Even Though the Grass Is Greener Dirt Is There Also

By Dontavius M. Foster

My name is Dontavius Foster and in this book I give you my most vivid and lucid thoughts about how easily it is for a man to lose his way. Especially when his love falls between the two. In this case, whether or not to be in love is truly the question? Furthermore, the purpose was through love or lust. (Love under sexual trance)I’ll let you decide.Unless you're willing to take a ride. Don’t always expect the grass to be greener on the other side.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jun 18, 2023
• ISBN: 9781669866305

Book preview

Copyright © 2023 by Dontavius M. Foster.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Rev. date: 06/16/2023

Xlibris

844-714-8691

www.Xlibris.com

851069

Although this book isn’t real, it may seem real to you. Fortunately, this

is just my imagination and my demons running wild. However, if this

were my story then I guess I would finally get a chance to exhale.

Acknowledgements

First and foremost, I would like to thank God for giving me a chance to grow. This book is written with love and pain intertwined. In addition, I would like to thank everyone who played a vital part in my life and influenced me for the better as well as the worse. Truthfully, I appreciate you all with no love lost.

And a special thanks to the following:

KING OF VISUALZ - Muhammed White (PHOTOGRAPHER)

Angel Adams and Emallie Heard (COVER MODELS)

Preface

Hi, my name is Justin Jones, and at some point I came to the realization that saying the words I love you can be a very dangerous thing. Be careful who you tell them to because the words I love you and I do both come with a lifetime of consequences, although marriage is For better or for worse. The three rings plus two people will always narrow it down to one purpose. Till death! However, that’s not necessarily true. Even though the grass may be greener elsewhere, dirt is there also. This is my story.

Contents

Prologue

1.   Good Lawd, I think I need help

2.   Here We Go, Again

3.   Free-spirited

4.   Never Say Never

5.   Blessed in my mess

6.   When shit hits the fan. It gets messy

7.   What’s family for?

8.   The seed is planted

9.   Couples Therapy

10.   Maurice Notes

11.   Guilty by Suspicion

12.   Me & Miss Jones Pt-1. Just the Two Of Us

13.   I Got My Drink and My Two-Step

14.   Me & Miss Jones Pt-2. I’m Just Trying To Get My Feet Wet

15.   April is for fools

16.   It Takes a Good Bait to Hook a Fish

17.   Me & Ms. Jones Pt-3. I need you next to me in more ways than one

18.   Guilty By Association

19.   My first loves

20.   I Need To Circumvent

21.   I think It Was Curiosity That Killed Miss Kathy

22.   To Close For Comfort

23.   Foresight

24.   This Is Even Too Much For Atlas To Bear

25.   A Drunk Man Tells No Lies

26.   Blackmail For A Black Male

27.   Truth Is I Refuse To Wait

28.   Me & Ms Jones Part-4. Mutual Interest

29.   Mother Knows Best

30.   Playing With Your Food Will Only Make You Hungrier

31.   Me & Ms Jones Part-5. Dinner For Two Rendezvous

32.   Checkmate

Prologue

- It was a week before Halloween and I was contemplating suicide. Yeah, I said it because I was about to jump off the savannah bridge. As I stood there in the midst of dead silence, all I could see to the left of me was South Carolina. In addition, to my right I had the beautiful city of Savannah lingering in my peripheral vision. Somewhere along the way I had lost my sense of direction and ending my life seemed to be the only remedy for my depression. You know it has to be bad if alcohol couldn’t suffice me anymore. Unfortunately, I had sacrificed my whole twenties to become a family man, and to be quite honest, I was afraid to admit that I wanted to be free again. Clearly, I wasn’t ready to be committed to anyone and the thought of a woman telling me what to do and when to do it really pissed me off.

Sadly, I was getting hammered by the current wave of thoughts that flooded my mind. Oh, how I missed the excitement before marriage, but that was all a dream or should I say water under a bridge now. Come to think about it, I was about to be floating in that exact same spot. Obviously, there’s someone reading this book and thinking that it can’t be that bad. You’ll never understand unless you were to take a walk in my size eleven footwear. Once certain doors are open some of them are too stubborn to close. There has to be more to life than this.

God, if you can hear me,you better answer me before I do something drastic.I’ll jump, I swear will! I said as I turned the bottle of brandy up I staggered as I struggled for the last drop. I had gotten so mad and threw the damn bottle into the ocean. As a result, it was empty just like how my life felt. Ha! I knew it. I knew you wouldn’t answer me. Well life waits for no one I said as I climbed on top of the rail and looked down I wobbled a bit. Everything below had begun to turn to a blur. Although I was used to difficult heights this was far greater than I was accustomed to.

Before I could get the words fuck it! out of my mouth. My phone had started to ring. Now this is crazy I can’t even die right. Why is my sister Didi calling me at this ungodly hour? My indecisiveness had made my choice harder than it needed to be. I took another look at my phone and then the ocean again. Somewhere in the back of my second deranged brain, I had a sober mind for once and jumped down off the rail to answer the call.

Good morning, sis! You’re calling kind of late.

Yeah, I know but I had this strange dream about you, and there was something about it that bothered me so I had to call to make sure you were OK.

Well, I think I’m as good as I’m going to get.

I’m not sure what that means, but anyway, I’m hosting a halloween party on the twenty- eighth of October at Temptations on the river and I want you to come.

Uh! I don’t know what the future holds so let me get back to you on that.

OK, but don’t think too hard about it. I believe this party will change your life and get you up out of your slump. Oh, and by the way, why are you still upright now? Don’t you have to be at work in the morning?

Yes, but I was just thinking about clocking out beforehand.

Justin, what are you talking about? You must be drinking right now.

Yes, I am.

You are definitely your father’s child. I love you, brother, I’ll talk to you then.

OK, and I love you too sis, I said as I hung up the phone. Well, God, I guess your timing is inevitable. Hell, I guess I could always die another day.

Later that Tuesday afternoon while having lunch with one of my colleagues, Mr. Hawkins, better known as Hawk. He was my go to whenever I needed some advice. Not to mention, he was also the only one who got the chance to see my marriage from both sides. Therefore, he encouraged me to go out and enjoy myself because a release of stress was long overdue. If I remember correctly, I believe his exact words were. "You’re going to meet someone that’s going to bring you back to life.

Somehow, Friday October twenty-eight got here quicker than a little bit. I called myself staging an argument the night before with wifey just so I would have an excuse not to come home tonight. Therefore, I kept a travel bag in the car just in case something unexpected came up. Luckily, I had pre booked my room in Pooler for the night. After I prepared myself for the evening festivities, but before I left I took one last glance in the mirror. Truthfully, I despised seeing the man that I had become. However, I told myself to live in the moment as I headed out.

For some reason, tonight seemed like a night for being optimistic because I was on my way to one of the hottest spots in the C-Port. Somewhere along the river walk the people were masquerading around in their costumes all over the town. In the distance, you could smell the salt from the ocean mixed in with the aromas from all the restaurants. After I stepped out of the car I handed the valet the keys and told him to handle it with care. The Valet acted as if he had an attitude so I slipped him a nifty-fifty to give him a reason to be more hospitable. This was just my way of showing my gratitude. As I stepped onto the elevator and pressed the button for the seventh floor, I told myself. Justin, whatever problems you think you may have. You need to make damn sure to leave them where you stand.

Meanwhile, once the elevator doors closed I exhaled at the thought of nostalgia settling in. There was a sense of peace here and I loved it. The party goers were dressed for the occasion and the music kept the crowd hype. All the while everyone seemed to be enjoying the atmosphere. In addition, I could see my sister in the distance mixing her exotic concoctions for a couple of fairies. Ah yes, this was what I needed, to get away from the status quo then I made my way over to the bar.

Hey, what can I get for you? the bartender said as he finished serving his customers in the corner.

Um, let me get a blue mother-fucker to get this party started, and can you also do me a favor afterwards.

Sure, what is it?

Could you let my sister, Didi, know that her brother is in the building.

Alright, I sure will.

Thanks, I responded.

Man, I swear Savannah has some of the sexiest women in the state right here in one spot. Equally important, I was lucky to be in the midst of all this diversity and now I felt it was time for me to diversify. Unfortunately, being tied down can make your usuaI dialogue seem dull. However, seeing my bartender heading back my way with my liquid courage would be my reason to overindulge if needs be.

Now, before I give you this glass I have just one question for you.

Aiight, then come on with it.

Since you’re starting off with this as your first drink. You must plan on it being a long night.

Possibly, because you can’t stop fate.

Well in that case I’ll make sure to keep them coming and I’ll let your Didi know that you’re looking for her. The bartender said as he walked off.

Every so often, I would look up to see if my sister was headed my way. Until, I noticed that Wonder Woman was looking gooder than a mother-fucker, beside me. I tried to act nonchalant like she wasn’t there but by the time I analyzed her from head to toe. She made it hard for a brother like me to resist temptation. To clarify, that is,after realizing she was very attractive and her physique was unique for the touching. I ran my hand down her spine to see if my intentions would stir up a good vibe. As a result, she turned around and engaged me with a smile. It was sexy to notice how her lips complemented those hips, but it was her eyes at first glance that spoke to me. Sadly, I hesitated to speak. Therefore, I hit my glass hard before doing so.

Damn girl, you’re rocking the hell out of that costume.

Hmm, thanks!

But tell me, are you really a wonder in what lies beneath? I said. In the meantime as I sipped on my elixir. She leaned over to whisper in my ear. If I didn’t know any better I think you would like to know where my power lies.

In essence, wouldn’t you also like to know what secrets I possess? By the way my name is Justin. I said once I hit her with a quick smile. After we toasted there was a moment of quietness as she took a sip from her cup. Hopefully, my game wasn’t lame enough to cast shame on me, I thought as the suspense was building up. I’m Asia, and I guess the night will just have to shed some light on the situation, huh.

For a moment I believed that I had seized the opportunity for this unity between the two of us to happen. I mean we were both saying and doing all the right things. Especially when I made a move on her she doubled down. She was definitely ready like some spaghetti. Nevertheless, my sister had come and rudely interrupted us. Hey, brother, I’m glad you could finally hang out with big sis. So, tell me how are you enjoying the party so far? Didi said as she came from around the bar to give me a hug. Let’s just say that I definitely needed the getaway. Consequently, if my brother-in-law sees you dressed like a slutty cat with all these drunk dudes hitting on you, Lord knows what he’ll try to do.

Oh, trust me, he likes it when this cat gets slutty.

Oh god, now that’s too much info, bartender. I said jokingly.

Boy, shut up. He started to come but he doesn’t like to see the guys flirting with me. Not to mention, it would interfere with my tips.

I understand that, oh and before I forget I would like to introduce you to- I said, being disappointed by the fact that my future companion had slipped away from me. Oh and Justin, let me remind you to please try to be on your best behavior. Don’t have too much fun and I’ll catch you later. Afterwhile, I’m going to send you over one of my signature drinks. Didi said as she hugged me again and walked off.

By the time I polished off my first drink. My new bartender friend, Drew, had brought me a pineapple cup delight courtesy of my sister. I just knew it was going to be good just because she put her stamp on it. As I started on my second round I scanned around the room for Asia but there was no sign of her. She’ll be back. I assumed. To be honest, I was about to be man down if I kept drinking at this pace, but on the other hand. I wondered if this night could get any better. Excuse me sir! This drink was sent over by the lovely Cleopatra sitting at the end of the bar. the bartender said as she pointed in her direction.

Meanwhile, as we gazed in each other’s direction. I raised my glass fast to let her know I’d acknowledged her kind gesture then she signaled back to confirm the challenge. Once I took a sip from her cup I realized that the drink she sent over was a seductive peach. Interesting enough, I could tell neither of them was my usual cup of tea. There was no way I could leave this moment to chance because opportunity never knocks the same way twice.

Uniquely, Cleopatra’s eyes were enticing as they welcomed me over. For some reason, I couldn’t explain what I was experiencing just yet, but more than likely it was the liquor taking effect. Not to mention, there was something from within that excited me the closer I got to her.

Ms. Lady, you’re sexy as hell but I’m pretty sure that I didn’t have to tell you what you already have come to know.

Obviously this is true and although I can have anyone in here tonight, what are the odds that I want you?

The hell if I know but I like those odds. I said as she rubbed one of her fingers along my thigh.

Oh shit, my body was overwhelmed with vibrations as I tried to contain myself. It was like the cosmos had aligned this divine connection because I had never felt like this before, not even before marriage. What in the hell have I been missing out on? Just looking at her at her thick thighs with those dangerous brown eyes let me know that I was in for a night of trouble. Even though I’m known for being a troublemaker, I could give two fucks about any consequences that may follow tonight. Plus, my conscience couldn’t even persuade me to do otherwise. My case in point, my guardian angel was probably looking down on me right now like, this mofo…

Momentarily, my head was in the clouds as Cleopatra led me up to V.I.P., where she found a secluded spot that had a white sectional in it with a neon cube table that illuminated the room and a lace curtain. that provided temporary privacy. After we entered she pushed me onto the couch and then closed the curtains. My god, the way she strutted in those heels made my curve appeal due to my body being intoxicated all the while my mind was being fucked. How am I being seduced when I’m the one who usually does the seducing?

Who said I was seducing you? she said with a cheesy grin.

As Cleopatra straddled me she whipped her hair behind her back so she could observe my inner thoughts. Hopefully, from her viewpoint I’ll manage to give her the desired outcome we both expected. Suddenly, as her hands wrapped around my head, I caressed her contour, while she nibbled on my earlobe before moving down towards my neck. Somewhere between her grabbing all over me and nibbling on me. She had stolen a kiss when I was in a daze that felt like I had been transported into another dimension. Also, what’s even crazier about the situation was I felt like I needed her as bad as she wanted me. So, tell me, what do you see when you look at me?

No regrets.

Ah, good answer. Now give me your phone. Cleopatra demanded as I handed it to her. At this point I didn’t care what happened because she could have whatever, whenever she wanted it.

After she sat my phone on the cube table and sipped her drink she kissed me again, but this time it felt as if an electric current had just run through me. Despite how I could feel myself literally about to melt. I watched her as she unbuttoned my pants before pulling the zipper down. Her kisses were the softest as she headed down I-95 south to her destination. Hypothetically, I never knew what heaven felt like but trust me I was in a rush to find out because it was coming. Man,I really think I’m in love with this girl and the funny thing about it was I don’t even know her name nor do I have the digits yet. Come to think about it, it’s amazing how everything rises and falls with just one bad decision.

For some reason, I felt that I needed her to come into my-. Hey, what in the world just happened? Why’d you stop?"

Um, because I got to go. Cleopatra said as she vanished through the curtains and into the multitude.

What! Wait! Please don’t go! I said with a little tremble in my voice. Consequently, as I tried to pull myself together I couldn’t help but to nut the fuck up if I didn’t find her. Therefore, I picked up my phone and commenced to this game of chasing the cat. Although I tried to follow her, she had one hell of a head start.

Despite the congested area, I had to maneuver through the crowd like they weren’t even there. Fuck, now where could she have gotten off to so fast? I questioned once I stopped to catch my breath then suddenly, at a moment’s notice, I heard the elevator doors open. Shit, there she is getting on the elevator. Needless to say, I had my target in view while she watched me coming for her. Unfortunately, her devilish grin along with the kiss she blew me didn’t connect because the elevator doors had stopped me dead in my tracks. Fuck, I refused to let her get away. Even as drunk as I was, my dumb ass headed for the stairs like I was in an action movie trying to catch my culprit.

Finally, once I arrived back on River Street. I looked every whicha way but up and then I looked down at my watch and paused. It was after midnight and I didn’t know which way to proceed because the streets were congested. Shit! I can’t believe I lost her. I thought. As a result, I dropped my head in defeat and headed back up to the bar where I explained to Drew what happened as he poured us some shots. Bruh, you just don’t seem to understand. In her I felt that life was worth living for. I exclaimed. To tell you the truth, I could barely even stand up straight. I won’t be able to get her off my mind unless I see her one more time."

"Justin, I’ve been down this road before, and trust me, I’ve crashed out more times then I like to admit just like you’re about to do."

Bruh! What the fuck ever. Sometimes you just have to take risks.

I agree but now that you’re officially wasted that means no more for you buddy. You had some fun and if you know what I know then you’ll let it go.

Never! I replied.

Apparently, I couldn’t even get on the elevator good before Drew had sought out Didi to stop me from making a fool of myself. In fact, before the elevator doors could close good, I thought I faintly heard Justin, you’ve had one too many. Wait, I’m going to call Consuela to come get you.

Consequently, I should’ve listened but my hard head ass never will. Notably, the valet offered to call me a cab but I politely declined by telling him to fuck off and the rest was history.

Chapter 1

Good Lawd, I think I need help

On the thirty-first day of October, it was a dreary Monday morning about twenty-three minutes to nine. I was pissed because I had just caught DUI number two over the Halloween weekend. Truthfully, I really didn’t remember anything besides talking to Cleopatra and the bartender, Drew, who kept me infused with alcoholic delights all night. As much as I wish there would have been a treat afterwards. Nevertheless, what should have been my happy ending, quickly turned into a trick on me, because somewhere along the way back to Pooler. I somewhat recall a red truck swerving into my lane and to avoid a collision. I swerved suddenly and struck a parked car. Sadly, at least that’s what I’d like to think I remembered.

To be honest, I thought I was going to work like it was just another Monday morning. Nevertheless, the board met with me before my shift, but after viewing me on the Savannah police department website of shame. I was given an ultimatum. This is your second DUI. Get the help you need or you’ll be looking forward to finding another career! Mr. Ellington stated. Luckily, my job took into consideration that I might have a problem and forced me to go see a shrink. As bad as I wanted to go on a rampage, the only reason I’m humbling myself down is for the one simple fact that I love my job at the Oil Refineries of America.

Even so often, I felt humiliated and ashamed to the point there was no eye contact during the meeting. I even had to tuck my tail between my legs and do what I heard this elderly woman tell her grandchild to do one evening while shopping, she told her, to suck it up, buttercup!

For this reason the HR Manager handed me a sheet of paper with an address off Waters Street. He also told me that I had forty-eight hours to make an appointment with Safe Haven’s Recovery to do an evaluation. Consequently, I couldn’t return to work either. Shit, after he said that, I didn’t want to waste any more time. So I left work immediately to resolve this matter. How can they do this to one of the best employees they got? I don’t have a problem with my work. In addition, my drinking didn’t even take place at work. Overall, they can’t fire me because I am very much needed. I replied.

Meanwhile, as I sat in the parking lot of Safe Haven’s Recovery. I took a look at the time to realize it was 9:31 a.m. Despite the clock ticking, my conscience found a reason to question everything like, do I really have a problem? Of course not silly, you just get caught because you never seem to have a designated driver, duh. Should I be honest or try to manipulate the situation at hand? Luckily, no matter which way this plays out, it’s a win-win for me. Especially, if I play the part and act like I am getting the help that I need. Therefore, my job will be safe, easy peasy. Nevertheless life will go on, which means I will also continue to live the chameleon life unless I get my shit together. Ha, get the fuck out of here! Somehow I laughed at the notion. Although it gets quite exhausting at times, you can’t have sanity without some form of insanity being present. In the lamest terms, consider it polarity therapy if you must.

As I made my way across the lobby towards the receptionist desk. I noticed that it sat adjacent to the refreshment area. Not to mention, it was fairly decent in size. In addition, it also contained a few rows of chairs, and only a handful of them were occupied by warm bodies pretending to watch TV while the others mostly scanned the pictures throughout the magazines. Hi, my name is Justin Jones, and I’m here because my job sent me over to do an evaluation. I said as I chose my words carefully to ensure that I didn’t feel compromised about my demise.

Alright and who do you work for? The receptionist asked.

That would be, Oil refineries of America.

Ok, Mr. Jones, Welcome to Safe Haven’s Recovery. If you will please sign in and have a seat. One of the counselors will be with you shortly, she responded.

Before I could turn to walk away I caught a glimpse of her name tag. If I wasn’t mistaken it looked like it may have read Laura. In an untimely manner, I wasn’t sure if it was me who had made her nervous because she fumbled with some files in her hand as she was getting up. Damn, I was caught up in the way her sandy blonde hair swayed across her face as those baby blue sapphire eyes glared from the light. Also, she was slim with an average height and weight for a white woman and had a European accent. Besides, her perfume reminded me of a department store fragrance that gave off this alluring scent of apple blossom. Oh, how I’d love to have a slice of that pie, I whispered to myself as I assumed her smile indicated that she may have read my mind.

Meanwhile, as I awaited to see the shrink. I searched through the magazines for a distraction from my reality. However, the only thing that seemed to be currently holding my attention at the moment was Laura. Likewise, I just gotta find a way to elude this DUI at all costs because this would jeopardize my job and everything that I had going on. Ironically, I just happened to look up at a commercial appealing to DUI offenders, go figure. Therefore, I wrote the number down and made a mental note to call later this week.

Sadly, once I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. I imagined hearing an umpire saying, strike two! Fuck, I needed to dodge this shrink so I could go and get another drink. Unfortunately, my life was on the rocks just like I preferred my liquor. As a result, I felt like I was three-quarters away from reaching that apple. Not to mention, I needed to find a way to salvage this marriage or go back to being one of the C-Port’s eligible bachelors again. They say, you only live once, or so I heard. Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to let it, play itself out.

Occasionally, I would look up to see Laura come from around the desk to brew a fresh pot of coffee along with putting some pastries out for the taking. The thought occurred to me to put my pride to the side so I could help myself to a doughnut and a cup of joe. For some reason, or another, I ruled against it for the simple thought of this being a test. In my defense I didn’t want to be seen as a charity case.

After about forty-five minutes of waiting, Laura motioned for me to come over to her desk. Mr. Kennedy will see you now. Just go down the hallway to your left and keep straight until you reach the last door at the end of the hall.

Thanks, I said.

Meanwhile, as I made my way to his office. There were only two people besides myself left in the lobby at that time. One was an older gentleman who looked like he could’ve been a captain of a cruise ship. The second was a heavyset black man who appeared to be overwhelmed by something as he fiddled with his fingers, and at the moment I remember hearing somewhere that, it’s always funny when the problem is happening to someone else.

Despite my fear of the possible outcomes of my situation. I was terrified as a hog on the way to the slaughter, due to my walk of shame. To tell you the truth, the only thing that kept coming across my mind along this perpetual walk was, to lie or should I speak my truth. What’s sad is my wife thinks I lie so much to the point I believe there’s a significant amount of truth to it. Fortunately, the good book teaches that there is freedom in being truthful and for that reason. I guess my soul is in dire need of cleansing. By the time I came to a stop in front of Dr. Maurice Kennedy’s door. I had to take a deep breath before knocking because of anxiety. Justin, maybe you’re overthinking the situation. How bad could this actually be? I thought to myself.

After a brief silence, there was a voice that told me to enter. Good morning, Mr. Jones, it’s good to meet you. Come on in and take a seat and I’ll be right with you momentarily. Mr. Kennedy said. He came over to greet me with a firm handshake before heading back to his computer, to resume whatever I had interrupted. Oh shit, he didn’t even crack a smile. Plus, I don’t see anything good coming out of this. As I waited on further instructions, I took inventory of the room to notice there was a blue couch along with two swivel chairs on either side of the coffee table. Somehow, I felt as if this were another test to undergo so I made the conscious decision to sit on the couch. Likewise, I figured it would allow me to sit in the neutral zone which meant I could equally lie or tell the truth. Man, I’m a freaking genius.

At the present time something told me to size Mr. Kennedy up. Overall, he was a tall man of color whose head and mustache gave a hint at his age. He was also well dressed and groomed. I guess just for men hasn’t won him over yet. Above all, he seemed to be highly intelligent by the plaques on the wall. Not to mention, I assumed based off of our first encounter he put me in the mind of an uppity motherfucker. Hell, I bet he probably polished his whip before and after work. Critically important, there was an enormous bookshelf over by the window that had quite a selection from what I could tell. Although the sun seemed to be shining bright outside with no trace of a cloud in the sky. Sadly, what I didn’t foresee was that the dark clouds had been casted over me.

"Hello, again, Mr. Jones. My name is Dr. Kennedy, and I will be handling your evaluation today to determine if you need one of three things. One, to see if you’re that unfortunate person who had a stroke of bad luck. Two, to see if you just need a few sessions to allow yourself to vent and lastly. I must determine whether or not you need in-patient or out-patient treatment. Needless to say, depending on how our roundabout goes today. Either way, I will give your job a call after I gather up my findings. Also, everything that we speak about stays in this room because of Doctor-patient confidentiality. Therefore, your secrets and fears are safe with me.

Let me also apologize for lingering on my computer when you first came in. I was reading an email from your job which expressed that they have your best interest at heart, and consider you to be an asset. Mr. Jones, don’t lose what you’ve worked so hard to accomplish. If you don’t mind I’d prefer it if you would call me Maurice. Besides, being called Dr. Kennedy only makes me feel older than I need to. Equally important, must we be so formal? Or is it okay if I call you Justin?" He said with a crooked smile.

It was as if his eyes penetrated my soul like a lion who just found its next prey. To be honest, I didn’t have any reason to trust him. This reminded me of a poem that I wrote when I was younger about this light skin cat that had conned me. It was called, never trust a red nigga that smiles. Justin, will be fine, sir. I said while trying to shake this feeling of uneasiness. OK then before we get started, I need you to take this drug test to ensure you’re not under the influence. Are you high or intoxicated right now?

Nope! I said. Although I am trying to hold my temperament. Fuck,I wish I was, three beers in the wind, by now. I gave him one of those looks that insinuated that I was irritated. However, Maurice didn’t pay me no mind as he handed me a specimen jar. As I walked over to the bathroom to handle my business. I noticed that he had followed me to observe this marvelous occasion. The thought occurred to me if I should ask him if he felt the need to stick my dick in the cup too. -You damn queer!- Truly some things are better left unspoken. Afterwards, I gave him the container as he waited for the results to finish processing.

Meanwhile, after I flushed the urinal and washed my hands. I looked up to see myself in the mirror and I realized that there was something different about me. Sadly, it seemed as if the real me was trapped inside it. Who am I? Has alcohol really stolen my identity? As a result of my drinking habits. Have I gone so far that there’s no way back to who I once was? I pondered. For a second I thought your results were going to come back negative. We can now proceed to the next step. Maurice said as we headed back to his office.

Occasionally, I could hear the traffic from outside of the building coming and going. My mind was in a state of panic because I didn’t know what to expect. Also, I needed to find a focal point to avoid eye contact with him. So I decided to watch the ceiling fan go around and around like a dog chasing its tail. Okay I’m ready, I said. Suddenly, Maurice had reached over to turn his static box on to muffle the noise. Inadditon, he also turned on his recorder while grabbing his pad, and pen to take notes before getting comfortable in his chair.

Let’s begin, shall we? Now for my first question, Justin, do you like to drink alone? Or do you prefer to drink in the midst of a crowd?

Well, to be honest, I enjoy both. Although I really enjoy drinking alone while listening to some good music. This is my way to escape life’s mishaps.

I can feel that. So, why do you like to drink?

Because I love the feeling it gives me. I like to drink regardless of what’s going on in my life. Not to mention, life is good outside of this situation, I’ve been blessed thus far.

OK, that’s good to know. Now I’m going to ask you a series of questions. The first set will be about emotions, and the second set will deal with locations. Maurice said as he wrote on his pad. As I laid there attempting to relax a bit. His questions were not as bad as I thought they were going to be. Hopefully, there was nothing to fear as long as I kept my answers short and sweet. Alright, here we go, do you drink when you’re happy or when you’re feeling optimistic?

Both. I responded with ease.

Ok, what about when you’re sad or mad?

Yes!

How about when you get frustrated?

Of course!

And for the last question in the first set. What about when you’re lonely or fearful?

Oh, God yes! I said nervously.

Despite Maurice’s simplistic questions. I became on edge when I heard him say, mm-hmm. Like what the hell does that even mean? I shoulda foreseen my blood pressure on the rise. What could he have gotten out of those few emotions? OK, now onto the next group of questions. Please bear with me for a moment. Maurice requested as he continued to jot on his pad. I was astounded to see his penmanship at work. Shit, just look at him go! I would imagine you drink at home?

Obviously, that’s a no-brainer, I said sarcastically.

What about on the highway?

Yes, I have before.

How about at work?

What! That doesn’t even make sense. Who would do such a thing like that? I exclaimed. I felt like the walls were starting to close in on me while my anxiety was making it hard for me to swallow. Shit, I can’t believe I hesitated. Maurice had this look about himself like he already knew the answer. Yes or no Mr. Jones.

Uh, no sir!

What about at the park?

Yes.

How about a party?

Yessir!

Alright, you did pretty good so far but I have one last question for you to answer. Have you ever taken a drink in the cemetery? Maurice asked as he anticipated my answer.

I started to lie on purpose for shits and giggles. However, I considered the logic behind most people who did. Tell me, who wouldn’t drink at a gravesite in memory of a loved one. Hell what do you think is actually in those water bottles? If a loved one of mine left this earth, you better believe the finest of liquor would be corrupting my liver. As I drifted down memory lane I burst out laughing at his dumb ass question.

Sadly, Maurice gave me this puzzling look as he tapped his pad. Well, see what had happened was…. I had sex-.

What in the world? Justin, could you just stick to the yes or no script if you don’t mind, please and thank you kindly. Maurice said as he continued to scribble on his pad. I can’t believe this jerk. He probably has to pay for sex so he can feel better about himself. Not to mention his low T’s must be kicking in or something. Ah-a! No wonder why he’s a shrink. I laughed out loud and put my hand over my mouth. Shit, I got to be more professional. May we continue if you’re done entertaining yourself.

Ok the party-pooper. Yes, I have before.

Now, was that so hard?

Yes, it was kind of difficult.

"Hmm, I believe I have all of the information I need to complete