release date: Jul 8, 2023
• ISBN: 9781800684034

Book preview

Chapter 1

‘Head down. Keep your head down, eyes in front. The podcast is still playing through the headphones, you’re fine, you will be fine. You’re almost there, you have your phone, you did lock the door and you’ve already made it this far. You’re fine. You will be fine, steady breathes. People are just walking past, they don’t even notice you, you will be fine.’

Walking down the street towards her local supermarket, Sydney Reid repeated the mantra in her mind, calming her anxiousness. The main struggle discovered from living by herself was forever having to go out for errands alone. Her mind forcing her to consider a variety of bad scenarios which could happen with anyone around her.

Sydney clutches her bag tighter at the thought. Her purse, phone, and keys in the bag. Belongings she couldn’t afford to lose. Holding it tight, her eyes searched the surroundings before moving back to the view just before her.

‘Everyone is doing their own thing; they aren’t interested in you. Just keep going, you’re almost there.’

Stopping at the crossing, she lifts her eyes to the traffic light. The only time she looked higher than the view just ahead of her. As the light turned red, she watched the slowing cars, refusing to move until the vehicles had come to a complete stop.

One crossing down, one to go.

The pedestrian crossing isn’t always this nerve-wracking, but Saturdays are always the busiest of the week. Sundays are quieter, but her food shopping couldn’t wait, no matter what her mind tried to convince her of.

Seeing the familiar street, Sydney’s chest relaxed. ‘Almost there, keep going. The shop is at the end of the street.’

Relaxing her hold on the handbag, she tries to let her mind focus on the audio story playing through her headphones. Allowing the mystery-suspense drama of a private investigator to bring her on a fictional adventure as she manages life within reality. Sydney smiles to herself, enjoying the sarcastic comments coming from the lead role before revealing her more caring and compassionate side. A mix of bad-ass and selflessness; something Sydney always wished she were capable of being.

Stepping through the sliding doors, a small trolley before her, Sydney made her way to the self-scanners. Typing her number, she took the hand-held before pulling the tote bags from her handbag, resting them within the trolley. It was a shorter list compared to her last fortnightly shop which required more ingredients for her meal prepping. This time, it was mostly essentials.

Continuing through the store, she swiftly made her way around the familiar aisles, tapping the check box on her notes as she grabbed each item from the shelves. The store was busy, but not to the point of being unable to make it down an aisle. It was breathable enough for Sydney to manage her anxiety as she made her way to the checkouts.

She made her way to the checkouts, only stopping when she had to have the random item scan before starting her trek to safety.

Moving through the crowd, her head stayed low as her mind focused on the bags digging into her shoulder. Her mind’s lack of focus distracted her from those around her, something she quickly regretted as she collided with a solid being. Losing her balance from the poorly distributed bags, Sydney mentally prepared to fall onto her back as a pair of hands latched onto her arms.

Oh god, I am so, so sorry, I didn’t see you there, are you alright?

Relaxing her widened eyes, she peered at the man holding her steady; his face on hers, creased with guilt and concern as he waited on an answer. Righting herself, Sydney stood straight, readjusting the bag on her shoulder.

I’m okay, besides I should be the one apologising. I wasn’t paying attention and went straight into you,

He chuckled, moving his hands to his jean pockets as she adjusted herself, awkwardly smiling at the whole situation. Honestly, you weren’t the only one not paying attention. I really am sorry, are you sure you’re okay?

Wanting to bring the conversation to an end, she gave him a simple smile. Making conversations with strangers wasn’t a task she enjoyed, more so when it began with pure embarrassment.

Her insecurities whispered in the back of her mind. ‘Please tell me nobody noticed.’

Feeling her silent smile was missed as an answer, Sydney decided to keep her response short. I promise you, I’m fine. Just surprised. Nothing a good book won’t fix when I’m home,

Smiling at her response, his mouth opened to speak before quickly shutting. Taking a breath, he tried again. I’m Jaxon, he extended his hand to her, and while I’ve lived in the area for a few years I still don’t seem to know anybody other than a small group of people,

Glancing at his hand, she listened to the quiet voice in her gut and reached her hand to his. Sydney, my name’s Sydney,

This is far too forward to what I’m usually like, but if you’re interested, would you like to connect on social media? It’s fine if not, I just find social media to be a better option compared to a mobile number, pausing, he saw her stood, patiently waiting for him to finish. Sorry, I completely rambled there,

He was slightly awkward, but she couldn’t help but giggle at the sweet man. His personality seemingly showing through his words. I use Twitter the most? she offered.

He beamed a toothy grin at her, his smile showing pure excitement. "Fantastic! You just need to search Jaxon Harrison, my username tends to appear in the top few. The profile picture’s my face so it should be easy to spot!"

Jaxon Harrison, she mumbled to herself, typing the name into the search bar. Looking down the usernames she stopped as she recognised the familiar face before her. Got you, she smiles as she pressed follow.

Pulling the phone from his pocket Jaxon looked to his screen, happy to see the new notification. "Well, it’s been lovely talking to you, Syd Reid, but I feel like I’ve taken enough of your time already, hopefully I’ll see you on the feed," gesturing the device.

Until we walk into each other again, she jokes, awkwardly waving as she stepped away, returning to her journey home.

Halfway down the street the phone in her pocket buzzes. Looking at the device, she sees the follow back notification and can’t help but smile. Looking above the notification at the podcast she realised she completely missed a small portion of the story. Hitting the rewind button, she waited until she heard a familiar line.

Reaching the pedestrian crossing she looked to the lights before pressing the button. Watching the cars come to a stop she only then realised that not once during the whole event had she felt an ounce of anxiety.

Returning her phone to the safety of her handbag, she clutched the strap as the lights turned from amber to red, allowing her to cross. Her usual concern over passing the cars were replaced with thoughts of Jaxon, the anxiety once again nulled as she considered the young man.

‘Perhaps it was his personality,’ she considered. ‘His need to apologise complimented his sweetness as he clearly felt bad about the bump.’

Doing her best to not over think him, Sydney pushed him from her mind to focus on the episode of the audio story as she kept her eyes low on the ground, more aware of those approaching her. Reaching the building block, she pushed open the main door before heading up the stairs.

Reaching the door, she had the key ready in her hand to let herself into the building. Opening the door she lifted her arms, laying the bags on the kitchen counter tops to her right, she turned to shut and lock the door behind her.

Dropping her keys on the counter next to the bags, she started to unpack the shopping as she heard a buzz come from her bag.

Putting the milk in the fridge, she moved to her bag, pulling the phone from the pocket she looked to the screen, smiling at the direct message.

Don’t know about you, but I managed to make it home without any more sidewalk crashes!

Unlocking the phone, she typed her reply, ending her message with the same smiley-faced emoji he used. Ha! Well that definitely makes two of us then!

Resting the phone on the countertop she put the remainder of her shopping away. Folding up her tote bags she returned them to their storage basket before picking up her phone and heading to the other side of the room. Looking to her bookcase, she grabbed her sketchbook which sat amongst some art books. Taking her mechanical pencil, she rested them on the coffee table in front of the small television before moving back to the kitchen, turning on the kettle to enjoy a fresh cup of tea with her sketching session.

Pouring the milk into her cup, she picked up the kettle as she heard the buzz of a notification. Moving from the small kitchen to behind the sofa, she looked to the screen, recognising the white bird on the blue background.

He responded? she asked aloud, shrugging off the thought as she went back to her half-made tea.

Sitting on the small settee, she placed her cup on the coffee table as she reached for her things. Dropping the pencil and sketchpad onto the cushion next to her as she looked to her phone.

I guess it was fate to only crash into one person today! I wonder how lucky I’ll be tomorrow! But seriously, I’m still very sorry about it!

Sydney couldn’t help the eye roll, finding the apology unnecessary despite knowing if it were the other way round, she’d be doing the exact same.

I’m okay with it, it’s all okay. Even my pride is okay despite embarrassing it! She sent with the crying with laughter emoji.

Opening her sketchpad, she turned to her sketch in progress, the view from her seat. Looking to the window, she focused on the view outside, preparing herself to sketch the details.

Picking up the pencil, her phone buzzed again. She looked to her mobile, not used to the usually quiet device going off so frequently. This sketch isn’t going to happen right now, is it? she muttered to herself, unlocking the device to respond.

Chapter 2

Sydney’s phone continued to buzz for the rest of the evening, each time she answered, the more she hoped he’d reply. She had to admit, the constant socialising was exhausting, unused to conversation outside of work other than the occasional few words to her plants and the monthly call with her parents.

Unsure at first, she had kept her replies short, not entirely sure if she really wanted to continue speaking to the newly acquainted man. He had already apologised three more times over their chatting, including adorable gifs of puppy dog eyes.

As the conversation carried on into the evening, including the odd delay as meals were eaten, Sydney felt brave enough to open up to some more casual conversations and small talk. Learning about his job, she got to hear about Jaxon’s role as an administrator within a rapidly expanding company. The small team of administrators he worked with weren’t enough to keep on top of everything, so he usually had to stay later to help.

Despite how busy it sounded; Jaxon never seemed to complain as he explained. Seemingly happy to be a part of the team as he had already been there for a few years.

I’m currently a copy editor for the local paper and broadcaster The Daily Report. You might know them they have their own channel across the area. I’ve actually got some behind the scenes experience when they needed an extra hand backstage.

That had sent them into a whole new conversation based on film and audio before shifting to her love of books and art.

She had fallen asleep not long after, eyelids too heavy and pillows too soft to allow her to stay awake any longer.

The familiar tune of her repeat weekend nine a.m. alarm played to her side, forcing her from her deep slumber.

Stop! she called to the AI assistant speaker, silencing the sound.

Snuggling the duvet closer to her face, Sydney yawned as she let her eyes slowly open, adjusting to the new day.

Exhaustion weighed heavily on her body; the mental tax of socialising was something she wasn’t used to. If it wasn’t at work, or the odd call from her parents filled with complaints about her life choices, she didn’t need it. Although she did not need the latter in general.

Rolling herself onto her back, she pushed her arms up, stretching her limbs before dropping them back to the bed. She let herself do her best to naturally wake up for a few more moments before reaching for her phone, beginning her usual routine of scrolling through the news.

Sydney paused at the notifications on her screen, messages which had arrived after she fell sleep.

I’ve not heard of him before, but I’ll definitely look into it! I like listening to books when I’m relaxing at home or doing jobs around the house. I don’t feel like I get the chance to read otherwise.

I’m going to guess you’ve fallen asleep, well, sorry for keeping you up so long? If you’re up for it we can continue chatting some other time, but for now, night! smiley face emoji.

I found his stuff in audiobook format! I’ve put it on my wish list! I’ll let you get some sleep now, promise!

Smiling at the messages, she put her phone on the side table. Goofball, she muttered aloud.

Shuffling her way into the kitchen, the coldness of the floor against her feet sent a shiver through her spine to her neck. Tea. Tea was definitely required. Pulling a mug from the pile, she rested it next to the kettle as she grabbed the milk. Waiting for the kettle to boil, she opened the fridge to find the glass container of overnight oats. Grabbing a spoon, she took the partially eaten dish to her round dining room table that resided to the left of her living area. Moving back across the open to her kitchen, she finished preparing her drink before sitting down to eat. Her eyes on the phone as she contemplated responding.

He seems really nice, she admitted to the spider plant sat by the windowsill. It’s been nice talking to him, but I’m just drained from it all, you know?

Picking up her mug, her eyes focused on the plants leaves. Do you even have to deal with other chatty plants? Or just this strange person?

Sipping the hot drink, she tapped her phone screen, unlocking it to reread the messages.

Sorry, I definitely did fall asleep, hadn’t meant to cut it short! smiley face. I’m glad you found some, you should