The Surrogate Decision: One Woman, One Family, and Their Hope for a Miracle

By Kristi Wilkinson

One day on her son's elementary school playground presented a decision that could change Kristi's life and influence another family forever. She never anticipated that a chance conversation about adoption with a teacher at his school would lead to the possibility of surrog

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kristi Wilkinson
• Release date: Jun 20, 2023
• ISBN: 9781961065031

Kristi Wilkinson

Kristi Wilkinson spent her youth in Pennsylvania and her adult life in the West. She has served as a physical therapist, youth leader, foster parent, and community volunteer. Kristi has traveled internationally as a therapist to Kazakhstan, China, Brazil, and Romania, ultimately adopting her son from Romania. This adoption story led to her first book, The Child Who Listens, written with the prompting of her son, whom she met while volunteering at his orphanage. She now resides outside of Durango, Colorado, and works as a PT in geriatric care and a book coach for aspiring writers.

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The Surrogate Decision: One Woman, One Family, and Their Hope for a Miracle

Copyright © 2023 Kristi Wilkinson

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted by any means—whether auditory, graphic, mechanical, or electronic—without written permission of both publisher and author, except in the case of brief excerpts used in critical articles and reviews. Unauthorized reproduction of any part of this work is illegal and is punishable by law.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

Scripture quotations marked AMP are taken from the Amplified Bible, Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked CSB®, are taken from the Christian Standard Bible®, Copyright © 2017 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Christian Standard Bible®, and CSB® are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.

Scripture quotations marked ESV are from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Print ISBN: 978-1-961065-02-4

Ebook ISBN: 978-1-961065-03-1

Library of Congress Control Number: 2023904243

This is a work of nonfiction. The events and experiences described are all true and have been faithfully rendered as I have remembered them to the best of my ability. I have changed the names and identities of some of the people depicted in order to protect their privacy.

Printed in the United States

Proceeds from this book will be given to support women with fertility or adoption issues as well as children with disabilities, in honor of Brenan Staples' brother, Dan Staples.

Contents

Acknowledgments

1. King of the Courts

2. Teacher of the Year

3. Disappointment Awaits

4. The Campaign Begins

5. Walking the Streets

6. Come Sail Away

7. Wedding in the Italian Alps

8. Close Encounter of a Third Kind

9. Back to the Playground

10. Search for the Mother

11. Consultation with Confidants

12. Christmas on a Collision Course

13. Breaking the News

14. Third-Grade Treasure

15. Tragedy in the Canadian Rockies

16. The Deal-Breaker

17. Lukas's Fourth-Grade Fate

18. The Sunday Sign

19. The School Bell Rings

20. The Answer at Last!

21. A Founding Father of Fertility

22. In the Eyes of a Child

23. Protective Resistance

24. Bumps in the Road

25. Baby Buddies Reunite

26. The Hand of God

27. To Be or Not to Be

28. Sedentary Serenity

29. Lukas’s Prophecy

30. The Big Reveal

31. Heartbeat, It's a Lovebeat

32. The Much-Awaited Cravings

33. The Magic of the First Trimester

34. Unexpected Workplace Harassment

35. My Swollen State

36. Reunion on Pawleys Island

37. Surrogate Serendipity

38. Aqua Therapy

39. The Golden Ticket

40. Midsummer Makeover

41. Showers of Blessing

42. Preparation for Delivery

43. Time to Meet the Twins

44. Full-Circle Adoption Day

45. Message of Love

46. Firestorm 2007

47. Letter from a Friend

48. Beauty After the Storm

49. My Mother's Message

50. The Unexpected Blessings

51. The Lion and the Lamb

52. Counted Blessings

About the Author

Acknowledgments

Words cannot express the gratitude I feel for each person who encouraged me to complete this project. First, I want to acknowledge Brenan and Jane Staples for trusting me to pursue this journey with them. I thank Pax and Leo Staples for granting me approval to share this story with others and for writing beautiful entries that make the book complete. I am forever grateful for my parents, Jim and Sandi Wilkinson, and my son, Lukas Wilkinson, for also giving me support to pursue this walk. Along with my parents, I also thank Jesse Almanza for listening to excerpts of the story in its infancy for feedback and approval. I appreciate Linda Davis for contributing a letter supporting me during the journey.

I thank Beth Lottig, my friend and publisher, who foresaw that I would write this story over four years ago—the day she handed me the finished copy of my first book, The Child who Listens. It was the last thing I thought I would do, but she instilled that vision in me. I thank her for helping me with continued edits from front to back cover, for helping me with photo selection, and all the details in between that made this book possible.

Next, I thank Neil Lakatoo—and his daughter Neela Lakatoo who asked him for his help—for using his expertise in English to complete the first edit, giving me insights on word choice and grammar usage. Secondly, I thank John Graber for painstakingly finishing the second edit, exposing my excessive use of commas among other errors.

The following people endorsed this book, and I am very grateful for their time. I am grateful to Dr. Doug Kyle, my former pastor from San Diego, for being a part of this story from its inception, for giving me advice that guided my path and quickly endorsing the book, months before I finally discovered it buried in my emails. I am thankful for Mario Garcia for his interest in my stories and for anticipating that he would play a part in them someday. He not only endorsed the book but also provided a vessel—a non-profit he supports called the Aspen House for youth with special needs—that this book will hopefully support. Next, I am indebted to my friend Mahri Aste, who not only is a part of this story and gave me her encouragement throughout but who also took time from her schedule to read and support this project. I greatly thank Dr. Catherine Pilgrim-Grayson for providing her heartfelt endorsement from a medical perspective as she has the wisdom and knowledge from her experience as an OB/GYN. Lastly, I thank Paul Kaitson for his interest in this story before it was written and for giving suggestions to make the story richer for the reader.

For the front cover design, I have many to thank. This project seemed like it would never be complete, but it became something beautiful nine months after my many attempts to create it. Seven months before the book was ready to be sent to the publisher, I began my search for the photo. I looked through perhaps 800 or more photographs during this time to no avail. Later, I contacted Cindy Kyle to see if she had a photograph she had professionally taken of me, but since many years had passed she no longer had it in her archives. I do thank her for the wonderful job she did of the back cover author photograph after volunteering her time and gifts to provide this. Next, I thank Emily Vaught for taking the time to sift through photos she had taken to try to help find the cover photo. I also thank Jenn Comeaux who took a stunning photograph of her friend Kaili Burbano during pregnancy that I thought would be perfect. Kaili selflessly agreed that I could use this image of her for the cover. However, my lifelong friend Sharon Okamoto took one look at Jenn’s photo of Kaili and immediately knew this was not the right picture for the book. I am grateful for her honesty and feedback into cover design and content and for encouraging me to use a photograph that matched the story line of my surrogacy journey. Sharon ultimately and artfully assisted in the design of the book’s front cover, and I can’t thank her enough for her time and insight. I thank Inspire Books for the completion of cover design and interior formatting. With much excitement and after much exasperation, my son Lukas Wilkinson captured the photograph of me on the beach that we would use for the cover. I thank him for taking the time to do our photo shoot, for walking along the beach, listening to my ideas for the image I desired, and taking and retaking photos to try to capture what I had envisioned. My cousin Nathan Miller also gave technological assistance with the images that I greatly needed. Finally, I thank my friend Lana Lemke for having inspiration for the photo I would capture and for gently nudging me not to settle but to choose the image and layout that most perfectly reflected what my mind pictured. Lastly, I thank God, the true author, for allowing the miracles to unfold that made this story possible.

1

King of the Courts

My son, Lukas, hit the rubber ball against a wall with force and precision. He beamed from ear to ear, sweat beading down his ruddy cheeks, as he yearned to be called the King of the Courts at Chaparral Elementary. He was only in first grade, but wall ball, otherwise known as handball, was his new passion. And not to brag, but he was really good at it. We lived just across the street from the school, which allowed me to sleep in until the last minute before I walked him to school. Since I had struggled with insomnia my entire life, sleep was precious, and living close to the school was an added benefit. But his newfound love begged me to overlook this need. He asked, Please, Mom, please, can I go to school early before it starts, so I can play wall ball? He only had to ask me once or twice before I agreed to his request. He struggled with the academic subjects at school—and actually asked me if he could drop out in second grade due to these struggles—but he excelled in athletic activities. I saw his skill and his desire to pursue this sport and how much it meant to him, so I decided to get out of bed early and go to the school before the bell rang so he could elevate his status on the wall-ball courts. I had no idea that his passion for wall ball would bring about an unbelievable change in my life.

2

Teacher of the Year

It was a cool, crisp morning, and I was standing near the wall-ball court when I noticed a swarm of children surrounding a tall male individual. He shouted with a booming voice across the basketball and wall-ball courts to greet some of the children by name as they arrived at school. They swarmed to him like bees coming to the hive, displaying their love and joy at seeing him. I wondered who this man was but was soon to find out. He must have noticed me there on the playground with my son, and since I came there every morning to watch my son play before school started, it wasn’t a surprise.

After he said hello to all of the school kids that vied for his attention, he walked over to the wall-ball courts where I was standing, watched Lukas play with a boy named David, and asked me an interesting question: My name is Brenan Staples. I am a fourth-grade teacher here. I see you and your son here quite a bit. Why don’t I ever see your husband here? This question also meant that he paid attention to the people he came in contact with day in and day out.

I replied, Oh, you don’t see my husband because I don’t have one. So that he wouldn’t feel awkward asking his question, I quickly added: I adopted my son as a single mom. My son’s name is Lukas.

He excitedly answered: Oh, that is wonderful. I am a big fan of adoption. Actually, my wife and I are in the adoption process now and are hoping for a child.

This opened the door for us to discuss a little of my adoption story and a little of the beginning of his. I gave him a short version of my story and mentioned that I had gone to Romania as a volunteer at an orphanage and that I had fallen in love with one of the children, Lukas, now my son. He then told me that he and his wife had struggled to have children and had started the adoption process in South America. We continued to talk about this during the rest of that fall semester when I could find time to talk if he wasn’t surrounded by some of the kids who would nominate him to be Teacher of the Year. I would not be surprised if he were nominated every year. He would have won had they not needed to share the honor, so to speak, with the other teachers there.

3

Disappointment Awaits

After an unusually rainy morning in San Diego, I saw Mr. Staples as he walked onto the playground where my son played on the courts and the other children ran around the swings and jungle gym before the school bell rang. I noticed that he didn’t have the usual spring in his step, and I asked him, How is the adoption process going?

He dejectedly answered: Well, it isn’t. The country we were working with decided to close its doors to international adoption, so my wife and I are so disappointed and are back at square one. All that work for nothing.

I said: Oh, I am so sorry. You and your wife have to be so heartbroken.

Although he tried to stay positive with hellos given to the kids that passed him, I knew that he must be feeling crushed. Since I’d gone through this process with Lukas, I knew that if he had not become my son, I would have been beyond devastated.

We talked for a few more minutes, and he was vulnerable enough to share that they had one child, a son, through a surrogate but were hoping for a second. I encouraged him to keep hoping that this would happen someday.

I continued to observe Mr. Staples on the playground, and my respect for him grew stronger. I began to hear about his teaching reputation from the moms who volunteered at the school and who were prone to gossip. This time, it was good gossip. The summary of most of the opinions was that he was an amazing teacher, creative, motivational, and caring. He inspired the students and their parents alike. Only a handful of parents who thought their students were Harvard- or Stanford-bound were a bit reluctant to have him as a teacher since his style was outside the box and less academic and more student-centric.

As I got to know him, even if it was through secondhand information, I was so thankful that there were teachers like this. My dad was also a teacher and also a student favorite, and I knew what that meant—that he taught not just to teach reading, writing, and arithmetic but to inspire the students to discover their talents and strong suits. As my dad always said, The student is more important than the subject you are teaching. I thought without a shadow of a doubt that this embodied Mr. Staples’ philosophy as well.

August 30th, 2003—Age 7

One night, I was telling Lukas that I was going to pray for my friend who had miscarried her baby. Lukas knew that she was pregnant, and I wanted to explain her loss. He replied, It is okay, Mom. God can take care of the baby better than we can. He knows what the baby needs when it cries because he understands baby language.

4

The Campaign Begins

The smell of spring was in the air, and little did I know, but concurrent with this season would begin one of the biggest campaigns, second only to Hillary versus Trump, that I would ever witness. This was not about an upcoming political election; this was about trying to get Mr. Staples as a teacher. This involved all sorts of advertisements, banners and posters—all to attempt to persuade him to select you for his class. The word must have gotten around that his student roster wasn’t decided by random selection but that he had a few student picks that he could make on his own.

Parents and students alike were all